The other side - being the sister my siblings are jealous of

[Anonymous]

You know, I could relate to some of the stuff in your post (I also had my kid later in life than my sister and experienced some resentment from her because of our different experiences), but overall your one is so obnoxious and exhausting that I just can't.

Yes, sometimes people envy others. It's actually something to be empathetic to, especially when it's a family member. They envy you because of disappointment/frustration in their own lives.

You sound awful. I don't think navigating around your sisters' feelings would be that hard. It sounds like you want them to congratulate you on making all the right choices and for being the best sister, which you need to understand will never, ever happen. You have serious issues with competition and being unable to relate to your sisters in an empathetic way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tough crowd as always OP. Don't know why so many posters here have to be so mean. I am the middle of 3 sisters and it is not always easy to navigate. Only you know if your sibling relationship are worth saving.

Anyway, I hear you and feel bad for you. People often stink as demonstrated on this thread!

Why do you feel bad for her? She seems to think she’s perfect.

NP. I don't think she thinks she's perfect. But a lot of people on DCUM can't face that actions and choices do, in fact, have both upsides and downsides. If you choose to eat whatever and not exercise, you have no right to make fun of someone else for being healthy. If you choose a profession that isn't lucrative (but very well may make you happy, and use your gifts, which is great!), you shouldn't whine about others having more money than you.

I used to work for a law firm (staff position, not an attorney), and made a lot more money than I do now. But I didn't like the culture/hours/pressure, so I now work for a university. I'm happier, but don't have as much money as I used to. I don't make snippy comments or get jealous about my friends and former colleagues who still make that money. Good for them!

[Anonymous]

I'm assuming you're a troll, but if you're not, I can see why your sisters talk about you behind your back. You sound just awful.

[Anonymous]

My hunch is that they feel that you consider yourself superior to them based on your lifestyle and choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tough crowd as always OP. Don't know why so many posters here have to be so mean. I am the middle of 3 sisters and it is not always easy to navigate. Only you know if your sibling relationship are worth saving.

Anyway, I hear you and feel bad for you. People often stink as demonstrated on this thread!

OP clearly gloats and flaunts her wealth and hasn't told us about the snide, somewhat catty remarks she makes to her sisters like "Oooh, I would never eat that piece of cake, it will make me fat, but you go ahead and eat whatever makes you happy, you only live once, LOLOL!" or "I'm just so fortunate DH and I have lucrative careers that allows to afford to serve filet mignon for dinner!" or "I'm glad we waited to have children because we can afford to take them on amazing vacations that they'll remember for a lifetime!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tough crowd as always OP. Don't know why so many posters here have to be so mean. I am the middle of 3 sisters and it is not always easy to navigate. Only you know if your sibling relationship are worth saving.

Anyway, I hear you and feel bad for you. People often stink as demonstrated on this thread!

Why do you feel bad for her? She seems to think she’s perfect.

NP. I don't think she thinks she's perfect. But a lot of people on DCUM can't face that actions and choices do, in fact, have both upsides and downsides. If you choose to eat whatever and not exercise, you have no right to make fun of someone else for being healthy. If you choose a profession that isn't lucrative (but very well may make you happy, and use your gifts, which is great!), you shouldn't whine about others having more money than you.

I used to work for a law firm (staff position, not an attorney), and made a lot more money than I do now. But I didn't like the culture/hours/pressure, so I now work for a university. I'm happier, but don't have as much money as I used to. I don't make snippy comments or get jealous about my friends and former colleagues who still make that money. Good for them!

But OP repeatedly says that they don't make these comments to her face. It sounds like (1) her mom encourages this infighting by telling OP about things her sister has said, and (2) OP is making a lot of assumptions about how her sisters feel and what they think about her life but that they don't really talk about it. This is an unhealthy family dynamic OP is definitely contributing to.

Also, jealousy is just something that happens. I don't know why people think it's something you can control. It's something you respond to. The negative thing is not the jealousy itself, it's the way people handle it. And just FYI, people who are the subjects of jealousy can contribute to negative outcomes by gloating, bragging, and acting superior. Like OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, I could relate to some of the stuff in your post (I also had my kid later in life than my sister and experienced some resentment from her because of our different experiences), but overall your tone is so obnoxious and exhausting that I just can't.

Yes, sometimes people envy others. It's actually something to be empathetic to, especially when it's a family member. They envy you because of disappointment/frustration in their own lives.

You sound awful. I don't think navigating around your sisters' feelings would be that hard. It sounds like you want them to congratulate you on making all the right choices and for being the best sister, which you need to understand will never, ever happen. You have serious issues with competition and being unable to relate to your sisters in an empathetic way.

+1

My sister is very envious of me, and some of that is driven by assumptions that are way off-base (complaining that DH and I own our home; I slept on a mattress on the floor in grad school, it's not like I walked into money). OTOH, we're very different people, and I have a crap-ton of discipline that has long come easier to me than it seems to for most people, including her. Point being, it's not all my invisible work that differentiates us: I won the genetic lottery in many ways that she did not.

