I honestly hate my sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but you are the one with issues.

You should not experience something as strong as "hate" for such minor, minor things. You are ruining your life by giving life to destructive feelings. You're not ruining her life, at least, I hope not. You're just making yours worse.

Work with a therapist to address all your resentment and annoyances against this sister of yours. Distance yourself, don't answer every communication, roll your eyes, whatever it takes to see her as a mild irritant in your life, nothing more than that.

OP here I don't hate her for what I mentioned these are just the most recent things that are pissing me off. I hate her because she told me I ruined her life, that our parents shouldn't have had me because she wasn't ready for it, she ruined my graduation, the countless names and verbal abuse she has hurled at me, she was physically abusive when we were younger, and could even be nice as long as I did exactly what she wanted and as long as I was not doing better than she was. There was never any consequence for any of this, the entire family still revolves around her.

You are correct I should get therapy.

Then you messed up your original post. The serious stuff needs to get posted first, so that it's read. Any updates from you will get missed by more than half your readers.

Honestly, with the way you express yourself and choose to present your info, you sound immature and unable to get any perspective. Yes, please sort out your feelings. Mostly you need to stop this "woe-is-me" stuff. Plenty of us have had worse things in our lives than a nasty mentally disturbed sibling (I note that you may have some challenges in that department yourself, because mental illness runs in families but may present in different ways for each individual). Grow up and realize that your happiness in this one and only life of yours depends on what YOU make of it. You need to CHOOSE to be happy. If you think it's someone else's fault that you're not living your best life, the loser is ultimately YOURSELF.

Not OP, but you need to stop. Just because someone else has it worse, does not mean that what OP is going through is not still problematic and completely reasonable for her to have feelings about. Get out of here with that toxic positivity choose to be happy crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so re-framing this here:

- Sister annoys everyone ruining a celebration
- Sister annoys your other sister telling her what to do with her baby
- Sister annoys your mother because she thinks everything revolves around her

If she annoys you, you are probably in good company. Others just deal with it and don't speak up. It's okay, you are obviously the better sister. You just aren't the squeaky wheel everyone wants to just nod at till it shuts up.

That's just it, no one else seems to be bothered by her at all, they just think she is great, and if she does do something nasty, there's always an excuse. And yes, for the most part, I don't really engage with her or the rest o my family, it's all pretty much just surface-level stuff. But sometimes I just get aggravated and realize how much I cannot stand her.

[Anonymous]

Op perhaps you should celebrate the holidays with your brother. Why should the rest of the family miss out because of your sister's stupidity. This is where you are going wrong. Who cares if your sister can't celebrate and your mother decides to cancel Thanksgiving/Christmas as a result (yes I get this is hurtful).

Call your brother and see if he wants to celebrate with your own families ie spouse/partners and kids. If not then celebrate with your partner and their family or your friends. Your mother can decide if she wants to come or not but don't let your sister be the one to decide to cancel for everyone, this only works because everyone goes along with it. The answer to this is, don't go along with it.

Do not give away your life because of your sister. Go live it. The more you disengage the better you will feel.

[Anonymous]

I understand your frustration, OP.

But if you couldn’t have Thanksgiving with these people — your sister, whom you say you hate and your mother, whose behavior enabled it and has frustrated you immensely, maybe it’s really not such a bad thing?

Maybe work on creating your own life with the friends and family who have shown they care about you, and care less about the ones who don’t. Read up on boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so re-framing this here:

- Sister annoys everyone ruining a celebration
- Sister annoys your other sister telling her what to do with her baby
- Sister annoys your mother because she thinks everything revolves around her

If she annoys you, you are probably in good company. Others just deal with it and don't speak up. It's okay, you are obviously the better sister. You just aren't the squeaky wheel everyone wants to just nod at till it shuts up.

That's just it, no one else seems to be bothered by her at all, they just think she is great, and if she does do something nasty, there's always an excuse. And yes, for the most part, I don't really engage with her or the rest o my family, it's all pretty much just surface-level stuff. But sometimes I just get aggravated and realize how much I cannot stand her.

What do you expect them to do - trash her to you? They just accept it and move on. I wonder if your sister isn't just a miserable person anyway. Be glad you are the good sister. Winning!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we please form a club of sisters who have narcissistic sisters? My parents overindulged my self-absorbed sister too and she was the golden child. I related to so much you wrote. My brother and I both think our parents created a monster by fawning over her so much.

OP here. We can definately start a club.. This is exactly what it is. PArt of me wants to have compassion for her because our parents did create a monster, but the other part doesn't because she has made my life such a living hell.

I could have written half of what you wrote OP. Except my sister and mother are both narcs and they fuel one another and punch me. The incessant fawning and self-absorption is unbearable.

I sometimes think my mother has narcissistic qualities too, I don't know it's a very odd dynamic between them. in some odd ways it's almost like they are competitive with each other,, but like I said it's like my mom is obsessed with her like she's her most precious child and can do no wrong. I've tried to rationalize it like maybe my mother didn't get what she needed from her mom, or maybe it's just extreme insecurity in my m sister and mom too. I don't know. It's just a bizarre dynamic , and at times unbearable and infuriating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so re-framing this here:

- Sister annoys everyone ruining a celebration
- Sister annoys your other sister telling her what to do with her baby
- Sister annoys your mother because she thinks everything revolves around her

If she annoys you, you are probably in good company. Others just deal with it and don't speak up. It's okay, you are obviously the better sister. You just aren't the squeaky wheel everyone wants to just nod at till it shuts up.

