Parents who don't intervene -- why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Couple examples recently...

1) At the playground, parent whining/cajoling their 5 year old to stop climbing up the slide when another kid was trying to go down. Lots of: "Come on now Larlo. I mean it. etc." but the kid is just blatantly ignoring the parent and doesn't get off. The parent never actually just went over there and removed their kid off the slide.

2) 2 year old girl at our house for a play date, and she doesn't want to leave. Her mom is saying: "Time to go now Larla! Please Larla! We have to go. If you don't come right now Mommy's going to be very sad at you." and on and on until she ended up bribing her with something.

When these things happen, I truly wonder why parents don't just physically intervene. Like, why not just pick up your kid and head out? I know the playdate mom fairly well, and she's smart, and she's not lazy.

Director of a center here - I have NO IDEA why parents won't parent. If you actually pick up your 2 year old after making the request twice, and do that consistently for a few months, the 2 year old learns you mean business. THEN you don't have to make a request and plead and bribe etc your 5 year old because they learned when they were 2 years old that you mean business.

But I think in many cases parents are just too busy and see their child so little during the day that they don't want to be "mean" and set limits because a child might cry and be upset and that ruins the few hours they have each day. I also think there is a belief that we need to explain and give reasons and while I think that's better, and I don't believe in the "because I said so" all day every day, there is TOO MUCH explaining going on, which then becomes begging, pleading, etc.

I will say I notice some- SOME, NOT ALL BEFORE ANYONE KILLS ME- working moms behave this way, more so than the stay at home moms I see. The stay at home moms come to the playground to meet up with other moms and have some adult conversation while they don't have to actively play with their child for once. So they are a lot more hands off (for better or worse, sometimes) with their toddlers. The working parents I see do TEND (not always of course) to kind of fawn over their kids on the playground and play WITH them more- climbing on the play structure, going down the slide to entertain them, etc and it's because they don't see them during the day.

This is not a judgment, honest. It's just something I've noticed and something I actually really sympathize with. Personally I would take my little kids to the playground when I coudln't take being cooped up inside any longer, rain or shine or heat or cold. I noticed that my husband would take them on weekend mornings to do something fun with them and interact with them. Just a different mindset.

I see the complete opposite. No one hovers more than stay at home moms. Are you for real?

I am! That's why I said multiple times how this is surely not the rule for all parents and I wasn't trying to be offensive. In my particular neighborhood, the stay at home moms tend to be more hands off and looking for social interaction for themselves when out at the park. On the weekends, when more working parents are there, they tend to be there to experience the playground WITH their child. And this makes complete sense when you think about it.

DP, but it's the exact opposite in my neighborhood. Many--but not all--of the SAH crowd are overinvolved, and the WOH/WAH folks more hands off. That also makes sense: the latter group don't have time to nitpick over every detail. It goes both ways, PP.

Totally agree. WOHMs are virtually always more hands off, for a myriad of reasons.

Oh all of you put a sock in it with the WOH/SAH generalizations. STOP IT.

SAHM brought it up, honey.

And of course kids of working moms are more independent. That's a fact.

I don't care who started it. Stuff your condescension. Your insecurity is showing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

Fine, but don’t get upset when I intervene and tell your child to move because my child and others are waiting to use the equipment correctly. I’ve done this a few times, and the kids immediately move. I think kids just get tired of their parent’s voices when they know there are no consequences.

I won't "get upset" in that I'm not going to intervene with YOU either. I am curious, though. Much of the equipment at a playground is designed to be used in different ways depending on what the children using the equipment choose. Your "incorrect use" of the slide is how someone else's child has chosen to use a piece of playground equipment that does not have specific guidelines for correct use. Some kids also like some parts of a playground more than others. My kid, for example, does not particularly care for the swings, so we are not and have never been swing monopolizers. However, she absolutely loves the slide and will go down it (and up, because I do not have a problem with her climbing up the slide) repeatedly. She is 2.5 and she is beginning to understand the idea of taking turns. My strategy, as a parent, is to use opportunities like the playground to give her the space to safely explore her abilities, including the ability to manage a social interaction where two kids want the same activity or toy, rather than to follow her around making sure she maximizes her enjoyment of each piece of equipment.

