Friends who never reciprocate

[Anonymous]

30-40x/ year - so basically every week.

Are you the one offering to host? Is she inviting herself over? Are your kids begging for playdate that often?

How old are these kids btw?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like it when other people pick up the tab. It’s really simple to split checks these days. Just pay for what you ordered and I will too.

That’s fine for you, but this lady is perfectly okay with other people picking up her tab. She’ll just never reciprocate.

OP says the friend offers to Venmo her share and has asked to be Venmo’d in return. She’s clearly indicating how she would like to deal with meal paying. OP is just annoyed that not everyone appreciates her generosity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like it when other people pick up the tab. It’s really simple to split checks these days. Just pay for what you ordered and I will too.

That’s fine for you, but this lady is perfectly okay with other people picking up her tab. She’ll just never reciprocate.

OP says the friend offers to Venmo her share and has asked to be Venmo’d in return. She’s clearly indicating how she would like to deal with meal paying. OP is just annoyed that not everyone appreciates her generosity.

You don't have to wait to be invited to Venmo. If she wants to pay for her meal, she knows the cost and can Venmo it to OP. This is the equivalent of being on a date and weakly reaching for your purse, waiting all the while for your date to say "no, no, I've got this." You never intended to pay and it was all for show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I consider myself a generous person and most of my friends are also generous. I have this one friend who just never ever reciprocates. We have had them over probably 30-40 times and always feed them meals every single time. She had invited my daughter over for a play date once and it was only because all the kids were begging to go over to their house while we were at a park 5 min away. They are clearly well off. Dh has an executive position at a huge corporation, live in a nice home in an expensive neighborhood, vacation, fine dining, etc.

I can’t help but feel bad that in all the years that I have known her, she has never picked up the tab once, even a coffee. They will sometimes offer to Venmo their portion of the meal but will never once offer to pick up the tab.

Do I have the right to be annoyed?

I don’t want to be petty but it just seems so rude never to even offer to reciprocate.

Do you mean - you want reimbursement for them eating food at your house??? If so, you are incredibly cheap tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider myself a generous person and most of my friends are also generous. I have this one friend who just never ever reciprocates. We have had them over probably 30-40 times and always feed them meals every single time. She had invited my daughter over for a play date once and it was only because all the kids were begging to go over to their house while we were at a park 5 min away. They are clearly well off. Dh has an executive position at a huge corporation, live in a nice home in an expensive neighborhood, vacation, fine dining, etc.

I can’t help but feel bad that in all the years that I have known her, she has never picked up the tab once, even a coffee. They will sometimes offer to Venmo their portion of the meal but will never once offer to pick up the tab.

Do I have the right to be annoyed?

I don’t want to be petty but it just seems so rude never to even offer to reciprocate.

Do you mean - you want reimbursement for them eating food at your house??? If so, you are incredibly cheap tacky.

Wait I'm still in disbelief here. OP, maybe you can start charging a $20 cover charge per person at your house, and your friend can bill you for her gas.

[Anonymous]

Read comprehension people. The friend picked up her meal once because OP forgot her wallet. Said friend then requested payment for it even though OP has spent a great deal of money hosting her friend and family at her home and also treating her entire family to dinner out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is who she is. She’s not going to magically change. If it continues to bother you then don’t make any more plans with her. You must be getting something out of the friendship if this has been going on for so long. Decide whether it’s worth if you continue.
You can’t change others, you only control your own reactions.

Our kids get along and so do the husbands. We hung out in a larger group before Covid so I don’t think I necessarily noticed how they never reciprocated. During Covid, they were one of the few families we saw frequently so they probably came over once a week. That was fine. We were glad for the company during Covid.

I once forgot my wallet when we went out to dinner and she paid for me. She had me Venmo her my share. It just annoyed me because we have treated them to dinner so many times and this is her entire family. Half the time they came over, we would order in. The other times, we would cook for them. They have not invited us over as a family even once.

I would totally overlook her not inviting you over her house. Some people just don’t like to host for a variety of reasons. I’d be ok with that. But not picking up the tab occasionally when you are are out together or suggesting you venmo her money when you forgot your wallet at dinner is super tacky. I’d be put off by that. But if the families enjoy socializing together, just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider myself a generous person and most of my friends are also generous. I have this one friend who just never ever reciprocates. We have had them over probably 30-40 times and always feed them meals every single time. She had invited my daughter over for a play date once and it was only because all the kids were begging to go over to their house while we were at a park 5 min away. They are clearly well off. Dh has an executive position at a huge corporation, live in a nice home in an expensive neighborhood, vacation, fine dining, etc.

I can’t help but feel bad that in all the years that I have known her, she has never picked up the tab once, even a coffee. They will sometimes offer to Venmo their portion of the meal but will never once offer to pick up the tab.

Do I have the right to be annoyed?

I don’t want to be petty but it just seems so rude never to even offer to reciprocate.

Do you mean - you want reimbursement for them eating food at your house??? If so, you are incredibly cheap tacky.

No...OP wants 1) to either be invited over to their house occasionally and have them do the food/drink arrangements or 2) pick up the tab occasionally when they go out, since OP says either she pays in full for all of them or they split.

[Anonymous]

I’d stop inviting them over. You are part of a one-sided relationship here. You do all the giving and they do all the taking.

Maybe they have someone trapped in their basement? Maybe they live over their means and are actually heavily in debt? Who knows. It doesn’t matter. (Unless there is someone in the basement.) You just need to find better friends.

[Anonymous]

You must like their company given how much you host them. When you invite them over for dinner do they offer to bring something? Hopefully you didn’t say “nothing” a bunch of times and so now they don’t offer.

I always ask friends what l can bring and we bring a lot of food and drink to each other’s houses.

[Anonymous]

OP can you clarify?

Is the person offering to pay for meals that you cook at your house?

Or are you picking up the tab at restaurants, and she's offering to pay for her part?

[Anonymous]

But do you otherwise enjoy her company, OP? Because that’s really all that matters. If you do, keep inviting and expect no different from her. If you don’t, then cut your ties and don’t feel bad about it.

[Anonymous]

You're keeping score and speculating about your friend's financial situation. Great friend!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP can you clarify?

Is the person offering to pay for meals that you cook at your house?

Or are you picking up the tab at restaurants, and she's offering to pay for her part?

Are you dim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read comprehension people. The friend picked up her meal once because OP forgot her wallet. Said friend then requested payment for it even though OP has spent a great deal of money hosting her friend and family at her home and also treating her entire family to dinner out.

Comprehension isn't the issue. OP never, ever mentioned going to a restaurant in her original post. The original post was strictly about inviting her friend to her home for dinner 30 or 40 times. The one restaurant incident where they split the tab was buried later in subsequent posts. But ok, I saw it now.

Again OP, you are the weirdo here. It's incredibly tacky to invite a family over to dinner at your home and expect them to pay you cash to eat. WTF. I don't care how or who prepared the food. For restaurant dining, it's not out of the ordinary to PayPal or Venmo a friend to cover your half. Could she have just covered the whole tab? Yes. She probably should have. But what you are wanting - payment for coming over as dinner guests - is way tackier.