Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old is in preschool from 9-5pm five days a week. I don't kid myself about who DC is spending the majority of their waking hours with.

Back when SAHMs were the norm, people would say the dad works while the mom raised the kids. Ok, so now that mom is working, who do you think is raising the kids? It's not to say that the parental contribution is insignificant, but let's be real.

lol SAHM has never been the norm

are you high?

DP. No...she's just not delusional enough to think that rich, white women were ever the norm in the US.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

Parent, actually.

Are you a man all hot under the collar about all this?

No, I’m correcting because the statement isn’t an indictment of working mothers, it’s an indictment of working parents. By the logic of the statement a father who works full time isn’t raising his children either

Zero men would give a damn about any of this. This is all women up in their feelings about it. Most dads would laugh and move on.

Most men I know with kids (my husband included) would be pissed as hell to be told they’re not raising them, but that does represent a generational shift.

Nobody told anyone they aren’t raising their kids. And no, most men would not be pissed as hell. Not a single man has even joined any part of this conversation. You would think at least one if they would be “pissed as hell”.

The bolded suggests you haven’t understood the thread, and I’m amazed you think you know the sex of every poster.

Go to the park in my neighborhood on a Sunday morning and tell the dad’s group they’re not raising their kids. See how much they appreciate it.

Many people seem to be getting offended when they don’t need to be.

If a woman says she decided to stay home because she didn’t want someone else to raise her kids, that doesn’t mean that someone else is not raising her kids. A single mom is raising her kids. A working mom is raising her kids. A working dad is raising his kids.

If a woman says she went back to work because she was bored at home and felt stupider being with her baby, that doesn’t mean that I am bored and getting stupider by being home with my children at home. I’m not offended. I seriously don’t care.

Um, wut?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

Parent, actually.

Are you a man all hot under the collar about all this?

No, I’m correcting because the statement isn’t an indictment of working mothers, it’s an indictment of working parents. By the logic of the statement a father who works full time isn’t raising his children either

Zero men would give a damn about any of this. This is all women up in their feelings about it. Most dads would laugh and move on.

Most men I know with kids (my husband included) would be pissed as hell to be told they’re not raising them, but that does represent a generational shift.

Nobody told anyone they aren’t raising their kids. And no, most men would not be pissed as hell. Not a single man has even joined any part of this conversation. You would think at least one if they would be “pissed as hell”.

The bolded suggests you haven’t understood the thread, and I’m amazed you think you know the sex of every poster.

Go to the park in my neighborhood on a Sunday morning and tell the dad’s group they’re not raising their kids. See how much they appreciate it.

Many people seem to be getting offended when they don’t need to be.

If a woman says she decided to stay home because she didn’t want someone else to raise her kids, that doesn’t mean that someone else is not raising her kids. A single mom is raising her kids. A working mom is raising her kids. A working dad is raising his kids.

If a woman says she went back to work because she was bored at home and felt stupider being with her baby, that doesn’t mean that I am bored and getting stupider by being home with my children at home. I’m not offended. I seriously don’t care.

Um, wut?

I couldn’t edit. I meant just because I stayed home to raise my kids doesn’t mean that another mom is not raising her kids because she isn’t staying home.

I would never say that I stayed home to raise my kids to a working mom because that is rude even if it is the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old is in preschool from 9-5pm five days a week. I don't kid myself about who DC is spending the majority of their waking hours with.

Back when SAHMs were the norm, people would say the dad works while the mom raised the kids. Ok, so now that mom is working, who do you think is raising the kids? It's not to say that the parental contribution is insignificant, but let's be real.

lol SAHM has never been the norm

are you high?

DP. No...she's just not delusional enough to think that rich, white women were ever the norm in the US.

Ok, so you're just willingly stupid. The percentage of women in the labor force didn't reach 50% until 1978. That would mean the majority of women were not working until 1978. SAHMs absolutely were the norm. FFS. Female empowerment doesn't mean rewriting history to align with your narrative.

[Anonymous]

and the link https://www.bls.gov/cps/demographics/women-labor-force.htm

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I feel way worse for the kids whose moms stayed home and as a result have no money for college tuition and have to work through school, or who don't get helped with a down payment on their first house, can't afford to take an unpaid internship etc bc it was so important for their mom to hang around the house while they were at school during the day.

Could you share data on this phenomena?

DP but there’s solid data that women raised by mothers who work outside the home earn more money and do less housework than their peers raised by mothers who did not.

Interestingly, when polled about their aspirations for their daughters, very few men aspired for them to be SAHP.

What about data on household income and SAH status?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old is in preschool from 9-5pm five days a week. I don't kid myself about who DC is spending the majority of their waking hours with.

Back when SAHMs were the norm, people would say the dad works while the mom raised the kids. Ok, so now that mom is working, who do you think is raising the kids? It's not to say that the parental contribution is insignificant, but let's be real.

lol SAHM has never been the norm

are you high?

DP. No...she's just not delusional enough to think that rich, white women were ever the norm in the US.

DP. There are a lot of poor SAHMs. That's likely the norm outside DMV/NYC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old is in preschool from 9-5pm five days a week. I don't kid myself about who DC is spending the majority of their waking hours with.

Back when SAHMs were the norm, people would say the dad works while the mom raised the kids. Ok, so now that mom is working, who do you think is raising the kids? It's not to say that the parental contribution is insignificant, but let's be real.

lol SAHM has never been the norm

are you high?

DP. No...she's just not delusional enough to think that rich, white women were ever the norm in the US.

Ok, so you're just willingly stupid. The percentage of women in the labor force didn't reach 50% until 1978. That would mean the majority of women were not working until 1978. SAHMs absolutely were the norm. FFS. Female empowerment doesn't mean rewriting history to align with your narrative.