Either way, it sounds to me like you should be supporting your child in advocating for their own needs, rather than telling other people's children to move. Feel free to passive aggressively tell Larla, "ASK THAT GIRL TO MOVE AWAY FROM THE SLIDE SO YOU CAN USE IT CORRECTLY" though. It'll save me the trouble of deciding whether to encourage my kid to play with yours.

Oh my good lord you toddler parents are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Couple examples recently...

1) At the playground, parent whining/cajoling their 5 year old to stop climbing up the slide when another kid was trying to go down. Lots of: "Come on now Larlo. I mean it. etc." but the kid is just blatantly ignoring the parent and doesn't get off. The parent never actually just went over there and removed their kid off the slide.

2) 2 year old girl at our house for a play date, and she doesn't want to leave. Her mom is saying: "Time to go now Larla! Please Larla! We have to go. If you don't come right now Mommy's going to be very sad at you." and on and on until she ended up bribing her with something.

When these things happen, I truly wonder why parents don't just physically intervene. Like, why not just pick up your kid and head out? I know the playdate mom fairly well, and she's smart, and she's not lazy.

Director of a center here - I have NO IDEA why parents won't parent. If you actually pick up your 2 year old after making the request twice, and do that consistently for a few months, the 2 year old learns you mean business. THEN you don't have to make a request and plead and bribe etc your 5 year old because they learned when they were 2 years old that you mean business.

But I think in many cases parents are just too busy and see their child so little during the day that they don't want to be "mean" and set limits because a child might cry and be upset and that ruins the few hours they have each day. I also think there is a belief that we need to explain and give reasons and while I think that's better, and I don't believe in the "because I said so" all day every day, there is TOO MUCH explaining going on, which then becomes begging, pleading, etc.

I will say I notice some- SOME, NOT ALL BEFORE ANYONE KILLS ME- working moms behave this way, more so than the stay at home moms I see. The stay at home moms come to the playground to meet up with other moms and have some adult conversation while they don't have to actively play with their child for once. So they are a lot more hands off (for better or worse, sometimes) with their toddlers. The working parents I see do TEND (not always of course) to kind of fawn over their kids on the playground and play WITH them more- climbing on the play structure, going down the slide to entertain them, etc and it's because they don't see them during the day.

This is not a judgment, honest. It's just something I've noticed and something I actually really sympathize with. Personally I would take my little kids to the playground when I coudln't take being cooped up inside any longer, rain or shine or heat or cold. I noticed that my husband would take them on weekend mornings to do something fun with them and interact with them. Just a different mindset.

I see the complete opposite. No one hovers more than stay at home moms. Are you for real?

I am! That's why I said multiple times how this is surely not the rule for all parents and I wasn't trying to be offensive. In my particular neighborhood, the stay at home moms tend to be more hands off and looking for social interaction for themselves when out at the park. On the weekends, when more working parents are there, they tend to be there to experience the playground WITH their child. And this makes complete sense when you think about it.

DP, but it's the exact opposite in my neighborhood. Many--but not all--of the SAH crowd are overinvolved, and the WOH/WAH folks more hands off. That also makes sense: the latter group don't have time to nitpick over every detail. It goes both ways, PP.

Totally agree. WOHMs are virtually always more hands off, for a myriad of reasons.

Oh all of you put a sock in it with the WOH/SAH generalizations. STOP IT.

SAHM brought it up, honey.

And of course kids of working moms are more independent. That's a fact.

I don't care who started it. Stuff your condescension. Your insecurity is showing.

Who are you talking to?

