What exactly is a ‘good sex life’?

[Anonymous]

Female here. For me there’s a huge emotional component, I need to feel connected and like he’s having sex with *me*, not just with an available warm body. Also listens to what I ask for and actually does it (rather than just doing it for a few seconds than moving on to what he wants), doesn’t make me feel like I need to perform or act out things from porn, cares about my pleasure as much as his own. Lots of foreplay and afterplay.

Because people are hung up on actual numbers - we have sex most days. With young kids, it’s down to 5 days a week, but both of us could easily go daily or even twice a day. Both of us O most times, unless it’s a quickie then I often don’t. But if I want to, he always makes sure it happens, unlike other partners I’ve had who assume it’s over once they get off. We have a good amount of variety, I’d say about 1/3 of the time is focused on me and what I want, 1/3 on him, 1/3 mutual.

[Anonymous]

If you are asking, you don’t have one.

[Anonymous]

It's more than just quantity though that needs to be enough...is it relaxing, fun, erotic, do you feel deeply satisfied, are you both having orgasms, does it just make you feel content and like life is really good...and you love your partner and have even 15 minutes where he takes you away from the mundane aspects of your realities? To me that's good sex. It's deeply comforting and familiar...but I've been with the same guy for 26 years so this is what good married sex is to us, with two kids, two demanding jobs and a busy life. It's a respite. He's my home.

[Anonymous]

It's good if it's enough for you - once a day or once a year. Too much sex is as bad as not enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Female here. For me there’s a huge emotional component, I need to feel connected and like he’s having sex with *me*, not just with an available warm body. Also listens to what I ask for and actually does it (rather than just doing it for a few seconds than moving on to what he wants), doesn’t make me feel like I need to perform or act out things from porn, cares about my pleasure as much as his own. Lots of foreplay and afterplay.

Because people are hung up on actual numbers - we have sex most days. With young kids, it’s down to 5 days a week, but both of us could easily go daily or even twice a day. Both of us O most times, unless it’s a quickie then I often don’t. But if I want to, he always makes sure it happens, unlike other partners I’ve had who assume it’s over once they get off. We have a good amount of variety, I’d say about 1/3 of the time is focused on me and what I want, 1/3 on him, 1/3 mutual.

What is afterplay?

[Anonymous]

I’m discovering that my definition of what’s a good sex life and my husband’s definition are very different.
I’ve been trying to keep up with him recently, and it’s fun, and he’s happy, but frankly I’m exhausted. The house is falling into a cluttered mess, the kids’ homework and work aren’t getting done the way they should be and I haven’t read to them or prayed with them the way that I used to in weeks. My own work is getting done, but only at a bare minimum, and I have been putting off a QI project I had been working on and a paper I was writing.

I think he would like to maintain this long term, but I just don’t see how.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Female here. For me there’s a huge emotional component, I need to feel connected and like he’s having sex with *me*, not just with an available warm body. Also listens to what I ask for and actually does it (rather than just doing it for a few seconds than moving on to what he wants), doesn’t make me feel like I need to perform or act out things from porn, cares about my pleasure as much as his own. Lots of foreplay and afterplay.

Because people are hung up on actual numbers - we have sex most days. With young kids, it’s down to 5 days a week, but both of us could easily go daily or even twice a day. Both of us O most times, unless it’s a quickie then I often don’t. But if I want to, he always makes sure it happens, unlike other partners I’ve had who assume it’s over once they get off. We have a good amount of variety, I’d say about 1/3 of the time is focused on me and what I want, 1/3 on him, 1/3 mutual.

What is afterplay?

PP here. It’s the cuddling, touching, kissing, pillow talk, etc afterwards. One of my favorite parts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I’m discovering that my definition of what’s a good sex life and my husband’s definition are very different.
I’ve been trying to keep up with him recently, and it’s fun, and he’s happy, but frankly I’m exhausted. The house is falling into a cluttered mess, the kids’ homework and work aren’t getting done the way they should be and I haven’t read to them or prayed with them the way that I used to in weeks. My own work is getting done, but only at a bare minimum, and I have been putting off a QI project I had been working on and a paper I was writing.

I think he would like to maintain this long term, but I just don’t see how.

OMG… are you having to have sex all day long?? It’s usually an hour or so at night for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I’m discovering that my definition of what’s a good sex life and my husband’s definition are very different.
I’ve been trying to keep up with him recently, and it’s fun, and he’s happy, but frankly I’m exhausted. The house is falling into a cluttered mess, the kids’ homework and work aren’t getting done the way they should be and I haven’t read to them or prayed with them the way that I used to in weeks. My own work is getting done, but only at a bare minimum, and I have been putting off a QI project I had been working on and a paper I was writing.

I think he would like to maintain this long term, but I just don’t see how.

OMG… are you having to have sex all day long?? It’s usually an hour or so at night for us.

That sounds miserable, get a toy if you can’t get the job done faster.

[Anonymous]

Anal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I’m discovering that my definition of what’s a good sex life and my husband’s definition are very different.
I’ve been trying to keep up with him recently, and it’s fun, and he’s happy, but frankly I’m exhausted. The house is falling into a cluttered mess, the kids’ homework and work aren’t getting done the way they should be and I haven’t read to them or prayed with them the way that I used to in weeks. My own work is getting done, but only at a bare minimum, and I have been putting off a QI project I had been working on and a paper I was writing.

I think he would like to maintain this long term, but I just don’t see how.

OMG… are you having to have sex all day long?? It’s usually an hour or so at night for us.

That sounds miserable, get a toy if you can’t get the job done faster.

Not PP, DH could get it done faster not always what I want or we both want. We typically have a long 1-3 hour session once a week. It is a very emotional and fulfilling process/experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I’m discovering that my definition of what’s a good sex life and my husband’s definition are very different.
I’ve been trying to keep up with him recently, and it’s fun, and he’s happy, but frankly I’m exhausted. The house is falling into a cluttered mess, the kids’ homework and work aren’t getting done the way they should be and I haven’t read to them or prayed with them the way that I used to in weeks. My own work is getting done, but only at a bare minimum, and I have been putting off a QI project I had been working on and a paper I was writing.

I think he would like to maintain this long term, but I just don’t see how.

OMG… are you having to have sex all day long?? It’s usually an hour or so at night for us.

That sounds miserable, get a toy if you can’t get the job done faster.

Not PP, DH could get it done faster not always what I want or we both want. We typically have a long 1-3 hour session once a week. It is a very emotional and fulfilling process/experience.

Ooooo I *love* Sunday afternoon 3 hour sessions. The best…..

[Anonymous]

1-3 hours? No wonder your frequency is low or your house is in shambles. Do you require roses, music, candles and a bath too?

Give me 5-10 minutes five times a week. I can get my O and move on with my day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1-3 hours? No wonder your frequency is low or your house is in shambles. Do you require roses, music, candles and a bath too?

Give me 5-10 minutes five times a week. I can get my O and move on with my day.

Seriously…

[Anonymous]

One where the female orgasms every time

Bonus points if she doesn't have to take care of it herself