I honestly hate my sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but you are the one with issues.

You should not experience something as strong as "hate" for such minor, minor things. You are ruining your life by giving life to destructive feelings. You're not ruining her life, at least, I hope not. You're just making yours worse.

Work with a therapist to address all your resentment and annoyances against this sister of yours. Distance yourself, don't answer every communication, roll your eyes, whatever it takes to see her as a mild irritant in your life, nothing more than that.

OP here I don't hate her for what I mentioned these are just the most recent things that are pissing me off. I hate her because she told me I ruined her life, that our parents shouldn't have had me because she wasn't ready for it, she ruined my graduation, the countless names and verbal abuse she has hurled at me, she was physically abusive when we were younger, and could even be nice as long as I did exactly what she wanted and as long as I was not doing better than she was. There was never any consequence for any of this, the entire family still revolves around her.

You are correct I should get therapy.

Then you messed up your original post. The serious stuff needs to get posted first, so that it's read. Any updates from you will get missed by more than half your readers.

Honestly, with the way you express yourself and choose to present your info, you sound immature and unable to get any perspective. Yes, please sort out your feelings. Mostly you need to stop this "woe-is-me" stuff. Plenty of us have had worse things in our lives than a nasty mentally disturbed sibling (I note that you may have some challenges in that department yourself, because mental illness runs in families but may present in different ways for each individual). Grow up and realize that your happiness in this one and only life of yours depends on what YOU make of it. You need to CHOOSE to be happy. If you think it's someone else's fault that you're not living your best life, the loser is ultimately YOURSELF.

Not OP, but you need to stop. Just because someone else has it worse, does not mean that what OP is going through is not still problematic and completely reasonable for her to have feelings about. Get out of here with that toxic positivity choose to be happy crap.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be honest I'm not sure I ever loved her. I think there was a brief period when I was maybe about 5 when I wanted her approval, and then at various points in the years between then and now I was hoping we could have a normal sister relationship. In truth, the happiest times in my life were first when she went away to college for 4 months and then 8 years later when I moved away for college.

I just can't stand the way the entire family revolves around her and that she thinks her opinion is on everything is the most important thing in the world. Most recently what has pissed me off is how she thinks she can speak on behalf of our deceased father, her self-proclaimed best auntie, and constantly tell our sister what she should do with her newborn. And now she's gotten the family pre-Thanksgiving canceled because she stupidly got COVID, and I say stupidly because she and her whole family got it because they just had to travel to a hotspot. What really ticks me off is she announces this with a fake apology about ruining plans, basically, the assumption that everything would be canceled because of her. I honestly just want to tell her to shut the hell up and she's not as important as she thinks she is or how the majority of people ( save me and our brother) think she is.
I fully realize this is our parents mainly our mother's fault who was basically obsessed with her and fawned over her but you would think now that we're about 40 she would have figured out life is not all about her.

I'm not even sure what kind of advice I'm looking for, but she just aggravated me again so I needed to vent.

Perhaps you should hate yourself and your parents for raising a bunch of doormats(your other siblings and yourself). You all can choose to keep being doormats or you can refuse to keep playing these games.

[Anonymous]

Starting a post with "I hate so-and-so" is the hallmark of a juvenile and thoughtless approach. Your sister is not Stalin or Genghis Khan. A little introspection on what steps you can take would be more useful than ruminating over every childhood incident. Most siblings fight and say harsh things, OP, yet still love each other. If you sense that your sibling is mentally ill (narcissistic, personality disorder, psychopathic, etc), that's something she's not totally responsible for and that you cannot fix. You must distance for your own safety. If she has a run-of-the mill personality conflict with you, then it's time to grow up and accept you two aren't friends, but that you can still enjoy some time together occasionally.

[Anonymous]

I would have said "I'm so sorry about your Covid, we will miss you!" And have thanksgiving. Moms shows - Great, Mom doesn't - that's great too. It's your life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Starting a post with "I hate so-and-so" is the hallmark of a juvenile and thoughtless approach. Your sister is not Stalin or Genghis Khan. A little introspection on what steps you can take would be more useful than ruminating over every childhood incident. Most siblings fight and say harsh things, OP, yet still love each other. If you sense that your sibling is mentally ill (narcissistic, personality disorder, psychopathic, etc), that's something she's not totally responsible for and that you cannot fix. You must distance for your own safety. If she has a run-of-the mill personality conflict with you, then it's time to grow up and accept you two aren't friends, but that you can still enjoy some time together occasionally.