“Working mothers know they’re not going to be there for everything, so they deliberately tried to have their children be more independent,” says Lenehan. Allowing children to walk to school by themselves, for example, dress themselves, and play by themselves instilled a greater sense of independence, rather than moms who stayed at home and were available to their children 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

Fine, but don’t get upset when I intervene and tell your child to move because my child and others are waiting to use the equipment correctly. I’ve done this a few times, and the kids immediately move. I think kids just get tired of their parent’s voices when they know there are no consequences.

I won't "get upset" in that I'm not going to intervene with YOU either. I am curious, though. Much of the equipment at a playground is designed to be used in different ways depending on what the children using the equipment choose. Your "incorrect use" of the slide is how someone else's child has chosen to use a piece of playground equipment that does not have specific guidelines for correct use. Some kids also like some parts of a playground more than others. My kid, for example, does not particularly care for the swings, so we are not and have never been swing monopolizers. However, she absolutely loves the slide and will go down it (and up, because I do not have a problem with her climbing up the slide) repeatedly. She is 2.5 and she is beginning to understand the idea of taking turns. My strategy, as a parent, is to use opportunities like the playground to give her the space to safely explore her abilities, including the ability to manage a social interaction where two kids want the same activity or toy, rather than to follow her around making sure she maximizes her enjoyment of each piece of equipment.

Either way, it sounds to me like you should be supporting your child in advocating for their own needs, rather than telling other people's children to move. Feel free to passive aggressively tell Larla, "ASK THAT GIRL TO MOVE AWAY FROM THE SLIDE SO YOU CAN USE IT CORRECTLY" though. It'll save me the trouble of deciding whether to encourage my kid to play with yours.

DP. What is wrong with you? People are talking about safety. I highly doubt anyone cares about another kid climbing up a slide if there are no kids waiting to slide down at the top. No one is trying to inhibit your child's creativity. This is about parents like you who justify laziness and confuse it with teaching independence. If you think a 2.5 year old can figure everything out on their own with no guidance from you, you need to research child development. This is not about hovering, it's about intervening when things get unsafe. If you want your kid to suffer natural consequences to learn, that's up to you, but the rest of us don't have to stand by if things get unsafe.

And trust me, no one will lose any sleep over "missing out" on a friendship with a kid whose parents are lazy and ineffectual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Couple examples recently...

1) At the playground, parent whining/cajoling their 5 year old to stop climbing up the slide when another kid was trying to go down. Lots of: "Come on now Larlo. I mean it. etc." but the kid is just blatantly ignoring the parent and doesn't get off. The parent never actually just went over there and removed their kid off the slide.

2) 2 year old girl at our house for a play date, and she doesn't want to leave. Her mom is saying: "Time to go now Larla! Please Larla! We have to go. If you don't come right now Mommy's going to be very sad at you." and on and on until she ended up bribing her with something.

When these things happen, I truly wonder why parents don't just physically intervene. Like, why not just pick up your kid and head out? I know the playdate mom fairly well, and she's smart, and she's not lazy.

Director of a center here - I have NO IDEA why parents won't parent. If you actually pick up your 2 year old after making the request twice, and do that consistently for a few months, the 2 year old learns you mean business. THEN you don't have to make a request and plead and bribe etc your 5 year old because they learned when they were 2 years old that you mean business.

But I think in many cases parents are just too busy and see their child so little during the day that they don't want to be "mean" and set limits because a child might cry and be upset and that ruins the few hours they have each day. I also think there is a belief that we need to explain and give reasons and while I think that's better, and I don't believe in the "because I said so" all day every day, there is TOO MUCH explaining going on, which then becomes begging, pleading, etc.

I will say I notice some- SOME, NOT ALL BEFORE ANYONE KILLS ME- working moms behave this way, more so than the stay at home moms I see. The stay at home moms come to the playground to meet up with other moms and have some adult conversation while they don't have to actively play with their child for once. So they are a lot more hands off (for better or worse, sometimes) with their toddlers. The working parents I see do TEND (not always of course) to kind of fawn over their kids on the playground and play WITH them more- climbing on the play structure, going down the slide to entertain them, etc and it's because they don't see them during the day.

