SAHM: what do you do to protect yourself financially?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. I will get half the assets, so $400k from the house, $ 250k from the 401k, and about another $250k from investments, liquid funds, etc. I’m 35 so not too shabby.

2. I will get alimony and child support based on his $350k salary

3. I have Masters degree and worked for 13 years before staying home to have children close together, ie, 4, 2 and newborn. I can get back into the workforce.

4. My children have trust funds and college is fully funded for undergrad and grad school, accruing interest.

5. I don’t need the standard of living I have. Even if I get a job making $100k, with alimony and child support I will be fine.

All of the above is purely to answer the question, I do not plan on divorcing and am happily married.

How do you kids have trust funds if your husband only earns $350k a year? Where do you live where you have such a cheap house?

This is like one of those "how I paid off my debt in three years" articles that magazines like to run. The answer is ALWAYS generational wealth.

PP here. Generational wealth plus working out asses off and saving before we had children.

You LITERALLY just admitted the trust fund was from Daddy. You may have worked hard, but no harder than lots of folks who will never have the kind of safety net you were handed, let alone the opportunities that safety net provided throughout childhood and university.

this x1000.

These people NEVER realize how fortunate they are to have won the "birth" lottery. A LOT of folks work very hard, are fiscally responsible, and make good choice and they will NEVER have fully funded college accounts, a million $ house, a second rental or vacation home, and other "investments". I think its great the poster has all these things and can stay home, have total financial piece of mind and know they are okay no matter what. But lets be honest , it's not just because they "worked hard".

[Anonymous]

People here talk like a typical SAHM always is UMC and has a husband who makes seven figures. Go look at the regular parenting forum and you'll see tons of people living on a single income of like 160K in a townhouse in Burke. The closest these folks will get to a trust fund is learning to spell "trust" correctly. It's a blinding amount of privilege, I tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will get flamed/argued with for this. I think it’s easy enough to tell after a few years of dating and a few years of marriage whether or not a man is an asshole, is controlling, is limiting access to money, etc. People don’t change overnight, despite all those who supposedly “never saw it coming!”

If I had any hint, any hint at all that my husband was financially or otherwise controlling, I’d never have stayed home. I would have stayed working and divorced.

But I’ve always had full control of the money, when I worked and when I didn’t. My husband is kind and selfless and just the best sort of person, and so is all of his family. He has never tried to exert control over me and always makes sure I feel comfortable with things.

Fast forward and now we’ve been together 20 years and married for 17. Even if he abruptly left me, half of all of our assets would be more than enough for me. Our two homes are almost paid off and college is fully funded, in addition to all of our other investments.

Thing is, this kind of selfless man is also less likely to be very successful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has not worked in 20 years. She came into marriage 20k cash and a Toyota with a loan.

My net worth was 100k

Today our net worth 5 million of which she gets 2.5 million in divorce. She also collects my full SS as married over 10 years

Exactly. So much fear mongering on this thread. Newsflash - in a divorce, BOTH partners have less money than prior to divorce. This is basic division. Doesn’t mean anyone is living on the street.

Very few people have $5M in savings.

You obviously knew her financial situation when you married her. That's on you not her.

Having a SAHM wife is reason I earn a lot. I earned most of my money since 2006 and we got married in 1998 when making 55k. By 2007 was making $300k. My 100k money pre-marriage was just 80k equity in a coop apt and 10k cash and 10k car. Not exactly much.

I could Have married rich as dated a super rich girl. But did it hard way.

Want to protect your self DONT WORK and have several kids and support husbands career and investments as remember you get half in divorce and all in death ?

[Anonymous]

I protect myself by not having completely exited the workforce, I've kept my foot in the door. I work 10hrs a week, and eventually I plan to work more once kid is in school, but if we were to get divorced it would be very easy for me to enter the workforce again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prenup and trust fund.

Did divorce.

I’m fine. He’s mad. Oh well.

If you have a trust fund, someone else protected you -- and that form of protection is not available to the vast majority of women.

Yes thanks captain obvious. Should I not have made the choices I did based on the facts of my life? Just answering a question, man.

Yeah I’m not sure of that posters point. What are you supposed to do? Say no thanks to the trust fund? Come on.

I'm not one of the PPs, but the question was "What did YOU do to protect yourself."

PP's response was what others did for her, which isn't useful advice in this context and she therefore could have just sat this one out.

No. What I did to protect myself was look at my assets and look at the career liabilities and make an informed choices. With a husband who traveled a lot I determined staying home to be the best choice for my children’s. Then, due to the trust, I felt protected enough to give up my excellent career and put myself in the vulnerable position of SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has not worked in 20 years. She came into marriage 20k cash and a Toyota with a loan.

My net worth was 100k

Today our net worth 5 million of which she gets 2.5 million in divorce. She also collects my full SS as married over 10 year

. +1. This is DH and I, the numbers are slightly different, but in the same ballparks. Plus, I have a small pension from before- which would e split or accounted.

We need to stop paying SS to those that did not contribute to the fund.

+1000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that no one wants to think of a marriage ending but i just saw a post about a SAHM who wants to leave her husband but financially it seems too difficult. If you are a SAHM who is helping advance husband’s career by taking on the brunt of childcare and housework do you have a post nup agreement? Does he put money into a bank account for you that only you can access? Can you live off alimony if you divorce?

