Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old is in preschool from 9-5pm five days a week. I don't kid myself about who DC is spending the majority of their waking hours with.

Back when SAHMs were the norm, people would say the dad works while the mom raised the kids. Ok, so now that mom is working, who do you think is raising the kids? It's not to say that the parental contribution is insignificant, but let's be real.

lol SAHM has never been the norm

are you high?

DP. No...she's just not delusional enough to think that rich, white women were ever the norm in the US.

Ok, so you're just willingly stupid. The percentage of women in the labor force didn't reach 50% until 1978. That would mean the majority of women were not working until 1978. SAHMs absolutely were the norm. FFS. Female empowerment doesn't mean rewriting history to align with your narrative.

Thank you. It’s often repeated on this board that only rich white women stayed at home.

Logically this doesn’t make sense. Birth control wasn’t even invented, women were often expected to quit working when they became pregnant, daycares weren’t a thing and most families only had one car. Dual earners were NOT common. Census data supports this.

I know this would take some logical reasoning skills that you lack but "working in the labor force" and working are 2 different things. You think the farm ran itself? Who was responsible for the cow and the chickens and other jobs. While it's true they did not have a dual income we know that women's work has not been documented as real work for centuries.

You think moms during the 30's were home with kids reading and writing? come on man!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old is in preschool from 9-5pm five days a week. I don't kid myself about who DC is spending the majority of their waking hours with.

Back when SAHMs were the norm, people would say the dad works while the mom raised the kids. Ok, so now that mom is working, who do you think is raising the kids? It's not to say that the parental contribution is insignificant, but let's be real.

lol SAHM has never been the norm

are you high?

DP. No...she's just not delusional enough to think that rich, white women were ever the norm in the US.

Ok, so you're just willingly stupid. The percentage of women in the labor force didn't reach 50% until 1978. That would mean the majority of women were not working until 1978. SAHMs absolutely were the norm. FFS. Female empowerment doesn't mean rewriting history to align with your narrative.

Thank you. It’s often repeated on this board that only rich white women stayed at home.

Logically this doesn’t make sense. Birth control wasn’t even invented, women were often expected to quit working when they became pregnant, daycares weren’t a thing and most families only had one car. Dual earners were NOT common. Census data supports this.

I know this would take some logical reasoning skills that you lack but "working in the labor force" and working are 2 different things. You think the farm ran itself? Who was responsible for the cow and the chickens and other jobs. While it's true they did not have a dual income we know that women's work has not been documented as real work for centuries.

You think moms during the 30's were home with kids reading and writing? come on man!

Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep at night.

Signed,
Working Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old is in preschool from 9-5pm five days a week. I don't kid myself about who DC is spending the majority of their waking hours with.

Back when SAHMs were the norm, people would say the dad works while the mom raised the kids. Ok, so now that mom is working, who do you think is raising the kids? It's not to say that the parental contribution is insignificant, but let's be real.

lol SAHM has never been the norm

are you high?

DP. No...she's just not delusional enough to think that rich, white women were ever the norm in the US.

Ok, so you're just willingly stupid. The percentage of women in the labor force didn't reach 50% until 1978. That would mean the majority of women were not working until 1978. SAHMs absolutely were the norm. FFS. Female empowerment doesn't mean rewriting history to align with your narrative.

Thank you. It’s often repeated on this board that only rich white women stayed at home.

Logically this doesn’t make sense. Birth control wasn’t even invented, women were often expected to quit working when they became pregnant, daycares weren’t a thing and most families only had one car. Dual earners were NOT common. Census data supports this.

I know this would take some logical reasoning skills that you lack but "working in the labor force" and working are 2 different things. You think the farm ran itself? Who was responsible for the cow and the chickens and other jobs. While it's true they did not have a dual income we know that women's work has not been documented as real work for centuries.

You think moms during the 30's were home with kids reading and writing? come on man!

I’m confused. Is being home taking care of the kids not real work in your mind? You are correct that “women’s work” hasn’t counted as “real work” for centuries, but you seem to be fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.

