Rising High School Senior just decided to extend his trip...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flights can get delayed, miss flight connections (stuff happens), of so he might not even get back for the first day of school.
Also, it's pretty poor behavior to go incommunicado after informing the parents of this change in plans.

OP said he was in rural Sweden. I don't get cell service at my Mother-In-Laws in rural Virginia.

Honestly, I doubt the kid thought it was a big deal to extend by a few days. He sounds like a responsible kid.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. The GF parents give her free-rein with no restrictions at all. They wouldn't care if she was with my son alone for the entire summer.

Imagine that in Europe they think an 18year old, adult, can manage their time. Maybe thats why the average 15 year old in Europe has the maturity level of the average 23 year old American. you said "alone with my son" like you think they arent having sex already.

OH BS! I'd love to know the imaginary Europeans you DCUMERS claim to know. I assure you 15 yo Eutopean kids are not more mature than 23 yo American kids. I can also assure European kids don't do whatever the hell they feel like in regards to home life and their parents.

The post isnt far off. I see absolute stupidity out of recent college grads often. For example, a full grown23-year-old woman blaming her coworkers, who don't even live with her for not making sure she was awake and at work on time for an important meeting. A 22ish-year-old man saying it was not fair he has to stay late to finish work he didn't, he had plans to go out with friends.

So you know two examples of clueless American young adults and that translates to all 20 something American adults and European teens being more mature?

As I said , you and the "sophisticated Euro" DCUM crowd are clueless.

Correction I cited two, I dont "know two". Look at teen pregnancy rates, drug abuse, alcohol related deaths the list goes on and on, US teens and young adults surpass European teens and young adults in virtually every negative category....maturity at work. No one said "sophisticated" did they? Nice job trying at defining a position no one took. Sad you're in denial that the helicopter, boogie man is waiting behind every corner to snatch your baby partening technic is so typical. Fact of the matter is in Europe kids arent babied into young adulthood, OP case in point. She is just one of the legion of partents that think their young adult is a child compared to Europe where it is very common to trust their decsion making and not treat them like little children.

NP here and leave OP out of your insane argument! She already admitted that she was angry because she misses her son. She raised a top student, student leader who is up for merit and NEED BASED scholarships for college and has worked since he was 14 and paid for this trip himself by working hard this summer and getting an A in a college class. She did not stand in the way of her son going to Sweden with his girlfriend and just worries about him and misses him.

BTW, this is not about red-shirting either!

Why leave her out, she is the one who started the topic. Using nonsense excuses to cover the fact she misses him. Its good she owned up to it, most people will continue to deny their real feelings rather than being honest with themselves. Sounds likes they raised a great kid to me, thatswhy i had a hard time understanding the outrage. By the way, why capitalize needs based?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The GF parents give her free-rein with no restrictions at all. They wouldn't care if she was with my son alone for the entire summer.

Imagine that in Europe they think an 18year old, adult, can manage their time. Maybe thats why the average 15 year old in Europe has the maturity level of the average 23 year old American. you said "alone with my son" like you think they arent having sex already.

OH BS! I'd love to know the imaginary Europeans you DCUMERS claim to know. I assure you 15 yo Eutopean kids are not more mature than 23 yo American kids. I can also assure European kids don't do whatever the hell they feel like in regards to home life and their parents.

The post isnt far off. I see absolute stupidity out of recent college grads often. For example, a full grown23-year-old woman blaming her coworkers, who don't even live with her for not making sure she was awake and at work on time for an important meeting. A 22ish-year-old man saying it was not fair he has to stay late to finish work he didn't, he had plans to go out with friends.

So you know two examples of clueless American young adults and that translates to all 20 something American adults and European teens being more mature?

As I said , you and the "sophisticated Euro" DCUM crowd are clueless.

Correction I cited two, I dont "know two". Look at teen pregnancy rates, drug abuse, alcohol related deaths the list goes on and on, US teens and young adults surpass European teens and young adults in virtually every negative category....maturity at work. No one said "sophisticated" did they? Nice job trying at defining a position no one took. Sad you're in denial that the helicopter, boogie man is waiting behind every corner to snatch your baby partening technic is so typical. Fact of the matter is in Europe kids arent babied into young adulthood, OP case in point. She is just one of the legion of partents that think their young adult is a child compared to Europe where it is very common to trust their decsion making and not treat them like little children.

NP here and leave OP out of your insane argument! She already admitted that she was angry because she misses her son. She raised a top student, student leader who is up for merit and NEED BASED scholarships for college and has worked since he was 14 and paid for this trip himself by working hard this summer and getting an A in a college class. She did not stand in the way of her son going to Sweden with his girlfriend and just worries about him and misses him.

BTW, this is not about red-shirting either!

Why leave her out, she is the one who started the topic. Using nonsense excuses to cover the fact she misses him. Its good she owned up to it, most people will continue to deny their real feelings rather than being honest with themselves. Sounds likes they raised a great kid to me, thatswhy i had a hard time understanding the outrage. By the way, why capitalize needs based?

This is not your typical DCUM rich kid. And I meant leave OP out of the ridiculous "who is more mature - European or American kids"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flights can get delayed, miss flight connections (stuff happens), of so he might not even get back for the first day of school.
Also, it's pretty poor behavior to go incommunicado after informing the parents of this change in plans.

