SAHM: what do you do to protect yourself financially?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife has not worked in 20 years. She came into marriage 20k cash and a Toyota with a loan.

My net worth was 100k

Today our net worth 5 million of which she gets 2.5 million in divorce. She also collects my full SS as married over 10 year

. +1. This is DH and I, the numbers are slightly different, but in the same ballparks. Plus, I have a small pension from before- which would e split or accounted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has not worked in 20 years. She came into marriage 20k cash and a Toyota with a loan.

My net worth was 100k

Today our net worth 5 million of which she gets 2.5 million in divorce. She also collects my full SS as married over 10 year

. +1. This is DH and I, the numbers are slightly different, but in the same ballparks. Plus, I have a small pension from before- which would e split or accounted.

Our numbers aren’t quite that high. But similar. We have been married for 30 years. It’s hard for me to imagine a divorce. Our kids are grown. We love spending time together. Sex is still great. But if something snapped and he decided to leave, I am most definitely set financially. Half of our net worth. Full SS. Likely a big chunk of his very good Fed retirement. I’m not too concerned.

[Anonymous]

To be honest, depending on what state you are in, post nups are not always effective and can often be thrown out.

That being the case, the best thing you can do is save a lot of money and plan to walk with half your assets.

[Anonymous]

We live below our means and if I got half of what he have I’m sure I’d be fine - but unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has not worked in 20 years. She came into marriage 20k cash and a Toyota with a loan.

My net worth was 100k

Today our net worth 5 million of which she gets 2.5 million in divorce. She also collects my full SS as married over 10 year

. +1. This is DH and I, the numbers are slightly different, but in the same ballparks. Plus, I have a small pension from before- which would e split or accounted.

Our numbers aren’t quite that high. But similar. We have been married for 30 years. It’s hard for me to imagine a divorce. Our kids are grown. We love spending time together. Sex is still great. But if something snapped and he decided to leave, I am most definitely set financially. Half of our net worth. Full SS. Likely a big chunk of his very good Fed retirement. I’m not too concerned.

I thought divorced spouses (married 10+ years, not remarried) could be paid half of their ex's SS benefit, not full?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has not worked in 20 years. She came into marriage 20k cash and a Toyota with a loan.

My net worth was 100k

Today our net worth 5 million of which she gets 2.5 million in divorce. She also collects my full SS as married over 10 years

Exactly. So much fear mongering on this thread. Newsflash - in a divorce, BOTH partners have less money than prior to divorce. This is basic division. Doesn’t mean anyone is living on the street.

If there are substantial assets in the marriage that aren't offset by debt, it works out okay. Lifestyle of both parties is decreased, but nobody is out on the street. But even in high net worth divorce, and frequently in middle income divorce, the assets aren't as solid as they seem. I realize everyone here is certain that could never happen to them, but of course it certainly does happen. Getting half of a heavily mortgaged estate isn't a win.

There is a smug certainty in a lot of these posts that doesn't match the experiences of the divorce attorneys I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has not worked in 20 years. She came into marriage 20k cash and a Toyota with a loan.

My net worth was 100k

Today our net worth 5 million of which she gets 2.5 million in divorce. She also collects my full SS as married over 10 year

. +1. This is DH and I, the numbers are slightly different, but in the same ballparks. Plus, I have a small pension from before- which would e split or accounted.

We need to stop paying SS to those that did not contribute to the fund.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has not worked in 20 years. She came into marriage 20k cash and a Toyota with a loan.

My net worth was 100k

Today our net worth 5 million of which she gets 2.5 million in divorce. She also collects my full SS as married over 10 year

. +1. This is DH and I, the numbers are slightly different, but in the same ballparks. Plus, I have a small pension from before- which would e split or accounted.

Our numbers aren’t quite that high. But similar. We have been married for 30 years. It’s hard for me to imagine a divorce. Our kids are grown. We love spending time together. Sex is still great. But if something snapped and he decided to leave, I am most definitely set financially. Half of our net worth. Full SS. Likely a big chunk of his very good Fed retirement. I’m not too concerned.

I thought divorced spouses (married 10+ years, not remarried) could be paid half of their ex's SS benefit, not full?

Yes it is 1/2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every SAHM I’ve met - unless they have significant family wealth UNRELATED to their husband that they never merged - is effed in divorce.

I saw this happen to only WOHMs. They were effed in divorce because they were mommy-tracked at work and did not get much alimony. The SAHMs actually made out like bandits because they were not working. The attorneys will also advice SAHMs considering divorce to not get a job.

I don’t know about being advised not to get a job, but alimony plus child support plus the house, the car and some time to get a job is not the horrific catastrophe some people make it out to be. Yes your standard of living is decreased, but I don’t know these fabled SAHMS with UMC husbands living on the streets

That is because they live in a different neighborhood.

Move to hagerstown or Frederick and you will meet them.

In all seriousness, you know a woman who stayed at home, married to a MC/UMC man who is out on the streets in poverty after the divorce?
No one is saying the standard of living would be equal, of course not,
but there is a huge difference between selling a home and buying a townhouse farther out, getting an average job, and driving a Ford instead of a Lexus with kids in public school than the hysteria these threads incite.