This is not a judgment, honest. It's just something I've noticed and something I actually really sympathize with. Personally I would take my little kids to the playground when I coudln't take being cooped up inside any longer, rain or shine or heat or cold. I noticed that my husband would take them on weekend mornings to do something fun with them and interact with them. Just a different mindset.

I see the complete opposite. No one hovers more than stay at home moms. Are you for real?

I am! That's why I said multiple times how this is surely not the rule for all parents and I wasn't trying to be offensive. In my particular neighborhood, the stay at home moms tend to be more hands off and looking for social interaction for themselves when out at the park. On the weekends, when more working parents are there, they tend to be there to experience the playground WITH their child. And this makes complete sense when you think about it.

DP, but it's the exact opposite in my neighborhood. Many--but not all--of the SAH crowd are overinvolved, and the WOH/WAH folks more hands off. That also makes sense: the latter group don't have time to nitpick over every detail. It goes both ways, PP.

Totally agree. WOHMs are virtually always more hands off, for a myriad of reasons.

Oh all of you put a sock in it with the WOH/SAH generalizations. STOP IT.

SAHM brought it up, honey.

And of course kids of working moms are more independent. That's a fact.

I don't care who started it. Stuff your condescension. Your insecurity is showing.

Who are you talking to?

“Working mothers know they’re not going to be there for everything, so they deliberately tried to have their children be more independent,” says Lenehan. Allowing children to walk to school by themselves, for example, dress themselves, and play by themselves instilled a greater sense of independence, rather than moms who stayed at home and were available to their children 24/7.

Whoever said, "SAHM brought it up, honey", that's who. Stop with the mom war nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

Fine, but don’t get upset when I intervene and tell your child to move because my child and others are waiting to use the equipment correctly. I’ve done this a few times, and the kids immediately move. I think kids just get tired of their parent’s voices when they know there are no consequences.

It's a PLAYGROUND. For CHILDREN There is no "playing with it correctly", there is just "playing with it". Do you also tell your kids they have to put their dollhouse furniture in their dollhouse "correctly", or make things with play doh "correctly"? Or build with their legos "correctly"?

DP and back at you. Don't be stupid. There are definitely safety issues at a playground that don't apply in those other situations. And turn taking.

Wait, you also intervene for your school aged child to take turns with his friends on the playground??? Please say you're joking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Couple examples recently...

1) At the playground, parent whining/cajoling their 5 year old to stop climbing up the slide when another kid was trying to go down. Lots of: "Come on now Larlo. I mean it. etc." but the kid is just blatantly ignoring the parent and doesn't get off. The parent never actually just went over there and removed their kid off the slide.

2) 2 year old girl at our house for a play date, and she doesn't want to leave. Her mom is saying: "Time to go now Larla! Please Larla! We have to go. If you don't come right now Mommy's going to be very sad at you." and on and on until she ended up bribing her with something.

When these things happen, I truly wonder why parents don't just physically intervene. Like, why not just pick up your kid and head out? I know the playdate mom fairly well, and she's smart, and she's not lazy.

Director of a center here - I have NO IDEA why parents won't parent. If you actually pick up your 2 year old after making the request twice, and do that consistently for a few months, the 2 year old learns you mean business. THEN you don't have to make a request and plead and bribe etc your 5 year old because they learned when they were 2 years old that you mean business.

But I think in many cases parents are just too busy and see their child so little during the day that they don't want to be "mean" and set limits because a child might cry and be upset and that ruins the few hours they have each day. I also think there is a belief that we need to explain and give reasons and while I think that's better, and I don't believe in the "because I said so" all day every day, there is TOO MUCH explaining going on, which then becomes begging, pleading, etc.

