School Clothes for the Fall

[Anonymous]

Thank goodness for uniforms!

[Anonymous]

I am someone who loves clothes and enjoys seeing my children dressed well. That said, my children often have on one piece from Target with another piece from a high end trunk show like Papo d'Anjo or something from J Crew or Lily. For me its not about the cost, its about the look. I do have to add that I agree that many of the girls clothes from Target are tacky and have too much "going on" re sequins and characters etc but, the basics are great. I also find the generic boys pants and tees and polos are good and wear well. Like me, my children also really enjoy clothes and looking nice. Yes, even my 8 yr old son! As long as you and your child are happy and comfortable about how they look and feel, and you are okay with what you are spending, nothing else matters. Happy and confortable do however, mean just physically but, the emotional aspects of feeling okay within the peer cohort also. We can make a concerted effort to teach our children to be non-judgmental and look beyond one's appearance to the character beneath but, sadly, there is a component to being a middle schooler and high schooler that sometimes overcomes the lessons from one's parents. Acknowledging that, and helping your child be equipped to handle that is important too. Often, for a child, being "equipped to handle that" means wearing clothes that make them feel as if they fit in. That may not be the answer we as adults know is best, but we are talking about children and their coping skills are still growing. My parents were rather tight fisted even though well off and I remember the desperation to dress a certain way could be terrifically consuming. It was a constant battle for me and I'd rather just take that issue off my kids' plates if I can.

[Anonymous]

I agree 11:38. As much as I'd like to think I'm above it, I remember the girl with only one pair of Levi corduroy pants which were not in a cool color, and how desperately I wanted to have a better wardrobe. Unlike learning to make due with the hundreds of other things I did not have, the severe making do with clothing thing was no help for someone who suffered from an inferiority complex already. I'm not kidding: nicer clothes would have helped me.

[Anonymous]

Stay away from Zara kids. The shoes and clothes are the poorest quality I've ever seen. When I lived in NY, Zara seemed to be fashionable clothes that weren't expensive but made with decent quality. I wasted a ton of money in that place. It's the pits.

H&M rocks...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am someone who loves clothes and enjoys seeing my children dressed well. That said, my children often have on one piece from Target with another piece from a high end trunk show like Papo d'Anjo or something from J Crew or Lily. For me its not about the cost, its about the look. I do have to add that I agree that many of the girls clothes from Target are tacky and have too much "going on" re sequins and characters etc but, the basics are great. I also find the generic boys pants and tees and polos are good and wear well. Like me, my children also really enjoy clothes and looking nice. Yes, even my 8 yr old son! As long as you and your child are happy and comfortable about how they look and feel, and you are okay with what you are spending, nothing else matters. Happy and confortable do however, mean just physically but, the emotional aspects of feeling okay within the peer cohort also. We can make a concerted effort to teach our children to be non-judgmental and look beyond one's appearance to the character beneath but, sadly, there is a component to being a middle schooler and high schooler that sometimes overcomes the lessons from one's parents. Acknowledging that, and helping your child be equipped to handle that is important too. Often, for a child, being "equipped to handle that" means wearing clothes that make them feel as if they fit in. That may not be the answer we as adults know is best, but we are talking about children and their coping skills are still growing. My parents were rather tight fisted even though well off and I remember the desperation to dress a certain way could be terrifically consuming. It was a constant battle for me and I'd rather just take that issue off my kids' plates if I can.

Well said. I sometimes think that kids who don't have to fight the clothing battle in these years are able to move on through it a lot faster. I was raised like you. I tried to tell myself that I was over it at 19, but not really.

[Anonymous]

"Acknowledging that, and helping your child be equipped to handle that is important too. Often, for a child, being "equipped to handle that" means wearing clothes that make them feel as if they fit in. That may not be the answer we as adults know is best, but we are talking about children and their coping skills are still growing. My parents were rather tight fisted even though well off and I remember the desperation to dress a certain way could be terrifically consuming. It was a constant battle for me and I'd rather just take that issue off my kids' plates if I can."

Good grief!! To each his own and if expensive clothes and the right look floats your boat more power to you but do not lay out this nonsense that you are doing it to help your child be equipped and gently develop coping skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Acknowledging that, and helping your child be equipped to handle that is important too. Often, for a child, being "equipped to handle that" means wearing clothes that make them feel as if they fit in. That may not be the answer we as adults know is best, but we are talking about children and their coping skills are still growing. My parents were rather tight fisted even though well off and I remember the desperation to dress a certain way could be terrifically consuming. It was a constant battle for me and I'd rather just take that issue off my kids' plates if I can."

Good grief!! To each his own and if expensive clothes and the right look floats your boat more power to you but do not lay out this nonsense that you are doing it to help your child be equipped and gently develop coping skills.

What do you know? Is 'Good Grief!' supposed to make the PP feel like an idiot? Why the hell not just send them in in potato sacks, right?

What's wrong with a parent wanting their child to feel like an insider? Maybe you don't like the group they're 'inside'. Maybe that's the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Acknowledging that, and helping your child be equipped to handle that is important too. Often, for a child, being "equipped to handle that" means wearing clothes that make them feel as if they fit in. That may not be the answer we as adults know is best, but we are talking about children and their coping skills are still growing. My parents were rather tight fisted even though well off and I remember the desperation to dress a certain way could be terrifically consuming. It was a constant battle for me and I'd rather just take that issue off my kids' plates if I can."

