How to deal with husband gaslighting infidelity
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Anonymous
He bought them for someone living in a country without condom access? Or bought them in a non Western country? |
Anonymous
It seems you and your husband are from a culture or country where sex outside of marriage is taboo so maybe he thought you'd be angry about him facilitating it. I actually think he's lying to you but just saying peole think through things differently. As for your question, you aren't going to make him confess. So your options are to stay or divorce.. In either scenario get a full STD panel |
Anonymous
New poster. OP, re: the reply above -- So were you already aware he had these "guy friends who live abroad" before you discovered the condom buys? Had he ever mentioned these friends prior to using them as an excuse for purchasing condoms just before trips? Or was this the first time he magically mentioned their convenient existence? I'd wager these friends don't exist and never existed. If you think they actually do exist, I still think the condoms were at least in part for himself. If these other men exist, they likely pick up women together, or go to brothels together etc. OP, your FIRST stop is to the doctor's office to get a complete panel of all STD tests. Immediately. Some can take years to show symptoms but will turn up on tests, so you need testing now. But that's for your health and peace of mind; if you're clear and OK that's good for you-- but it does NOT mean he did not cheat. What other reasons do you have to believe he's cheated? Because there must be other things that have made you suspicious if you think about it. |
Anonymous
| I can tell you that the rubbers in India aren't good. |
Anonymous
| Lying is not the same thing as gaslighting. You may as well say he’s love bombing you. |
Anonymous
Now that’s some bs. Does he think you’re a blooming idiot? |
Anonymous
| Ok. Your husband is probably lying. But, when I lived in Japan, the local condoms were too small for most western men. So when some white guy went back home to visit family, he was often given several requests to buy condoms in bulk to bring back to Japan for his white/black friends. |
Anonymous
DP. I do agree that condoms in some countries are not great and don't have a range of sizes. My DH knows this from experience. But I wonder if the friends the OP's DH talks about even really exist. I would think that if OP and her DH have a good relationship, he would have said something to her about the purchases at some point much earlier, so she would know about them and would not assume he was cheating. He's either a complete idiot who isn't cheating but thought he needed to hide his friends' condom requests from his wife...or he's cheating. My money's on the latter, unfortunately. |
Anonymous
| NP. This is a classic case where the cover-up is actually more offensive than the crime. Personally, assuming you have children, I think I could stay married to a guy whose only cheating occurred far, far away with women he'd never see again and who used protection. But the absurd lies...c'mon now. |
Anonymous
| Look for more evidence if you're not 100% convinced. |
Anonymous
| In addition to the possibility of sex tourism with female prostitutes, I’d be nervous about this being a Brokeback Mountain situation with a male “friend.” |
Anonymous
| OMG just divorce him. |
Anonymous
| does he frequent the Blue Marlin bad at Hotel Del Rey? |
Anonymous
| ** does he frequent the Blue Marlin bar at Hotel Del Rey? |
Anonymous
| Where are his trips? |