I will say I notice some- SOME, NOT ALL BEFORE ANYONE KILLS ME- working moms behave this way, more so than the stay at home moms I see. The stay at home moms come to the playground to meet up with other moms and have some adult conversation while they don't have to actively play with their child for once. So they are a lot more hands off (for better or worse, sometimes) with their toddlers. The working parents I see do TEND (not always of course) to kind of fawn over their kids on the playground and play WITH them more- climbing on the play structure, going down the slide to entertain them, etc and it's because they don't see them during the day.

This is not a judgment, honest. It's just something I've noticed and something I actually really sympathize with. Personally I would take my little kids to the playground when I coudln't take being cooped up inside any longer, rain or shine or heat or cold. I noticed that my husband would take them on weekend mornings to do something fun with them and interact with them. Just a different mindset.

I see the complete opposite. No one hovers more than stay at home moms. Are you for real?

I am! That's why I said multiple times how this is surely not the rule for all parents and I wasn't trying to be offensive. In my particular neighborhood, the stay at home moms tend to be more hands off and looking for social interaction for themselves when out at the park. On the weekends, when more working parents are there, they tend to be there to experience the playground WITH their child. And this makes complete sense when you think about it.

DP, but it's the exact opposite in my neighborhood. Many--but not all--of the SAH crowd are overinvolved, and the WOH/WAH folks more hands off. That also makes sense: the latter group don't have time to nitpick over every detail. It goes both ways, PP.

Totally agree. WOHMs are virtually always more hands off, for a myriad of reasons.

Oh all of you put a sock in it with the WOH/SAH generalizations. STOP IT.

SAHM brought it up, honey.

And of course kids of working moms are more independent. That's a fact.

So much for the stopping with the generalizations I guess?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Couple examples recently...

1) At the playground, parent whining/cajoling their 5 year old to stop climbing up the slide when another kid was trying to go down. Lots of: "Come on now Larlo. I mean it. etc." but the kid is just blatantly ignoring the parent and doesn't get off. The parent never actually just went over there and removed their kid off the slide.

2) 2 year old girl at our house for a play date, and she doesn't want to leave. Her mom is saying: "Time to go now Larla! Please Larla! We have to go. If you don't come right now Mommy's going to be very sad at you." and on and on until she ended up bribing her with something.

When these things happen, I truly wonder why parents don't just physically intervene. Like, why not just pick up your kid and head out? I know the playdate mom fairly well, and she's smart, and she's not lazy.

Director of a center here - I have NO IDEA why parents won't parent. If you actually pick up your 2 year old after making the request twice, and do that consistently for a few months, the 2 year old learns you mean business. THEN you don't have to make a request and plead and bribe etc your 5 year old because they learned when they were 2 years old that you mean business.

But I think in many cases parents are just too busy and see their child so little during the day that they don't want to be "mean" and set limits because a child might cry and be upset and that ruins the few hours they have each day. I also think there is a belief that we need to explain and give reasons and while I think that's better, and I don't believe in the "because I said so" all day every day, there is TOO MUCH explaining going on, which then becomes begging, pleading, etc.

I will say I notice some- SOME, NOT ALL BEFORE ANYONE KILLS ME- working moms behave this way, more so than the stay at home moms I see. The stay at home moms come to the playground to meet up with other moms and have some adult conversation while they don't have to actively play with their child for once. So they are a lot more hands off (for better or worse, sometimes) with their toddlers. The working parents I see do TEND (not always of course) to kind of fawn over their kids on the playground and play WITH them more- climbing on the play structure, going down the slide to entertain them, etc and it's because they don't see them during the day.

This is not a judgment, honest. It's just something I've noticed and something I actually really sympathize with. Personally I would take my little kids to the playground when I coudln't take being cooped up inside any longer, rain or shine or heat or cold. I noticed that my husband would take them on weekend mornings to do something fun with them and interact with them. Just a different mindset.

I see the complete opposite. No one hovers more than stay at home moms. Are you for real?

