Mom Wants to Take My Kid to the Doctor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. We started looking for a part-time sitter. Also, I talked to my mom. Told her she can't come to the doctor, but took the nonconfrontational route of using doctor's COVID policies as an excuse (which it turns out is actually true).


She told me all her concerns. There's no big family secret about our genes...basically they're convinced there's something wrong with my kid's liver because of the dark circles and dry skin and also because, I quote, "we've been keeping an eye on her poops and they are too large". Both me and my DH have a history of eczema and rashes as kids and my sister had liver issues as a kid...so that's the genetic piece. It didn't really make sense to me, but they are asking me to insist on all this testing at the doctors.

I feel like the immediate issue has been solved, but not really the underlying problems....

When we get a sitter, I'm betting they'll complain about insufficient time with grandkids - we dealt with this a lot when we did have a full-time nanny. They wanted us to find time to visit every single week ("We love the kids, they love us, isn't it cruel of you to keep us away from each other just because weekly visits are inconvenient for you? We are grandparents, we have the right to see our grandkids every week." OR just the passive aggressive, every time we talk and I'm like "How are you?" they're like, "Lonely, missing our grandkids, it's been a whole 2 weeks."

If the doctor does not do the testing that they are hoping for (which I'm not going to push for if it's unnecessary), it'll be, "You know that medical error is one of the leading causes of death in the US? You know how broken the medical system in this country is? Why not insist on the tests just to be sure she's ok? Why are you getting annoyed at us? We're her grandparents, right? We just want her to be healthy. We know you're a great mom, but no one's perfect. What if you're missing something? What if the doctor is missing something? What's so wrong with us working as a team to make sure Larla is healthy? Isn't that the outcome we all want?"

So I'm still kind of lost about the bigger picture of how to deal with this short of totally cutting the relationship, which I don't want to do because 60%-70% of the time things are not this insane.

Oh my god, just insist on the fracking tests at the doctor's office, then you don't have to deal with all of this. You are exhausting OP. You are clearly your mother's daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. We started looking for a part-time sitter. Also, I talked to my mom. Told her she can't come to the doctor, but took the nonconfrontational route of using doctor's COVID policies as an excuse (which it turns out is actually true).


She told me all her concerns. There's no big family secret about our genes...basically they're convinced there's something wrong with my kid's liver because of the dark circles and dry skin and also because, I quote, "we've been keeping an eye on her poops and they are too large". Both me and my DH have a history of eczema and rashes as kids and my sister had liver issues as a kid...so that's the genetic piece. It didn't really make sense to me, but they are asking me to insist on all this testing at the doctors.

I feel like the immediate issue has been solved, but not really the underlying problems....

When we get a sitter, I'm betting they'll complain about insufficient time with grandkids - we dealt with this a lot when we did have a full-time nanny. They wanted us to find time to visit every single week ("We love the kids, they love us, isn't it cruel of you to keep us away from each other just because weekly visits are inconvenient for you? We are grandparents, we have the right to see our grandkids every week." OR just the passive aggressive, every time we talk and I'm like "How are you?" they're like, "Lonely, missing our grandkids, it's been a whole 2 weeks."

If the doctor does not do the testing that they are hoping for (which I'm not going to push for if it's unnecessary), it'll be, "You know that medical error is one of the leading causes of death in the US? You know how broken the medical system in this country is? Why not insist on the tests just to be sure she's ok? Why are you getting annoyed at us? We're her grandparents, right? We just want her to be healthy. We know you're a great mom, but no one's perfect. What if you're missing something? What if the doctor is missing something? What's so wrong with us working as a team to make sure Larla is healthy? Isn't that the outcome we all want?"

So I'm still kind of lost about the bigger picture of how to deal with this short of totally cutting the relationship, which I don't want to do because 60%-70% of the time things are not this insane.

Oh my god, just insist on the fracking tests at the doctor's office, then you don't have to deal with all of this. You are exhausting OP. You are clearly your mother's daughter.

Kind of tricky because obviously it’s nice for the kids to have the relationship if they want it.

I would just tell your mom that the doctor ruled out the need for more extensive testing based on an in office exam, but that you both agreed to keep an eye on things and discuss further if necessary. The doctor said your sister’s health issues are irrelevant. Something like that.

Your mom needs to get a life and stop obsessing about yours. But I think there must be some reason you can’t put up boundaries OP, so maybe look into that at a less exhausting time. I know it’s been an exceptional year and we have two kids with no childcare also, so personally I’d just do what you have to limp along til this is over.