my son recently got dumped by his GF. What would you say to him?

[Anonymous]

If a girl dumps him over just money, she’s not worth the trouble. Materialistic women don’t make good wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My twenty five years old son got dumped by his GF after two years in a relationship two weeks ago and he was devastated, still is. She dumped him because he is not making enough money. He is currently living in a condo owned by DH and I and driving a 2015 Prius. He has a good paying job at Amazon AWS making about 140k/yr.

He is very depressed at the moment. As his mother, I told him that the best revenge is to get a better GF than the previous one. There are so many fish in the ocean, you don't need to feel sorry for yourself. That's her loss.

Am I saying the right thing here?

It doesn’t matter if sea is overpopulated with the fish, he loved one fish for two years and wanted her. Even if money was the only reason and it’s good her selfish love was exposed, he must’ve cared about her or he won’t be sad. If you go by this forum, most people can’t find compatible partners or can’t stay together for long term.

His next relationship shouldn’t be a rebound revenge. That’s unhealthy and a bad advice. That being said, he’ll get over it or they may get together again but all you need to do is listen, love and support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s not why she dumped him.

I agree. That's only what she told him. At 25, we're all fickle -- or not fickle enough so we come to DCUM at 40yo to complain about our spouses.

OP, just acknowledge his feelings and be there for him. Don't talk about revenge. Feel free to mention a few things you didn't like about her, but don't dwell on it. Keep an eye on him if he tends toward depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My twenty five years old son got dumped by his GF after two years in a relationship two weeks ago and he was devastated, still is. She dumped him because he is not making enough money. He is currently living in a condo owned by DH and I and driving a 2015 Prius. He has a good paying job at Amazon AWS making about 140k/yr.

He is very depressed at the moment. As his mother, I told him that the best revenge is to get a better GF than the previous one. There are so many fish in the ocean, you don't need to feel sorry for yourself. That's her loss.

Am I saying the right thing here?

I'm sorry you are going through this. What can I do to help?

[Anonymous]

A good therapist can help him get through this difficult time.

[Anonymous]

Some combination of sorry you're hurting, break ups suck. On to the next and you'll find the best fit for you in time.
At some point encourage him to take the positives with him meaning the things he had in her or their relationship he would want in future relationships and the things she wouldn't.
I would avoid directly criticizing her because they could get back together and he will hold any bad words you say about her against you.

If his depression seems to be going beyond normal breakup angst encourage him to talk to a professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some combination of sorry you're hurting, break ups suck. On to the next and you'll find the best fit for you in time.
At some point encourage him to take the positives with him meaning the things he had in her or their relationship he would want in future relationships and the things she wouldn't.
I would avoid directly criticizing her because they could get back together and he will hold any bad words you say about her against you.

If his depression seems to be going beyond normal breakup angst encourage him to talk to a professional.

Also if they get back together he will tell her what you said about her- another reason not to criticize her.

[Anonymous]

She dumped him as he's too dependent on his parents and after two years didn't propose or intend to get married so why waste her time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some combination of sorry you're hurting, break ups suck. On to the next and you'll find the best fit for you in time.
At some point encourage him to take the positives with him meaning the things he had in her or their relationship he would want in future relationships and the things she wouldn't.
I would avoid directly criticizing her because they could get back together and he will hold any bad words you say about her against you.

If his depression seems to be going beyond normal breakup angst encourage him to talk to a professional.

OP here.  Thank you.

He has been living by himself since he was 18 years old, and he is a very independent person.  He talked to DH all the time so that's how I found out about the breakup.  DH encouraged DS to go see a therapist during this difficult time.  He will get a 7M trust fund setup for him by my FIL by the age of 26 and he doesn't even know about the existence of the trust fund.  DH will have to tell him and handover the trust fund when he turns 26 years old.  I met his ex a few times and I am neutral but DH thought she is a social climber.  I just want to be there to support him, and say the right thing, not make the situation worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My twenty five years old son got dumped by his GF after two years in a relationship two weeks ago and he was devastated, still is. She dumped him because he is not making enough money. He is currently living in a condo owned by DH and I and driving a 2015 Prius. He has a good paying job at Amazon AWS making about 140k/yr.

