What happened to your Ex after...

[Anonymous]

DW has been having an affair for a year. Found out after she came clean by asking for divorce. Turns out her AP is partnered and cheating as well. Kids involved, mortgage etc. I'm being gaslighted by her that if I met her "emotional needs" better, this would not have happened. She did throw me for a loop thinking that I should have been a better partner. But thanks to my therapist, I know better. Anyways, we're separated and pending to file.

How did it turn out for your Ex who left because they were cheating on you? Are they happier? Miserable? Wanted to get back together?

[Anonymous]

100 to 1 her AP does not leave his wife and throws her under the bus, while ghosting her.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Therapy can help you not dwell on her or the OM. Living well is the best revenge and people that lie and cheat like are never comfortable. They are forever looking over their shoulder because they won't be able to trust another cheater.

[Anonymous]

Is her AP also separated now?

Sometimes they make a go of it and things work out for them, but mostly it doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is her AP also separated now?

Sometimes they make a go of it and things work out for them, but mostly it doesn't.

And someone always cheats. Again.

[Anonymous]

I divorced my ex during his 2nd affair. They are still together, years later, but not married. She was younger and single so only our household was broken up. They seem happy? I think she's a better fit for him overall, but I also think she has no idea she wasn't the first AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW has been having an affair for a year. Found out after she came clean by asking for divorce. Turns out her AP is partnered and cheating as well. Kids involved, mortgage etc. I'm being gaslighted by her that if I met her "emotional needs" better, this would not have happened. She did throw me for a loop thinking that I should have been a better partner. But thanks to my therapist, I know better. Anyways, we're separated and pending to file.

How did it turn out for your Ex who left because they were cheating on you? Are they happier? Miserable? Wanted to get back together?

Who moved out?

[Anonymous]

He's been diagnosed with anti-social personality disorder. He's had a series of girlfriends that he mostly picks up at aa/na meetings. He's still using drugs, wrecked a few cars, including an incident involving him running into a hearse while high. Still manages to get by because his father dies and left him a bunch of money, so there is that.

[Anonymous]

Series of girlfriends attracted to his money and success who later dump him bc of his anger and control issues, and alcoholism.

[Anonymous]

All my girlfriends who cheated on their H and divorced are a mess.

One was a SAHM and lost custody, moved to FLA and rarely sees her kids.

One moved back home, lived with mom, rarely sees kids. Jumps around to boyfriend.

One kids were old enough to move out, sold house, split fund, got a condo and rotates men.

One lives in a 3br townhouse with her kids. She seems okay.

None of them ended up with their AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All my girlfriends who cheated on their H and divorced are a mess.

One was a SAHM and lost custody, moved to FLA and rarely sees her kids.

One moved back home, lived with mom, rarely sees kids. Jumps around to boyfriend.

One kids were old enough to move out, sold house, split fund, got a condo and rotates men.

One lives in a 3br townhouse with her kids. She seems okay.

None of them ended up with their AP.

yep.

[Anonymous]

He was in a relationship for a few years. But in the end she cheated on him LOL!

He's been single and sexless for maybe three years now.

OP having been there, count yourself lucky to get away from her. You will have no trouble dating. Do pre marital counseling so you both have a road map for the typical hazards of marriage.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

We are both happier. Both remarried.

[Anonymous]

I was the W who cheated. Married and had a family with AP (he was not married) and we’re very happy.

No regrets about leaving xH and never wanted to get back together. He was an angry man (still is) and was miserable to be with.

[Anonymous]

Not my situation but in my family and close group:
My FIL married his AP six months after he finished his divorce, she was already divorced. They've been married for over a decade now and they are happy, mainly because my FIL is crazy about her. My FIL married my MIL when they were both super young and they were not a good fit. My H and his sister were out of college when my FIL divorced my MIL.
My cousin left her H for the AP and traded an abusive relationship for another. They've been together for 5+ years, living together but not married. My cousin's daughter is still in HS, so living with her mom PT and she hates him, so it's a lot of drama. My cousin's H also has an AP, but they never moved in together and the kids never met her.
One of my friends is the child from an adulterous relationship. Both her parents were married to other people and had small kids with their spouses when her mom got pregnant with her. Her parents were married till the end and they had this very emotional, loving relationship, even in their 80s.
Another friend got pregnant, hoping that her married bf would leave and speed up the divorce. The guy separated from his wife, lived with them for a while, and now he is estranged from his (still legal) wife, his ex-gf, and their child. He pays for everything but refuses to have anything to do with the child, who is now a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:100 to 1 her AP does not leave his wife and throws her under the bus, while ghosting her.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Therapy can help you not dwell on her or the OM. Living well is the best revenge and people that lie and cheat like are never comfortable. They are forever looking over their shoulder because they won't be able to trust another cheater.

+1 Hugs, OP. Your STBX chose to cheat. It wasn't a result of your actions/inactions. Move on.