I appear to be in a significant minority, but even having read the whole thread I'm still struggling to understand (1) why it is necessary to consult the parents in this situation, and (2) why being out of communication when traveling in a rural area is bad/what further contact the parents actually need.

I would have no problem with any 18+ year DC old of mine doing exactly as the OP's son did, given the following facts as I understand them:

1) The traveler is a legal adult for whom the parents are not legally responsible
2) The funds being used for the trip, extension, and fixing any travel delays that may arise are the traveler's own earned money.
3) The traveler made travel plans which do not require the parents to do anything or change their own schedules

Basically, if a legal adult chooses to take on adult levels of autonomy, I would expect them to exercise corresponding levels of responsibility. If no action is needed from me, keeping me informed of plans is at most an appreciated courtesy and I would consider OP's DS's text to have done so adequately.

[Anonymous]

Sheesh....live a little. Hope he has a great time.

[Anonymous]

OP ~ he has had a tremendous amount of freedom. I don't see this itinerary change as very significant, not a significant detail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think 18 is a magical age at which you get to do whatever you want, especially while still in HS and living at home.

Not sure what you do, OP, but I would be furious too. And not just at lack of control - at the demonstrated lack of maturity and courtesy.

This. People are acting like this is a college kid, instead of a high schooler who's obviously counting on Mom & Dad to go buy his school supplies so he'll be ready for Day One. He's legally an adult, but he's still a kid in reality.

Bingo. He's not meaningfully contributing to the roof above his head, therefore he doesn't get meaningful adult choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It'll be a L-O-N-G year if this kid thinks that he can come and go as he pleases, stay gone overnight and even for days w/o at least telling his parents where he is going to be.

+1. The people saying "let it go" are social misfits. Whether you're 18 or 180, if you aren't communicating your plans with people you live with, you're not going to have a good relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the people in this thread calling him "an adult" trolling? He's a high school senior who lives at home.

He's going to come home after a summer of freedom and walk all over his parents, then this "adult" is going to say you owe me $120,000-280,000 for my college and don't forget to keep me insured, maybe let me take a car to college, pay that auto insurance, and keep my debit card at +$500.

Some "adult".

This. What he did was disrespectful on a number of levels for someone who is and will continue to be financially dependent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe you let him go to Sweden . I can't believe he was invited. It sounds more like he's a married 28 year old going to visit his wife's family then a teen who is about to start his senior year of high school.

I hope you approve of his girlfriend and her family because he and his girlfriend are probably a lot more serious now, I wouldn't be surprised if they talked about getting married after college.

Good point. This is permissive parenting gone cuckoo. The fact that he responded this way when given the long leash shows he wasn't ready for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From the OP's responses, it seems like she would have given her son and okay for extending his trip if he had the common courtesy to speak them. He chose
to TEXT his parents and then be unavailable for communication. He knew exactly what he was doing-they had no choice but to accept his travel changes. To the DCUMers who think this is normal 18 year old/adult behavior, then you will be fine when your DH pulls this on you.

They lost control of their kids long before they turned 18; their only recourse is to try to turn other parents into failures too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flights can get delayed, miss flight connections (stuff happens), of so he might not even get back for the first day of school.
Also, it's pretty poor behavior to go incommunicado after informing the parents of this change in plans.

I appear to be in a significant minority, but even having read the whole thread I'm still struggling to understand (1) why it is necessary to consult the parents in this situation, and (2) why being out of communication when traveling in a rural area is bad/what further contact the parents actually need.

I would have no problem with any 18+ year DC old of mine doing exactly as the OP's son did, given the following facts as I understand them:

1) The traveler is a legal adult for whom the parents are not legally responsible
2) The funds being used for the trip, extension, and fixing any travel delays that may arise are the traveler's own earned money.
3) The traveler made travel plans which do not require the parents to do anything or change their own schedules

Basically, if a legal adult chooses to take on adult levels of autonomy, I would expect them to exercise corresponding levels of responsibility. If no action is needed from me, keeping me informed of plans is at most an appreciated courtesy and I would consider OP's DS's text to have done so adequately.

Totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think 18 is a magical age at which you get to do whatever you want, especially while still in HS and living at home.

Not sure what you do, OP, but I would be furious too. And not just at lack of control - at the demonstrated lack of maturity and courtesy.

This. People are acting like this is a college kid, instead of a high schooler who's obviously counting on Mom & Dad to go buy his school supplies so he'll be ready for Day One. He's legally an adult, but he's still a kid in reality.

Bingo. He's not meaningfully contributing to the roof above his head, therefore he doesn't get meaningful adult choices.

Agreed.

Although I have to question the parenting up to this point. When I was still in high school, despite my age and the fact that I was mature and level headed for my age, I never would have dreamed of doing something like this without first asking permission. I have to presume that OP has made some parenting choices that indicate that DS can do what he wants and not be punished or have consequences. So own that, OP.

[Anonymous]

"Adult" kids are usually expected to financially support themselves, as well.

This kid is taking advantage of the benefits of adulthood, while rejecting the responsibilities. He obviously expects his parents to continue treating him like a minor, financially. He's clearly "entitled".

[Anonymous]

This kid needs to get handed some adult responsibilities when he decides to come back to Mommy and Daddy.

Consequences of his "adult" choices are in order, OP. Carefully discuss the possibilities with your husband. Then maybe the first weekend after your son is home, have a sit down him to see what he thinks he can manage.

Don't get into it until then. Just let him know you're glad he had a nice time and he's home safely.