Would you rather be a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM, and I do not miss working at all! But I also did not have a job I enjoyed when I decided to stay home. I know I am fortunate to not have to work, but DH works long hours, and this set up works well for all for all of us. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

We FIREd so we're both "retired" in a way.

I SAHM and he left his demanding, high paying job for a "fun" job after he his his retirement number. We both have a ton of flexibility so no one gets jealous. He takes every Friday afternoon off to play golf, for instance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ideally I would do a job that is very flexible and I can do only when the kids are at school, and be able to work as much or as little as I want to. So, more like a hobby that pays.

This. My kids are in middle school but I always wanted to SAH, or really have a very satisfying part-time job that allowed me to be there more than I have been. My job is flexible, but I don't love it and it's full time. Financially, for me to SAH would have radically changed our family's lifestyle both short and long-term, so it wasn't a viable option.

There are pros and cons to each decision, and those might even vary family by family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We FIREd so we're both "retired" in a way.

I SAHM and he left his demanding, high paying job for a "fun" job after he his his retirement number. We both have a ton of flexibility so no one gets jealous. He takes every Friday afternoon off to play golf, for instance.

So in other words, just be rich. Gee, thanks for that stellar advice. Why did no one else think of this.

[Anonymous]

If I won the lottery I would 100% prefer to be a SAHM. I like my job and am good at it but it’s a means to an end.

[Anonymous]

No I would not like to be a SAHM. I enjoy having a career outside of the home and the financial flexibility that being a two income home brings.

[Anonymous]

I SAH. My DH has a high paying, but very demanding career; late nights, many entire weekends gone working, sometimes getting called back into work in the middle of the night or with no notice. Me being home allows me to be always available when he isn’t, take care of everything child and home related.

I did love my former career, but it is location specific and we don’t live in a location where I could continue the same career. While I could still go back work in a similar field, I wouldn’t enjoy it. Plus I would need a full time nanny to help, otherwise I’d be working 24/7. Since we don’t need any extra income, it makes no sense for me to work a job I don’t love, pay someone to pick up the slack at home and help with childcare, and overall cause more family stress.

If I could go back to the career I loved, I would absolutely go back part time and hire out whatever help I needed to make that happen. But I can’t, so I won’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you could, would you rather be a SAHM/D? Conversely, if you are a SAHP, would you rather have a career, but maybe feel like that ship has sailed?

If I could I would, and I’d homeschool.

[Anonymous]

I would choose to SAHM during the first few years of child's life, which is what I did. No regrets. I love the foundation we built during those years. Also, as she gets older and becomes more independent, I become more grateful for that time we spent together because it will never be like that again, where I am just her whole world. Not that I'd want it at this point, but I'm glad I got it for a bit.

And I would choose to teach a flexible part-time job where I still get to do high level work during the school years, which is also what I am doing. My work has meaning and feels important, but I am always around after school and can be sort of a part-time SAHM. Also the flexibility just makes our home life so much easier.

I think as my DD gets older I will work more and more and likely be full time by the time she goes to college. I am glad I have work because I watched how my mom, who SAHMed for many years with four kids, struggle to have an identity as her children grew up. I very consciously did not that to happen to me and have always known I would work and have a life outside of being a mom. Being a SAHM is like being a professional athlete or a dancer -- there is a natural time limit on your career and you need to have a game plan for what you do next.

[Anonymous]

I would love to work maybe 10 hours per week and have enough resources to homeschool my kids (at least for the early years). But I have no desire to quit my job, live on a shoestring and deal with lots of economic uncertainty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you purposely trying to stir up the sahm debate?

Can people just express their preferences and not debate

Are you new to DCUM?

No. Use the report button.

[Anonymous]

Since we are just daydreaming the world is our oyster...
Preference one: a flexible job that allows any last minute time off, occurs during school hours, makes the world a better place

Preference two: any job pulling over 500k

If I couldn't have either of those options I would happily SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Only if my kids are in school at least part time and I don’t have to cut back on lifestyle. I could definitely not stay home with my 2 and 4 year old without any childcare. But I do really wish I worked part time and could take them out individually on one on one outings regularly. But it wouldn’t be possible w my job so it is what it is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only if my kids are in school at least part time and I don’t have to cut back on lifestyle. I could definitely not stay home with my 2 and 4 year old without any childcare. But I do really wish I worked part time and could take them out individually on one on one outings regularly. But it wouldn’t be possible w my job so it is what it is

Age of kids makes a big difference!

SAHM with a baby under 18 months -- easy, fun, especially if you like alone time. I loved this.

SAHM with 2-4 yr old -- absolutely exhausting even when fun, terrible if you like alone time, good like completing sentences or thoughts or even basic tasks around the house! SAHMs with two under age 4 are WORKING about as hard at a person can work. It's physically and emotionally draining. This is something you do because you are really committed to time with kids or, in my case, a pandemic shuts down your daycare and then also makes your preschool go virtual and it takes you six months to find another situation. I would not choose this.

SAHM with school age kids -- I assume this is easier than the 2-4 year old because of school and kids are more independent. But still not as quiet and chill as being a SAHM with a baby. I think doing this is largely dependent on the kind of kids you have and your personality. I imagine the experiences vary quite a bit. I'd do this if we were independently wealthy, and I spend some of the time while they were at school to work on passion projects, like writing short stories or taking art classes.

[Anonymous]

I’d want to be a sahm with help like a nanny or preschool. I love my kids but they drain me. I also am type A and have trouble dealing with the mess nonstop. Instead I work a flexible job and have a 1 mile commute.