+1

While it is certainly possible that OPs sister is a narcissist or mentally, the original post is quite vague and emotional and does not contain any details to substantiate claims that the sister is mentally unwell, evil, or a narcissistic. There are plenty of posts on here that do describe egregious terrible or abusive behavior by family members; however this is not one of them and instead the OP comes across as dramatic and vindictive. OP I would suggest taking a look in the mirror before attributing all of your familial problems to your mother and sister. How are your other relationships? Perhaps it would be beneficial to run these interactions by an impartial third party to get their take on things. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have said "I'm so sorry about your Covid, we will miss you!" And have thanksgiving. Moms shows - Great, Mom doesn't - that's great too. It's your life

+1
Be the chat group you want to see in the world

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be honest I'm not sure I ever loved her. I think there was a brief period when I was maybe about 5 when I wanted her approval, and then at various points in the years between then and now I was hoping we could have a normal sister relationship. In truth, the happiest times in my life were first when she went away to college for 4 months and then 8 years later when I moved away for college.

I just can't stand the way the entire family revolves around her and that she thinks her opinion is on everything is the most important thing in the world. Most recently what has pissed me off is how she thinks she can speak on behalf of our deceased father, her self-proclaimed best auntie, and constantly tell our sister what she should do with her newborn. And now she's gotten the family pre-Thanksgiving canceled because she stupidly got COVID, and I say stupidly because she and her whole family got it because they just had to travel to a hotspot. What really ticks me off is she announces this with a fake apology about ruining plans, basically, the assumption that everything would be canceled because of her. I honestly just want to tell her to shut the hell up and she's not as important as she thinks she is or how the majority of people ( save me and our brother) think she is.
I fully realize this is our parents mainly our mother's fault who was basically obsessed with her and fawned over her but you would think now that we're about 40 she would have figured out life is not all about her.

I'm not even sure what kind of advice I'm looking for, but she just aggravated me again so I needed to vent.

Perhaps you should hate yourself and your parents for raising a bunch of doormats(your other siblings and yourself). You all can choose to keep being doormats or you can refuse to keep playing these games.

There is only one solution - disengage. Don't battle, don't join, don't expect, just live your life and leave them to their tiny universe of dysfunction. Their heads are so far up their own asses that a$$hole starts to smell normal...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but you are the one with issues.

You should not experience something as strong as "hate" for such minor, minor things. You are ruining your life by giving life to destructive feelings. You're not ruining her life, at least, I hope not. You're just making yours worse.

Work with a therapist to address all your resentment and annoyances against this sister of yours. Distance yourself, don't answer every communication, roll your eyes, whatever it takes to see her as a mild irritant in your life, nothing more than that.

OP here I don't hate her for what I mentioned these are just the most recent things that are pissing me off. I hate her because she told me I ruined her life, that our parents shouldn't have had me because she wasn't ready for it, she ruined my graduation, the countless names and verbal abuse she has hurled at me, she was physically abusive when we were younger, and could even be nice as long as I did exactly what she wanted and as long as I was not doing better than she was. There was never any consequence for any of this, the entire family still revolves around her.

You are correct I should get therapy.

Then you messed up your original post. The serious stuff needs to get posted first, so that it's read. Any updates from you will get missed by more than half your readers.

Honestly, with the way you express yourself and choose to present your info, you sound immature and unable to get any perspective. Yes, please sort out your feelings. Mostly you need to stop this "woe-is-me" stuff. Plenty of us have had worse things in our lives than a nasty mentally disturbed sibling (I note that you may have some challenges in that department yourself, because mental illness runs in families but may present in different ways for each individual). Grow up and realize that your happiness in this one and only life of yours depends on what YOU make of it. You need to CHOOSE to be happy. If you think it's someone else's fault that you're not living your best life, the loser is ultimately YOURSELF.

