Daycare guilt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My one year old has bawled (tears and screaming) at dropoff and pickup every day since we started daycare at the begining of Sept. He's the only one crying hysterically each morning.

I feel like shit dropping him off every day. At what point do we accept daycare is not for him? If he's still crying in January?

Can you see on the cameras if he’s engaged and having fun during the day? If yes, I’d give it another couple weeks. If he’s sullen and sad all day - yes. Throw in the towel. Daycare/group care may well not be for him.

[Anonymous]

Revisit the nanny thing. Especially if you have WFH flexibility. Or, if you can afford it and inclined to do so, take a break from work for a couple of years. I’m a happy WOHM (with nanny) and always have been, but if I felt like you I would quit in an instant and DH would be fully on board. Life’s too short and kids are too important.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I also felt this way. For me it was as bad with a nanny share though. I went to therapy and decided I just wanted more time with them. I went part time. Leaving them for the morning felt fine. No more horrible pangs. It was the best solution for me.

But everyone is different. Mostly I just don’t think you should have to suffer like this daily. I really suggest talking to a therapist. There’s got to be a solution that won’t make you feel gutted every day.

Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Are you feeling this way because of 1) leaving your kids period, regardless of childcare type 2) because it’s center based daycare? I’m not sure which it is based on your post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im OP. My kids are 1 and 3.

We have been through a few nannies that we liked, but weren't as covid safe as the daycare we are in (older DD was there pre pandemic). My kids were getting no social time because we didnt know if the random park friends were on our risk level/vaccinated etc.

I feel guilt that im not there with them. Mostly with my 1yo. 3yo is in love with the place!!! But my 1yo... I just see her toddling around there and feel like I have abandoned her. It just feels so wrong. I honestly want to cry just thinking about it

You might have ppd, check with your doctors.

DCUM loves to throw around PPD. It’s so sad that it might be considered a mental illness to miss your 1yo terribly when you’re away from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My one year old has bawled (tears and screaming) at dropoff and pickup every day since we started daycare at the begining of Sept. He's the only one crying hysterically each morning.

I feel like shit dropping him off every day. At what point do we accept daycare is not for him? If he's still crying in January?

He’s crying at dropout AND pickup? And how is he in between? Maybe it’s the transition, any transition?

[Anonymous]

Was your older child a baby when you left her at daycare? Did you have the same feelings then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im OP. My kids are 1 and 3.

We have been through a few nannies that we liked, but weren't as covid safe as the daycare we are in (older DD was there pre pandemic). My kids were getting no social time because we didnt know if the random park friends were on our risk level/vaccinated etc.

I feel guilt that im not there with them. Mostly with my 1yo. 3yo is in love with the place!!! But my 1yo... I just see her toddling around there and feel like I have abandoned her. It just feels so wrong. I honestly want to cry just thinking about it

You might have ppd, check with your doctors.

DCUM loves to throw around PPD. It’s so sad that it might be considered a mental illness to miss your 1yo terribly when you’re away from her.

Wouldn’t OP miss both her kids if that were the case? OP cries thinking about her baby in daycare when she’s home with her baby! That’s far beyond missing.

[Anonymous]

I opened this thread because I misread the title and thought it said “Daycare quilt,” and I was interested in reading about quilting, lol. But now that I’m here, I’ll share something with you. I’m a SAHM. I used to feel so much guilt over having my kids at home with me rather than at a daycare setting because I’m no expert on early childhood development, and I didn’t have a curriculum or cool school supplies, and I didn’t know what was “normal” for kids their age, and I had no formal experience with children, and 95% of my kids’ socialization was only with each other. All the kids I knew who were in daycare were well socialized and bright and busy doing fun things and had structured days, and I imagined they could run circles around my kids. I’ve also worried a lot about the fact that I’m not modeling being a working professional for them.

Mommy guilt is real and we all feel it, no matter what choices we make. If you didn’t feel guilty about this, you’d be beating yourself up about something else. I agree with a pp that if this thought persists and is intrusive, even though your daycare is great and your children are thriving, you probably should talk to your doctor about possible ppd.

[Anonymous]

Nobody wants to hear this, but it is totally unnatural for mammals to abandon their infant for 8-10 hours a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody wants to hear this, but it is totally unnatural for mammals to abandon their infant for 8-10 hours a day.

Her youngest isn’t an infant, PP. And countless mammals leave their offspring even younger than a year.

[Anonymous]

Are you currently working from home, OP? If yes, get a nanny for your baby for the next six months and reevaluate in the summer. A one year old doesn’t need socialization but does benefit greatly from one-on-one attention from a living caregiver. And a good nanny will keep your baby engaged and safe. And you can see her a few times during the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I opened this thread because I misread the title and thought it said “Daycare quilt,” and I was interested in reading about quilting, lol. But now that I’m here, I’ll share something with you. I’m a SAHM. I used to feel so much guilt over having my kids at home with me rather than at a daycare setting because I’m no expert on early childhood development, and I didn’t have a curriculum or cool school supplies, and I didn’t know what was “normal” for kids their age, and I had no formal experience with children, and 95% of my kids’ socialization was only with each other. All the kids I knew who were in daycare were well socialized and bright and busy doing fun things and had structured days, and I imagined they could run circles around my kids. I’ve also worried a lot about the fact that I’m not modeling being a working professional for them.

Mommy guilt is real and we all feel it, no matter what choices we make. If you didn’t feel guilty about this, you’d be beating yourself up about something else. I agree with a pp that if this thought persists and is intrusive, even though your daycare is great and your children are thriving, you probably should talk to your doctor about possible ppd.

NP. Your kids will be awesome because you are a thoughtful and kind person. What a compassionate post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody wants to hear this, but it is totally unnatural for mammals to abandon their infant for 8-10 hours a day.

Most mammals don’t wear clothing, can’t read or write, and don’t work for a living. What’s your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody wants to hear this, but it is totally unnatural for mammals to abandon their infant for 8-10 hours a day.

I see you are no biologist.