Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

[Anonymous]

I'd just think they have exceptionally low EQ and steer clear because there are a million ways to express this general sentiment without being so needlessly provocative. I don't look to get involved in WOHM/SAHM debates and honestly do not care what anyone does, so if they threw out this I'd think they were looking to pick a fight and smile politely, say something like "nice!" and walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.

Even when I had an in-person job, I was able to attend events for both of my kids. I planned for these types of things like I would a doctor's or dentist's appointment. You are just using annual leave instead of sick time. And if I really couldn't attend, I would let my kids know in advance and their dad would go. If for some reason neither of us could go, I would try to have them buddy up with a friend's mom for an event. If none of that panned out, I would do a treat like ice cream or some Hot Wheels to let them know they were special to me. Sheesh, even SAHMs can't be at everything all the time.

How is this not reinforcing harmful norms for women?
I have 4 kids and I've always worked out side the home. But this idea that women have to be the main parent, even in response to someone theoretically on the side of it not always having to be the female...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.

My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.

And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…

Who told you to quit your job?

The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.

I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.

She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.

Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.

I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.

I work and I go to all these things. There are always some kids crying because “mom isn’t there” but my kid isn’t one. But if you need to tell yourself the only options are “kid is crying because mom didn’t show up” and quitting your job to make yourself feel better about not having a job….well…..

I already posted before that I was responding to a mom who said firsts didn’t matter. It mattered to me. I missed a lot of firsts and it still bothers me. I’m a SAHM now but used to be a working mom. I always try to comfort the sad kid and sit with kids whose parents couldn’t make it.

I used to sah when my kids were little and I hated those lunches because yes, many parents just cannot go. What is the benefit of having this "fun time" for some kids while upsetting others? I think it is cruel and pointless and puts yet more work, guilt and stress on parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

[Anonymous]

This all reminds me of something a new coworker said to me once. I must have asked where his wife works or something like that and he said “she has the hardest job in the world. She’s a stay at home mom.” I just rolled my eyes, moved on, and never asked him about her again. I wasn’t offended as someone who apparently didn’t have the hardest job in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

My daughter’s best “baby” friend had a mother who was a high risk OB. 100% in person. Lots of late nights. She’s still raising her beautiful kids. So no, it doesn’t get less bigoted if the person has an in-person job, and more than it’s less bigoted if the person has three minimum-wage jobs. It’s just intended to denigrate a group of people which is just boring old bigotry.

All your hypothetical person would have had to say is “I wanted to be at home full time” but I realize that doesn’t get the extra charge of putting someone else down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

Parent, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

Parent, actually.

Are you a man all hot under the collar about all this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

My daughter’s best “baby” friend had a mother who was a high risk OB. 100% in person. Lots of late nights. She’s still raising her beautiful kids. So no, it doesn’t get less bigoted if the person has an in-person job, and more than it’s less bigoted if the person has three minimum-wage jobs. It’s just intended to denigrate a group of people which is just boring old bigotry.

All your hypothetical person would have had to say is “I wanted to be at home full time” but I realize that doesn’t get the extra charge of putting someone else down.

But then you would be like “Are you saying I don’t want to be home full time?!” Given the propensity of people here to make every conversation about them, of course they would. Because who else is at home with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

Parent, actually.

Are you a man all hot under the collar about all this?

No, I’m correcting because the statement isn’t an indictment of working mothers, it’s an indictment of working parents. By the logic of the statement a father who works full time isn’t raising his children either

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

Parent, actually.

Are you a man all hot under the collar about all this?

No, I’m correcting because the statement isn’t an indictment of working mothers, it’s an indictment of working parents. By the logic of the statement a father who works full time isn’t raising his children either

Zero men would give a damn about any of this. This is all women up in their feelings about it. Most dads would laugh and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

Parent, actually.

Are you a man all hot under the collar about all this?

No, I’m correcting because the statement isn’t an indictment of working mothers, it’s an indictment of working parents. By the logic of the statement a father who works full time isn’t raising his children either

Zero men would give a damn about any of this. This is all women up in their feelings about it. Most dads would laugh and move on.

Most men I know with kids (my husband included) would be pissed as hell to be told they’re not raising them, but that does represent a generational shift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

Parent, actually.

Are you a man all hot under the collar about all this?

No, I’m correcting because the statement isn’t an indictment of working mothers, it’s an indictment of working parents. By the logic of the statement a father who works full time isn’t raising his children either

Zero men would give a damn about any of this. This is all women up in their feelings about it. Most dads would laugh and move on.

Most men I know with kids (my husband included) would be pissed as hell to be told they’re not raising them, but that does represent a generational shift.

Nobody told anyone they aren’t raising their kids. And no, most men would not be pissed as hell. Not a single man has even joined any part of this conversation. You would think at least one if they would be “pissed as hell”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.

We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.

Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.

It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.

If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.

Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?

For the same reason all bigoted statements are?

Now it’s bigoted? Just tell us you’re insecure about your choices, it would be more honest and it would lead to a much better discussion.

The reason “the earth is flat” isn’t offensive and “women aren’t suited for leadership roles” is isn’t because the latter is true, it’s because the latter is bigoted. So is the idea that WOHP aren’t raising their children. Keep up.

Maybe, just maybe the person who (hypothetically) made the comment had the type of work that was in person only. So, for her, in her particular case, not staying home would have meant spending a significant time away from her child, not raising it. And she didn’t want to do that. But, instead, you’ve decided that it’s a personal indictment of you and every other working mother. Just own up to your own insecurities. It’s blatantly obvious.

Parent, actually.

The SAHM act like the kids don’t even have a father.