Reply to Update to previously deleted thread- my sister won’t let anyone hold her baby

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She may well be struggling with anxiety. Here’s what will help: show her that you listen to her, respect her, and love her.

Here’s what will not help: pushing, boundary-stomping, and judging.

Check in with her. Don’t ask about the baby. Ask about HER. You know, the person, and not just the baby-bringer-into-the-world-er? Be the one person on this planet to ask about her and show her that you care about her, and not just her baby.[/quote]

Knowing she is careful, ask what you can do to help.[/quote]

My suggestion is just to ask about her as an individual person, and see how the conversation goes from there. My point is to focus on HER, not ask about the baby, unless she seems to want to talk about baby. When you are suffering from anxiety or postpartum depression or just regular old depression (I’ve had all 3), it’s painful when no one seems to care about YOU; they only ask about the baby, or you in relation to the baby.[/quote]

You can do both. It is covid, not depression.  I will not see my sister either as she is making very different lifestyle choices that put our family at risk.  I would want someone to ask what  they can do to help.  With a few month old, the last thing I wanted to do was go for a walk in the cold.[/quote]

UMMMMMMM…again, as someone who lived through PPD, PPD exacerbates every possible anxiety you could have about your baby: are they still breathing at night, will she get even a common cold, let alone RSV or flu or COVID, will she be OK in her car seat, etc. So do not dismissively tell me “it is COVID, not depression” when you don’t actually know what is going on. Let’s say that a typical new mother has a risk tolerance level of 4 about COVID—meaning you can come over to see the baby if you are vaxxed and boosted, but you have to wear a mask. Let’s now take a PPD mom—her anxiety may be the driving force behind her risk tolerance level of COVID being a 0–meaning no one can see the baby. Do you get it yet?

PPD takes the already anxious time of a newborn and takes it over the edge to not being able to tolerate risk and worrying about every little thing all the time. 
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