why do people judge grandparents care so differently from (quality) hired help?

[Anonymous]

Do what works for you. I assume all parents have good judgment and take grandparents help when that’s best vs. hired help when that’s best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents are family. Its mutually beneficial when kids stay with the grandparents for the weekend- all parties benefit from this lifelong relationship being nurtured. Not sure why that needs to be spelled out for someone that spending the week with grandma is different than spending the week with a rotation of paid overnight sitters.

Rotation? What about the nanny the kids have known and lived since birth?

And the grandparent/child relationship is not always beneficial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so many comments on have this tone right now....

grandparents taking care of your kids = amazing! great for kids! no judgement at all for leaving them with (grandparent) help!


loving hired help - wow you must be desperate to get away, not great for kids even if they like the sitter, selfish to use but use if you must!


I'd pick hired help over either set of grandparents any day - its really better care for my kids (someone that can keep up with their energy levels, someone with recent regular experience caring for kids and understands age-appropriate expectations etc) and regular sitters can truly care for kids they watch (i know i did as a sitter). Grandparents can love on my kids and have relationships, but a old retired couple is just not well suited. to take care of 3 little kids for a weekend

I know. But it’s not age, it’s interest and physical fitness in my case. Our nanny is older, just a few years younger than my parents, but fit and energetic. She’s also engaged and never bored. Nanny also has a degree in Early Childhood Education. And, although I truly love and respect our nanny - this is her job. She isn’t doing us any favors like my parents )never forget to remind us) are.

And since Nanny still sees all her former charges, I have no doubt she’ll always have a relationship with my kids.

+1. What’s most beneficial for my kids us to be cared for and taught by their nanny. Grandparents visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so many comments on have this tone right now....

grandparents taking care of your kids = amazing! great for kids! no judgement at all for leaving them with (grandparent) help!


loving hired help - wow you must be desperate to get away, not great for kids even if they like the sitter, selfish to use but use if you must!


I'd pick hired help over either set of grandparents any day - its really better care for my kids (someone that can keep up with their energy levels, someone with recent regular experience caring for kids and understands age-appropriate expectations etc) and regular sitters can truly care for kids they watch (i know i did as a sitter). Grandparents can love on my kids and have relationships, but a old retired couple is just not well suited. to take care of 3 little kids for a weekend

I think it's ironic, because I've seen the same pattern you describe above, when it comes to childcare so that people can travel, but when it comes to childcare so people can work, it's the opposite. I've gotten a lot of flack for using grandparent care.

I'll also say that the quality of both grandparent care, and paid care varies greatly. It's not a situation where one is better than the other.

[Anonymous]

I agree OP. Parents should do what they feel is best without the judgment.

Both mine and husband's parents are local. All four love the kids but my parents have health issues. The once in a while times they watch the kids, it's just for a few hours and the kids will primarily be watching tv/on their iPads, which is totally okay. I know they're fed and in a loving environment. When his parents watch them, it can be for overnights as their home is larger and they're more active and healthier. Yet there are definitely times when none of the grandparents are available, so we have outside care, and it's great too. Have hired her for date nights, all day weekend outings, help on sick days and a couple overnight getaways. My kids are loved by multiple people who genuinely want the best for them and I'm so happy for that, whether they're family or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so many comments on have this tone right now....

grandparents taking care of your kids = amazing! great for kids! no judgement at all for leaving them with (grandparent) help!


loving hired help - wow you must be desperate to get away, not great for kids even if they like the sitter, selfish to use but use if you must!


I'd pick hired help over either set of grandparents any day - its really better care for my kids (someone that can keep up with their energy levels, someone with recent regular experience caring for kids and understands age-appropriate expectations etc) and regular sitters can truly care for kids they watch (i know i did as a sitter). Grandparents can love on my kids and have relationships, but a old retired couple is just not well suited. to take care of 3 little kids for a weekend

Simple. Grandparents are FREE CHILDCARE.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t know the difference between the love of a grandparent and the ‘love’ of a person who is hired to perform a task then I am sad for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so many comments on have this tone right now....

grandparents taking care of your kids = amazing! great for kids! no judgement at all for leaving them with (grandparent) help!


loving hired help - wow you must be desperate to get away, not great for kids even if they like the sitter, selfish to use but use if you must!


