Pretty angry. Women I’m supposed to be going out with in 5 hours just texted me this.

[Anonymous]

What's her first name?

[Anonymous]

The only first names permitted on DCUM are Larla and Karen.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Such unhelpful and mean responses to the OP's post. Please get on the phone and talk to real friends about this instead of seeking help on the internet. You'll feel so much better just talking it out with one friend, or even a family member.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is quite literally not wasting your time by being honest and canceling your date. Your frame of thinking for this is entirely wrong.

+1 this is being respectful

No, not this. She confirmed in the morning, then, sends last minute texts. You, can be annoyed.

[Anonymous]

She dodged a bullet. So did you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys, ops original post was unclear. He later clarified they’d been dating for a month. After months of dating, if you wanna break something off with someone, you should call, not taxed. And if you slept together, you should do it in person.

I’d be curious to know how many dates they went on within that month. If it was just a couple, I’d probably rather get a text than have an awkward phone convo about it but that’s me. I do see how he’d be disappointed.

He said their first date was a month ago. That’s not the same as dating for a month. This could be their second date.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read through all of this thread, but wouldn’t the expected emotion here be disappointment rather than anger. Personally I would be concerned about dating a person whose disappointment turns to anger that easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is a typical man and the only feeling he’s allowed himself to have (due to socialization) is rage. So he actually feels hurt or disappointed, but he has transformed this into anger because that’s an acceptable emotion for a man. I think he should get therapy, not because he’s a bad person, but because being able to identify and feel a range of emotions is healthy.

Thank you - I’m hurt and disappointed, not angry. When I feel this way I just label it as anger or being pissed off. I’m upset and confused at the situation not her per se, though if she knew she was still emotionally wrapped up in someone else it would’ve been nice to know before today.

OP, what's better or easier about calling it "anger" or "pissed off," if it's not really anger, but really "hurt and disappointed?" Why label it as something it is not?

Growing up, and even now, sitting around with my friends and my dad we don’t sit there and say “well I’m disappointed I didn’t get the job”. Instead, we shrug and say “eh yea I’m kind of pissed I didn’t get the job”. Just doesn’t sound as weak I guess? Just conditioned that way I think. Most of the men I know, myself included obviously, have a limited vocabulary when it comes to labeling emotions.

Words are really powerful because they help shape your perceptions of the world. A friend was facing his third divorce and desperate to save his marriage. The therapist told him that he was a very angry man. He was very offended and hurt by that label, but the therapist put his own words before him. He saw that he used words that mean angry rather than saying he was disappointed, scared, confused, or hurt. He saw that words as making him look weak, not realizing the ones that mean anger had driven away three wives and sets of children. He saved his marriage, FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Angry? HUGE red flag. This woman was lucky to avoid meeting you. Angry? Again - really concerning emotion to have after a thoughtful text that saved you from wasting your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is a typical man and the only feeling he’s allowed himself to have (due to socialization) is rage. So he actually feels hurt or disappointed, but he has transformed this into anger because that’s an acceptable emotion for a man. I think he should get therapy, not because he’s a bad person, but because being able to identify and feel a range of emotions is healthy.

Thank you - I’m hurt and disappointed, not angry. When I feel this way I just label it as anger or being pissed off. I’m upset and confused at the situation not her per se, though if she knew she was still emotionally wrapped up in someone else it would’ve been nice to know before today.

NP here. but it would be fine if you felt angry too. There's such a weird stigma around anger that I think it Has the opposite effect that people want. It's totally fine to be angry about something so long as you don't harm yourself or others when feeling so. Anger is just another emotion it is neither good or bad it just is.

Female NP here. Can't agree more. I came from a 3rd world country where people frequently use phrases that translate into "I'm so pissed/angry..." over things DCUM posters would claim they don't justify anger (e.g. the laptop broke down or the project didn't finish on time). And guess what, the violent crime rate there isn't any higher than in the US. At least in my home country I could walk on the streets without worrying being shot or beaten up by robbers or mentally ill people.

It's quite possible that the OP mislabelled his frustration as "anger". It would even be more understandable if he's also from a different culture or a non-English speaking country.

[Anonymous]

Was this the second date in a month? Or had you been dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Female NP here. Can't agree more. I came from a 3rd world country where people frequently use phrases that translate into "I'm so pissed/angry..." over things DCUM posters would claim they don't justify anger (e.g. the laptop broke down or the project didn't finish on time). And guess what, the violent crime rate there isn't any higher than in the US. At least in my home country I could walk on the streets without worrying being shot or beaten up by robbers or mentally ill people.

It's quite possible that the OP mislabelled his frustration as "anger". It would even be more understandable if he's also from a different culture or a non-English speaking country.

Maybe the inability to distinguish between stressors - disappointment, frustration, annoyance, irritation, confusion, anger - is what keeps it a 3rd world country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Female NP here. Can't agree more. I came from a 3rd world country where people frequently use phrases that translate into "I'm so pissed/angry..." over things DCUM posters would claim they don't justify anger (e.g. the laptop broke down or the project didn't finish on time). And guess what, the violent crime rate there isn't any higher than in the US. At least in my home country I could walk on the streets without worrying being shot or beaten up by robbers or mentally ill people.

It's quite possible that the OP mislabelled his frustration as "anger". It would even be more understandable if he's also from a different culture or a non-English speaking country.

Maybe the inability to distinguish between stressors - disappointment, frustration, annoyance, irritation, confusion, anger - is what keeps it a 3rd world country.

That said, OP is kind of 3rd world himself. Can't distinguish between those stressors, and can't even be grateful that the date was straight-up honest with him.