I want out of this marriage. I want to scream

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, I disagree with pretty much everyone here. Apparently every DCUMer wants to be a kept woman to a self-absorbed high-earner who barely tolerates her.

Since she is a self-absorbed crybaby who barely tolerates her husband, the two of them kinda deserve each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step One - get your career going again and get a nanny that helps with the kids. See if it helps the marriage - if it doesn't, then at least you will be ready to stand on your own two feet

This is the most sane advice, rather than trying to sparkle yourself up into a gem he can't afford to lose, get your career back.

He's an ass to say he's the best you can do. It's also kind of gaslighty since he had to woo you in the first place.

OP here. DH earns around 2m per year. We were both graduate students when we started dating. He was humble and kind, hardworking and had lots of potential. Now he is a self important prick.

I feel for you, OP. What is preventing you from hiring help and doing some things - whether work or something else - that brings you personal happiness? Your overall dynamic might shift if you have your own sense of self and happiness. And to all of the "power" posters - he must realize that you can leave and take half of his wealth, no?

I have part time help. DH told me to hire full time help so he isn’t burdened with helping.

I have mentioned going back to work and he has previously shot it down saying I won’t make enough to make it worth our while. I don’t care how much I earn. I am going to work part time at least.

He has been nice to me today. He can sense when I’m super pissed vs normal mad.

Your husband is right that going back to work is not worth it. If he makes that kind of money, it is all going to go to taxes. Do you want to work for free? Why don’t you think of turning a hobby into a business? I think you should recognize that a lot of people are in your shoes with a lot less money. He is right that he is probably the best you can do. He probably should not have said that, but even I recognize in my own marriage that it is the truth and my husband makes a fraction of what yours does. I suggest you get some fulfillment beyond kids and start doing regular date nights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step One - get your career going again and get a nanny that helps with the kids. See if it helps the marriage - if it doesn't, then at least you will be ready to stand on your own two feet

This is the most sane advice, rather than trying to sparkle yourself up into a gem he can't afford to lose, get your career back.

He's an ass to say he's the best you can do. It's also kind of gaslighty since he had to woo you in the first place.

OP here. DH earns around 2m per year. We were both graduate students when we started dating. He was humble and kind, hardworking and had lots of potential. Now he is a self important prick.

I feel for you, OP. What is preventing you from hiring help and doing some things - whether work or something else - that brings you personal happiness? Your overall dynamic might shift if you have your own sense of self and happiness. And to all of the "power" posters - he must realize that you can leave and take half of his wealth, no?

I have part time help. DH told me to hire full time help so he isn’t burdened with helping.

I have mentioned going back to work and he has previously shot it down saying I won’t make enough to make it worth our while. I don’t care how much I earn. I am going to work part time at least.

He has been nice to me today. He can sense when I’m super pissed vs normal mad.

Your husband is right that going back to work is not worth it. If he makes that kind of money, it is all going to go to taxes. Do you want to work for free? Why don’t you think of turning a hobby into a business? I think you should recognize that a lot of people are in your shoes with a lot less money. He is right that he is probably the best you can do. He probably should not have said that, but even I recognize in my own marriage that it is the truth and my husband makes a fraction of what yours does. I suggest you get some fulfillment beyond kids and start doing regular date nights.

I don't think she wants to go back to work for the money, she wants to go back to re-establish herself as a professional.

[Anonymous]

If she wanted to re-establish herself as a professional, she would have hired a full time nanny and gone back to work already.

Op just likes the drama because she is bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step One - get your career going again and get a nanny that helps with the kids. See if it helps the marriage - if it doesn't, then at least you will be ready to stand on your own two feet

This is the most sane advice, rather than trying to sparkle yourself up into a gem he can't afford to lose, get your career back.

He's an ass to say he's the best you can do. It's also kind of gaslighty since he had to woo you in the first place.

OP here. DH earns around 2m per year. We were both graduate students when we started dating. He was humble and kind, hardworking and had lots of potential. Now he is a self important prick.

I feel for you, OP. What is preventing you from hiring help and doing some things - whether work or something else - that brings you personal happiness? Your overall dynamic might shift if you have your own sense of self and happiness. And to all of the "power" posters - he must realize that you can leave and take half of his wealth, no?

I have part time help. DH told me to hire full time help so he isn’t burdened with helping.

