Girlfriend Won’t Take Advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So are you giving her advice or instructions?

Exactly. Just tell her you are too immature to give your opinion to someone who won't change their mind to agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. You’re giving her advice. She doesn’t take the advice. But she’s also mad you aren’t giving her advice?

OP here. She asked for my advice, I told her what my dad said about it being a waste of money, and then she decided to do it anyway. She will ask my advice on colors, etc., and then get annoyed when I tell her I like something different. When I told her I’m not giving her anymore advice, she got mad and said I’m unsupportive.

For the first example of your dad saying something was a waste of money... You can't really fault her for coming to her own conclusion. You and your dad were just PART of her decision making process. She is still free to make her own decisions. Getting huffy about that makes you seem arrogant.

As for your second example of her getting annoyed because you liked something different, what do you mean?

Saying you won't give her advice anymore can come off as "oh poor me, nobody listens to me, I guess I must be worthless." It's obnoxious.

OP here. My dad is trying to save her money. She wants to do two nice bathrooms but she will not the get the money back when she sells. She plans to fully rip one out and put in a standing bathtub and separate shower. For a condo in the $300k range, she will not get her money back. There is a thing as making designs too nice for the price. She has decided to do it anyway even though my dad told her she is not likely to get her money back.

She will ask about samples and I tell her all to pick the cheaper option because paying top price won’t get her money back. She gets mad and goes with the other one.

I don’t care what she does. Its her property. I do get annoyed when she asks for my advice and then gets mad when I don’t agree with her. I told her last time she asked that I’m not giving anymore advice because she gets mad at me. She told me I was being unsupportive.

She has been complaining about all the work she had to do and how hard the process it is. When I try to give her advice, she gets mad.

I’m just tired of it. She’s putting way too much into a condo that she will never get her money back. She needs to stop complaining because it’s her choice.

Yeah, that sounds really annoying. Sounds like you need to be really clear with her and then hold firm with that boundary.

“Sally, this is your condo to sell. We’re getting into too many arguments. From now on, it’s not a topic we can discuss. Any questions you have need to go to someone else. Any advice or suggestions I have, I will keep to myself. That’s it.” Then when she brings it up or asks you something, remind her of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. You’re giving her advice. She doesn’t take the advice. But she’s also mad you aren’t giving her advice?

OP here. She asked for my advice, I told her what my dad said about it being a waste of money, and then she decided to do it anyway. She will ask my advice on colors, etc., and then get annoyed when I tell her I like something different. When I told her I’m not giving her anymore advice, she got mad and said I’m unsupportive.

For the first example of your dad saying something was a waste of money... You can't really fault her for coming to her own conclusion. You and your dad were just PART of her decision making process. She is still free to make her own decisions. Getting huffy about that makes you seem arrogant.

As for your second example of her getting annoyed because you liked something different, what do you mean?

Saying you won't give her advice anymore can come off as "oh poor me, nobody listens to me, I guess I must be worthless." It's obnoxious.

OP here. My dad is trying to save her money. She wants to do two nice bathrooms but she will not the get the money back when she sells. She plans to fully rip one out and put in a standing bathtub and separate shower. For a condo in the $300k range, she will not get her money back. There is a thing as making designs too nice for the price. She has decided to do it anyway even though my dad told her she is not likely to get her money back.

She will ask about samples and I tell her all to pick the cheaper option because paying top price won’t get her money back. She gets mad and goes with the other one.

I don’t care what she does. Its her property. I do get annoyed when she asks for my advice and then gets mad when I don’t agree with her. I told her last time she asked that I’m not giving anymore advice because she gets mad at me. She told me I was being unsupportive.

She has been complaining about all the work she had to do and how hard the process it is. When I try to give her advice, she gets mad.

I’m just tired of it. She’s putting way too much into a condo that she will never get her money back. She needs to stop complaining because it’s her choice.

She sounds like a drama queen to be honest and very unrealistic. You shouldn’t be fighting about something like this. Imagine when it’s both of your money involved?

[Anonymous]

It’s her money. She doesn’t have to get it back.

She should stop asking your advice because you get upset that she doesn’t follow it...which you should realize any adult has the right not to.

She shouldn’t sell her condo because you are going to be a nightmare to live with.

[Anonymous]

You two do not sound very compatible. I think it would be better for her to keep her condo than sell it and move in with you. If you’re not certain you’re in the relationship for the duration, be decent enough to admit that to her before she goes through with selling her place.

