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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My wife was skinny when we met but gained about 50lbs after a medical situation. She was overweight for about a year and then started delving more into nutrition to heal her medical condition. She has since lost more than 50lbs and has become obsessive about eating and exercise. We have always ate healthy with the exception of once a week take out and the occasional treat. We have both been very active and always worked out. My wife now works out for 2 hours everyday and is obsessive about her food. She had eliminated many food items claiming to now have an allergy though she had never had any tests done. She has been self diagnosing with things she’s allergic to and needs to supplement. She counts every calorie she eats and has to eat within a certain calorie count. I love that she has taken her health into her own hands, but the obsessiveness and self diagnosis is really starting to worry me. She has become way too skinny and I feel like she is going to get worse. I’m no longer attracted to her since she became too skinny. I do not her to develop an eating disorder or her to pass down her eating habits on future children. How can I gently ask her to see someone who can hopefully help her? [/quote]

[b]Your wife 1000% is suffering from disordered eating.

Disordered eating sits on a broad spectrum between healthy/ordinary eating and eating disorders.

Disordered eating may include similar symptoms and behaviors of eating disorders, however they are at a lesser frequency or lower level of severity -- this includes obsessively counting calories, over exercising, the sufferer's entire world now revolves around food, and the planning of meals, the reading of labels, the counting of calories, etc.
Food is ALWAYS on their mind -- it is an extremly unhealthy & obsessive addiction, and the terrifying grasp this distorder has on the brain is astronomic.

Because, disordered eating doesn't include the mental health challenges of eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, etc) it can be much, much more difficult for friends & loved ones to detect (and much more compelling for those dealing with these insecurities to experiment with).

Are you sure she hasn't crossed over into anorexia or bulimia?  It's very easy to make the transition...

You say that you don't want her to pass down her eating habits on future children... but what if she can't have future children because of her weight?

Women who stop consuming the calories needed and required for menstruation, stop getting their periods -- you cannot get pregnant if you don't get your period.

This has happened to many gymnasts I've worked with... some it took up to 5 years for their menstruation to return to a natural, healthy cycle.

I implore you OP, please do some research on 'disordered eating', as it's much more serious & concerning than it sounds like you're even aware.[/b]

[/quote]

This x one million.

Those who are claiming that this is impericly an "eating disorder", don't understand the rationalizations & intricate differences between "disordered eating" & "eating disorders".

It sounds as if your wife is fully engulfed in the unhealthy behaviors of disordered eating, which like eating disorders are compulsive, all consuming, controlling and downright manic.

The primary issue here, is that her brain is telling her that she is doing a super great job of being so diligent when it comes to eating and her health, and due to this you should likely expect & highly anticipate for, total and complete resistance from her in regards to living life in [u]any[/u] other way because of it.

You need to get professionals involved ASAP.
Start with a support group for yourself - they can recommend a therapist who specializes in disordered eating, a nutritionist that specializes in disordered eating, a life coach who specializes in disordered eating, etc.

* https://centerfordiscovery.com/groups/ is a fantastic resource and they have virtual AND in person support groups.

I'm not going to lie to you; disordered eating & eating disorders aren't a simple mental health challenge, that's because they are a mental health [u]crisis[/u].
The brain is actively working against the addicts best interest, as the major insecurities they have are behind this disorder and are entangled in it, which have a forceful, dangerous & crushing grip.

Please, please, please do [u]not[/u] accuse her of having an eating disorder, as it doesn't sound like she has one... yet.

Accusing her of something that she is not doing will have a detrimental affect on your relationship, as it's comparable to accusing someone of cheating whose never cheated.

In her mind, she'll start questioning everything about you and your relationship after that.
There will be a total lack of trust in you, a lack of faith in your marriage, a lack of confidence in your judgment, and a lack of reliance in your union.

She will not set see it as you being critical of the disorder, she'll think that you're being critical of HER.

She'll become defensive, over-sensitive and hyper vigilant about guarding her new love.
Ultimately, she'll make her disordered eating even harder for you to detect, and in her eyes, harder for you to criticize.

I realize that disordered eating doesn't sound as dangerous or extreme as eating disorders does, but trust me, disordered eating is a quick hop, skip and a jump to eating disorders.

As the PP I quoted said, you really need to do a lot of research and get in touch with a support group that can help you, because it already sounds like what you're dealing with is [u]far[/u] above your pay grade.

Do not approach her until you've spoken to a professional or a strong support in disordered eating and get their advice first.
It will be detrimental if you don't, trust me.

You have to face the fact that in this moment in time, you are not the primary relationship in her life.

She's doting on, devoted to, caring about, protective of, indulging in and affectionate towards her disorder... not you.

I implore you to be optimistic but also realistic.
Disorders reviving food are one of the most powerful & gripping addictions, with a very low success rate at full recovery without regressing or relapse.

This will be a lifetime disorder & addiction.
As with alcoholics, drug addicts, compulsive gamblers, and any other addiction; those suffering from disordered eating & eating disorders are in recovery for life.
They'll never be completely healed, as there are too many triggers in society that can put her right back in the throes of this obsession.

I wish you the absolute best of luck OP, you have a long, frustrating and perilous journey ahead of you. 😕

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