I have mentioned going back to work and he has previously shot it down saying I won’t make enough to make it worth our while. I don’t care how much I earn. I am going to work part time at least.

He has been nice to me today. He can sense when I’m super pissed vs normal mad.

Your husband is right that going back to work is not worth it. If he makes that kind of money, it is all going to go to taxes. Do you want to work for free? Why don’t you think of turning a hobby into a business? I think you should recognize that a lot of people are in your shoes with a lot less money. He is right that he is probably the best you can do. He probably should not have said that, but even I recognize in my own marriage that it is the truth and my husband makes a fraction of what yours does. I suggest you get some fulfillment beyond kids and start doing regular date nights.

I don't think she wants to go back to work for the money, she wants to go back to re-establish herself as a professional.

She probably wants to go back to work to get some respect, since she's obviously not getting any at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she wanted to re-establish herself as a professional, she would have hired a full time nanny and gone back to work already.

Op just likes the drama because she is bored.

Everyone has a breaking point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she wanted to re-establish herself as a professional, she would have hired a full time nanny and gone back to work already.

Op just likes the drama because she is bored.

Everyone has a breaking point.

OP’s breaking point is childcare and a husband who doesn’t pay enough attention and cater to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step One - get your career going again and get a nanny that helps with the kids. See if it helps the marriage - if it doesn't, then at least you will be ready to stand on your own two feet

This is the most sane advice, rather than trying to sparkle yourself up into a gem he can't afford to lose, get your career back.

He's an ass to say he's the best you can do. It's also kind of gaslighty since he had to woo you in the first place.

OP here. DH earns around 2m per year. We were both graduate students when we started dating. He was humble and kind, hardworking and had lots of potential. Now he is a self important prick.

I feel for you, OP. What is preventing you from hiring help and doing some things - whether work or something else - that brings you personal happiness? Your overall dynamic might shift if you have your own sense of self and happiness. And to all of the "power" posters - he must realize that you can leave and take half of his wealth, no?

I have part time help. DH told me to hire full time help so he isn’t burdened with helping.

I have mentioned going back to work and he has previously shot it down saying I won’t make enough to make it worth our while. I don’t care how much I earn. I am going to work part time at least.

He has been nice to me today. He can sense when I’m super pissed vs normal mad.

Your husband is right that going back to work is not worth it. If he makes that kind of money, it is all going to go to taxes. Do you want to work for free? Why don’t you think of turning a hobby into a business? I think you should recognize that a lot of people are in your shoes with a lot less money. He is right that he is probably the best you can do. He probably should not have said that, but even I recognize in my own marriage that it is the truth and my husband makes a fraction of what yours does. I suggest you get some fulfillment beyond kids and start doing regular date nights.

I strongly encouraged my DW to go back to work, regardless of tax implications for two reasons: to maintain her sense of identity beyond wife and mother, and to make sure that she was equipped to fend for herself should I die or we got divorced. We did end up divorced and I never had to pay a red cent in spousal support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step One - get your career going again and get a nanny that helps with the kids. See if it helps the marriage - if it doesn't, then at least you will be ready to stand on your own two feet

This is the most sane advice, rather than trying to sparkle yourself up into a gem he can't afford to lose, get your career back.

He's an ass to say he's the best you can do. It's also kind of gaslighty since he had to woo you in the first place.

OP here. DH earns around 2m per year. We were both graduate students when we started dating. He was humble and kind, hardworking and had lots of potential. Now he is a self important prick.

I feel for you, OP. What is preventing you from hiring help and doing some things - whether work or something else - that brings you personal happiness? Your overall dynamic might shift if you have your own sense of self and happiness. And to all of the "power" posters - he must realize that you can leave and take half of his wealth, no?

I have part time help. DH told me to hire full time help so he isn’t burdened with helping.

I have mentioned going back to work and he has previously shot it down saying I won’t make enough to make it worth our while. I don’t care how much I earn. I am going to work part time at least.

He has been nice to me today. He can sense when I’m super pissed vs normal mad.

Your husband is right that going back to work is not worth it. If he makes that kind of money, it is all going to go to taxes. Do you want to work for free? Why don’t you think of turning a hobby into a business? I think you should recognize that a lot of people are in your shoes with a lot less money. He is right that he is probably the best you can do. He probably should not have said that, but even I recognize in my own marriage that it is the truth and my husband makes a fraction of what yours does. I suggest you get some fulfillment beyond kids and start doing regular date nights.