I work and I go to all these things. There are always some kids crying because “mom isn’t there” but my kid isn’t one. But if you need to tell yourself the only options are “kid is crying because mom didn’t show up” and quitting your job to make yourself feel better about not having a job….well…..

I already posted before that I was responding to a mom who said firsts didn’t matter. It mattered to me. I missed a lot of firsts and it still bothers me. I’m a SAHM now but used to be a working mom. I always try to comfort the sad kid and sit with kids whose parents couldn’t make it.

Well you won’t be comforting my kid, and I have my own money.

Yes I will because I do lunchtime and recess volunteering also.

Kids are not crying because their mom isn’t a recess volunteer the way they do if their mom misses a special event. You keep trying to change up the bar to make yourself feel better. Here is your cookie.

NP. What kind of cookie? Did you make it yourself?

Yes she did while she was spending 1-1 time time with her child… oh wait

God you sahms are the WORST. I am a working mom and I make cookies, brownies, or pancakes/waffles at least twice a week with my kid. If you are so secure in your choices why do you act like this? Oh yeah because it kills you to know you could have had a career AND quality time with your kid but you gave it up because you couldn’t hack it.

Twice a week, really? Sounds like someone is using sweets to compensate for something…

You’re so right! Baking some kind of dessert together with my child one week night and making brunch one weekend day makes me SUCH a loser!

Obviously it doesn’t make you a loser, but your angry, defensive posts here do indicate that you are not happy with something in your life. That’s why you’re aggressively lashing out at strangers and looking for brownie points (pun intended) about what a great mommy you are from people you don’t know and don’t (shouldn’t) care about.

No. My posts are a pretty logical response to these assertions by stay at home moms that working moms don’t parent, don’t go to school events, don’t do special things with their kids. It’s wildly off base, but again, whatever people need to tell themselves to sleep at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel way worse for the kids whose moms stayed home and as a result have no money for college tuition and have to work through school, or who don't get helped with a down payment on their first house, can't afford to take an unpaid internship etc bc it was so important for their mom to hang around the house while they were at school during the day.

Could you share data on this phenomena?

DP but there’s solid data that women raised by mothers who work outside the home earn more money and do less housework than their peers raised by mothers who did not.

Interestingly, when polled about their aspirations for their daughters, very few men aspired for them to be SAHP.

Women don’t aspire to be a SAHM. They usually have a job, have a kid and then decide they want to stay home to raise their kid(s). Not sure why this is so offensive.

This is true for me. I didn't realize I was going to stay home until I was about 5 months pregnant and realized my employer was only willing to pay for a 2 month maternity leave, and expected me to come back to working 60 hours weeks again after that (this was in 2012). That's when I really thought it through I decided I wanted a different level of engagement with my child. Prior to that, I would have told you that I intended to keep working (and had been working for a decade.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old is in preschool from 9-5pm five days a week. I don't kid myself about who DC is spending the majority of their waking hours with.

Back when SAHMs were the norm, people would say the dad works while the mom raised the kids. Ok, so now that mom is working, who do you think is raising the kids? It's not to say that the parental contribution is insignificant, but let's be real.

lol SAHM has never been the norm

are you high?

DP. No...she's just not delusional enough to think that rich, white women were ever the norm in the US.

Ok, so you're just willingly stupid. The percentage of women in the labor force didn't reach 50% until 1978. That would mean the majority of women were not working until 1978. SAHMs absolutely were the norm. FFS. Female empowerment doesn't mean rewriting history to align with your narrative.

Thank you. It’s often repeated on this board that only rich white women stayed at home.

Logically this doesn’t make sense. Birth control wasn’t even invented, women were often expected to quit working when they became pregnant, daycares weren’t a thing and most families only had one car. Dual earners were NOT common. Census data supports this.

I know this would take some logical reasoning skills that you lack but "working in the labor force" and working are 2 different things. You think the farm ran itself? Who was responsible for the cow and the chickens and other jobs. While it's true they did not have a dual income we know that women's work has not been documented as real work for centuries.

