The other side - being the sister my siblings are jealous of

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is like a humblebrag without the humble.

You mean a brag. There's a word for it, you know.

[Anonymous]

OP, serious question, have you ever suspected you might have ASD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have two sisters and one of them sounds like OP; extremely competitive and constantly seeking validation for making what I think she wants to believe are the “right” life choices. All of us are successful and happy but doing different things with our lives. The sister that doesn’t do this and I are extremely close but the more competitive one has somewhat of a grating personality. We do love her but I wish she would just let her guards down sometimes and let go of the need to always be “winning”.

You’re here calling your sisters skinny fat and insinuating that they had kids too young and should have done what you did. Maybe these judgments aren’t as well hidden from them as you think they are. Even labeling yourself as the sister everyone is jealous of seems a bit presumptuous. I’m not convinced this attitude is entirely concealed in your interactions with them.

+1

I also notice OP seemed to imply that her sisters have only themselves to blame for not having as much money because one is a school teacher and the other became a SAHM after getting a graduate degree. I am a working mom and I make more than school teachers do, but I can't imagine talking about family members this way. I have teachers in my family and I have such admiration for what they do -- I brag on them all the time because I think it's so great they've decided to use their talents and effort in this way. And I also have SAHMs in my family and know they work hard and that choice was generally driven by a real love of being a mom and desire to do right by their kids. Just because society doesn't reward these endeavors the same way it rewards a corporate accountant is not something to act superior about.

And I say that as someone with a well-paying, corporate job who has a sister who is a SAHM and who complains about money. We don't have an amazing relationship for other reasons, but I would never talk sh*t about her choice to be a SAHM. She is a great mom.

I have sympathy for op because I've seen this dynamic in my family and in my dh's. Dh was quiet and studious and worked very hard and got into a great college and worked his ass off when he got his job post college. He has been very successful and had a brother who was a party boy who never studied and barely graduated from his college. He found a blue collar job that worked for his lifestyle and allowed him to party all the time. He and a sister didn't value education at all. They both resented every penny my dh made and everything he ever bought even though dh was miserly with money and saved like a maniac. Dh worked 12-14 hour days on very stressful projects. They would insult him at every turn at family get togethers and I was surprised the parents never admonished them. They were all very blue collar at the core and instead of being proud of him they resented him rising above. They also regularly expected him to give them money whenever they screwed up and got dwis or whatever.

+1

Yup. Add people pleaser personality, and your'e screwed, you can do no right - in that kind of family.

[Anonymous]

My sisters are more professionally successful but I am the only one who has maintained a regular exercise routine and healthy weight. We were all in the gifted program. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. But I do have other obsessions and compulsions. They just happen to be less visible and socially acceptable. Is that the case for you too, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sisters are more professionally successful but I am the only one who has maintained a regular exercise routine and healthy weight. We were all in the gifted program. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. But I do have other obsessions and compulsions. They just happen to be less visible and socially acceptable. Is that the case for you too, OP?

Dp. This is me. My sisters have said I think I'm better than them. I told them, if they knew where my mind goes and what I think, they'd appreciate their lives so much more.

[Anonymous]

What creates the difficulty is the fact that other people treat you differently based on your appearance when you are in public. I SAH but my sisters are making a mark in academia and IT while raising amazing kids. They do not depend on their spouses financially. They have accomplished more but people would say that I am not "less than" because DH has worked hard to provide us with financial stability that allows me to indulge in the "artisanal mothering" of our DDs. My older sister has often said she wished she could trade places. She is my heroine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's nothing more than 2 women being catty. You all just happen to be sisters. There's 3 of you, one of you is going to be/feel excluded. And it's you. They have more in common. they just do. Even if there wasn't judging going on. Sorry. They aren't your friends. Accept. And enjoy your other friends

It’s unfortunate but they are bonding over gossiping and judging you. Either ignore it or be more open and vulnerable about your struggles too. Your real struggles, not just something superficial. I get the feeling that you portray life as being all roses around them (maybe it is and that’s wonderful for you)! But as we age, most folks experience real issues. And that can make you more relatable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
People are born with different personalities and willpower, OP. You have enough willpower to exercise and work for long-term goals, and are lucky that you don't have a sweet tooth - never forget that you were born with a predisposition to make those decisions, even though it might feel to you that you worked really hard and suffered to get to where you are. It's harder for some people than for others.

I sympathize with you regarding petty comments, though. My mother and her siblings aren't very emotionally mature and also tend to get into petty and jealous behavior. It's exhausting and unproductive and I have no idea why they can't see it poisons the atmosphere. My father's siblings don't do that, and my in-laws don't do that either.

