SAHM: what do you do to protect yourself financially?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

Both of these cannot be true. Either you have your own money, or all money is joint.

Actually, they both are true.

His money is our money. My own earned money is in my name alone. I have banked every thing that I earned since DH did not want to touch my money.

My money will go to our two kids eventually to give them a leg up once they start their professional lives. It will help them to buy a car and put a deposit for their house etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every SAHM I’ve met - unless they have significant family wealth UNRELATED to their husband that they never merged - is effed in divorce.

I saw this happen to only WOHMs. They were effed in divorce because they were mommy-tracked at work and did not get much alimony. The SAHMs actually made out like bandits because they were not working. The attorneys will also advice SAHMs considering divorce to not get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every SAHM I’ve met - unless they have significant family wealth UNRELATED to their husband that they never merged - is effed in divorce.

I saw this happen to only WOHMs. They were effed in divorce because they were mommy-tracked at work and did not get much alimony. The SAHMs actually made out like bandits because they were not working. The attorneys will also advice SAHMs considering divorce to not get a job.

I don’t know about being advised not to get a job, but alimony plus child support plus the house, the car and some time to get a job is not the horrific catastrophe some people make it out to be. Yes your standard of living is decreased, but I don’t know these fabled SAHMS with UMC husbands living on the streets

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

Both of these cannot be true. Either you have your own money, or all money is joint.

Actually, they both are true.

His money is our money.[/b] My own earned money is in my name alone. I have banked every thing that I earned since DH did not want to touch my money. [b]

My money will go to our two kids eventually to give them a leg up once they start their professional lives. It will help them to buy a car and put a deposit for their house etc.

In a divorce that won’t matter. “Your” money will become “our” money and split. Same if he has any individual accounts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every SAHM I’ve met - unless they have significant family wealth UNRELATED to their husband that they never merged - is effed in divorce.

I saw this happen to only WOHMs. They were effed in divorce because they were mommy-tracked at work and did not get much alimony. The SAHMs actually made out like bandits because they were not working. The attorneys will also advice SAHMs considering divorce to not get a job.

I don’t know about being advised not to get a job, but alimony plus child support plus the house, the car and some time to get a job is not the horrific catastrophe some people make it out to be. Yes your standard of living is decreased, but I don’t know these fabled SAHMS with UMC husbands living on the streets

That is because they live in a different neighborhood.

Move to hagerstown or Frederick and you will meet them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every SAHM I’ve met - unless they have significant family wealth UNRELATED to their husband that they never merged - is effed in divorce.

I saw this happen to only WOHMs. They were effed in divorce because they were mommy-tracked at work and did not get much alimony. The SAHMs actually made out like bandits because they were not working. The attorneys will also advice SAHMs considering divorce to not get a job.

I don’t know about being advised not to get a job, but alimony plus child support plus the house, the car and some time to get a job is not the horrific catastrophe some people make it out to be. Yes your standard of living is decreased, but I don’t know these fabled SAHMS with UMC husbands living on the streets

That is because they live in a different neighborhood.

Move to hagerstown or Frederick and you will meet them.

In all seriousness, you know a woman who stayed at home, married to a MC/UMC man who is out on the streets in poverty after the divorce?
No one is saying the standard of living would be equal, of course not,
but there is a huge difference between selling a home and buying a townhouse farther out, getting an average job, and driving a Ford instead of a Lexus with kids in public school than the hysteria these threads incite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every SAHM I’ve met - unless they have significant family wealth UNRELATED to their husband that they never merged - is effed in divorce.

I saw this happen to only WOHMs. They were effed in divorce because they were mommy-tracked at work and did not get much alimony. The SAHMs actually made out like bandits because they were not working. The attorneys will also advice SAHMs considering divorce to not get a job.

+1. Yup.

[Anonymous]

My sister's DH (damn husband) walked out on her on Xmas 3 years ago, after over 30 years of marriage. She had worked but had not worked for the last 10 years.

She did NOT receive any alimony (kids grown) and the only concession she rec'd was being granted 55% (not 50%) of marital assets.

The bummer about this was that my father had given her over a million dollars over the last 20 years. Her DH spent half if not more of that money. Oh well.

