Would you rather be a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

If you could, would you rather be a SAHM/D? Conversely, if you are a SAHP, would you rather have a career, but maybe feel like that ship has sailed?

[Anonymous]

No. I would hate it. I’d like to work 30 hours/which I did when my kids were small.

I do wish (30 years later) I could change careers but it’s silly.

[Anonymous]

Those on an adventure, dream of home.
Those at home, dream of adventure.

[Anonymous]

Are you purposely trying to stir up the sahm debate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you purposely trying to stir up the sahm debate?

Can people just express their preferences and not debate

[Anonymous]

I have the best of both worlds. I have a job I like that I do part-time (20 hours a week). I have time to be involved with the kids and their school, but I also have work to focus on and teammates that I’ve known for many years. I’ve created a situation that works very well for me and I feel quite fortunate.

[Anonymous]

I wanted to way back. Financially, I never could swing it. Then a big surprise. All our work and investing over the years means we have the financial ability to see all the games and be there each day when school ends. It’s dreamy. Sometimes things work out in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you purposely trying to stir up the sahm debate?

Can people just express their preferences and not debate

Are you new to DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those on an adventure, dream of home.
Those at home, dream of adventure.

So true!

[Anonymous]

Having done both, I'd say this: if I really enjoyed my job, I would prefer being a working parent; however, if I didn't like my job for whatever reason, I would prefer being a SAHM (b/c I'd rather devote my time to my kids who I love rather than to a job that I hate).

[Anonymous]

Absolutely!!!

It's sad all my child missed out on, the outings, the activities, homework help, extracurricular, all because mommy is too busy working. The only benefit for my child is she will have a great work drive. In the single digits, she already talks about the jobs she will have, desire to make money, etc. The only benefit for me personally is complete lack of boredom, and my self worth is high. But that only benefits me, not my child.

[Anonymous]

Ideally I would do a job that is very flexible and I can do only when the kids are at school, and be able to work as much or as little as I want to. So, more like a hobby that pays.

[Anonymous]

God no. I don't have it in me. It's draining. I am better off with the "alloparenting" model (science term for "it takes a village," basically) and a driven -- though not all-consuming -- career.

I spent a year at home with my only child when she was born. I was lucky to have the ability to do that. But every day felt like a thousand years. Granted, it was during the lockdown phase of the pandemic -- with Mommy and Me classes and mom friends it would have been better! But it was not a fulfilling way to live life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely!!!

It's sad all my child missed out on, the outings, the activities, homework help, extracurricular, all because mommy is too busy working. The only benefit for my child is she will have a great work drive. In the single digits, she already talks about the jobs she will have, desire to make money, etc. The only benefit for me personally is complete lack of boredom, and my self worth is high. But that only benefits me, not my child.

I would argue that there is a benefit to your child as well. You are setting a good example of living a balanced life. My mom was a SAHM and was the mommy martyr type who complained a lot about "sacrifices" that she chose to make. Completely consumed by her kids. I am still working out some complexities from that dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely!!!

It's sad all my child missed out on, the outings, the activities, homework help, extracurricular, all because mommy is too busy working. The only benefit for my child is she will have a great work drive. In the single digits, she already talks about the jobs she will have, desire to make money, etc. The only benefit for me personally is complete lack of boredom, and my self worth is high. But that only benefits me, not my child.

I think a mom’s high self-worth benefits children, too, especially daughters. You could have a high self worth as a SAHP, but either way it’s good for kids to see and experience. Plus, you can’t think of any benefit for your kid? What were they doing while you were working, maybe playing and making friends? Maybe learning the valuable skill of struggling through difficult homework and figuring it out? I’ve been both, at home and working outside the home, and it’s so obvious to me that both have pros and cons.