[Anonymous]

You better get on the same page about money before you take your relationship to the next level.

Do you always listen to your Dad with financial decisions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. You’re giving her advice. She doesn’t take the advice. But she’s also mad you aren’t giving her advice?

OP here. She asked for my advice, I told her what my dad said about it being a waste of money, and then she decided to do it anyway. She will ask my advice on colors, etc., and then get annoyed when I tell her I like something different. When I told her I’m not giving her anymore advice, she got mad and said I’m unsupportive.

For the first example of your dad saying something was a waste of money... You can't really fault her for coming to her own conclusion. You and your dad were just PART of her decision making process. She is still free to make her own decisions. Getting huffy about that makes you seem arrogant.

As for your second example of her getting annoyed because you liked something different, what do you mean?

Saying you won't give her advice anymore can come off as "oh poor me, nobody listens to me, I guess I must be worthless." It's obnoxious.

DP if someone ask for advice from someone in the trade and you ignore it ..fine. It’s your money and time. If that same person ask about color selection but get butt hurt when you give it(and starts a fight) ….that is obnoxious and childish. His girlfriend needs to grow up. So if OP is smart he would stop give advice or opinions when his gf ask. She does not want his advice or opinions only validation. If she does not get validation she attacks him. Some how in your world OP should continue to be abused by his girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a drama queen to be honest and very unrealistic. You shouldn’t be fighting about something like this. Imagine when it’s both of your money involved?

+1

Tell her you’ve changed your mind about having her move in with you. You need to think more carefully about whether she’s really “the one” for you. She doesn’t seem to respect you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You better get on the same page about money before you take your relationship to the next level.

Do you always listen to your Dad with financial decisions?

OP here. No. My dad doesn’t give me much financial advice except for when I was young. She asked him about remodeling because he used to do construction as a side business. She wants to spend about $20k with two bath remodels and he told her not to do it. She is look at expensive stuff like marble and floating tubs for a condo in the $300k range. She will be wasting her money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You better get on the same page about money before you take your relationship to the next level.

Do you always listen to your Dad with financial decisions?

OP here. No. My dad doesn’t give me much financial advice except for when I was young. She asked him about remodeling because he used to do construction as a side business. She wants to spend about $20k with two bath remodels and he told her not to do it. She is look at expensive stuff like marble and floating tubs for a condo in the $300k range. She will be wasting her money.

You seem really fixated on what she does with HER money.
She’s allowed to listen to you and decide that’s not what she’s going to do with HER money.
You bringing up your Dad doesn’t make you correct. It’s HER money and she’s allowed to value what she wants to.
It’s YOUR OPINION that she’s wasting her money and she doesn’t have do what you or your Dad think is “correct”.

Looking at your writing and fixation, it seems to me that you feel she volunteered to “submit” to you by agreeing to move in with you and thus you feel entitled to tell her how to spend her money. If any part of this is true, break up. If your thinking this way, I would tell my own daughter to RUN as this line of thinking allows men to be ok abusing women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
She sounds like a drama queen to be honest and very unrealistic. You shouldn’t be fighting about something like this. Imagine when it’s both of your money involved?

+1

Tell her you’ve changed your mind about having her move in with you. You need to think more carefully about whether she’s really “the one” for you. She doesn’t seem to respect you.

Abusive men accuse women of not “respecting” them when really it is the woman had the audacity to disagree with him. Men who say the “respect” dog whistle show themselves for the MRA/ Trumpers they are. It’s really him who’s not respecting her as this is her decision and he’s badgering her.

I agree they should break up. She can do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You better get on the same page about money before you take your relationship to the next level.

Do you always listen to your Dad with financial decisions?

OP here. No. My dad doesn’t give me much financial advice except for when I was young. She asked him about remodeling because he used to do construction as a side business. She wants to spend about $20k with two bath remodels and he told her not to do it. She is look at expensive stuff like marble and floating tubs for a condo in the $300k range. She will be wasting her money.

You seem really fixated on what she does with HER money.
She’s allowed to listen to you and decide that’s not what she’s going to do with HER money.
You bringing up your Dad doesn’t make you correct. It’s HER money and she’s allowed to value what she wants to.
It’s YOUR OPINION that she’s wasting her money and she doesn’t have do what you or your Dad think is “correct”.

