Wife Is Too Skinny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is her issue? Maybe her eating habits are fine but you’re just not used to them?

Clearly you didn’t read Op’s post. Next time, try reading more than the thread title.

NP here, I did read the entire post, and I agree with PP that OP is uncomfortable with her habits changing. There really is not enough info to determine if the wife is too skinny, has developed an eating disorder or needs an intervention. However, the post does contain enough cleverly placed buzzwords for people to feel triggered and take OP's side.

[Anonymous]

It's sad that it's all about you and your feelings instead of her apparent mental health crisis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is her issue? Maybe her eating habits are fine but you’re just not used to them?

Clearly you didn’t read Op’s post. Next time, try reading more than the thread title.

NP here, I did read the entire post, and I agree with PP that OP is uncomfortable with her habits changing. There really is not enough info to determine if the wife is too skinny, has developed an eating disorder or needs an intervention. However, the post does contain enough cleverly placed buzzwords for people to feel triggered and take OP's side.

m

So self-diagnosing multiple food allergies is okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is her issue? Maybe her eating habits are fine but you’re just not used to them?

Clearly you didn’t read Op’s post. Next time, try reading more than the thread title.

NP here, I did read the entire post, and I agree with PP that OP is uncomfortable with her habits changing. There really is not enough info to determine if the wife is too skinny, has developed an eating disorder or needs an intervention. However, the post does contain enough cleverly placed buzzwords for people to feel triggered and take OP's side.

m

So self-diagnosing multiple food allergies is okay?

It's not automatically an eating disorder. When you clean up your diet you notice your body reacts differently even to foods you previously thought were healthy. Also claiming an allergy is an easy way to get people to shut up when they insist you have one more bite or it's okay for you to cheat and have XYZ just this time.

[Anonymous]

Considering the number of men who come on here complaining about how their wives got fat, this isn’t really a problem. Good luck. Or divorce. Men divorce fat women all the time and feel very justified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Considering the number of men who come on here complaining about how their wives got fat, this isn’t really a problem. Good luck. Or divorce. Men divorce fat women all the time and feel very justified.

How is that relevant at all? Critical thinking does not appear to be your strong suit...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife was skinny when we met but gained about 50lbs after a medical situation. She was overweight for about a year and then started delving more into nutrition to heal her medical condition. She has since lost more than 50lbs and has become obsessive about eating and exercise. We have always ate healthy with the exception of once a week take out and the occasional treat. We have both been very active and always worked out. My wife now works out for 2 hours everyday and is obsessive about her food. She had eliminated many food items claiming to now have an allergy though she had never had any tests done. She has been self diagnosing with things she’s allergic to and needs to supplement. She counts every calorie she eats and has to eat within a certain calorie count. I love that she has taken her health into her own hands, but the obsessiveness and self diagnosis is really starting to worry me. She has become way too skinny and I feel like she is going to get worse. I’m no longer attracted to her since she became too skinny. I do not her to develop an eating disorder or her to pass down her eating habits on future children. How can I gently ask her to see someone who can hopefully help her?

Your wife 1000% is suffering from disordered eating.

Disordered eating sits on a broad spectrum between healthy/ordinary eating and eating disorders.

Disordered eating may include similar symptoms and behaviors of eating disorders, however they are at a lesser frequency or lower level of severity -- this includes obsessively counting calories, over exercising, the sufferer's entire world now revolves around food, and the planning of meals, the reading of labels, the counting of calories, etc.
Food is ALWAYS on their mind -- it is an extremly unhealthy & obsessive addiction, and the terrifying grasp this distorder has on the brain is astronomic.

Because, disordered eating doesn't include the mental health challenges of eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, etc) it can be much, much more difficult for friends & loved ones to detect (and much more compelling for those dealing with these insecurities to experiment with).

Are you sure she hasn't crossed over into anorexia or bulimia? It's very easy to make the transition...

You say that you don't want her to pass down her eating habits on future children... but what if she can't have future children because of her weight?