[Anonymous]

The secret workout thing was a red flag to me. “When my sisters weren’t around” —op, why did you have to hide your fitness when you were a teen? That made the whole thread a little sour to me.

Have you talked to them? I’m guessing you don’t have good communication/rapport with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
People are born with different personalities and willpower, OP. You have enough willpower to exercise and work for long-term goals, and are lucky that you don't have a sweet tooth - never forget that you were born with a predisposition to make those decisions, even though it might feel to you that you worked really hard and suffered to get to where you are. It's harder for some people than for others.

I sympathize with you regarding petty comments, though. My mother and her siblings aren't very emotionally mature and also tend to get into petty and jealous behavior. It's exhausting and unproductive and I have no idea why they can't see it poisons the atmosphere. My father's siblings don't do that, and my in-laws don't do that either.

I agree with this take. OP might come across as a bit overly proud of her life and choices without recognizing what PP points out. That being said, I also would find the petty comments hurtful. Maybe OP can come back and tell us when she started noticing these from her sisters, and whether she's contributed in any way to making them feel inferior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The secret workout thing was a red flag to me. “When my sisters weren’t around” —op, why did you have to hide your fitness when you were a teen? That made the whole thread a little sour to me.

Have you talked to them? I’m guessing you don’t have good communication/rapport with them.

NP. Wowwwwww, so as a *teenager,* OP should have handled body image issues and navigating how to be healthy with no shame or hang-ups like an adult? Wow. Hope your daughter or son doesn't struggle with finding balance when it comes to their changing bodies, societal pressure, body image issues and anxiety/control issues.

[Anonymous]

I also have two sisters and one of them sounds like OP; extremely competitive and constantly seeking validation for making what I think she wants to believe are the “right” life choices. All of us are successful and happy but doing different things with our lives. The sister that doesn’t do this and I are extremely close but the more competitive one has somewhat of a grating personality. We do love her but I wish she would just let her guards down sometimes and let go of the need to always be “winning”.

You’re here calling your sisters skinny fat and insinuating that they had kids too young and should have done what you did. Maybe these judgments aren’t as well hidden from them as you think they are. Even labeling yourself as the sister everyone is jealous of seems a bit presumptuous. I’m not convinced this attitude is entirely concealed in your interactions with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My hunch is that they feel that you consider yourself superior to them based on your lifestyle and choices.

Hold on, I was one of the posters ribbing op, but I have to call that^ out. Petty people imagine that the objects of their bitterness think certain things. The truth is op has made good choices which contribute to good health and happiness. She doesn't think she's superior (I hope), she probably looks and acts happy and that triggers her petty sisters.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your family doesn't function very well. In your examples, your mother shared gossip with you that may or may not be true, and your sisters seem to feel you're taking something away from them when you succeed: zero sum game. That's pretty tough, OP. I can see why you feel exhausted. It sounds wearing and depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My hunch is that they feel that you consider yourself superior to them based on your lifestyle and choices.

Hold on, I was one of the posters ribbing op, but I have to call that^ out. Petty people imagine that the objects of their bitterness think certain things. The truth is op has made good choices which contribute to good health and happiness. She doesn't think she's superior (I hope), she probably looks and acts happy and that triggers her petty sisters.

DP, and the point that I and others were making is that those "good choices" weren't entirely under OP's control, as she seems to assume they were. Most teens don't have the discipline to workout daily, at least when no one's holding you accountable, like on a sports team. I had that discipline, too, and I can tell you that very, very few people do. It's just the way I was born and the OP bragging about it doesn't sit well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also have two sisters and one of them sounds like OP; extremely competitive and constantly seeking validation for making what I think she wants to believe are the “right” life choices. All of us are successful and happy but doing different things with our lives. The sister that doesn’t do this and I are extremely close but the more competitive one has somewhat of a grating personality. We do love her but I wish she would just let her guards down sometimes and let go of the need to always be “winning”.

You’re here calling your sisters skinny fat and insinuating that they had kids too young and should have done what you did. Maybe these judgments aren’t as well hidden from them as you think they are. Even labeling yourself as the sister everyone is jealous of seems a bit presumptuous. I’m not convinced this attitude is entirely concealed in your interactions with them.

+1

I also notice OP seemed to imply that her sisters have only themselves to blame for not having as much money because one is a school teacher and the other became a SAHM after getting a graduate degree. I am a working mom and I make more than school teachers do, but I can't imagine talking about family members this way. I have teachers in my family and I have such admiration for what they do -- I brag on them all the time because I think it's so great they've decided to use their talents and effort in this way. And I also have SAHMs in my family and know they work hard and that choice was generally driven by a real love of being a mom and desire to do right by their kids. Just because society doesn't reward these endeavors the same way it rewards a corporate accountant is not something to act superior about.

And I say that as someone with a well-paying, corporate job who has a sister who is a SAHM and who complains about money. We don't have an amazing relationship for other reasons, but I would never talk sh*t about her choice to be a SAHM. She is a great mom.