I am! That's why I said multiple times how this is surely not the rule for all parents and I wasn't trying to be offensive. In my particular neighborhood, the stay at home moms tend to be more hands off and looking for social interaction for themselves when out at the park. On the weekends, when more working parents are there, they tend to be there to experience the playground WITH their child. And this makes complete sense when you think about it.

DP, but it's the exact opposite in my neighborhood. Many--but not all--of the SAH crowd are overinvolved, and the WOH/WAH folks more hands off. That also makes sense: the latter group don't have time to nitpick over every detail. It goes both ways, PP.

Totally agree. WOHMs are virtually always more hands off, for a myriad of reasons.

Oh all of you put a sock in it with the WOH/SAH generalizations. STOP IT.

SAHM brought it up, honey.

And of course kids of working moms are more independent. That's a fact.

I don't care who started it. Stuff your condescension. Your insecurity is showing.

Who are you talking to?

“Working mothers know they’re not going to be there for everything, so they deliberately tried to have their children be more independent,” says Lenehan. Allowing children to walk to school by themselves, for example, dress themselves, and play by themselves instilled a greater sense of independence, rather than moms who stayed at home and were available to their children 24/7.

WE ARE TALKING TO YOU. START YOUR OWN THREAD ABOUT SAHM/WOHM. NO ONE CARES.

[Anonymous]

SAHMs so triggered. LOL.

[Anonymous]

I find the arguments being posed by non-toddler moms hypocritical honestly.

There is no way if you were in your own backyard with your own kids (ranging from crawling/walking-10 years old) and they were all playing on the swing set that you would not expect your older kids to watch out for the younger ones.

There is no way that if you are at someone else's house and they have a younger kid that you just expect the younger kid to stay out of your kids way.

If your kid can watch out for their sibling, they can watch out for other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHMs so triggered. LOL.

And then there's you, apparently unable to comprehend that no one is interested in your attempt at debate. START YOUR OWN THREAD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the arguments being posed by non-toddler moms hypocritical honestly.

There is no way if you were in your own backyard with your own kids (ranging from crawling/walking-10 years old) and they were all playing on the swing set that you would not expect your older kids to watch out for the younger ones.

There is no way that if you are at someone else's house and they have a younger kid that you just expect the younger kid to stay out of your kids way.

If your kid can watch out for their sibling, they can watch out for other kids.

This is an interesting point- I would, I assume, expect a 10 year old to look out for their 18 month old sibling if all playing together in the backyard. Even closer in age siblings I would do that. But I don't think I'd task my school aged kid with keeping an eye out for all of the babies/ toddlers on the playground, no. Helping with their sibling is a responsibility of theirs, as part of our family. While I would certainly not allow them to run roughshod all over a bunch of babies, I would also not hyper-intervene if they were swinging on the monkey bars and a mom let her baby play underneath them. If the baby in question was my OWN baby, I'd move the baby! Or if I couldn't for some reason, yes I'd call out to my older kid "keep an eye on Sister under there please!". Because the baby is my responsibility, and I can delegate some of that responsibility to my older kid if necessary. But I'm probably not going to ask my school aged kid to watch out for a baby whose mother is right next to it but not intervening. My kid is there to play, just like yours, and your baby is your own responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

Fine, but don’t get upset when I intervene and tell your child to move because my child and others are waiting to use the equipment correctly. I’ve done this a few times, and the kids immediately move. I think kids just get tired of their parent’s voices when they know there are no consequences.

I won't "get upset" in that I'm not going to intervene with YOU either. I am curious, though. Much of the equipment at a playground is designed to be used in different ways depending on what the children using the equipment choose. Your "incorrect use" of the slide is how someone else's child has chosen to use a piece of playground equipment that does not have specific guidelines for correct use. Some kids also like some parts of a playground more than others. My kid, for example, does not particularly care for the swings, so we are not and have never been swing monopolizers. However, she absolutely loves the slide and will go down it (and up, because I do not have a problem with her climbing up the slide) repeatedly. She is 2.5 and she is beginning to understand the idea of taking turns. My strategy, as a parent, is to use opportunities like the playground to give her the space to safely explore her abilities, including the ability to manage a social interaction where two kids want the same activity or toy, rather than to follow her around making sure she maximizes her enjoyment of each piece of equipment.

