How much do you pay for in-home care for an infant?

[Anonymous]

I had a long post to respond to the control comment but I had an incoming call and the internet ate my post, but here's the deal. Neither the parent nor the provider has all of the control. We both need each other. I need my families to bring their children to me to provide care, and they need care for their children. Why make it more complex than that? Why fight over control when we share a common goal? It's easy to blame Judy and try to turn her into the antichrist when you're the person who feels like they are in control. I think the notion that a daycare provider isn't willing to do as parents tell her to do can be a bit much to take in, unless you have been a provider before. Judy's not unreasonable. She has the ability to say "no" which I thiink can be a bitter pill to swallow for some parents that think of providers as employees. Personally, I was much more comfortable with my daughters providers when they weree honest with me and would tell me what would and wouldn't work for them because I felt that the provider was someone who would stick to their policies and wouldn't have a different set of rules for families that were more well liked. Anyway, back to the issue of control, as long as people fight over it, then it will always result in hard feelings somewhere along the way. Parents are only in control of where their child goes to daycare and providers are only in control of the policies that they set and enforce. I don't like to think that thier are sides to take, bec asue we are all working to provide great care for kids.

[Anonymous]

PP 18:36: In truth, I agree with much of what you have written except for one thing: Judy is the antichrist.

Okay, not really, but couldn't resist.

Perhaps there may be some kernels of useful information hidden somewhere in her posts and blog, but it is so hard to find them amongst all the other BS. She goes too far in her condemnation of parents, and it ruins her credibility.

When it comes to parents and providers, of course the ideal is that they must work together. So, if we all agree that that is the case, why are some of the more vociferous provider-complainers on this thread acting as though everything is their way or the highway? They don't sound like people who want to work with parents; they sound like egomaniacs who want to tell parents "how it is" and allow them to make all the care decisions. If ideally a provider would share decision making with the parent, then that implies listening to what parents ask for at least some of the time. It means acknowledging that at the end of the day, a parent has the final say in how their child is managed. That said, this means parents must find providers that share their parenting philosophies, so that the ideal situation can be realized. But no two people are going to agree on everything, and there must be some room for parents to request things. I'm not talking about the unreasonable things one of the PP listed, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Excuse me? If you are getting paid for 50 hours what the hell do you care how many hours I am at work? Maybe I am trying to do other things, like clean my house, do wash, go grocery shopping or one of the other million things I have to do. You don't have the right to dictate how I use my time while I am paying you to watch my child.



Wow, is all I can say. This is so sad for your child. I guess I have to wonder why the hell you had children if you only work 20 hours a week, but have someone else raise them. I guess it's a good thing s/he gets his love at the Providers house, huh?


Read, fool. The person who posted this later clarified and doesn't work 20 hrs a week.

Duh.

THANK YOU!!!!!!


Even the fact that a parent posted that , just goes to prove what they would rather be doing. ANYTHING but raising their child. How can you guys jump down a Provider's throat when you spend maybe 4 hours (awake) a day with your child? Doesn't that mean she spends more time with your child than you? And yet you want time to do housework and errand. How utterly SELFISH! "

Um hello - what?!? My point was that it's none of the providers business what the parent does with their time while she is taking care of their child. That's their business, and if she is being paid accordingly, then what's it to her? Also, miss snarky, if you kept reading, or maybe in this case actually comprehended what you read, I went on to say that I DONT do this, I want nothing more that to be with my child, and that yesterday I managed to get off of work a whole hour early, and although I could have taken the time to go to the store, I didnt, I went straight to get my son. My provider thought I was crazy, told me to let her keep him while I shopped in peace, but two reasons why I didnt - one, to spend time with him, and two, to give her a break an hour early. Oh, and three, I was afraid I was going to take too long and didn't want to impose on her and go past my normal pick up time. And for you to call me selfish because I want to do something fantasticly FUN like clean or run errands while my son is having a blast playing at daycare is really over the line. I'm not out getting a massage - I am trying to be a mom, wife, work full time, and run a house. I'm sure my child would have a hell of a lot more fun the whole hour I use to do that stuff playing with his playmates rather than watch mom mop the floor. We can't all afford cleaning people - or maybe you just don't clean your house or do laundry.