Looking at your writing and fixation, it seems to me that you feel she volunteered to “submit” to you by agreeing to move in with you and thus you feel entitled to tell her how to spend her money. If any part of this is true, break up. If your thinking this way, I would tell my own daughter to RUN as this line of thinking allows men to be ok abusing women.

OP here. None of this is true. I’m not looking for her to “ submit” to me. I like that she is a strong woman. My issue is with her complaining to me everyday about it but won’t take any advice. When I do offer or she asks for advice, she never takes it. If she doesn’t want any advice, she needs to stop complaining about it. She complains how much work and money she is spending. I’m just tired of hearing about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You better get on the same page about money before you take your relationship to the next level.

Do you always listen to your Dad with financial decisions?

OP here. No. My dad doesn’t give me much financial advice except for when I was young. She asked him about remodeling because he used to do construction as a side business. She wants to spend about $20k with two bath remodels and he told her not to do it. She is look at expensive stuff like marble and floating tubs for a condo in the $300k range. She will be wasting her money.

You seem really fixated on what she does with HER money.
She’s allowed to listen to you and decide that’s not what she’s going to do with HER money.
You bringing up your Dad doesn’t make you correct. It’s HER money and she’s allowed to value what she wants to.
It’s YOUR OPINION that she’s wasting her money and she doesn’t have do what you or your Dad think is “correct”.

Looking at your writing and fixation, it seems to me that you feel she volunteered to “submit” to you by agreeing to move in with you and thus you feel entitled to tell her how to spend her money. If any part of this is true, break up. If your thinking this way, I would tell my own daughter to RUN as this line of thinking allows men to be ok abusing women.

OP here. None of this is true. I’m not looking for her to “ submit” to me. I like that she is a strong woman. My issue is with her complaining to me everyday about it but won’t take any advice. When I do offer or she asks for advice, she never takes it. If she doesn’t want any advice, she needs to stop complaining about it. She complains how much work and money she is spending. I’m just tired of hearing about it.

DP. Then you should rethink having her move in, because it doesn’t sound like you two area good fit. When she’s complaining, she wants you to listen and sympathize, not try to fix everything for her. You can’t give her that and then get pissed off that she won’t do what you tell her to. This conflict isn’t going to get better if you’re not willing to change (because the alternative where she changes to withhold everything from you unless she’s willing to do what you say is toxic to a relationship), so don’t have her move in.

It sounds like she’s working hard to make her condo beautiful to her tastes. Don’t let her sell it just to break up six months later. Care about her more than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. You’re giving her advice. She doesn’t take the advice. But she’s also mad you aren’t giving her advice?

OP here. She asked for my advice, I told her what my dad said about it being a waste of money, and then she decided to do it anyway. She will ask my advice on colors, etc., and then get annoyed when I tell her I like something different. When I told her I’m not giving her anymore advice, she got mad and said I’m unsupportive.

For the first example of your dad saying something was a waste of money... You can't really fault her for coming to her own conclusion. You and your dad were just PART of her decision making process. She is still free to make her own decisions. Getting huffy about that makes you seem arrogant.

As for your second example of her getting annoyed because you liked something different, what do you mean?

Saying you won't give her advice anymore can come off as "oh poor me, nobody listens to me, I guess I must be worthless." It's obnoxious.

OP here. My dad is trying to save her money. She wants to do two nice bathrooms but she will not the get the money back when she sells. She plans to fully rip one out and put in a standing bathtub and separate shower. For a condo in the $300k range, she will not get her money back. There is a thing as making designs too nice for the price. She has decided to do it anyway even though my dad told her she is not likely to get her money back.

She will ask about samples and I tell her all to pick the cheaper option because paying top price won’t get her money back. She gets mad and goes with the other one.

I don’t care what she does. Its her property. I do get annoyed when she asks for my advice and then gets mad when I don’t agree with her. I told her last time she asked that I’m not giving anymore advice because she gets mad at me. She told me I was being unsupportive.

She has been complaining about all the work she had to do and how hard the process it is. When I try to give her advice, she gets mad.

I’m just tired of it. She’s putting way too much into a condo that she will never get her money back. She needs to stop complaining because it’s her choice.

When you make comments like the bolded, you’re not giving her the type of feedback she’s looking for (i.e., which one looks nicer), you’re throwing it back in her face that you think she’s making a dumb choice by doing this at all. Of course she’s getting pissed of, she doesn’t need constant judgment and criticism from her boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

OP, the only advice you should take from this thread is to break up with your girlfriend. She is the problem, not you.