Thank you. It’s often repeated on this board that only rich white women stayed at home.

Logically this doesn’t make sense. Birth control wasn’t even invented, women were often expected to quit working when they became pregnant, daycares weren’t a thing and most families only had one car. Dual earners were NOT common. Census data supports this.

[Anonymous]

Why is this thread still going? Do whatever you can to survive in this economy. I’m sure all women would love to be able to spend more time with their babies when they are little, but it’s also understandable to not want to lose out on a career or abandon hobbies or the quest for learning. Having a stay at home parent and running with the country club set doesn’t mean your child has any higher probability than another to be a motivated and good person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old is in preschool from 9-5pm five days a week. I don't kid myself about who DC is spending the majority of their waking hours with.

Back when SAHMs were the norm, people would say the dad works while the mom raised the kids. Ok, so now that mom is working, who do you think is raising the kids? It's not to say that the parental contribution is insignificant, but let's be real.

lol SAHM has never been the norm

are you high?

the pp is correct, sahm has never been the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and the link https://www.bls.gov/cps/demographics/women-labor-force.htm

that does not show what % of women with non-adult children were in the workforce. It includes single women and childless women. It also does not include women who are working side by side with their husbands on the farm or in the family business. Women were forced out of their jobs once they were married or got pregnant until the end of the 60’s - they went underground, but they were earning money - taking in laundry, watching other people’s children, cleaning houses, selling eggs and butter, making clothes, cutting hair……..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old is in preschool from 9-5pm five days a week. I don't kid myself about who DC is spending the majority of their waking hours with.

Back when SAHMs were the norm, people would say the dad works while the mom raised the kids. Ok, so now that mom is working, who do you think is raising the kids? It's not to say that the parental contribution is insignificant, but let's be real.

lol SAHM has never been the norm

are you high?

DP. No...she's just not delusional enough to think that rich, white women were ever the norm in the US.

Ok, so you're just willingly stupid. The percentage of women in the labor force didn't reach 50% until 1978. That would mean the majority of women were not working until 1978. SAHMs absolutely were the norm. FFS. Female empowerment doesn't mean rewriting history to align with your narrative.

This data doesn’t include women who were not in the *paid* labor force but not staying home— i.e everyone who worked on a family farm or in a family business but wasn’t paid. It also doesn’t capture women in the informal labor markets— like the grandparents and relatives taking care of the children of those parents. If you think about it your family probably has a lot more women like that in its history than women who were SAHP by today’s definition.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.

I work and I go to all these things. There are always some kids crying because “mom isn’t there” but my kid isn’t one. But if you need to tell yourself the only options are “kid is crying because mom didn’t show up” and quitting your job to make yourself feel better about not having a job….well…..

I already posted before that I was responding to a mom who said firsts didn’t matter. It mattered to me. I missed a lot of firsts and it still bothers me. I’m a SAHM now but used to be a working mom. I always try to comfort the sad kid and sit with kids whose parents couldn’t make it.

Well you won’t be comforting my kid, and I have my own money.

Yes I will because I do lunchtime and recess volunteering also.

Kids are not crying because their mom isn’t a recess volunteer the way they do if their mom misses a special event. You keep trying to change up the bar to make yourself feel better. Here is your cookie.

NP. What kind of cookie? Did you make it yourself?

Yes she did while she was spending 1-1 time time with her child… oh wait

God you sahms are the WORST. I am a working mom and I make cookies, brownies, or pancakes/waffles at least twice a week with my kid. If you are so secure in your choices why do you act like this? Oh yeah because it kills you to know you could have had a career AND quality time with your kid but you gave it up because you couldn’t hack it.

Twice a week, really? Sounds like someone is using sweets to compensate for something…

You’re so right! Baking some kind of dessert together with my child one week night and making brunch one weekend day makes me SUCH a loser!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.

I work and I go to all these things. There are always some kids crying because “mom isn’t there” but my kid isn’t one. But if you need to tell yourself the only options are “kid is crying because mom didn’t show up” and quitting your job to make yourself feel better about not having a job….well…..

I already posted before that I was responding to a mom who said firsts didn’t matter. It mattered to me. I missed a lot of firsts and it still bothers me. I’m a SAHM now but used to be a working mom. I always try to comfort the sad kid and sit with kids whose parents couldn’t make it.

Well you won’t be comforting my kid, and I have my own money.

Yes I will because I do lunchtime and recess volunteering also.

Kids are not crying because their mom isn’t a recess volunteer the way they do if their mom misses a special event. You keep trying to change up the bar to make yourself feel better. Here is your cookie.

NP. What kind of cookie? Did you make it yourself?

Yes she did while she was spending 1-1 time time with her child… oh wait

God you sahms are the WORST. I am a working mom and I make cookies, brownies, or pancakes/waffles at least twice a week with my kid. If you are so secure in your choices why do you act like this? Oh yeah because it kills you to know you could have had a career AND quality time with your kid but you gave it up because you couldn’t hack it.

Twice a week, really? Sounds like someone is using sweets to compensate for something…

You’re so right! Baking some kind of dessert together with my child one week night and making brunch one weekend day makes me SUCH a loser!

Obviously it doesn’t make you a loser, but your angry, defensive posts here do indicate that you are not happy with something in your life. That’s why you’re aggressively lashing out at strangers and looking for brownie points (pun intended) about what a great mommy you are from people you don’t know and don’t (shouldn’t) care about.

[Anonymous]

Moms, please don't extrapolate the loons on this thread (on both sides) to moms in real life. No mom I know in IRL acts, thinks, or talks like the crazy posters on this thread.