Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

Parent, actually.

Are you a man all hot under the collar about all this?

No, I’m correcting because the statement isn’t an indictment of working mothers, it’s an indictment of working parents. By the logic of the statement a father who works full time isn’t raising his children either

Zero men would give a damn about any of this. This is all women up in their feelings about it. Most dads would laugh and move on.

Most men I know with kids (my husband included) would be pissed as hell to be told they’re not raising them, but that does represent a generational shift.

Nobody told anyone they aren’t raising their kids. And no, most men would not be pissed as hell. Not a single man has even joined any part of this conversation. You would think at least one if they would be “pissed as hell”.

The bolded suggests you haven’t understood the thread, and I’m amazed you think you know the sex of every poster.

Go to the park in my neighborhood on a Sunday morning and tell the dad’s group they’re not raising their kids. See how much they appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

Parent, actually.

Are you a man all hot under the collar about all this?

No, I’m correcting because the statement isn’t an indictment of working mothers, it’s an indictment of working parents. By the logic of the statement a father who works full time isn’t raising his children either

Zero men would give a damn about any of this. This is all women up in their feelings about it. Most dads would laugh and move on.

Most men I know with kids (my husband included) would be pissed as hell to be told they’re not raising them, but that does represent a generational shift.

My husband would only be mad if *I* told him he’s not raising them. I truly cannot imagine him giving a sh!t what anyone else thinks about this.

[Anonymous]

Why is this topic being drug around like an old rag?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.

I work and I go to all these things. There are always some kids crying because “mom isn’t there” but my kid isn’t one. But if you need to tell yourself the only options are “kid is crying because mom didn’t show up” and quitting your job to make yourself feel better about not having a job….well…..

I already posted before that I was responding to a mom who said firsts didn’t matter. It mattered to me. I missed a lot of firsts and it still bothers me. I’m a SAHM now but used to be a working mom. I always try to comfort the sad kid and sit with kids whose parents couldn’t make it.

Well you won’t be comforting my kid, and I have my own money.

Yes I will because I do lunchtime and recess volunteering also.

Kids are not crying because their mom isn’t a recess volunteer the way they do if their mom misses a special event. You keep trying to change up the bar to make yourself feel better. Here is your cookie.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.

I work and I go to all these things. There are always some kids crying because “mom isn’t there” but my kid isn’t one. But if you need to tell yourself the only options are “kid is crying because mom didn’t show up” and quitting your job to make yourself feel better about not having a job….well…..

I already posted before that I was responding to a mom who said firsts didn’t matter. It mattered to me. I missed a lot of firsts and it still bothers me. I’m a SAHM now but used to be a working mom. I always try to comfort the sad kid and sit with kids whose parents couldn’t make it.

Well you won’t be comforting my kid, and I have my own money.

Yes I will because I do lunchtime and recess volunteering also.

Kids are not crying because their mom isn’t a recess volunteer the way they do if their mom misses a special event. You keep trying to change up the bar to make yourself feel better. Here is your cookie.

NP. What kind of cookie? Did you make it yourself?

[Anonymous]

My 3 year old is in preschool from 9-5pm five days a week. I don't kid myself about who DC is spending the majority of their waking hours with.

Back when SAHMs were the norm, people would say the dad works while the mom raised the kids. Ok, so now that mom is working, who do you think is raising the kids? It's not to say that the parental contribution is insignificant, but let's be real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.

I work and I go to all these things. There are always some kids crying because “mom isn’t there” but my kid isn’t one. But if you need to tell yourself the only options are “kid is crying because mom didn’t show up” and quitting your job to make yourself feel better about not having a job….well…..

I already posted before that I was responding to a mom who said firsts didn’t matter. It mattered to me. I missed a lot of firsts and it still bothers me. I’m a SAHM now but used to be a working mom. I always try to comfort the sad kid and sit with kids whose parents couldn’t make it.

Well you won’t be comforting my kid, and I have my own money.

Yes I will because I do lunchtime and recess volunteering also.

Kids are not crying because their mom isn’t a recess volunteer the way they do if their mom misses a special event. You keep trying to change up the bar to make yourself feel better. Here is your cookie.

lol you think the random holiday party is more important than the fact that nobody wants to play with your child during recess … And it’s a working mom who has to explain to him how to get along with others and integrate into the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old is in preschool from 9-5pm five days a week. I don't kid myself about who DC is spending the majority of their waking hours with.

Back when SAHMs were the norm, people would say the dad works while the mom raised the kids. Ok, so now that mom is working, who do you think is raising the kids? It's not to say that the parental contribution is insignificant, but let's be real.

lol SAHM has never been the norm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.