You think moms during the 30's were home with kids reading and writing? come on man!

I’m confused. Is being home taking care of the kids not real work in your mind? You are correct that “women’s work” hasn’t counted as “real work” for centuries, but you seem to be fine with it.

They were not “home” caring for kids.

[Anonymous]

I just cannot imagine not having a meaningful career. It's so a part of who I am as a person, a mother, a wife, and a role model for my son and daughter. I love my work and feel that it makes a difference in the world. I'm proud that my kids see that and my husband respects what I do outside the home. I want my son and daughter to believe they can choose whatever work they want in life. Yes I cook and clean and drive and do laundy and volunteer at school and sign up for sports and summer camps and am on the mom group chats and all the rest of it. Maybe not as much or as well as a stay at home parent. But I never question the trade offs. We've had a nanny and now a part time baby sitter for help with driving. But I would never ever give up meaningful work that also allows us to pay for kids activities, vacations, etc. No one else raised my kids. They are in middle school now and I help them solve their problems, guide them through challenges, cheer them on at their activities, check in on their homework, and help them navigate puberty. No one else is raising my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel way worse for the kids whose moms stayed home and as a result have no money for college tuition and have to work through school, or who don't get helped with a down payment on their first house, can't afford to take an unpaid internship etc bc it was so important for their mom to hang around the house while they were at school during the day.

Could you share data on this phenomena?

DP but there’s solid data that women raised by mothers who work outside the home earn more money and do less housework than their peers raised by mothers who did not.

Interestingly, when polled about their aspirations for their daughters, very few men aspired for them to be SAHP.

Women don’t aspire to be a SAHM. They usually have a job, have a kid and then decide they want to stay home to raise their kid(s). Not sure why this is so offensive.

This is true for me. I didn't realize I was going to stay home until I was about 5 months pregnant and realized my employer was only willing to pay for a 2 month maternity leave, and expected me to come back to working 60 hours weeks again after that (this was in 2012). That's when I really thought it through I decided I wanted a different level of engagement with my child. Prior to that, I would have told you that I intended to keep working (and had been working for a decade.)

It’s odd to me that it took a pregnancy to realize a 60 hours week work week was a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old is in preschool from 9-5pm five days a week. I don't kid myself about who DC is spending the majority of their waking hours with.

Back when SAHMs were the norm, people would say the dad works while the mom raised the kids. Ok, so now that mom is working, who do you think is raising the kids? It's not to say that the parental contribution is insignificant, but let's be real.

lol SAHM has never been the norm

are you high?

DP. No...she's just not delusional enough to think that rich, white women were ever the norm in the US.

Ok, so you're just willingly stupid. The percentage of women in the labor force didn't reach 50% until 1978. That would mean the majority of women were not working until 1978. SAHMs absolutely were the norm. FFS. Female empowerment doesn't mean rewriting history to align with your narrative.

Thank you. It’s often repeated on this board that only rich white women stayed at home.

Logically this doesn’t make sense. Birth control wasn’t even invented, women were often expected to quit working when they became pregnant, daycares weren’t a thing and most families only had one car. Dual earners were NOT common. Census data supports this.

I know this would take some logical reasoning skills that you lack but "working in the labor force" and working are 2 different things. You think the farm ran itself? Who was responsible for the cow and the chickens and other jobs. While it's true they did not have a dual income we know that women's work has not been documented as real work for centuries.

You think moms during the 30's were home with kids reading and writing? come on man!

Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep at night.

Signed,
Working Mom.

I’m not telling myself I’m educating you. It’s history 101.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old is in preschool from 9-5pm five days a week. I don't kid myself about who DC is spending the majority of their waking hours with.

Back when SAHMs were the norm, people would say the dad works while the mom raised the kids. Ok, so now that mom is working, who do you think is raising the kids? It's not to say that the parental contribution is insignificant, but let's be real.

lol SAHM has never been the norm

are you high?