Good grief!! To each his own and if expensive clothes and the right look floats your boat more power to you but do not lay out this nonsense that you are doing it to help your child be equipped and gently develop coping skills.

What do you know? Is 'Good Grief!' supposed to make the PP feel like an idiot? Why the hell not just send them in in potato sacks, right?

What's wrong with a parent wanting their child to feel like an insider? Maybe you don't like the group they're 'inside'. Maybe that's the problem.

Why is that a problem? I see it as a plus.

oh - not the PP to whom you responded, just a GDI

[Anonymous]

As a professional stylist, I will simply mention that when I take on a new client, I ask them about how they and their parents handled the clothing issue in secondary schools. Ooooh, there is lots and lots of baggage there and the ones with bad memories remember it as if it were just yesterday. The stories I have heard......

My informal studies of several thousand adult female clients over the years seem to indicate that the less control they had over their clothing choices at a young age, the deeper the hurt and resentment they experienced towards parents and their school experience. I ask them this question because it has a permanent effect on how they handle their own wardrobe issues as they get older and have to plan their own outfits. Knowing their baggage allows me to assist them in helping them overcome their current wardrobe frustrations.

[Anonymous]

OMG people GET A LIFE! We are talking about a 3rd grader's clothes and you are fearful that the emotional baggage of not looking like every other kid will send them to therapy for the rest of their lives? Heck, the kids' real problems will stem from having such airhead, navel-gazing mothers not from a Target piece of clothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a professional stylist, I will simply mention that when I take on a new client, I ask them about how they and their parents handled the clothing issue in secondary schools. Ooooh, there is lots and lots of baggage there and the ones with bad memories remember it as if it were just yesterday. The stories I have heard......

My informal studies of several thousand adult female clients over the years seem to indicate that the less control they had over their clothing choices at a young age, the deeper the hurt and resentment they experienced towards parents and their school experience. I ask them this question because it has a permanent effect on how they handle their own wardrobe issues as they get older and have to plan their own outfits. Knowing their baggage allows me to assist them in helping them overcome their current wardrobe frustrations.

This is a joke, right? If not, are you dual certified? stylist and psychotherapist?

baggage - I find the use of that word funny in this context . . . b/c as many of us know, baggage can be used to accessorize - especially when traveling first class.

[Anonymous]

No joke at all. I've been doing this for 20 years and do have a psychology background along with professional and international certifications in the 3 major image fields. The majority of my clients have been with me long-term - many of them for 15 years or more.

They come to me because they are looking to advance their social, personal and/or professional goals and have found frustration in realizing their goals. (Visual appearance is only the first step. 93% of your first impression is non-verbal while 7% is attributed to what you say. Sad, but true.) It's when we start to dig that we usually find their current habits and feelings towards their own personal image has roots earlier in life.

When you think about it, there is huge angst among the female population as a whole about looking appropriate and then, of course, the whole sad body image issue. I have yet to meet a woman who loves her body as it is. She is quick to point out what she hates and finds it difficult to tell you what her good phyisical attributes are. Men, even if they have a paunch and balding head, don't deal with this at all and firmly believe they are great as is.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, men aren't encouraged from day one to believe that their success will be a function of how they look. They tend to believe that what they do/achieve will be key.

What we see on this thread is a bunch of neurotic women who assume that their childrens' social success will be a function of how they dress. And they assume that even in contexts where their kids are in achievement-oriented environments. Rather than realize they were fighting the wrong battle, they're throwing more resources at it earlier, convinced that this time they can win.

Newsflash for such women: You wouldn't be more successful or less neurotic if you had had the right clothes in high school. You just like to believe that. You're not sparing your kid trauma by passing these screwed-up values. The fact that these values are shared by other women and that whole industries are built around them doesn't make them healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, men aren't encouraged from day one to believe that their success will be a function of how they look. They tend to believe that what they do/achieve will be key.

What we see on this thread is a bunch of neurotic women who assume that their childrens' social success will be a function of how they dress. And they assume that even in contexts where their kids are in achievement-oriented environments. Rather than realize they were fighting the wrong battle, they're throwing more resources at it earlier, convinced that this time they can win.

Newsflash for such women: You wouldn't be more successful or less neurotic if you had had the right clothes in high school. You just like to believe that. You're not sparing your kid trauma by passing these screwed-up values. The fact that these values are shared by other women and that whole industries are built around them doesn't make them healthy.

You are so WRONG here. From the first sentence on... Boys get ridiculed in middle school and high school for their clothing as well. It affects their self-esteem and belief that their success will be a function of how they look too. I have seen this first hand and you are flat out wrong to assume and state that this is just about females. That belief paints you as the ultimate "screwed-up values" individual on this entire thread. Its people like you, who throw around phrases like "bunch of neurotic women" who are hurting women more than any others. You need to re-evaluate your core beliefs about women, and about yourself.

[Anonymous]

Well, I guess, that's one way to work toward gender equity -- raise your boys to be as insecure about their appearance as your girls.