I work and I go to all these things. There are always some kids crying because “mom isn’t there” but my kid isn’t one. But if you need to tell yourself the only options are “kid is crying because mom didn’t show up” and quitting your job to make yourself feel better about not having a job….well…..

I already posted before that I was responding to a mom who said firsts didn’t matter. It mattered to me. I missed a lot of firsts and it still bothers me. I’m a SAHM now but used to be a working mom. I always try to comfort the sad kid and sit with kids whose parents couldn’t make it.

Well you won’t be comforting my kid, and I have my own money.

Yes I will because I do lunchtime and recess volunteering also.

Kids are not crying because their mom isn’t a recess volunteer the way they do if their mom misses a special event. You keep trying to change up the bar to make yourself feel better. Here is your cookie.

NP. What kind of cookie? Did you make it yourself?

Yes she did while she was spending 1-1 time time with her child… oh wait

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this topic being drug around like an old rag?

SAHMs are desperate to feel superior since they lack basic self confidence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old is in preschool from 9-5pm five days a week. I don't kid myself about who DC is spending the majority of their waking hours with.

Back when SAHMs were the norm, people would say the dad works while the mom raised the kids. Ok, so now that mom is working, who do you think is raising the kids? It's not to say that the parental contribution is insignificant, but let's be real.

lol SAHM has never been the norm

are you high?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.

I work and I go to all these things. There are always some kids crying because “mom isn’t there” but my kid isn’t one. But if you need to tell yourself the only options are “kid is crying because mom didn’t show up” and quitting your job to make yourself feel better about not having a job….well…..

I already posted before that I was responding to a mom who said firsts didn’t matter. It mattered to me. I missed a lot of firsts and it still bothers me. I’m a SAHM now but used to be a working mom. I always try to comfort the sad kid and sit with kids whose parents couldn’t make it.

Well you won’t be comforting my kid, and I have my own money.

Yes I will because I do lunchtime and recess volunteering also.

Kids are not crying because their mom isn’t a recess volunteer the way they do if their mom misses a special event. You keep trying to change up the bar to make yourself feel better. Here is your cookie.

NP. What kind of cookie? Did you make it yourself?

Yes she did while she was spending 1-1 time time with her child… oh wait

If I'm making cookies, my 4 yo son is helping.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

Parent, actually.

Are you a man all hot under the collar about all this?

No, I’m correcting because the statement isn’t an indictment of working mothers, it’s an indictment of working parents. By the logic of the statement a father who works full time isn’t raising his children either

Zero men would give a damn about any of this. This is all women up in their feelings about it. Most dads would laugh and move on.

Most men I know with kids (my husband included) would be pissed as hell to be told they’re not raising them, but that does represent a generational shift.

Nobody told anyone they aren’t raising their kids. And no, most men would not be pissed as hell. Not a single man has even joined any part of this conversation. You would think at least one if they would be “pissed as hell”.

I’m a man who has posted several times and finds the idea that working means you aren’t raising your child both untrue and incredibly insulting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

Parent, actually.

Are you a man all hot under the collar about all this?

No, I’m correcting because the statement isn’t an indictment of working mothers, it’s an indictment of working parents. By the logic of the statement a father who works full time isn’t raising his children either

Zero men would give a damn about any of this. This is all women up in their feelings about it. Most dads would laugh and move on.

Most men I know with kids (my husband included) would be pissed as hell to be told they’re not raising them, but that does represent a generational shift.

Nobody told anyone they aren’t raising their kids. And no, most men would not be pissed as hell. Not a single man has even joined any part of this conversation. You would think at least one if they would be “pissed as hell”.

I’m a man who has posted several times and finds the idea that working means you aren’t raising your child both untrue and incredibly insulting.

Where is your kid while you’re working? Strapped on your back as you toil in the fields?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

Parent, actually.

Are you a man all hot under the collar about all this?

No, I’m correcting because the statement isn’t an indictment of working mothers, it’s an indictment of working parents. By the logic of the statement a father who works full time isn’t raising his children either

Zero men would give a damn about any of this. This is all women up in their feelings about it. Most dads would laugh and move on.

Most men I know with kids (my husband included) would be pissed as hell to be told they’re not raising them, but that does represent a generational shift.

Nobody told anyone they aren’t raising their kids. And no, most men would not be pissed as hell. Not a single man has even joined any part of this conversation. You would think at least one if they would be “pissed as hell”.

I’m a man who has posted several times and finds the idea that working means you aren’t raising your child both untrue and incredibly insulting.

Sure, but you’re a man posting on DCUM, so…