My parents visit for a day and it’s stressful for my kids.
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Anonymous
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I’ll preface with this:
My parents owe me nothing. They don’t owe me a relationship with them, time with them. They don’t owe my children the gift of grandparents. I chose to live in another city than them. I’m aware and ok with my choice. I’ve been in therapy. Ok: My parents live about five hours away. They visit every couple months or so, but they only stay for the afternoon. They go see my sister on a Saturday and me on Sunday and then drive home. Sometimes we can combine visits but usually with kids schedules we cannot. My sister and I live about an hour apart. My children are young and these short visits are stressful. I’ve explained to them many times, without emotion, that grandma and grandpa visit for one day. My children want to show them their town/playground/beach/etc…but the visits are just a couple hours long. Just enough to cramp a Sunday. What are your thoughts on this? Would you say no to the short visits? I did mention this to them a couple years ago. I said that the short visits are very stressful and when they come to visit it would be nice if they could stay for a little bit longer. Nonetheless, the afternoon visits every couple months continue. I just can’t gauge my reaction. DCUM? |
Anonymous
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Tell them before their next visit that you have booked them two nights in a great hotel where they can relax and unwind, and that this will give them a chance to spend more quality time with the grandkids.
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Anonymous
| You’re nuts. |
Anonymous
| Why is this all so stressful? Just plan a short outing each time. This time the beach, next time the park, etc. I'm sure your kids gets stressed and excited at many other times. Why is this so hard to manage? |
Anonymous
| I would not book hotels for them without talking about it. Could you call and ask to talk about it? Ask specifically if they could come for 2 days in May, on x, y or z weekend? No, they don't owe you anything, but they are your parents and they owe you the respect to listen if you have a request concerning your children. This is reasonable request. |
Anonymous
Can you elaborate? I’m really trying to gauge the situation. |
Anonymous
| Stressful? This sounds amazing. I don’t understand. |
Anonymous
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I'm unclear how it's stressful. Because your kids want to show them things and cannot?
You could definitely go to a playground in a couple of hours. Is the issue that your parents want to just come sit around your house and your kids are bored? |
Anonymous
lol this was my EXACT REACTION sign me up |
Anonymous
| My MIL is like this. It used to really bother me, but then I realized that she is an extremely self-centered person who is used to do everything her own way. She really, truly cannot handle the energy and movement and on-ness of my kids for more than 2-3 hours at a time. Once I realized that, I just let go of my annoyance and frustration at the situation. It's her loss, and we'll take the time she can give and move on with our lives. |
Anonymous
+1 I'm confused. |
Anonymous
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What do you actually want? Longer visits? More visits? An afternoon visit periodically is perfectly fine for lots of people.
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Anonymous
| Your kids will get used to it. Doesn’t seem like a big deal. Of course I wouldn’t say no. Pick a different thing each time to show them. Many grandparents visit longer or more often and don’t see all these things, some grandparents don’t visit… |
Anonymous
OP specifically says she wants longer visits. |
Anonymous
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I agree with others that I don't understand from your explanation where the stress is coming in. Even young kids can understand that they can't always go to the playground or beach or whatever on demand. Are you saying things like, "wouldn't it be fun if Grandma and Grandpa could come see this beach you like so much"? I'm not being snarky; it's just in my experience young kids usually take the lead on how things should be from their parents and pretty much roll with it. To just tell your parents that they can't see your kids at all anymore because they're currently only having couple-hour visits and it's stressful in some not-really-clear way seems like an extreme reaction.
Resetting your own expectations that this is what is feasible for your parents - who are fitting this long trip into their own lives with pretty remarkable regularity from where I sit (I only see my own parents about twice a year and we almost always go to them) - seems a much better result than just cutting them off, at least based on what you've shared here. Do you ever go see them? Maybe you should flip it so you can spend a longer time by traveling yourself, since this does seem pretty important to you. |