Girlfriend Won’t Take Advice

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend is planning to sell her condo and move in with me. She has been making some improvements to get top dollar. She has asked for my advice and my dads ( worked in construction on the side) but gets mad when we give her advice she doesn’t want. She has decided to do cosmetic changes - painting cabinets, new paint, new fixture, etc. She has decided she wants to redo the bathrooms entirely with new shower tile, new floors, and new vanity countertops. I told her not to because yes unlikely she will get her money back. She has been asking for my advice but then turns it down, but gets mad when I won’t give her any advice. We are getting into fights over it. How can I navigate this meow smoothly?

[Anonymous]

It’s simple. Give her advice when she asks then keep
your mouth shut when she decides to do something else w/ her own property and money.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand. You’re giving her advice. She doesn’t take the advice. But she’s also mad you aren’t giving her advice?

[Anonymous]

Is she asking for advice on HOW to do something and you’re answering IF she should do something?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't bother with the bathrooms but her choice. Is she expecting you to do it/free labor?

[Anonymous]

Kick her to da curb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. You’re giving her advice. She doesn’t take the advice. But she’s also mad you aren’t giving her advice?

OP here. She asked for my advice, I told her what my dad said about it being a waste of money, and then she decided to do it anyway. She will ask my advice on colors, etc., and then get annoyed when I tell her I like something different. When I told her I’m not giving her anymore advice, she got mad and said I’m unsupportive.

[Anonymous]

Why are you getting into fights about it? She is asking for your thoughts to help her make a decision, but that does not obligate her to do what you say. She can weigh your opinion thoughtfully and still decide to go in another direction. Take your ego out of it and things will go a lot smoother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. You’re giving her advice. She doesn’t take the advice. But she’s also mad you aren’t giving her advice?

OP here. She asked for my advice, I told her what my dad said about it being a waste of money, and then she decided to do it anyway. She will ask my advice on colors, etc., and then get annoyed when I tell her I like something different. When I told her I’m not giving her anymore advice, she got mad and said I’m unsupportive.

I think he details of these conversations matter. If she’s asking whether you think gray or blue would look better and you’re saying both are bad and she should go with white, that could rub her the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kick her to da curb

Honestly , this. But you won't come to this conclusion for yourself until you are 10 years married with 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

What’s really bothering you? The fact that she won’t take your advice on paint colors or she is handling it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. You’re giving her advice. She doesn’t take the advice. But she’s also mad you aren’t giving her advice?

OP here. She asked for my advice, I told her what my dad said about it being a waste of money, and then she decided to do it anyway. She will ask my advice on colors, etc., and then get annoyed when I tell her I like something different. When I told her I’m not giving her anymore advice, she got mad and said I’m unsupportive.

For the first example of your dad saying something was a waste of money... You can't really fault her for coming to her own conclusion. You and your dad were just PART of her decision making process. She is still free to make her own decisions. Getting huffy about that makes you seem arrogant.

As for your second example of her getting annoyed because you liked something different, what do you mean?

Saying you won't give her advice anymore can come off as "oh poor me, nobody listens to me, I guess I must be worthless." It's obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

So are you giving her advice or instructions?

[Anonymous]

This is not someone I would want to move in with me, let alone date. Peace out if she can not handle advice well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. You’re giving her advice. She doesn’t take the advice. But she’s also mad you aren’t giving her advice?

OP here. She asked for my advice, I told her what my dad said about it being a waste of money, and then she decided to do it anyway. She will ask my advice on colors, etc., and then get annoyed when I tell her I like something different. When I told her I’m not giving her anymore advice, she got mad and said I’m unsupportive.

For the first example of your dad saying something was a waste of money... You can't really fault her for coming to her own conclusion. You and your dad were just PART of her decision making process. She is still free to make her own decisions. Getting huffy about that makes you seem arrogant.

As for your second example of her getting annoyed because you liked something different, what do you mean?

Saying you won't give her advice anymore can come off as "oh poor me, nobody listens to me, I guess I must be worthless." It's obnoxious.

OP here. My dad is trying to save her money. She wants to do two nice bathrooms but she will not the get the money back when she sells. She plans to fully rip one out and put in a standing bathtub and separate shower. For a condo in the $300k range, she will not get her money back. There is a thing as making designs too nice for the price. She has decided to do it anyway even though my dad told her she is not likely to get her money back.

She will ask about samples and I tell her all to pick the cheaper option because paying top price won’t get her money back. She gets mad and goes with the other one.

I don’t care what she does. Its her property. I do get annoyed when she asks for my advice and then gets mad when I don’t agree with her. I told her last time she asked that I’m not giving anymore advice because she gets mad at me. She told me I was being unsupportive.

She has been complaining about all the work she had to do and how hard the process it is. When I try to give her advice, she gets mad.

I’m just tired of it. She’s putting way too much into a condo that she will never get her money back. She needs to stop complaining because it’s her choice.