Women who stop consuming the calories needed and required for menstruation, stop getting their periods -- you cannot get pregnant if you don't get your period.

This has happened to many gymnasts I've worked with... some it took up to 5 years for their menstruation to return to a natural, healthy cycle.

I implore you OP, please do some research on 'disordered eating', as it's much more serious & concerning than it sounds like you're even aware.

[Anonymous]

Woman here. I have known many women with eating disorders and your wife has one. It affects EVERYTHING.
It’s going to affect whether you have children (she may not be able to or want to gain weight required to carry a pregnancy).
If she does have children she will train them to have the same neurosis around food that she has.
I don’t know anyone who’s fully recovered from it. It’s kind of like alcoholism. Even if a person quits they still consider themselves an alcoholic.
I suggest you find a counselor yourself about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is her issue? Maybe her eating habits are fine but you’re just not used to them?

Clearly you didn’t read Op’s post. Next time, try reading more than the thread title.

NP here, I did read the entire post, and I agree with PP that OP is uncomfortable with her habits changing. There really is not enough info to determine if the wife is too skinny, has developed an eating disorder or needs an intervention. However, the post does contain enough cleverly placed buzzwords for people to feel triggered and take OP's side.

m

So self-diagnosing multiple food allergies is okay?

It's not automatically an eating disorder. When you clean up your diet you notice your body reacts differently even to foods you previously thought were healthy. Also claiming an allergy is an easy way to get people to shut up when they insist you have one more bite or it's okay for you to cheat and have XYZ just this time.

{ OP's wife has entered the chat }

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an ex basically bring this up to me very sweetly and it was one of the things that helped me heal from an ED. he basically told me how beautiful he found the fat I had on my body (at that point I had dieted a lot of it away but had some on my stomach). It put me on the road to getting back to a healthy weight

I got on a health kick once and lost weight. It felt good and I kept working out and eating clean. I was in a long distance relationship and when my boyfriend visited me (it has been 3 months), he told me I was too skinny and he wanted me to work on gaining weight because he liked my body with some fat. I immediately started eating more and trying to gain weight was really fun. I got to a good weight and recognized that going below a certain weight wasn’t attractive or healthy. I never had a ED except for those 3 months and although I feel I’d look better 10 lbs lighter, I eat what I want. Just saying depending on your wife’s personality, it might be good for you to frame her weight loss in a way that helps her realize how attractive she is with more fat. If my friends said something, I’d probably assume they were a little envious, it mattered coming from my BF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is her issue? Maybe her eating habits are fine but you’re just not used to them?

Clearly you didn’t read Op’s post. Next time, try reading more than the thread title.

NP here, I did read the entire post, and I agree with PP that OP is uncomfortable with her habits changing. There really is not enough info to determine if the wife is too skinny, has developed an eating disorder or needs an intervention. However, the post does contain enough cleverly placed buzzwords for people to feel triggered and take OP's side.

m

So self-diagnosing multiple food allergies is okay?

It's not automatically an eating disorder. When you clean up your diet you notice your body reacts differently even to foods you previously thought were healthy. Also claiming an allergy is an easy way to get people to shut up when they insist you have one more bite or it's okay for you to cheat and have XYZ just this time.

{ OP's wife has entered the chat }

No It's just I have seen this play out in real life, many people have different ideas of eating healthy, for some people that means they don't wat out every night, or they don't order Mc Donald's or KFC when they do, but when one person in a partnership really starts changing the diet such as no longer eating sugar, you do notice how it impacts your body and how it feels it also covers a lot of food groups. OP's wife may suffer from disordered eating, but OP hasn't provided enough information for the knee-jerk reaction of she has an eating disorder, needs a family intervention, needs to see a doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an ex basically bring this up to me very sweetly and it was one of the things that helped me heal from an ED. he basically told me how beautiful he found the fat I had on my body (at that point I had dieted a lot of it away but had some on my stomach). It put me on the road to getting back to a healthy weight