What I learned from this experience is to open an account in my name only and deposit the gifts from my father into that account. I do not co-mingle these funds. My DH gets it as we lived through my sister's divorce. Better to be safe.

That said, I have a good marriage and my DH is ok with my decision to no longer co-mingle these gift checks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every SAHM I’ve met - unless they have significant family wealth UNRELATED to their husband that they never merged - is effed in divorce.

I saw this happen to only WOHMs. They were effed in divorce because they were mommy-tracked at work and did not get much alimony. The SAHMs actually made out like bandits because they were not working. The attorneys will also advice SAHMs considering divorce to not get a job.

+1. Yup.

-1 The SAHMs I know received alimony for 3 years until it went to zero. All the SAHMs I know have graduate degrees and we’re expected to find work within that frame. All entered back at a lower level than had they kept up their careers. Or they decided to try new careers and started near the bottom. The ones who mommy tracked just ramped up. They also never stressed out about paying for their own health instance or funding their retirement. The ones best off were the SAHMs whose parents supported them financially after the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

Both of these cannot be true. Either you have your own money, or all money is joint.

Actually, they both are true.

His money is our money.[/b] My own earned money is in my name alone. I have banked every thing that I earned since DH did not want to touch my money. [b]

My money will go to our two kids eventually to give them a leg up once they start their professional lives. It will help them to buy a car and put a deposit for their house etc.

In a divorce that won’t matter. “Your” money will become “our” money and split. Same if he has any individual accounts.

Well, then I am protected anyways, right? Because my earnings were puny compared to his. Thankfully, both of us are smart enough to not borrow trouble. God knows that health concerns can also devastate finances. Why create misery out of our own actions.

I think having a good relationship and not marrying a jerk and not having kids with the said jerk, is the best thing any human being can do - any gender, any work situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every SAHM I’ve met - unless they have significant family wealth UNRELATED to their husband that they never merged - is effed in divorce.

I saw this happen to only WOHMs. They were effed in divorce because they were mommy-tracked at work and did not get much alimony. The SAHMs actually made out like bandits because they were not working. The attorneys will also advice SAHMs considering divorce to not get a job.

+1. Yup.

-1 The SAHMs I know received alimony for 3 years until it went to zero. All the SAHMs I know have graduate degrees and we’re expected to find work within that frame. All entered back at a lower level than had they kept up their careers. Or they decided to try new careers and started near the bottom. The ones who mommy tracked just ramped up. They also never stressed out about paying for their own health instance or funding their retirement. The ones best off were the SAHMs whose parents supported them financially after the divorce.

Yep, all of this.

[Anonymous]

I can worry about a lot of things, but, thankfully, I do not have to protect myself or my kids from my husband!

Still, it is educational to hear about all of these cautionary tales.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister's DH (damn husband) walked out on her on Xmas 3 years ago, after over 30 years of marriage. She had worked but had not worked for the last 10 years.

She did NOT receive any alimony (kids grown) and the only concession she rec'd was being granted 55% (not 50%) of marital assets.

The bummer about this was that my father had given her over a million dollars over the last 20 years. Her DH spent half if not more of that money. Oh well.

What I learned from this experience is to open an account in my name only and deposit the gifts from my father into that account. I do not co-mingle these funds. My DH gets it as we lived through my sister's divorce. Better to be safe.

That said, I have a good marriage and my DH is ok with my decision to no longer co-mingle these gift checks.

We’re there assets so significant that the extra 5% offset a need for alimony? Or were the kids already out of the house, husband close to retirement, etc? Seems strange she didn’t get at least a year or two of temporary maintenance.

[Anonymous]

My wife has not worked in 20 years. She came into marriage 20k cash and a Toyota with a loan.

My net worth was 100k

Today our net worth 5 million of which she gets 2.5 million in divorce. She also collects my full SS as married over 10 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife has not worked in 20 years. She came into marriage 20k cash and a Toyota with a loan.

My net worth was 100k

Today our net worth 5 million of which she gets 2.5 million in divorce. She also collects my full SS as married over 10 years

Exactly. So much fear mongering on this thread. Newsflash - in a divorce, BOTH partners have less money than prior to divorce. This is basic division. Doesn’t mean anyone is living on the street.