Not OP, but you need to stop. Just because someone else has it worse, does not mean that what OP is going through is not still problematic and completely reasonable for her to have feelings about. Get out of here with that toxic positivity choose to be happy crap.

+100

OP gets to feel feelings. It’s human.

I feel ya, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but you are the one with issues.

You should not experience something as strong as "hate" for such minor, minor things. You are ruining your life by giving life to destructive feelings. You're not ruining her life, at least, I hope not. You're just making yours worse.

Work with a therapist to address all your resentment and annoyances against this sister of yours. Distance yourself, don't answer every communication, roll your eyes, whatever it takes to see her as a mild irritant in your life, nothing more than that.

OP here I don't hate her for what I mentioned these are just the most recent things that are pissing me off. I hate her because she told me I ruined her life, that our parents shouldn't have had me because she wasn't ready for it, she ruined my graduation, the countless names and verbal abuse she has hurled at me, she was physically abusive when we were younger, and could even be nice as long as I did exactly what she wanted and as long as I was not doing better than she was. There was never any consequence for any of this, the entire family still revolves around her.

You are correct I should get therapy.

Welcome to the club. My mother is who suffers the most every time she witnesses the abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Blame for getting covid is where I lost you.

Many people are to blame for getting covid. Many are not to blame. But the stupid, maskless, unvaccinated people are 💯 to blame when they catch it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so re-framing this here:

- Sister annoys everyone ruining a celebration
- Sister annoys your other sister telling her what to do with her baby
- Sister annoys your mother because she thinks everything revolves around her

If she annoys you, you are probably in good company. Others just deal with it and don't speak up. It's okay, you are obviously the better sister. You just aren't the squeaky wheel everyone wants to just nod at till it shuts up.

That's just it, no one else seems to be bothered by her at all, they just think she is great, and if she does do something nasty, there's always an excuse. And yes, for the most part, I don't really engage with her or the rest o my family, it's all pretty much just surface-level stuff. But sometimes I just get aggravated and realize how much I cannot stand her.

What do you expect them to do - trash her to you? They just accept it and move on. I wonder if your sister isn't just a miserable person anyway. Be glad you are the good sister. Winning!

No. I don't expect them to trash her, it's really hard to explain unless you have lived it, but it's like living in bizzaro world where everything is upside down. I think I'd just like some acknowledgment that the behavior isn't normal or ojay and that' I'm not the only person who sees it.

[Anonymous]

OP again, because several have mentioned distancing, I feel I have to address that. While distancing is probably the most obvious thing to do I struggle with it for 2 reasons 1. I want to have a relationship with my nieces, and if I cut her off that would be over and they aren't old enough to really reach out on their own. 2 I worry about our mother, though I have my issues with her, and have anger for the monster she created, I don't want harm to come to her, and my sister is the type to have her signing away her life if I'm not there to say, let's think about this.

[Anonymous]

OP, you grew up with these people, so I’m guessing you have several of your own issues as well. I doubt every other person in your family has issues but somehow you are 100% sane and well adjusted. I would also suggest you have some empathy for your sister. You are both reacting to your parents and upbringing in different ways, and she is just trying her best. Nothing you describe sounds severely mentally ill.

That said, if they all make you miserable, but you don’t want to distance yourself, I’m not sure what your options are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, because several have mentioned distancing, I feel I have to address that. While distancing is probably the most obvious thing to do I struggle with it for 2 reasons 1. I want to have a relationship with my nieces, and if I cut her off that would be over and they aren't old enough to really reach out on their own. 2 I worry about our mother, though I have my issues with her, and have anger for the monster she created, I don't want harm to come to her, and my sister is the type to have her signing away her life if I'm not there to say, let's think about this.

Thanks OP for the update. Not sure why your post triggered so many critics, hoping they can go visit other threads instead of sticking around.

I know you said it was hard to describe but could you describe a bit more how and why they were fawning over your sister and how different they were with you and your brother ? Did that come from both parents ? How old is your brother by the way? And how is your sister doing now? Is she a successful but mean type A ?