Either way, it sounds to me like you should be supporting your child in advocating for their own needs, rather than telling other people's children to move. Feel free to passive aggressively tell Larla, "ASK THAT GIRL TO MOVE AWAY FROM THE SLIDE SO YOU CAN USE IT CORRECTLY" though. It'll save me the trouble of deciding whether to encourage my kid to play with yours.

DP. What is wrong with you? People are talking about safety. I highly doubt anyone cares about another kid climbing up a slide if there are no kids waiting to slide down at the top. No one is trying to inhibit your child's creativity. This is about parents like you who justify laziness and confuse it with teaching independence. If you think a 2.5 year old can figure everything out on their own with no guidance from you, you need to research child development. This is not about hovering, it's about intervening when things get unsafe. If you want your kid to suffer natural consequences to learn, that's up to you, but the rest of us don't have to stand by if things get unsafe.

And trust me, no one will lose any sleep over "missing out" on a friendship with a kid whose parents are lazy and ineffectual.

Some people are talking about safety. Other people are talking about "using equipment correctly."

It seems the OP's main issue is parents who intervene ineffectually. That is not and has never been me. If there is a safety issue, I am happy to intervene by removing my child from the situation entirely. However, there have also been a lot of comments about "the big kids" running over "the little kids." If your child is too young to access the equipment safely, you should find another play area for them that has things they can use safely.

As the parent of a 9yo, a 5yo, and a 2.5yo, my perspective is that playgrounds are designed to be pretty safe and that what 21yo Larla's mom thinks is "unsafe" is largely something that is unsafe because Larla should not be using the thing in the first place, and not because my 5yo climbed up a slide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will freely admit that I do not usually intervene when my kid commits a routine playground faux-pas like climbing the slide. You know why? I am tired and it is not a huge deal at the end of the day. With my 2yo, I intervene because it is usually a safety issue. With a 5yo, though? No. They can figure it out themselves.

I completely realize this is selfish and that most of you probably find it extremely annoying. I find the people who are constantly intervening in the social dynamics of elementary-school-aged kids annoying as well.

Fine, but don’t get upset when I intervene and tell your child to move because my child and others are waiting to use the equipment correctly. I’ve done this a few times, and the kids immediately move. I think kids just get tired of their parent’s voices when they know there are no consequences.

I won't "get upset" in that I'm not going to intervene with YOU either. I am curious, though. Much of the equipment at a playground is designed to be used in different ways depending on what the children using the equipment choose. Your "incorrect use" of the slide is how someone else's child has chosen to use a piece of playground equipment that does not have specific guidelines for correct use. Some kids also like some parts of a playground more than others. My kid, for example, does not particularly care for the swings, so we are not and have never been swing monopolizers. However, she absolutely loves the slide and will go down it (and up, because I do not have a problem with her climbing up the slide) repeatedly. She is 2.5 and she is beginning to understand the idea of taking turns. My strategy, as a parent, is to use opportunities like the playground to give her the space to safely explore her abilities, including the ability to manage a social interaction where two kids want the same activity or toy, rather than to follow her around making sure she maximizes her enjoyment of each piece of equipment.

Either way, it sounds to me like you should be supporting your child in advocating for their own needs, rather than telling other people's children to move. Feel free to passive aggressively tell Larla, "ASK THAT GIRL TO MOVE AWAY FROM THE SLIDE SO YOU CAN USE IT CORRECTLY" though. It'll save me the trouble of deciding whether to encourage my kid to play with yours.

