School Clothes for the Fall

[Anonymous]

OP, are you even there anymore? You are undoubtedly afraid to even send your child in the door to your nice school.

Don't pay attention to all the chatter. No one will care about the clothes. If your child comes home melting into tears about not having the right clothes you can figure out what to do then (clothes wise and school wise). Until then, pat yourself on the back for giving the loonies a place to congregate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here who also works with both men and women on wardrobing. There are currently over 35 studies done by prominent universities (Harvard, U. of MI, etc.) showing a direct correlation between people who address their image and greater gains in self-confidence, credibility, experience, promotion, recognition and enhanced earning power over those who do not address it. Seeing this firsthand is the best part of my job.

There is also the American Cancer Society's Look Good, Feel Better program.

I can't believe this is news to anyone. On what remote atoll did you grow up that self-esteem was not connected in some way to your looks, your abilities, and your possessions? Squawk all you like that it shouldn't be that way, but don't tell me a kid with all the wrong clothes is going to be thinking about how this is making him a better man.

I can only say that this connection between the image-conscious and their high self-esteem stems from childhood. To echo what other PPs have stated, wouldn't it be better to help a child build self-esteem through more worthwhile activities like sports, for, example, instead of shopping?

My goddaughter never cared about image, and yet she has great, supportive friends who match her intellect, and a Master's degree in a lucrative field. And she definitely was no pauper growing up. But because she felt supported by her family, she never fell into the materialistic trap. It all stems from childhood security (or lack of).

[Anonymous]

Amen.

[Anonymous]

Your argument that kids need to learn early to disregard image may apply to a few kids, but certainly doesn't seem applicable to all.

* Several posters here have talked about crushing self esteem problems that came from *not* fitting in.

* Kids can be so insecure for so many reasons (lack of the very sports skills you mention, stuttering, academic difficulty and yes, weird parents) that imposing an additional cause for insecurity seems heartless for some kids.

* I doubt that every kid can handle *not* fitting in when they are young. Kids learn to express themselves as distinct people gradually, as they mature. It starts about junior high for some, about high school for others.

And I don't buy that enlightened parenting can rectify the problems the kid will have from not fitting in. You just can't impose this type of maturity on kids, even if you sincerely think you are teaching them valuable lessons about individuality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your argument that kids need to learn early to disregard image may apply to a few kids, but certainly doesn't seem applicable to all.

* Several posters here have talked about crushing self esteem problems that came from *not* fitting in.

* Kids can be so insecure for so many reasons (lack of the very sports skills you mention, stuttering, academic difficulty and yes, weird parents) that imposing an additional cause for insecurity seems heartless for some kids.

* I doubt that every kid can handle *not* fitting in when they are young. Kids learn to express themselves as distinct people gradually, as they mature. It starts about junior high for some, about high school for others.

And I don't buy that enlightened parenting can rectify the problems the kid will have from not fitting in. You just can't impose this type of maturity on kids, even if you sincerely think you are teaching them valuable lessons about individuality.

Of course kids can be secure in areas where they don't excel. But MOST DO excel in at least one area. So to say to the child who's not the best in sports - "I'll buy you anything you want from Store X at any price." - doesn't solve any of his/her self-esteem issues. It just masks the problem.

Wearing "in" clothing is not a cure-all for insecurity. It's just a lame excuse for parents who make materialism a priority.

[Anonymous]

Again, you're making a false link between "in" clothes and materialism. Many people have pointed out where you're wrong. Please stop.

Also, there are some nerdy kids who just don't fit in. We all know them in every school and in every grade. So you would tell these kids, "here, wear the dorky hand-me-downs, you're still a great kid in your parents' eyes"?

I'm sorry, but your universal "truths" just don't work for everybody.

[Anonymous]

Let her go, folks. Her kids can address it in therapy when they're older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you even there anymore? You are undoubtedly afraid to even send your child in the door to your nice school.

Don't pay attention to all the chatter. No one will care about the clothes. If your child comes home melting into tears about not having the right clothes you can figure out what to do then (clothes wise and school wise). Until then, pat yourself on the back for giving the loonies a place to congregate.

I like it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, you're making a false link between "in" clothes and materialism. Many people have pointed out where you're wrong. Please stop.

Also, there are some nerdy kids who just don't fit in. We all know them in every school and in every grade. So you would tell these kids, "here, wear the dorky hand-me-downs, you're still a great kid in your parents' eyes"?

Wow, it just keeps coming. You really couldn't make this stuff up if you tried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Also, there are some nerdy kids who just don't fit in. We all know them in every school and in every grade. So you would tell these kids, "here, wear the dorky hand-me-downs, you're still a great kid in your parents' eyes"?

But they don't get into The Big 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Of course kids can be secure in areas where they don't excel. But MOST DO excel in at least one area.

But what about the kids who excel in purchasing power and wardrobe selection? What happens to their self-esteem if other kids are being taught those things don't matter??!!!

[Anonymous]

I think that any sane parent would agree that there are arguments to be made on both sides of the issue. A reasonable position would appear to be somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. It's craziness to argue that all kids are born with innate self-confidence instead of innate shyness, that kids "need" expensive clothes to fit in, that every parent is equally capable of turning their timid kid into a leader, or in general that one size fits all.

08/23/2009 00:43's problem is that she takes the far, hard end of the spectrum. Then she's such an overbearing cow about it that she's driven everybody else to the other extreme of the spectrum....

[Anonymous]

So you can't turn timid kids into leaders but a lone poster can induce collective idiocy in otherwise quite rational and sane people? 00:43 was just quoting.

[Anonymous]

And she gets the last word in!

Talk about a dog with a bone.