What exactly is a ‘good sex life’?

[Anonymous]

3 hours? I would need to call into work and be on bed rest for the remainder of the week. Maybe call for a vaginal rejuvenation appointment. Definitely need IV fluids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One that both you and your partner are happy with.

+1. This is it. It can look many different ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1-3 hours? No wonder your frequency is low or your house is in shambles. Do you require roses, music, candles and a bath too?

Give me 5-10 minutes five times a week. I can get my O and move on with my day.

That's great you can, but not all women are the same. Let's not shame women for having sexual needs - that's what causes so many women to have low desire in the first place. They feel like something is wrong because they can't O as quickly or with the same things as a man, then are afraid to ask for what they actually do need because it's "weird", and so they lose interest in sex altogether. Some women need more/longer/different, and that's okay.

- woman who needs at least an hour and loves candles & music

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1-3 hours? No wonder your frequency is low or your house is in shambles. Do you require roses, music, candles and a bath too?

Give me 5-10 minutes five times a week. I can get my O and move on with my day.

That's great you can, but not all women are the same. Let's not shame women for having sexual needs - that's what causes so many women to have low desire in the first place. They feel like something is wrong because they can't O as quickly or with the same things as a man, then are afraid to ask for what they actually do need because it's "weird", and so they lose interest in sex altogether. Some women need more/longer/different, and that's okay.

- woman who needs at least an hour and loves candles & music

I love candles and music too! Love it all. All of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3x per week. We both enjoy orgasms regularly.

If it’s 3x a week the o’s should be 3x a week. If not it’s not good.

Yeah, ever dated a guy who treats you like a blowup doll? No.amount of.sex with a guy like that would be a good sex life.

This is what so many men (husbands) don't understand. I will have ALL THE SEX if you are able to get me to orgasm too. It feels like a chore when there's little pleasure in it for me.

It sounds like it's very difficult to get you to orgasm. Is that your husband's fault? I've been with women where sometimes, it just wasn't going to happen no matter what I did and others where it would take an hour. Then I get with a woman who gets off easily and realize, it's not me.

[Anonymous]

Im stunned by the people having this much sex and 1-3 hour sessions at least once a week! We have one young kid and have sex like once every two months, if I initiate. Its not very good, always the same every time. And I am the DW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3x per week. We both enjoy orgasms regularly.

If it’s 3x a week the o’s should be 3x a week. If not it’s not good.

Yeah, ever dated a guy who treats you like a blowup doll? No.amount of.sex with a guy like that would be a good sex life.

This is what so many men (husbands) don't understand. I will have ALL THE SEX if you are able to get me to orgasm too. It feels like a chore when there's little pleasure in it for me.

It sounds like it's very difficult to get you to orgasm. Is that your husband's fault? I've been with women where sometimes, it just wasn't going to happen no matter what I did and others where it would take an hour. Then I get with a woman who gets off easily and realize, it's not me.

Get a toy FFS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im stunned by the people having this much sex and 1-3 hour sessions at least once a week! We have one young kid and have sex like once every two months, if I initiate. Its not very good, always the same every time. And I am the DW.

I was in your situation. Life gets better - as does the sex - as the kids get older and you regain some time for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im stunned by the people having this much sex and 1-3 hour sessions at least once a week! We have one young kid and have sex like once every two months, if I initiate. Its not very good, always the same every time. And I am the DW.

I was in your situation. Life gets better - as does the sex - as the kids get older and you regain some time for yourself.

I was also in your situation and it didn't get better. Not saying it won't for you but you need to talk with your DH and find a solution if you want one. There is a reason why 20% of married couples in their 40s are sexless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im stunned by the people having this much sex and 1-3 hour sessions at least once a week! We have one young kid and have sex like once every two months, if I initiate. Its not very good, always the same every time. And I am the DW.

I was in your situation. Life gets better - as does the sex - as the kids get older and you regain some time for yourself.

I was also in your situation and it didn't get better. Not saying it won't for you but you need to talk with your DH and find a solution if you want one. There is a reason why 20% of married couples in their 40s are sexless.

+1. Actually, I’ve seen the number 30-40% cited in various places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im stunned by the people having this much sex and 1-3 hour sessions at least once a week! We have one young kid and have sex like once every two months, if I initiate. Its not very good, always the same every time. And I am the DW.

I was in your situation. Life gets better - as does the sex - as the kids get older and you regain some time for yourself.

I was also in your situation and it didn't get better. Not saying it won't for you but you need to talk with your DH and find a solution if you want one. There is a reason why 20% of married couples in their 40s are sexless.

+1. Actually, I’ve seen the number 30-40% cited in various places.

By age 50 it's almost half of couples are sexless, meaning 10x a year or less.

It takes a lot of effort and commitment to keep the sexual spark alive. And both partners want to have a good sex life. Monogamy is a beast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3x per week. We both enjoy orgasms regularly.

If it’s 3x a week the o’s should be 3x a week. If not it’s not good.

Yeah, ever dated a guy who treats you like a blowup doll? No.amount of.sex with a guy like that would be a good sex life.

This is what so many men (husbands) don't understand. I will have ALL THE SEX if you are able to get me to orgasm too. It feels like a chore when there's little pleasure in it for me.

It sounds like it's very difficult to get you to orgasm. Is that your husband's fault? I've been with women where sometimes, it just wasn't going to happen no matter what I did and others where it would take an hour. Then I get with a woman who gets off easily and realize, it's not me.

If a guy's attitude is "you need to get off in X amount of time doing what I want or else you have a problem", yea, she's not gonna get off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 hours? I would need to call into work and be on bed rest for the remainder of the week. Maybe call for a vaginal rejuvenation appointment. Definitely need IV fluids.

Yeah, all kidding aside, I do think it’s important to be able to have satisfying quickies as well as satisfying lengthy sessions, because if the only way you can get off is through a lengthy session, you are creating a pretty tough situation when your life gets busier as your kids get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have kids under 5 1x a week is very good.

+1

Ours fell off during my pregnancies/post-partum and we started actively working to improve it once my youngest was sleeping through the night. Around 1x a week makes us both happy and is enough for now. Ideally it'd be more but we're both truly exhausted so much of the time. I hope we can improve further once my kids are a bit older, but for now 1x a week is a good balance.

(Obvious caveat that the answer is personal and each couple is different.)

[Anonymous]

Sex once per week. That is the bare minimum for majority of men and reasonable for most women