I strongly encouraged my DW to go back to work, regardless of tax implications for two reasons: to maintain her sense of identity beyond wife and mother, and to make sure that she was equipped to fend for herself should I die or we got divorced. We did end up divorced and I never had to pay a red cent in spousal support.

This is good news, OP. Your husband might actually love you, after-all. If he didn't, the above would be his attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she wanted to re-establish herself as a professional, she would have hired a full time nanny and gone back to work already.

Op just likes the drama because she is bored.

Everyone has a breaking point.

She's free to get a job or a divorce anytime she likes. However, she wanted to throw a tantrum but will still stick around and enjoy a well-to-do holiday and won't change anything going forward.

[Anonymous]

OP, all I can do it pity you, because you resent caring for your own young children.

Get a grip, then get a job. Sadly, DH is probably right. With three little ones in tow, you'll be very unlikely to find a passionate relationship with a half-way decent bloke. Unless you are phenomenal in more ways than one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step One - get your career going again and get a nanny that helps with the kids. See if it helps the marriage - if it doesn't, then at least you will be ready to stand on your own two feet

This is the most sane advice, rather than trying to sparkle yourself up into a gem he can't afford to lose, get your career back.

He's an ass to say he's the best you can do. It's also kind of gaslighty since he had to woo you in the first place.

OP here. DH earns around 2m per year. We were both graduate students when we started dating. He was humble and kind, hardworking and had lots of potential. Now he is a self important prick.

I feel for you, OP. What is preventing you from hiring help and doing some things - whether work or something else - that brings you personal happiness? Your overall dynamic might shift if you have your own sense of self and happiness. And to all of the "power" posters - he must realize that you can leave and take half of his wealth, no?

I have part time help. DH told me to hire full time help so he isn’t burdened with helping.

I have mentioned going back to work and he has previously shot it down saying I won’t make enough to make it worth our while. I don’t care how much I earn. I am going to work part time at least.

He has been nice to me today. He can sense when I’m super pissed vs normal mad.

Your husband is right that going back to work is not worth it. If he makes that kind of money, it is all going to go to taxes. Do you want to work for free? Why don’t you think of turning a hobby into a business? I think you should recognize that a lot of people are in your shoes with a lot less money. He is right that he is probably the best you can do. He probably should not have said that, but even I recognize in my own marriage that it is the truth and my husband makes a fraction of what yours does. I suggest you get some fulfillment beyond kids and start doing regular date nights.

no, it's not all going to taxes. part of her salary is going to taxes, and part of his salary is going to taxes. but she is still making her own money, even if household income remains the same.

besides, looking at work soleley through the lens of money is stupid, especially for someone like OP. she needs to build a career, not work as a cashier at walmart. it will be difficult and take time but lack of challenges is precisely one of the things that make OP's life so empty and boring. life can, indeed, be too comfortable. work is more than money, it's about accomplishment, respect, socializing and more.

[Anonymous]

What country do you people work in? Marginal tax rates don't work that way in America.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What country do you people work in? Marginal tax rates don't work that way in America.

what is your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeez, I disagree with pretty much everyone here. Apparently every DCUMer wants to be a kept woman to a self-absorbed high-earner who barely tolerates her.

Your DH, as others have admitted, sounds like an ass. Financial success often brings an ego trip. (Lawyer here, see it constantly--tho of course attorneys have this problem regardless of income .) (1) Get a job. I see no reason why a highly-educated women such as yourself should have any problem finding work in the long-run. I emphasize the last word, because the difficulty is that it will likely take networking and working your way up again. But you have exactly what you need to achieve this: time and resources. So get going. (2) Make explicit, reasonable requests (in advance) of DH. Date night. Family event. You want him to take DS to Star Wars b/c kid would love it. (4) Outsource household drudgery. (Duh.) (3) Take your time. See where you are in a year, two years. I agree that DH sound unbearable now, but perhaps he should be given the opportunity to change as well.

And disregard the Stepford harpies that pretend that any work is miserable toil that will ruin your children. I love my job, most of the folks I work with and around love their work. You can too.

Well, I agree with you!
and excellent point, unless you have a highly specialized field where there a dearth of experience, you are unlikely to find something both high paid and fulfilling right away. The point is to get the ball rolling making changes professionally and personally because it is not working now.