I know a few who waited tables/secretary/sub teacher, lived in an apartment, lost custody of their kids, could not contribute to college, and are still in that situation or married again and are alienated from their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has not worked in 20 years. She came into marriage 20k cash and a Toyota with a loan.

My net worth was 100k

Today our net worth 5 million of which she gets 2.5 million in divorce. She also collects my full SS as married over 10 years

Exactly. So much fear mongering on this thread. Newsflash - in a divorce, BOTH partners have less money than prior to divorce. This is basic division. Doesn’t mean anyone is living on the street.

Very few people have $5M in savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has not worked in 20 years. She came into marriage 20k cash and a Toyota with a loan.

My net worth was 100k

Today our net worth 5 million of which she gets 2.5 million in divorce. She also collects my full SS as married over 10 years

Exactly. So much fear mongering on this thread. Newsflash - in a divorce, BOTH partners have less money than prior to divorce. This is basic division. Doesn’t mean anyone is living on the street.

Very few people have $5M in savings.

You obviously knew her financial situation when you married her. That's on you not her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has not worked in 20 years. She came into marriage 20k cash and a Toyota with a loan.

My net worth was 100k

Today our net worth 5 million of which she gets 2.5 million in divorce. She also collects my full SS as married over 10 year

. +1. This is DH and I, the numbers are slightly different, but in the same ballparks. Plus, I have a small pension from before- which would e split or accounted.

We need to stop paying SS to those that did not contribute to the fund.

Given Trump has already said he is going to touch SS that will not be an issue. LOL......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every SAHM I’ve met - unless they have significant family wealth UNRELATED to their husband that they never merged - is effed in divorce.

I saw this happen to only WOHMs. They were effed in divorce because they were mommy-tracked at work and did not get much alimony. The SAHMs actually made out like bandits because they were not working. The attorneys will also advice SAHMs considering divorce to not get a job.

I don’t know about being advised not to get a job, but alimony plus child support plus the house, the car and some time to get a job is not the horrific catastrophe some people make it out to be. Yes your standard of living is decreased, but I don’t know these fabled SAHMS with UMC husbands living on the streets

That is because they live in a different neighborhood.

Move to hagerstown or Frederick and you will meet them.

In all seriousness, you know a woman who stayed at home, married to a MC/UMC man who is out on the streets in poverty after the divorce?
No one is saying the standard of living would be equal, of course not,
but there is a huge difference between selling a home and buying a townhouse farther out, getting an average job, and driving a Ford instead of a Lexus with kids in public school than the hysteria these threads incite.

I know a few who waited tables/secretary/sub teacher, lived in an apartment, lost custody of their kids, could not contribute to college, and are still in that situation or married again and are alienated from their kids.

Right, so they have housing in an apartment, have basic jobs. You just described half of America.
The part of them losing custody of their kids and alienating their kids has nothing to do with the money aspect, unless you are trying to go down the slippery slope of a more well off father buying his children’s love, which would need a separate post.

My mom was a SAHM with a HS education married to a lawyer , and she did live in a paid off condo after her divorce, worked as a secretary, my sister and I had no college debt due to help from our fathers side and my mom is still not in a cardboard box receiving a good chunk of my dads SS in her late 60’s. She drives a Ford Escort and is dating a man from her hometown. No soup kitchen for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every SAHM I’ve met - unless they have significant family wealth UNRELATED to their husband that they never merged - is effed in divorce.

I saw this happen to only WOHMs. They were effed in divorce because they were mommy-tracked at work and did not get much alimony. The SAHMs actually made out like bandits because they were not working. The attorneys will also advice SAHMs considering divorce to not get a job.

I don’t know about being advised not to get a job, but alimony plus child support plus the house, the car and some time to get a job is not the horrific catastrophe some people make it out to be. Yes your standard of living is decreased, but I don’t know these fabled SAHMS with UMC husbands living on the streets

That is because they live in a different neighborhood.

Move to hagerstown or Frederick and you will meet them.

In all seriousness, you know a woman who stayed at home, married to a MC/UMC man who is out on the streets in poverty after the divorce?
No one is saying the standard of living would be equal, of course not,
but there is a huge difference between selling a home and buying a townhouse farther out, getting an average job, and driving a Ford instead of a Lexus with kids in public school than the hysteria these threads incite.

I know a few who waited tables/secretary/sub teacher, lived in an apartment, lost custody of their kids, could not contribute to college, and are still in that situation or married again and are alienated from their kids.

Right, so they have housing in an apartment, have basic jobs. You just described half of America.
The part of them losing custody of their kids and alienating their kids has nothing to do with the money aspect, unless you are trying to go down the slippery slope of a more well off father buying his children’s love, which would need a separate post.

My mom was a SAHM with a HS education married to a lawyer , and she did live in a paid off condo after her divorce, worked as a secretary, my sister and I had no college debt due to help from our fathers side and my mom is still not in a cardboard box receiving a good chunk of my dads SS in her late 60’s. She drives a Ford Escort and is dating a man from her hometown. No soup kitchen for her.

If you think custody has nothing to do with housing you are ignorant about divorce.

[Anonymous]

^^ you just won’t stop until we all agree SAHMs are doomed to soup kitchens and cardboard boxes. And now losing their children.This is getting boring.