What happened to your Ex after...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW has been having an affair for a year. Found out after she came clean by asking for divorce. Turns out her AP is partnered and cheating as well. Kids involved, mortgage etc. I'm being gaslighted by her that if I met her "emotional needs" better, this would not have happened. She did throw me for a loop thinking that I should have been a better partner. But thanks to my therapist, I know better. Anyways, we're separated and pending to file.

How did it turn out for your Ex who left because they were cheating on you? Are they happier? Miserable? Wanted to get back together?

I was you three years ago.

The answer to your question is “I don’t know and I don’t care.”

The sooner you get to that head space the better off you will be.

[Anonymous]

Ex was censured for having an affair with a grad student. She graduated, and they live in a gross little apartment in Georgetown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW has been having an affair for a year. Found out after she came clean by asking for divorce. Turns out her AP is partnered and cheating as well. Kids involved, mortgage etc. I'm being gaslighted by her that if I met her "emotional needs" better, this would not have happened. She did throw me for a loop thinking that I should have been a better partner. But thanks to my therapist, I know better. Anyways, we're separated and pending to file.

How did it turn out for your Ex who left because they were cheating on you? Are they happier? Miserable? Wanted to get back together?

I was you three years ago.

The answer to your question is “I don’t know and I don’t care.”

The sooner you get to that head space the better off you will be.

OP here. Thank you. I want to get there ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my girlfriends who cheated on their H and divorced are a mess.

One was a SAHM and lost custody, moved to FLA and rarely sees her kids.

One moved back home, lived with mom, rarely sees kids. Jumps around to boyfriend.

One kids were old enough to move out, sold house, split fund, got a condo and rotates men.

One lives in a 3br townhouse with her kids. She seems okay.

None of them ended up with their AP.

yep.

Well, I know 3 people who ended up with their AP, all have nice houses, and all have been married 15+ years now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I divorced my ex during his 2nd affair. They are still together, years later, but not married. She was younger and single so only our household was broken up. They seem happy? I think she's a better fit for him overall, but I also think she has no idea she wasn't the first AP.

Instead of him just innately being A Cheater, maybe he was basically dating around, looking for the one (unfortunately while married to the wrong one) and found her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced my ex during his 2nd affair. They are still together, years later, but not married. She was younger and single so only our household was broken up. They seem happy? I think she's a better fit for him overall, but I also think she has no idea she wasn't the first AP.

Instead of him just innately being A Cheater, maybe he was basically dating around, looking for the one (unfortunately while married to the wrong one) and found her.

Oh yeah, a guy that 'dates around' while married is a wonderful catch . I don't care what the marriage was like, a guy dating while still married is a huge RED flag. She will find out in the future. Her problem now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my girlfriends who cheated on their H and divorced are a mess.

One was a SAHM and lost custody, moved to FLA and rarely sees her kids.

One moved back home, lived with mom, rarely sees kids. Jumps around to boyfriend.

One kids were old enough to move out, sold house, split fund, got a condo and rotates men.

One lives in a 3br townhouse with her kids. She seems okay.

None of them ended up with their AP.

yep.

Well, I know 3 people who ended up with their AP, all have nice houses, and all have been married 15+ years now.

You hang with a real classy crowd.

[Anonymous]

I was the W who cheated. Married and had a family with AP (he was not married) and we’re very happy.

No regrets about leaving xH and never wanted to get back together. He was an angry man (still is) and was miserable to be with.

Maybe your ex was angry and miss arable because he was married to a liar and cheater? Just a guess. Anyone with any class and a conscience would have left the marriage then started a new relationship. Wonder what sanitized version of reality you actually will tell your kids. Tge fact that you look back on your cheating smugly shows how badly you need therapy.

[Anonymous]

My cheating ex was miserable for a while and, yes, he wanted to get back together at one point. I didn't even come close to contemplating it. The AP was never a feasible thing- long distance, also married with kids. It was over before we separated.

I was completely done with him by the time he moved out. No doubts, no regrets.

We're both much happier now. He started dating pretty quickly and partnered up fast, before we were even divorced. He just cannot/ really didn't want to be on his own. They're happily married, AFAIK.

I took it slower with the dating and partnering up. I'm partnered and happy but probably won't remarry.

[Anonymous]

OP I think it is unhealthy for you to be dwelling on what will become of your ex. You should hope the best outcome for them since their happiness and stability is important for your kids. Past that, focus on yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I think it is unhealthy for you to be dwelling on what will become of your ex. You should hope the best outcome for them since their happiness and stability is important for your kids. Past that, focus on yourself

It’s a stage. Overcoming severe betrayal in a marriage happens in stages. Ultimately, you are better off if you allow yourself to feel through all of them. Revenge fantasies, anger, hate will be moved through along with than the grief and sorrow they mask.

Therapy is wonderful for this. Soon you won’t care about either of these losers. And, most likely, they won’t end up together and if they do someone will cheat again.

But, not your problem. I wish you a happy future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my girlfriends who cheated on their H and divorced are a mess.

One was a SAHM and lost custody, moved to FLA and rarely sees her kids.

One moved back home, lived with mom, rarely sees kids. Jumps around to boyfriend.

One kids were old enough to move out, sold house, split fund, got a condo and rotates men.

One lives in a 3br townhouse with her kids. She seems okay.

None of them ended up with their AP.

yep.

Well, I know 3 people who ended up with their AP, all have nice houses, and all have been married 15+ years now.

You hang with a real classy crowd.

Right? It’s strange.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully got run over by a bus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I was the W who cheated. Married and had a family with AP (he was not married) and we’re very happy.

No regrets about leaving xH and never wanted to get back together. He was an angry man (still is) and was miserable to be with.

Maybe your ex was angry and miss arable because he was married to a liar and cheater? Just a guess. Anyone with any class and a conscience would have left the marriage then started a new relationship. Wonder what sanitized version of reality you actually will tell your kids. Tge fact that you look back on your cheating smugly shows how badly you need therapy.

Nah, he was always miserable and angry, long before there was any cheating. I tried for a long time to make him happy before realizing he just wasn’t a happy person and never would be.

I don’t tell my kids because that’s not something you talk to kids about. Weird that you think your children deserve to know about their parents’ relationships prior to them even being born.

I get being upset over cheating. I would leave my H if he ever did. But I also wouldn’t hold onto anger forever. Go through your grieving period, then move on with your life. The people who stay angry forever and wish ill will on their exes only hurt themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think it is unhealthy for you to be dwelling on what will become of your ex. You should hope the best outcome for them since their happiness and stability is important for your kids. Past that, focus on yourself

It’s a stage. Overcoming severe betrayal in a marriage happens in stages. Ultimately, you are better off if you allow yourself to feel through all of them. Revenge fantasies, anger, hate will be moved through along with than the grief and sorrow they mask.

Therapy is wonderful for this. Soon you won’t care about either of these losers. And, most likely, they won’t end up together and if they do someone will cheat again.

But, not your problem. I wish you a happy future.

+1 to all of this. It's a normal phase, but your happiness does not depend on her misery. My ex is still with the AP seven years later. They just got married and seem happy. Their lives are so boring, I would gouge my eyes out, ex and I are both happier apart.