I got on a health kick once and lost weight. It felt good and I kept working out and eating clean. I was in a long distance relationship and when my boyfriend visited me (it has been 3 months), he told me I was too skinny and he wanted me to work on gaining weight because he liked my body with some fat. I immediately started eating more and trying to gain weight was really fun. I got to a good weight and recognized that going below a certain weight wasn’t attractive or healthy. I never had a ED except for those 3 months and although I feel I’d look better 10 lbs lighter, I eat what I want. Just saying depending on your wife’s personality, it might be good for you to frame her weight loss in a way that helps her realize how attractive she is with more fat. If my friends said something, I’d probably assume they were a little envious, it mattered coming from my BF.

100%. Because honestly a major motivation for women starting on this track is feeling they would be more attractive with less fat. When it comes from someone they are in love with and sexually with, it carries a lot more weight than when it comes from a mom or sister or friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is her issue? Maybe her eating habits are fine but you’re just not used to them?

Clearly you didn’t read Op’s post. Next time, try reading more than the thread title.

NP here, I did read the entire post, and I agree with PP that OP is uncomfortable with her habits changing. There really is not enough info to determine if the wife is too skinny, has developed an eating disorder or needs an intervention. However, the post does contain enough cleverly placed buzzwords for people to feel triggered and take OP's side.

m

So self-diagnosing multiple food allergies is okay?

It's not automatically an eating disorder. When you clean up your diet you notice your body reacts differently even to foods you previously thought were healthy. Also claiming an allergy is an easy way to get people to shut up when they insist you have one more bite or it's okay for you to cheat and have XYZ just this time.

{ OP's wife has entered the chat }

NP: Not necessarily. For many of us, it takes having the experience of eliminating particular foods and often experimenting with adding them back in and removing them again a few times to understand how our bodies react to foods that we may have been eating all our lives.
It’s also way TMI to discuss with pretty much anyone in detail. It’s not “self-diagnosing” to cut back in things like sugar, or wheat flour, for example, even as it may be quite true to claim that your body functions better when you don’t eat those things.

I think what’s key is treating this as a wellness issue more than an aesthetic one. Maybe OP and his wife could seek out nutritional guidance together — to explore changes that they might want to make as a family, even as OP makes it clear that he finds voluptuousness attractive.

[Anonymous]

I think I have an eating disorder. I was always chubby never fat. Then life got stressful and I lost a lot of weight. And my appetite. Now I can’t eat many foods without feeling sick or uncomfortable. I also secretly like being this thin. Although sometimes I see myself in mirror and realize I’m too thin. don’t count calories or over exercise. . I just don’t like to eat much anymore. I wish I was normal but even if I could accept weighing more again i can’t seem to find the desire to eat. Not sure how to define my disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife was skinny when we met but gained about 50lbs after a medical situation. She was overweight for about a year and then started delving more into nutrition to heal her medical condition. She has since lost more than 50lbs and has become obsessive about eating and exercise. We have always ate healthy with the exception of once a week take out and the occasional treat. We have both been very active and always worked out. My wife now works out for 2 hours everyday and is obsessive about her food. She had eliminated many food items claiming to now have an allergy though she had never had any tests done. She has been self diagnosing with things she’s allergic to and needs to supplement. She counts every calorie she eats and has to eat within a certain calorie count. I love that she has taken her health into her own hands, but the obsessiveness and self diagnosis is really starting to worry me. She has become way too skinny and I feel like she is going to get worse. I’m no longer attracted to her since she became too skinny. I do not her to develop an eating disorder or her to pass down her eating habits on future children. How can I gently ask her to see someone who can hopefully help her?

Your wife 1000% is suffering from disordered eating.

Disordered eating sits on a broad spectrum between healthy/ordinary eating and eating disorders.