That's just it, no one else seems to be bothered by her at all, they just think she is great, and if she does do something nasty, there's always an excuse. And yes, for the most part, I don't really engage with her or the rest o my family, it's all pretty much just surface-level stuff. But sometimes I just get aggravated and realize how much I cannot stand her.

OP turn it around, what if you made other plans for the holidays and really enjoyed them. Would you still be aggravated or would you look at your family not celebrating because of this one person and think they are silly. That's the thing, go out and make plans you will enjoy and love. Then when your family turn around and say they can't celebrate because your sister went to a hotspot and ruined it for everyone you can smile, shrug and be grateful you aren't part of the craziness anymore.

Remove yourself from it. Create distance between your sister and yourself.

[Anonymous]

I used to get furious with my sister for similar reasons. Now I just have no contact - it's been nearly a year. That works for me.

[Anonymous]

You need therapy, seriously, therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but you are the one with issues.

You should not experience something as strong as "hate" for such minor, minor things. You are ruining your life by giving life to destructive feelings. You're not ruining her life, at least, I hope not. You're just making yours worse.

Work with a therapist to address all your resentment and annoyances against this sister of yours. Distance yourself, don't answer every communication, roll your eyes, whatever it takes to see her as a mild irritant in your life, nothing more than that.

Sorry, but I disagree. These are just the "minor things" OP has chosen to identify. I assumed there was much more to the situation. Kind of like the straw that broke the camel's back.

OP, you don't have to like your sister. So distance yourself from her. When she fouls things up (like T-giving), YOU be the one to say "you'll be missed at the event" and then carry one with it. Recognize what you can control and what you cannot (i.e., her being a COVID douche).

[Anonymous]

Why could you have Thanksgiving with other family members? I would've been pissed if my sister expected it to be canceled be a THEY got Covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why could you have Thanksgiving with other family members? I would've been pissed if my sister expected it to be canceled be a THEY got Covid.

*couldn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but you are the one with issues.

You should not experience something as strong as "hate" for such minor, minor things. You are ruining your life by giving life to destructive feelings. You're not ruining her life, at least, I hope not. You're just making yours worse.

Work with a therapist to address all your resentment and annoyances against this sister of yours. Distance yourself, don't answer every communication, roll your eyes, whatever it takes to see her as a mild irritant in your life, nothing more than that.

OP here I don't hate her for what I mentioned these are just the most recent things that are pissing me off. I hate her because she told me I ruined her life, that our parents shouldn't have had me because she wasn't ready for it, she ruined my graduation, the countless names and verbal abuse she has hurled at me, she was physically abusive when we were younger, and could even be nice as long as I did exactly what she wanted and as long as I was not doing better than she was. There was never any consequence for any of this, the entire family still revolves around her.

You are correct I should get therapy.

Then you messed up your original post. The serious stuff needs to get posted first, so that it's read. Any updates from you will get missed by more than half your readers.

Honestly, with the way you express yourself and choose to present your info, you sound immature and unable to get any perspective. Yes, please sort out your feelings. Mostly you need to stop this "woe-is-me" stuff. Plenty of us have had worse things in our lives than a nasty mentally disturbed sibling (I note that you may have some challenges in that department yourself, because mental illness runs in families but may present in different ways for each individual). Grow up and realize that your happiness in this one and only life of yours depends on what YOU make of it. You need to CHOOSE to be happy. If you think it's someone else's fault that you're not living your best life, the loser is ultimately YOURSELF.

Y
Yeah you're not going to turn this thread around on me so you can get people to attack me and get your jollies. So you can ee yourself out right now.

Np. Poor you. Sorry but I agree with pp. Take your pity party elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Makes no sense why pre Thanksgiving couldn’t have gone on minus the sister.

[Anonymous]

OP here I don't hate her for what I mentioned these are just the most recent things that are pissing me off. I hate her because she told me I ruined her life, that our parents shouldn't have had me because she wasn't ready for it, she ruined my graduation, the countless names and verbal abuse she has hurled at me, she was physically abusive when we were younger, and could even be nice as long as I did exactly what she wanted and as long as I was not doing better than she was. There was never any consequence for any of this, the entire family still revolves around her.

You are correct I should get therapy.

I have a brother who was very physically absuive and it’s difficult for me to be around him. The family would rather have me miss holidays than recognize the effects of his behavior on me. I can’t change those facts. Now I do holidays with friends and every once in a while see my family for a gathering, Is it painful to isolate myself? You bet, but not as painful as pretending that I’m not hurt.

You are understandably hurt because of things your sister has done in the past and the fact that the family accepts her behavior. Neither of these things are going to change. Find a therapist and talk about how you are going to cope with these unchanging facts. We can’t make other people change, but we can decide how we will interact.