I'd pick hired help over either set of grandparents any day - its really better care for my kids (someone that can keep up with their energy levels, someone with recent regular experience caring for kids and understands age-appropriate expectations etc) and regular sitters can truly care for kids they watch (i know i did as a sitter). Grandparents can love on my kids and have relationships, but a old retired couple is just not well suited. to take care of 3 little kids for a weekend

Don't listen to the haters. Hire help and enjoy your get-away.

[Anonymous]

You haven’t seen the threads blasting people for daring to ask grandma to help?

My parents watch out younger kids 1X day per week. It’s a lot of tv that day. They both get much better care at daycare, but its nice that they can stay home. And two in daycare at 4 days per week is well over $2K a month, so I let the tv thing go.

[Anonymous]

I think it really depends on the circumstances.

I may silently judge those parents who already work a lot and send kids to daycare all day and/or a FT + nanny. I may already think they don’t spend much time with their kids and now they want to go away without their kids.

My mom used to be like a second mom to my child. Now both my parents are in very poor health. Not only can they not watch my children, I feel like I have 2 additional children.

My MIL doesn’t really do anything besides cook for the kids. I don’t think she knows how to take care of the kids and she has never watched the kids overnight.

Dh and I rarely go away together alone. We do take turns going away alone but not together. I’m going on 2 girls trips this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so many comments on have this tone right now....

grandparents taking care of your kids = amazing! great for kids! no judgement at all for leaving them with (grandparent) help!


loving hired help - wow you must be desperate to get away, not great for kids even if they like the sitter, selfish to use but use if you must!


I'd pick hired help over either set of grandparents any day - its really better care for my kids (someone that can keep up with their energy levels, someone with recent regular experience caring for kids and understands age-appropriate expectations etc) and regular sitters can truly care for kids they watch (i know i did as a sitter). Grandparents can love on my kids and have relationships, but a old retired couple is just not well suited. to take care of 3 little kids for a weekend

Simple. Grandparents are FREE CHILDCARE.

Not in my world. We don’t pay them in money but, trust me, we pay. It’s why we rarely ever ask the grandparents to babysit. Only in dire emergencies when we can’t use our nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t know the difference between the love of a grandparent and the ‘love’ of a person who is hired to perform a task then I am sad for you.

Our nanny loves my kids far more than their grandparents do. And nanny appreciates them. Being a nanny is far more than just a job for some nannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so many comments on have this tone right now....

grandparents taking care of your kids = amazing! great for kids! no judgement at all for leaving them with (grandparent) help!


loving hired help - wow you must be desperate to get away, not great for kids even if they like the sitter, selfish to use but use if you must!


I'd pick hired help over either set of grandparents any day - its really better care for my kids (someone that can keep up with their energy levels, someone with recent regular experience caring for kids and understands age-appropriate expectations etc) and regular sitters can truly care for kids they watch (i know i did as a sitter). Grandparents can love on my kids and have relationships, but a old retired couple is just not well suited. to take care of 3 little kids for a weekend

Not every grandparent is old and you honestly sound jealous that you don't have that. I don't know why you care what other people think.

+1. My parents are both 61 and my oldest child is 9. Not everyone was born to 40 yr old parents then started having kids at 40, despite what you see on DCUM.

On top of involved grandparents (on both sides) I also have an au pair. All kinds of help are great. My kids are so happy to burn through all of our energy and patience too. Lucky kids.

[Anonymous]

Excellent parents are excellent grandparents, OP. disinterested grandparents were once (not that long ago!) disinterested parents. That is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Excellent parents are excellent grandparents, OP. disinterested grandparents were once (not that long ago!) disinterested parents. That is all.

No, not always. My parents were great parents but did their time and now want to enjoy their grandkids but not care for them. My parents love our nanny and often stop over to play with the kids while nanny is there but do not want the responsibility of correcting the kids.