My parents visit for a day and it’s stressful for my kids.

[Anonymous]

One question I have is if your sister is an hour away why are they only there for an afternoon? So they go to your sister's, stay the night Saturday, and then don't make it to your house until 1pm? At a minimum can't they leave your sister's at like 8am so they have a full day?

And I think it would be helpful to explain to others what makes it so stressful. It sounds like you want to see your parents and are maybe close to them (I think those saying it sounds like a dream aren't in this place ) is there a reason you can't have a frank discussion with them about this? I know you mentioned it once but in my experience sometimes I have to discuss things with my parent's multiple times before they "get" it. My MIL in particular who is lovely, for some reason will just get things in her head and it takes multiple rounds before she gets it!

[Anonymous]

OP, a short visit really might be all your parents can handle. Kids, when you're not used to them, can be a lot. Parents get used to the energy, and understand what it means. The good shrieks vs the bad shrieks, as an example. At least your parents are willing to do that much to stay connected, rather than not make the effort at all. I would plan something fun for the short visit so that it can be enjoyable for everyone, including your kids. As in, you and the kids plan a picnic. Get it ready together. Then when parents arrive, go to the park. If weather is bad, have an "indoor" picnic, moving furniture aside. Have kids make hats, or buy hats at the dollar store.

Or have silly, small, short parties. Old and young love them, and the older parents get to have a short, managed bit of fun, and the kids remember the cheap party favors.

[Anonymous]

The tone of your post suggests you don’t have an easy relationship with your parents – and that could be coloring any interactions. Short visits don’t sound particularly stressful to me – but it would be entirely different if you’ve always felt like an afterthought and this is just an extension of that.

[Anonymous]

Are the grandparents staying in a hotel Saturday night then visiting you Sunday afternoon then driving home 5 hours? Flying home? How does this work? It's a long weekend for them even if its a short visit for you. With the kids "busy schedules" why can't you just clear the calendar for these rare weekends? You're making this way harder than it needs to be and not compromising very much.

[Anonymous]

So your kids are excited to see their grand parents, they don't overstay their welcomes and make demands to see you more often? That sounds extremely low stress

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll preface with this:
My parents owe me nothing. They don’t owe me a relationship with them, time with them. They don’t owe my children the gift of grandparents.

I chose to live in another city than them. I’m aware and ok with my choice.

I’ve been in therapy.

Ok:
My parents live about five hours away. They visit every couple months or so, but they only stay for the afternoon. They go see my sister on a Saturday and me on Sunday and then drive home. Sometimes we can combine visits but usually with kids schedules we cannot. My sister and I live about an hour apart.

My children are young and these short visits are stressful. I’ve explained to them many times, without emotion, that grandma and grandpa visit for one day. My children want to show them their town/playground/beach/etc…but the visits are just a couple hours long. Just enough to cramp a Sunday.

What are your thoughts on this? Would you say no to the short visits?

I did mention this to them a couple years ago. I said that the short visits are very stressful and when they come to visit it would be nice if they could stay for a little bit longer. Nonetheless, the afternoon visits every couple months continue.

I just can’t gauge my reaction.

DCUM?

They stay only for one afternoon and it is a true labor of love. I bet you make your parents are more stressed than your kids.

[Anonymous]

I am guessing it’s stressful because the kids want more of a connection with their grandparents but the short time is making it difficult for that to happen - young kids get their feelings hurt or get sad and it can be stressful as a parent to have your kids go through that when it seems like steps can be taken to mitigate.

OP, is this what you meant by stressful?

[Anonymous]

Be careful what you wish for, OP. From your post it doesn't sound like you get along with your parents. You really honestly want the around more?! Do you feel guilty that your kids want more but you don't?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you need to work with your kids on how to cope with saying goodbye to people at the end of visits. It's normal for little kids to find this difficult, but it's your job as a parent to help them learn to manage it. Then it won't be so stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you need to work with your kids on how to cope with saying goodbye to people at the end of visits. It's normal for little kids to find this difficult, but it's your job as a parent to help them learn to manage it. Then it won't be so stressful.

+1 Also out how to channel that in your kids and have them make a drawing or write a note to Grandma and Grandpa and mail it. Hopefully they’ll get a reply.

If you want a longer visit, why can’t you take a weekend and go visit them? Or invite them for a weekend at a beach, but you may have to make all the plans.

It’s a lot for two older people to travel 5 hours each way on a weekend and visit two different families. Staying longer may also be more than they can afford. At least they’re making an effort.

If you’re stressed out or already have a difficult relationship, they probably don’t want to overstay. And they may also be trying to be respectful of your spouse — they know all stories about bad in-laws. The old saying is “guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”

[Anonymous]

I think I understand. My MIL came to visit recently and my kids went crazy the first day - bad behavior, didn’t sleep well. The second day was much calmer. To me the real downside of just a 1-day visit is that my MIL wouldn’t have gotten to see my “real” kids.

BUT they only see her like twice a year. If you’re seeing your parents more often, I think your kids would be used to them and the shorter format?

[Anonymous]

OP, accept the short visits and deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stressful? This sounds amazing. I don’t understand.

lol this was my EXACT REACTION

sign me up

Seriously. If my mom would only stay 5 hours I would be in heaven. Day 3/4 is where things really start to get ugly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am guessing it’s stressful because the kids want more of a connection with their grandparents but the short time is making it difficult for that to happen - young kids get their feelings hurt or get sad and it can be stressful as a parent to have your kids go through that when it seems like steps can be taken to mitigate.

OP, is this what you meant by stressful?

YES. Exactly this!!!!!

I have explained to my kids time and again that their grandparents only visit for a few hours, they get tired easily and don’t like being outside, so this is what it is.

I’m the one who deals with the tears. Plus it messes up my Sunday.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to just keep working on your kids. "Grandma and Grandpa are coming for lunch and then getting back on the road." Keep saying that and eventually they'll get it. Plus, teach the kids to ask the grandparents directly. "Grandma next time you come visit, after lunch can we take you to our favorite playground to see it?"