Most Wohms make pitiful amounts of money and cannot have the same standard of living if they divorced. If you are working, you also get less alimony.

I WOH and don't consider $165K a year and good benefits to be "pitiful." But whatevs.

Are you "most WOHMs"? Are you planning to divorce? Will your standard if living be the same then what it is now if you divorce (if your DH is working too?)

Her dh will divorce her and she'll be paying him alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has not worked in 20 years. She came into marriage 20k cash and a Toyota with a loan.

My net worth was 100k

Today our net worth 5 million of which she gets 2.5 million in divorce. She also collects my full SS as married over 10 year

. +1. This is DH and I, the numbers are slightly different, but in the same ballparks. Plus, I have a small pension from before- which would e split or accounted.

We need to stop paying SS to those that did not contribute to the fund.

+1000.

A spousal SS is only half of the primary. You have to choose between your own, or half of your spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife has not worked in 20 years. She came into marriage 20k cash and a Toyota with a loan.

My net worth was 100k

Today our net worth 5 million of which she gets 2.5 million in divorce. She also collects my full SS as married over 10 year

. +1. This is DH and I, the numbers are slightly different, but in the same ballparks. Plus, I have a small pension from before- which would e split or accounted.

We need to stop paying SS to those that did not contribute to the fund.

+1000.

A spousal SS is only half of the primary. You have to choose between your own, or half of your spouses.

If you worked. If you never worked, or didn’t work enough to qualify for SS, you still are eligible for up to half of your spouses (or ex-spouses benefit). That is what PPs are referring to when they say we need to get rid of the benefit. We are paying SS to people who never worked. And it’s not like their spouse paid in 1.5 x their contribution to offset what will be withdrawn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will get flamed/argued with for this. I think it’s easy enough to tell after a few years of dating and a few years of marriage whether or not a man is an asshole, is controlling, is limiting access to money, etc. People don’t change overnight, despite all those who supposedly “never saw it coming!”

If I had any hint, any hint at all that my husband was financially or otherwise controlling, I’d never have stayed home. I would have stayed working and divorced.

But I’ve always had full control of the money, when I worked and when I didn’t. My husband is kind and selfless and just the best sort of person, and so is all of his family. He has never tried to exert control over me and always makes sure I feel comfortable with things.

Fast forward and now we’ve been together 20 years and married for 17. Even if he abruptly left me, half of all of our assets would be more than enough for me. Our two homes are almost paid off and college is fully funded, in addition to all of our other investments.

I am willing to bet that you both also have a fulfilling sex life and are loving to each other within the marriage.

Yes we do/are.

Lady, you got lucky. I say this as someone who also counts myself as lucky. Holding up your own individual, lucky life story as a reason that no SAHM should think about the various contingencies life may send their way is the height of arrogance and ignorance. To dismiss people who have not had such good fortune as "deserving it" makes me think you do not deserve your own luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will get flamed/argued with for this. I think it’s easy enough to tell after a few years of dating and a few years of marriage whether or not a man is an asshole, is controlling, is limiting access to money, etc. People don’t change overnight, despite all those who supposedly “never saw it coming!”

If I had any hint, any hint at all that my husband was financially or otherwise controlling, I’d never have stayed home. I would have stayed working and divorced.

But I’ve always had full control of the money, when I worked and when I didn’t. My husband is kind and selfless and just the best sort of person, and so is all of his family. He has never tried to exert control over me and always makes sure I feel comfortable with things.

Fast forward and now we’ve been together 20 years and married for 17. Even if he abruptly left me, half of all of our assets would be more than enough for me. Our two homes are almost paid off and college is fully funded, in addition to all of our other investments.

I am willing to bet that you both also have a fulfilling sex life and are loving to each other within the marriage.

Yes we do/are.

Lady, you got lucky. I say this as someone who also counts myself as lucky. Holding up your own individual, lucky life story as a reason that no SAHM should think about the various contingencies life may send their way is the height of arrogance and ignorance. To dismiss people who have not had such good fortune as "deserving it" makes me think you do not deserve your own luck.

+1

I have been lucky in my marriage, and I think the arrogance of a lot of these posters is deeply off-putting.

[Anonymous]

Bragging PP is disgusting. If you’re half this smug with your husband and kids, I’m sure they’ll all grow to hate/resent you. And I especially hope you don’t play this strange smug card with friends and family.

And all that smugness really sounds like a passive aggressive cry for help. You seem insecure about something (most smug ppl are) but we just can’t tell exactly what yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you receive any 'gifts' of $ say from one's parents, do NOT co-mingle that $ in a joint account. Open an account that is in your name only. Keep the gift $ in there. Is not counted in joint assets.

Haha I’m a poor. The only $ I get from my parents is a couple bucks thrown my way at Xmas!

I wish I had trust funds and big money gift$ from parents to rely on.

[Anonymous]

Taking someone’s earned SS benefit/ retirement? Don’t people have any pride? I literally cannot imagine feeling entitled to money someone else earned. I don’t get it. How do you look at yourself in the mirror?