At what age will your spouse let you retire?
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Anonymous
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Although I do think the OP is a troll, I will bite.
Do you have a plan as to what you’ll do in retirement? Are you confident the finances work? That’s why I’m nervous about my spouse retiring. He has no real hobbies, and if he retired, he’d just be pestering me most of the day complaining that I’m still working (as I’m not ready to retire yet). |
Anonymous
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We are decades away from retiring, but my parents and in laws went thru major transitions when they retired. In both couples, both sides were getting on each others nerves being home together 24/7 after having been out of the house and busy. The solution was for everyone to find hobbies and adjust their schedules and expectations. My mom actually went back to work part time doing something she enjoys, and my dad got very involved in a volunteer organization that keeps him busy a couple evenings a week. They also moved to a bigger house in the same area - they had downsized to a two bedroom condo, but they were constantly on top of each other, only one living area/TV. So they got a 4 bedroom house with a finished basement living area, so my mom can read and do her puzzles in quiet while dad watches sports.
My MIL and FIL are dirt co-dependent and I swear most of their time is devoted to making and going to doctors appointments together, even though neither has serious health issues. MIL takes a senior class twice a week and FIL basically watches TV all day and goes goes to the grocery store. |
Anonymous
| I am a sahp. My DH is 61. I would love for him to retire now, but it looks like 3-4 more years. |
Anonymous
| We are planning to retire when I am 50. He would “let” me retire tomorrow if I wanted. |
Anonymous
See the bolded above! Every time DH talks about retiring at 55, I get super nervous. We will be fine financially but having him stare at me all day as I go about my daily routine will make me crazy. He's been WAH since March 2020 and I am so ready for him to go back to the office. I WOH part time. I love him but he will drive me crazy if he has no plan for what is going to fill his time. |
Anonymous
I think this is pretty common DW reactions. Self-centered approach but I guess that's nothing new. |
Anonymous
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Ha ha ha. Op, retirement is tough.
You had something to do between 9-5 or whatever hours you worked whether from home or from office. Your wife established her routines and had “her” space while you were out. Retirement changes this balance for both of you. She “loses” her space: physical space and time she had. You gain a lot of time that may initially seem like heaven, but it would get old very quickly to sit home all day. It will be a harder adjustment for both of you. |
Anonymous
| My DH retired as a fed a year ago at 55. He works from home full time now. I work part time (maybe 15 hours a week) but have mostly been a SAHM/SAHW. It has been a huge transition. I was used to having the house to myself and mostly setting my own schedule. It’s been a challenge to learn to continue to do my thing with him home all the time. But, I gotta say - Now that we are a year in, I kinda dig it. |
Anonymous
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My DH and I both WFH full time. I dislike being home together all the time because it's SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER. He drives me nuts, though I love him. He asks me what I'm eating, asks me for updates on snacks, whistles non-stop, wants to tell me about boring work calls. I miss being home ALONE. I used to have one WFH day a week that I loved because I was home ALONE all day. That never happens now. I am adjusting, but I still miss the alone time.
Now, there are certainly perks too, especially when it comes to child care because we have young kids. If I were you, I'd work on giving her space as much as possible when you are WFH. Obviously, it's your house too. But ask her what ways you could back off a bit so she isn't so irritated by your presence. Do you request lunch? Do you come into the kitchen at 10am right when she's done cleaning up and leave crumbs on the counter? Do you try to talk to her for 90 seconds every 8 minutes? Also, if you retire, I assume you both wouldn't just sit around the house all day. You'd be enjoying retirement and doing other hobbies etc that would use some of your time. |
Anonymous
| It seems unreasonable to assume that couples are going to enjoy being together 24/7 after decades of marriage. Everyone needs to plan for structured time alone, with others, and outside the home, regardless of when they retire. Let there be spaces in your togetherness, OP! Make new friends, spend time with old ones, develop hobbies and interests that get you out of the house. Show your spouse you can engage in self-care and have an independent life, whether you are male or female. |
Anonymous
well, as a DCUM DW, I disagree with OP's DW. Retire when you want to as long as you can finanically afford it. If your wife complains, tell her she is welcome to go out and get a job or volunteer if she hates being at home with you. OP's wife wants her lifestyle without having to think about cooking and cleaning after her husband. Guess what.. that's part of life. She can get a job and have you cook and clean for her. |
Anonymous
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I always WFH and DH has been WFH with me since COVID. At first, it drove me insane but we're much better now. We don't interact much during the day. He stays in his office and I stay in mine. We rarely lunch together. It works well. We're lucky that we're able to have two separate offices on the opposite side of the house. I must say that if he worked for me, I'd fire him. He's not that productive. But, when he's good, he's good.
He can retire when he's ready to retire. It's his life, his call. |
Anonymous
Lol @ a woman in her 50s calling herself a SAHP. |
Anonymous
| OP, my advice is to tell your wife that you want a divorce, and go have fun before you die. And no, I am not a man. I am a 49yr old grandmother who walked out on my marriage and now I am living my life my way, and no one tells me what to do any longer. Good Luck. |
Anonymous
| WFH during COVID taught me there is no way I can retire and spend 365 days/year with my wife in the same house. 64 and seriously considering moving back to my hometown while she stays where we now live. The pandemic was probably an eye opener for many couples. |