Disordered eating may include similar symptoms and behaviors of eating disorders, however they are at a lesser frequency or lower level of severity -- this includes obsessively counting calories, over exercising, the sufferer's entire world now revolves around food, and the planning of meals, the reading of labels, the counting of calories, etc.
Food is ALWAYS on their mind -- it is an extremly unhealthy & obsessive addiction, and the terrifying grasp this distorder has on the brain is astronomic.

Because, disordered eating doesn't include the mental health challenges of eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, etc) it can be much, much more difficult for friends & loved ones to detect (and much more compelling for those dealing with these insecurities to experiment with).

Are you sure she hasn't crossed over into anorexia or bulimia? It's very easy to make the transition...

You say that you don't want her to pass down her eating habits on future children... but what if she can't have future children because of her weight?

Women who stop consuming the calories needed and required for menstruation, stop getting their periods -- you cannot get pregnant if you don't get your period.

This has happened to many gymnasts I've worked with... some it took up to 5 years for their menstruation to return to a natural, healthy cycle.

I implore you OP, please do some research on 'disordered eating', as it's much more serious & concerning than it sounds like you're even aware.

This x one million.

Those who are claiming that this is impericly an "eating disorder", don't understand the rationalizations & intricate differences between "disordered eating" & "eating disorders".

It sounds as if your wife is fully engulfed in the unhealthy behaviors of disordered eating, which like eating disorders are compulsive, all consuming, controlling and downright manic.

The primary issue here, is that her brain is telling her that she is doing a super great job of being so diligent when it comes to eating and her health, and due to this you should likely expect & highly anticipate for, total and complete resistance from her in regards to living life in any other way because of it.

You need to get professionals involved ASAP.
Start with a support group for yourself - they can recommend a therapist who specializes in disordered eating, a nutritionist that specializes in disordered eating, a life coach who specializes in disordered eating, etc.

* https://centerfordiscovery.com/groups/ is a fantastic resource and they have virtual AND in person support groups.

I'm not going to lie to you; disordered eating & eating disorders aren't a simple mental health challenge, that's because they are a mental health crisis.
The brain is actively working against the addicts best interest, as the major insecurities they have are behind this disorder and are entangled in it, which have a forceful, dangerous & crushing grip.

Please, please, please do not accuse her of having an eating disorder, as it doesn't sound like she has one... yet.

Accusing her of something that she is not doing will have a detrimental affect on your relationship, as it's comparable to accusing someone of cheating whose never cheated.

In her mind, she'll start questioning everything about you and your relationship after that.
There will be a total lack of trust in you, a lack of faith in your marriage, a lack of confidence in your judgment, and a lack of reliance in your union.

She will not set see it as you being critical of the disorder, she'll think that you're being critical of HER.

She'll become defensive, over-sensitive and hyper vigilant about guarding her new love.
Ultimately, she'll make her disordered eating even harder for you to detect, and in her eyes, harder for you to criticize.

I realize that disordered eating doesn't sound as dangerous or extreme as eating disorders does, but trust me, disordered eating is a quick hop, skip and a jump to eating disorders.

As the PP I quoted said, you really need to do a lot of research and get in touch with a support group that can help you, because it already sounds like what you're dealing with is far above your pay grade.

Do not approach her until you've spoken to a professional or a strong support in disordered eating and get their advice first.
It will be detrimental if you don't, trust me.

You have to face the fact that in this moment in time, you are not the primary relationship in her life.

She's doting on, devoted to, caring about, protective of, indulging in and affectionate towards her disorder... not you.

I implore you to be optimistic but also realistic.
Disorders reviving food are one of the most powerful & gripping addictions, with a very low success rate at full recovery without regressing or relapse.

This will be a lifetime disorder & addiction.
As with alcoholics, drug addicts, compulsive gamblers, and any other addiction; those suffering from disordered eating & eating disorders are in recovery for life.
They'll never be completely healed, as there are too many triggers in society that can put her right back in the throes of this obsession.

I wish you the absolute best of luck OP, you have a long, frustrating and perilous journey ahead of you. 😕