Reply to Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel way worse for the kids whose moms stayed home and as a result have no money for college tuition and have to work through school, or who don't get helped with a down payment on their first house, can't afford to take an unpaid internship etc bc it was so important for their mom to hang around the house while they were at school during the day. [/quote]

Could you share data on this phenomena? [/quote]

DP but there’s solid data that women raised by mothers who work outside the home earn more money and do less housework than their peers raised by mothers who did not.

Interestingly, when polled about their aspirations for their daughters, very few men aspired for them to be SAHP.[/quote]

Women don’t aspire to be a SAHM. They usually have a job, have a kid and then decide they want to stay home to raise their kid(s). Not sure why this is so offensive.[/quote]

This is true for me. I didn't realize I was going to stay home until I was about 5 months pregnant and realized my employer was only willing to pay for a 2 month maternity leave, and expected me to come back to working 60 hours weeks again after that (this was in 2012). That's when I really thought it through I decided I wanted a different level of engagement with my child. Prior to that, I would have told you that I intended to keep working (and had been working for a decade.)[/quote]

Same. Though like a lot of other women I also returned to the workforce when my kid started school. I am parttime because I still want that time with my kid.

I really underestimated how hard it would be to return to work after having a baby. In the end I found a way not to have to do it -- that's how much I didn't want to. I don't judge working moms though (I'm now a working mom). People do what works for them and what they have to do. But when I was looking at handing my baby over to someone else to care for all day while I went to the office I did think to myself "uh no -- I don't want to pay someone else to take care of my kid when I want to be the person doing that."

It's not the exact wording in the OP but I think it's the same sentiment. [b]When I think that I'm not thinking about other mothers and what they choose and I'm not judging them. I'm just thinking of myself and what I feel and what I want[/b].[/quote]

Yes! Many of us are privileged to make or force a decision based on deep yearnings and it's screwed up to feel judged on any parenting choice because others feel different desires, if the family is doing well enough. Even with drawbacks and some mistakes, it can turn out for the best in the long run.[/quote]

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