He is very depressed at the moment. As his mother, I told him that the best revenge is to get a better GF than the previous one. There are so many fish in the ocean, you don't need to feel sorry for yourself. That's her loss.

Am I saying the right thing here?

I would dump someone over this.

Good, they would be way better off. You aren't smart enough to understand that OP's son is not spending 40 or more percent of his take home pay on rent. If OP's son is saving some or all of his rent money, he is building wealth.

No one wants to marry a mommy’s boy who can’t do anything without getting mommy’s okay first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some combination of sorry you're hurting, break ups suck. On to the next and you'll find the best fit for you in time.
At some point encourage him to take the positives with him meaning the things he had in her or their relationship he would want in future relationships and the things she wouldn't.
I would avoid directly criticizing her because they could get back together and he will hold any bad words you say about her against you.

If his depression seems to be going beyond normal breakup angst encourage him to talk to a professional.

OP here.  Thank you.

He has been living by himself since he was 18 years old, and he is a very independent person.  He talked to DH all the time so that's how I found out about the breakup.  DH encouraged DS to go see a therapist during this difficult time.  He will get a 7M trust fund setup for him by my FIL by the age of 26 and he doesn't even know about the existence of the trust fund.  DH will have to tell him and handover the trust fund when he turns 26 years old.  I met his ex a few times and I am neutral but DH thought she is a social climber.  I just want to be there to support him, and say the right thing, not make the situation worse.

You say she’s the social climber, but you’re the one who keeps talking about money. And good lord, no, you don’t tell him to USE women as a means of revenge. You’re gonna end up with an angry young man who rants on the Internet all day about how women are all gold diggings whores.

Quit making it all about the girlfriend and how horrible she was. You don’t know what went on, and even if what you say is true, she has every right to leave him for someone with more social currency.

Just listen and empathize with him. I don’t know if he needs therapy, that seems a bit excessive and like you’re pawning him off on someone else so you don’t have to deal with his feelings. If he wants a therapist, sure, but usually people just need someone to listen and be empathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My twenty five years old son got dumped by his GF after two years in a relationship two weeks ago and he was devastated, still is. She dumped him because he is not making enough money. He is currently living in a condo owned by DH and I and driving a 2015 Prius. He has a good paying job at Amazon AWS making about 140k/yr.

He is very depressed at the moment. As his mother, I told him that the best revenge is to get a better GF than the previous one. There are so many fish in the ocean, you don't need to feel sorry for yourself. That's her loss.

Am I saying the right thing here?

I would dump someone over this.

Good, they would be way better off. You aren't smart enough to understand that OP's son is not spending 40 or more percent of his take home pay on rent. If OP's son is saving some or all of his rent money, he is building wealth.

That is no different than him living with his parents. In my eyes once you’ve graduated college/trade school/whatever it’s time to move out, barring emergencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some combination of sorry you're hurting, break ups suck. On to the next and you'll find the best fit for you in time.
At some point encourage him to take the positives with him meaning the things he had in her or their relationship he would want in future relationships and the things she wouldn't.
I would avoid directly criticizing her because they could get back together and he will hold any bad words you say about her against you.

If his depression seems to be going beyond normal breakup angst encourage him to talk to a professional.

OP here.  Thank you.

He has been living by himself since he was 18 years old, and he is a very independent person.  He talked to DH all the time so that's how I found out about the breakup.  DH encouraged DS to go see a therapist during this difficult time.  He will get a 7M trust fund setup for him by my FIL by the age of 26 and he doesn't even know about the existence of the trust fund.  DH will have to tell him and handover the trust fund when he turns 26 years old.  I met his ex a few times and I am neutral but DH thought she is a social climber.  I just want to be there to support him, and say the right thing, not make the situation worse.

WTF

[Anonymous]

OP are you the one who posted about your child’s high school contacting you because your 18 year old “adult” lives alone?!

[Anonymous]

I was posting on DCUM at 22 so I think your kid is old enough to post for themselves if this is such an issue.