This is such a lie. Have you seen the size of theater seats from decades past? Americans are obese. We are born with a predisposition to move our bodies. We aren't meant to sit for hours at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's nothing more than 2 women being catty. You all just happen to be sisters. There's 3 of you, one of you is going to be/feel excluded. And it's you. They have more in common. they just do. Even if there wasn't judging going on. Sorry. They aren't your friends. Accept. And enjoy your other friends

It’s unfortunate but they are bonding over gossiping and judging you. Either ignore it or be more open and vulnerable about your struggles too. Your real struggles, not just something superficial. I get the feeling that you portray life as being all roses around them (maybe it is and that’s wonderful for you)! But as we age, most folks experience real issues. And that can make you more relatable.

Don’t do this, OP; don’t change for people who are deliberately unkind to you. I strongly dislike the dynamic of women only liking other women who show vulnerability and imperfection at all times. Some of us are genuinely more optimistic and/or private with our struggles, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I’m tired of the pressure to be more “real” to people who don’t accept me for who I am, who judge me for being different, and who apparently watch and monitor me very closely, hoping to find fault. No thanks. I don’t need to change myself in order for people to find me more “relatable.” I have friends and family who relate to me just fine for who I am and the time it takes me to feel comfortable sharing the deep stuff, even if it’s longer than they might take themselves.

[Anonymous]

Why would you secretly work out in your bedroom? Why not include them? That is telling to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you secretly work out in your bedroom? Why not include them? That is telling to me.

She was a teenager at the time. You’re an awful parent if you don’t get that teens can struggle with body image, social pressures and weight issues. It’s pretty telling of YOU that you don’t get that.

[Anonymous]

OP, please give yourself a round of applause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two sisters (I'm the middle one), we were all given pretty and thin genetics. My sisters gossip about me and think I don't know. One has had temper tantrums about me and saying things aren't fair (we're all adults). I've seen some posts lately about people being jealous of their sisters. I wanted to share this because it shows the other side of things - my sisters think my life is perfect.

- All through middle and high school I worked out in my bedroom when my sister wasn't there to see. I developed a little workout routine and stuck to it for years. One sister has never worked out and complains about having no energy and is skinny-fat. The other sister half-heartedly works out every couple of months for a week or two and gets really into the clothes and equipment and then gives up, plus has a sweet tooth. They always tease me about having a secret personal trainer that I won't admit to. I don't have one. I just move my body every day, don't snack and don't like sweets.

- I had my friend group in HS, but also befriended the smart kids, and studied with them. Multiple times I used babysitting money to hire them to tutor me before midterms and finals to get good grades. I also got tutoring in college, and became a CPA at a big accounting firm. One sister majored in philosophy and is a SAHM and the other became an elementary school teacher. They alternately make fun of me for having a boring career or thinking i'm more important than they are because I can't attend every family gathering (sometimes I have to travel for work, which neither of them do).

- We all have either two or three kids. DH and I purposely waited until our mid 30's to have kids. We talked a lot about what kind of parents we wanted to be and what was important to us in raising kids. We care a lot about having kind and well behaved kids, and will take them outside if their behavior goes south. Both my sisters had kids in their 20's and expressed jealousy to my mom (who told me, which I wish she hadn't) that at my baby shower for my first, we were given really nice gifts. Probably because most guests were more established in their careers at our age, and DH and I are a lawyer and CPA, so our friends tend to be similar.

- If DH and I do anything nice for any one person in the family and my sisters find out they get very upset it wasn't done for them too. If we do anything they can't afford to do, they comment negatively on it even if they benefit from it, like when we served filet mignon for the first dinner we had all together after we were all vaccinated. Everyone was happy to eat it, and we only got it because it was a celebratory dinner, but I overheard my sisters commenting that of course we would make fancy steak. THey didn't care that we were hosting, they didn't bring anything or help clean up, and they ate and drank everything we served.

It is exhausting navigating around them. And they probably think I have no idea that they make so many comments.

This is the best part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your bedroom workout? Genuinely curious.

In middle school I would alternate doing crunches and push ups each day. Then I was talking to a guy friend in 10th grade who explained the concept of legs/abs days and arms/back days, and I added a couple of exercises. Then in college I took yoga for gym credit and got really into that, and since then have done 20 minutes of yoga each morning. I do weights 3 times a week for about ten minutes.

This is hardly working out. The fact that you think this is brag worthy is prettt hysterical

Yeah sounds like you lucked out with being skinny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is like a humblebrag without the humble.

Yes, it does. And very detailed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My hunch is that they feel that you consider yourself superior to them based on your lifestyle and choices.

Hold on, I was one of the posters ribbing op, but I have to call that^ out. Petty people imagine that the objects of their bitterness think certain things. The truth is op has made good choices which contribute to good health and happiness. She doesn't think she's superior (I hope), she probably looks and acts happy and that triggers her petty sisters.

I'm not sure why she has her sisters' opinions apparently living in her head all the time, if she is really that happy. It seems like someone who was really happy and fulfilled, and loving and generous because of their own good life, would not have ever thought to write the original post. Interesting.