[Anonymous]

I actually have in my ads and business papers that this is your childs home away from home while you are at work or school. Sorry, but I don't provide care for people that are off cleaning their homes, doing errands or groceries. In fact I can clean my home while the children are here to some degree. And I have to say I absolutely hate the term "watch my child". I sure don't sit here and just watch the kids - I interact with them.
As I was reading through these 10 pages of posts (on my own time), I started to chuckle to myself because a few of you were quite rude after the brief discussion of why the providers are online during working hours - I ask that of you primary care parents - why are you online and not caring and having fun with your child???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but I don't provide care for people that are off cleaning their homes, doing errands or groceries.

And how exactly do you monitor this?

[Anonymous]

I ask that of you primary care parents - why are you online and not caring and having fun with your child???

A very good point!

Also to the poster who stated her child would rather be at daycare playing with friends rather than watch mom mop....you are wrong. Your child wants to be with you.

[Anonymous]

I actually have in my ads and business papers that this is your childs home away from home while you are at work or school. Sorry, but I don't provide care for people that are off cleaning their homes, doing errands or groceries. In fact I can clean my home while the children are here to some degree. And I have to say I absolutely hate the term "watch my child". I sure don't sit here and just watch the kids - I interact with them.
As I was reading through these 10 pages of posts (on my own time), I started to chuckle to myself because a few of you were quite rude after the brief discussion of why the providers are online during working hours - I ask that of you primary care parents - why are you online and not caring and having fun with your child???"

You missed the point entirely, and this post makes you look idiotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also to the poster who stated her child would rather be at daycare playing with friends rather than watch mom mop....you are wrong. Your child wants to be with you.

sometimes yes, sometimes no.

kids don't really want to be with their parents *all* the time once they reach a certain age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Also to the poster who stated her child would rather be at daycare playing with friends rather than watch mom mop....you are wrong. Your child wants to be with you.

I disagree - even though I want to be with my child all the time, this just isn't realistic. Besides, you don't want them to be with you constantly - how in the world would they ever learn to relate to other people if they were constantly with Mommy? I suggest you give up the fight on this one - you are grasping at straws. You can't honestly believe anyone is buying this load of crap that you are trying to sell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

"You people" is rude and condescending. I don't know why anyone wouldn't take issue with that.

Really? My MIL uses it all the time - never once has she used it to refer to anyone in a rude and condescending way. Bizarre.

My training and experience in a business setting says it is nothing but rude and condescending. If I had referred to co-workers or the general public in such a manner my ass would have been in a sling. Referring to any group of people in that way would have been incredibly unprofessional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I need my families to bring their children to me to provide care, and they need care for their children. Why make it more complex than that? Why fight over control when we share a common goal? It's easy to blame Judy and try to turn her into the antichrist when you're the person who feels like they are in control. I think the notion that a daycare provider isn't willing to do as parents tell her to do can be a bit much to take in, unless you have been a provider before. Judy's not unreasonable. She has the ability to say "no" which I thiink can be a bitter pill to swallow for some parents that think of providers as employees. Personally, I was much more comfortable with my daughters providers when they weree honest with me and would tell me what would and wouldn't work for them because I felt that the provider was someone who would stick to their policies and wouldn't have a different set of rules for families that were more well liked. Anyway, back to the issue of control, as long as people fight over it, then it will always result in hard feelings somewhere along the way. Parents are only in control of where their child goes to daycare and providers are only in control of the policies that they set and enforce. I don't like to think that thier are sides to take, bec asue we are all working to provide great care for kids.

Right! But what often happens is that families do expect exceptions to be made for them in one way or another. When you're dealing with more than one child in care that isn't a fair expectation. That's where we start to run into problems. So in order to not lose our minds as providers, it's best to take the route of no exceptions. We do our best to accept into care those families who will be the best fit with what we are doing, and how we do things. It can take years of experience interviewing families, accepting some who don't fit and then running into problems to get it all figured out. A lot of providers have been treated like doormats when they tried to be accommodating.. so the accommodating stopped. So.. now we're bitches. So be it. If my choices are bitch or doormat.. I'll be a bitch.