DP. No...she's just not delusional enough to think that rich, white women were ever the norm in the US.

Ok, so you're just willingly stupid. The percentage of women in the labor force didn't reach 50% until 1978. That would mean the majority of women were not working until 1978. SAHMs absolutely were the norm. FFS. Female empowerment doesn't mean rewriting history to align with your narrative.

Thank you. It’s often repeated on this board that only rich white women stayed at home.

Logically this doesn’t make sense. Birth control wasn’t even invented, women were often expected to quit working when they became pregnant, daycares weren’t a thing and most families only had one car. Dual earners were NOT common. Census data supports this.

I know this would take some logical reasoning skills that you lack but "working in the labor force" and working are 2 different things. You think the farm ran itself? Who was responsible for the cow and the chickens and other jobs. While it's true they did not have a dual income we know that women's work has not been documented as real work for centuries.

You think moms during the 30's were home with kids reading and writing? come on man!

I’m confused. Is being home taking care of the kids not real work in your mind? You are correct that “women’s work” hasn’t counted as “real work” for centuries, but you seem to be fine with it.

It’s only real work if you pay someone else to do it. If you do it yourself it’s suddenly not work. That’s the pretzel logic.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I each make about 250k in tech and law. In no world what we do “meaningful” or “making a difference.” Unless you are a health professional or researcher, I can almost guarantee you aren’t either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.

I work and I go to all these things. There are always some kids crying because “mom isn’t there” but my kid isn’t one. But if you need to tell yourself the only options are “kid is crying because mom didn’t show up” and quitting your job to make yourself feel better about not having a job….well…..

I already posted before that I was responding to a mom who said firsts didn’t matter. It mattered to me. I missed a lot of firsts and it still bothers me. I’m a SAHM now but used to be a working mom. I always try to comfort the sad kid and sit with kids whose parents couldn’t make it.

Well you won’t be comforting my kid, and I have my own money.

Yes I will because I do lunchtime and recess volunteering also.

Kids are not crying because their mom isn’t a recess volunteer the way they do if their mom misses a special event. You keep trying to change up the bar to make yourself feel better. Here is your cookie.

NP. What kind of cookie? Did you make it yourself?

Yes she did while she was spending 1-1 time time with her child… oh wait

God you sahms are the WORST. I am a working mom and I make cookies, brownies, or pancakes/waffles at least twice a week with my kid. If you are so secure in your choices why do you act like this? Oh yeah because it kills you to know you could have had a career AND quality time with your kid but you gave it up because you couldn’t hack it.

Twice a week, really? Sounds like someone is using sweets to compensate for something…

You’re so right! Baking some kind of dessert together with my child one week night and making brunch one weekend day makes me SUCH a loser!

Obviously it doesn’t make you a loser, but your angry, defensive posts here do indicate that you are not happy with something in your life. That’s why you’re aggressively lashing out at strangers and looking for brownie points (pun intended) about what a great mommy you are from people you don’t know and don’t (shouldn’t) care about.

No. My posts are a pretty logical response to these assertions by stay at home moms that working moms don’t parent, don’t go to school events, don’t do special things with their kids. It’s wildly off base, but again, whatever people need to tell themselves to sleep at night.

One poster implied that in a round about way, one. Many more posted it was not their experience

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel way worse for the kids whose moms stayed home and as a result have no money for college tuition and have to work through school, or who don't get helped with a down payment on their first house, can't afford to take an unpaid internship etc bc it was so important for their mom to hang around the house while they were at school during the day.

Could you share data on this phenomena?

DP but there’s solid data that women raised by mothers who work outside the home earn more money and do less housework than their peers raised by mothers who did not.

Interestingly, when polled about their aspirations for their daughters, very few men aspired for them to be SAHP.

Women don’t aspire to be a SAHM. They usually have a job, have a kid and then decide they want to stay home to raise their kid(s). Not sure why this is so offensive.