DP. What is wrong with you? People are talking about safety. I highly doubt anyone cares about another kid climbing up a slide if there are no kids waiting to slide down at the top. No one is trying to inhibit your child's creativity. This is about parents like you who justify laziness and confuse it with teaching independence. If you think a 2.5 year old can figure everything out on their own with no guidance from you, you need to research child development. This is not about hovering, it's about intervening when things get unsafe. If you want your kid to suffer natural consequences to learn, that's up to you, but the rest of us don't have to stand by if things get unsafe.

And trust me, no one will lose any sleep over "missing out" on a friendship with a kid whose parents are lazy and ineffectual.

Some people are talking about safety. Other people are talking about "using equipment correctly."

It seems the OP's main issue is parents who intervene ineffectually. That is not and has never been me. If there is a safety issue, I am happy to intervene by removing my child from the situation entirely. However, there have also been a lot of comments about "the big kids" running over "the little kids." If your child is too young to access the equipment safely, you should find another play area for them that has things they can use safely.

As the parent of a 9yo, a 5yo, and a 2.5yo, my perspective is that playgrounds are designed to be pretty safe and that what 21yo Larla's mom thinks is "unsafe" is largely something that is unsafe because Larla should not be using the thing in the first place, and not because my 5yo climbed up a slide.

this is exactly it. playgrounds around here are so safe that they border on boring for anyone over age 6-7, which is a real shame. so if you feel that your child is in danger on the playground from falling off the slide, or from falling through an opening that leads to a ladder at the top of the play structure, or from being trampled by other kids running fast around the playground.... the problem is that your kid is still too young. they are better off using that particular playground equipment when it's not being used by anyone else and when you can be up there on it with them.

or, just take them to the tot lot, where they will actually be able to play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the arguments being posed by non-toddler moms hypocritical honestly.

There is no way if you were in your own backyard with your own kids (ranging from crawling/walking-10 years old) and they were all playing on the swing set that you would not expect your older kids to watch out for the younger ones.

There is no way that if you are at someone else's house and they have a younger kid that you just expect the younger kid to stay out of your kids way.

If your kid can watch out for their sibling, they can watch out for other kids.

This is an interesting point- I would, I assume, expect a 10 year old to look out for their 18 month old sibling if all playing together in the backyard. Even closer in age siblings I would do that. But I don't think I'd task my school aged kid with keeping an eye out for all of the babies/ toddlers on the playground, no. Helping with their sibling is a responsibility of theirs, as part of our family. While I would certainly not allow them to run roughshod all over a bunch of babies, I would also not hyper-intervene if they were swinging on the monkey bars and a mom let her baby play underneath them. If the baby in question was my OWN baby, I'd move the baby! Or if I couldn't for some reason, yes I'd call out to my older kid "keep an eye on Sister under there please!". Because the baby is my responsibility, and I can delegate some of that responsibility to my older kid if necessary. But I'm probably not going to ask my school aged kid to watch out for a baby whose mother is right next to it but not intervening. My kid is there to play, just like yours, and your baby is your own responsibility.

Thank you for thinking so but youve responded with an extreme example (see bolded). Im not letting my toddler play in the swing zone. I am intervening- I was the mom talking about how my LO was going across a bridge- designed for one person- and another kid couldnt wait their turn and was stepping on his heels. Or if he is crawling through a tunnel, kids will still enter even though he isnt completed and try and step over him. OR going down a small slide and the older kids are using it to access the play equipment.

Also I was primarily noting that older kids are capable of seeing younger kids. Its been said here a few times that middle-school Bobby just doesnt see little kids- he is incapable. No Ma'm he is capable. I am not expecting your kid to watch over my kid. Im expecting that your kid be capable of seeing another human and react to that input by thinking...." hmmm cant go up this slide because someone else is coming down- I know! Ill use the stairs or go up an adjacent slide." If your kid went up the slide while your other kid was going down- youd internally be like WTF Bobby!?!
Well I'm internally saying WTF Bobby too!