M2B

[Anonymous]

Some People seem to be forgetting that 99% of daycare providers are also parents. We also have a house to run, a husband and children to tend too, and we work full time. Yes, we work from the comfort of our own homes, but it's still work, and it's not an easy job. Most of us do it so that we can be with our own children and not have to send them off to be cared for by someone else.
We do our groceries in the evenings after our children are tucked into bed, because we don't get the opportunity to steel 30 mins or an hour to do these things before picking up our kids.
As a provider, all I'm asking is that you understand that we are working parents just like you, and you offer us some consideration. I'd love the chance to do some afternoon shopping, or just get some errands done around the house. But that's a true luxury in this profession.
I'm just asking that you remember that there are people behind the "service provider".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
"You people" is rude and condescending. I don't know why anyone wouldn't take issue with that.


Really? My MIL uses it all the time - never once has she used it to refer to anyone in a rude and condescending way. Bizarre.


My training and experience in a business setting says it is nothing but rude and condescending. If I had referred to co-workers or the general public in such a manner my ass would have been in a sling. Referring to any group of people in that way would have been incredibly unprofessional.

I think using it on a forum regarding daycare is a bit different that using it in the business world.

[Anonymous]

Some People seem to be forgetting that 99% of daycare providers are also parents. We also have a house to run, a husband and children to tend too, and we work full time. Yes, we work from the comfort of our own homes, but it's still work, and it's not an easy job. Most of us do it so that we can be with our own children and not have to send them off to be cared for by someone else.
We do our groceries in the evenings after our children are tucked into bed, because we don't get the opportunity to steel 30 mins or an hour to do these things before picking up our kids.
As a provider, all I'm asking is that you understand that we are working parents just like you, and you offer us some consideration. I'd love the chance to do some afternoon shopping, or just get some errands done around the house. But that's a true luxury in this profession.
I'm just asking that you remember that there are people behind the "service provider".

If you took the time to bother to read my posts, you will see that I managed to get off of work an hour early, and rather than do those errands I picked up my child up from daycare to free up my provider an hour early, and to make sure that I didn't go past my normal pick up time while selfishly grocery shopping. It seems us parents can't win - I guess we will always be horrible people in the eyes of you providers. I also do shopping in the evenings, along with making bottles, making lunches for the next day, planning menus, laundry and tiding up around the house. None of which can be done while I am at work. It's like beating a drum here, so this is the last post I am making - no one said your job was easy, no one said it was acceptable for parents to dump on you - if you read through this entire rant, you will see the problem started when Judy decided to rip into parents and lump us all in the category of deadbeats! I have repeatedly said that I understand you, and I consider you, your home, your work, your feelings, etc. etc. What else do you want? But rather than "get that" you just keep bashing me for wanting 30-60 minutes to get a few things done. You would swear I said I used that time to have some wild affair, or to go on a spa day with girlfriends. Give me a break - I am mopping the floor!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


I disagree - even though I want to be with my child all the time, this just isn't realistic. Besides, you don't want them to be with you constantly - how in the world would they ever learn to relate to other people if they were constantly with Mommy? I suggest you give up the fight on this one - you are grasping at straws. You can't honestly believe anyone is buying this load of crap that you are trying to sell.

This is a total load of crap. If you wanted to be with your child you would, PERIOD!
I wanted to be with my child, so my husband and I made appropriate concessions to make that happen. I'm not a daycare provider, and I don't use one, but I take offense to any parent who says that being with their child all the time "just isn't realistic". If you want to be with your child you'll find a way. We planned for years, saving and budgeting to make it happen. We live in a modest home, in a nice neighborhood. We have only one car, we don't eat out in restaurants often or buy expensive designer clothes but we're happy, because we are raising our child, not someone else.
As for relating to other people, well there are playgroups, libraries, parks and a wealth of other places you can take you child to get interaction.
Please, stop shoveling out the crap about what's realistic, we all choose our destinies.