This is true for me. I didn't realize I was going to stay home until I was about 5 months pregnant and realized my employer was only willing to pay for a 2 month maternity leave, and expected me to come back to working 60 hours weeks again after that (this was in 2012). That's when I really thought it through I decided I wanted a different level of engagement with my child. Prior to that, I would have told you that I intended to keep working (and had been working for a decade.)

Same. Though like a lot of other women I also returned to the workforce when my kid started school. I am parttime because I still want that time with my kid.

I really underestimated how hard it would be to return to work after having a baby. In the end I found a way not to have to do it -- that's how much I didn't want to. I don't judge working moms though (I'm now a working mom). People do what works for them and what they have to do. But when I was looking at handing my baby over to someone else to care for all day while I went to the office I did think to myself "uh no -- I don't want to pay someone else to take care of my kid when I want to be the person doing that."

It's not the exact wording in the OP but I think it's the same sentiment. When I think that I'm not thinking about other mothers and what they choose and I'm not judging them. I'm just thinking of myself and what I feel and what I want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just cannot imagine not having a meaningful career. It's so a part of who I am as a person, a mother, a wife, and a role model for my son and daughter. I love my work and feel that it makes a difference in the world. I'm proud that my kids see that and my husband respects what I do outside the home. I want my son and daughter to believe they can choose whatever work they want in life. Yes I cook and clean and drive and do laundy and volunteer at school and sign up for sports and summer camps and am on the mom group chats and all the rest of it. Maybe not as much or as well as a stay at home parent. But I never question the trade offs. We've had a nanny and now a part time baby sitter for help with driving. But I would never ever give up meaningful work that also allows us to pay for kids activities, vacations, etc. No one else raised my kids. They are in middle school now and I help them solve their problems, guide them through challenges, cheer them on at their activities, check in on their homework, and help them navigate puberty. No one else is raising my kids.

I sahm and I'm pretty sure most wohms are better cooks than me. I don't like to cook but everyone has their strengths and we also have to do things we don't enjoy. It's smart not to question the trade offs when you are in your happy place, why borrow troubles? These messages boards can get into people's heads in a bad way and you see it clearly in some of these posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel way worse for the kids whose moms stayed home and as a result have no money for college tuition and have to work through school, or who don't get helped with a down payment on their first house, can't afford to take an unpaid internship etc bc it was so important for their mom to hang around the house while they were at school during the day.

Could you share data on this phenomena?

DP but there’s solid data that women raised by mothers who work outside the home earn more money and do less housework than their peers raised by mothers who did not.

Interestingly, when polled about their aspirations for their daughters, very few men aspired for them to be SAHP.

Women don’t aspire to be a SAHM. They usually have a job, have a kid and then decide they want to stay home to raise their kid(s). Not sure why this is so offensive.

This is true for me. I didn't realize I was going to stay home until I was about 5 months pregnant and realized my employer was only willing to pay for a 2 month maternity leave, and expected me to come back to working 60 hours weeks again after that (this was in 2012). That's when I really thought it through I decided I wanted a different level of engagement with my child. Prior to that, I would have told you that I intended to keep working (and had been working for a decade.)

Same. Though like a lot of other women I also returned to the workforce when my kid started school. I am parttime because I still want that time with my kid.

I really underestimated how hard it would be to return to work after having a baby. In the end I found a way not to have to do it -- that's how much I didn't want to. I don't judge working moms though (I'm now a working mom). People do what works for them and what they have to do. But when I was looking at handing my baby over to someone else to care for all day while I went to the office I did think to myself "uh no -- I don't want to pay someone else to take care of my kid when I want to be the person doing that."

It's not the exact wording in the OP but I think it's the same sentiment. When I think that I'm not thinking about other mothers and what they choose and I'm not judging them. I'm just thinking of myself and what I feel and what I want.

Yes! Many of us are privileged to make or force a decision based on deep yearnings and it's screwed up to feel judged on any parenting choice because others feel different desires, if the family is doing well enough. Even with drawbacks and some mistakes, it can turn out for the best in the long run.