School Clothes for the Fall

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Acknowledging that, and helping your child be equipped to handle that is important too. Often, for a child, being "equipped to handle that" means wearing clothes that make them feel as if they fit in. That may not be the answer we as adults know is best, but we are talking about children and their coping skills are still growing. My parents were rather tight fisted even though well off and I remember the desperation to dress a certain way could be terrifically consuming. It was a constant battle for me and I'd rather just take that issue off my kids' plates if I can."

Good grief!! To each his own and if expensive clothes and the right look floats your boat more power to you but do not lay out this nonsense that you are doing it to help your child be equipped and gently develop coping skills.

What do you know? Is 'Good Grief!' supposed to make the PP feel like an idiot? Why the hell not just send them in in potato sacks, right?

What's wrong with a parent wanting their child to feel like an insider? Maybe you don't like the group they're 'inside'. Maybe that's the problem.

Thanks PP #2, I think. I have to say though, I would not use a term like "insider."

To PP#1, who responded to me with "good grief" well... all I can say is you are clearly a very angry and unhappy person and you dont read other's post very closely. Have a nice day.

[Anonymous]

I dunno, you don't have to be an angry or unhappy person to have a limited tolerance for self-serving BS. I'd put the "good grief" poster in the latter category rather than the former.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, men aren't encouraged from day one to believe that their success will be a function of how they look. They tend to believe that what they do/achieve will be key.

What we see on this thread is a bunch of neurotic women who assume that their childrens' social success will be a function of how they dress. And they assume that even in contexts where their kids are in achievement-oriented environments. Rather than realize they were fighting the wrong battle, they're throwing more resources at it earlier, convinced that this time they can win.

Newsflash for such women: You wouldn't be more successful or less neurotic if you had had the right clothes in high school. You just like to believe that. You're not sparing your kid trauma by passing these screwed-up values. The fact that these values are shared by other women and that whole industries are built around them doesn't make them healthy.

You are so WRONG here. From the first sentence on... Boys get ridiculed in middle school and high school for their clothing as well. It affects their self-esteem and belief that their success will be a function of how they look too. I have seen this first hand and you are flat out wrong to assume and state that this is just about females. That belief paints you as the ultimate "screwed-up values" individual on this entire thread. Its people like you, who throw around phrases like "bunch of neurotic women" who are hurting women more than any others. You need to re-evaluate your core beliefs about women, and about yourself.

OK - then find me a study that correlates fashion "sense" to self esteem/success.

The only time I've seen a boy ridiculed in my 9th grade classes for an "accessory" was when a bottle of Axe rolled out of a kid's backpack.

[Anonymous]

PP here who also works with both men and women on wardrobing. There are currently over 35 studies done by prominent universities (Harvard, U. of MI, etc.) showing a direct correlation between people who address their image and greater gains in self-confidence, credibility, experience, promotion, recognition and enhanced earning power over those who do not address it. Seeing this firsthand is the best part of my job.

There is also the American Cancer Society's Look Good, Feel Better program.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe this is news to anyone. On what remote atoll did you grow up that self-esteem was not connected in some way to your looks, your abilities, and your possessions? Squawk all you like that it shouldn't be that way, but don't tell me a kid with all the wrong clothes is going to be thinking about how this is making him a better man.

[Anonymous]

I think we may be losing perspective on what self esteem means. Feeling good about yourself because you have all the right clothes and accessories is in NO WAY self esteem. In fact, it probably lowers self esteem because you have directly connected your own sense of self worth to how you perceive others will accept you. Self esteem is about having a healthy outlook without having to have the outer appearance of being "in".

[Anonymous]

Will a clean, well groomed, child in Target clothes experience less social and academic success than his buddy dress in crew cuts? do people logically think this way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will a clean, well groomed, child in Target clothes experience less social and academic success than his buddy dress in crew cuts? do people logically think this way?

You miss the point, it is not about academics.

[Anonymous]

I have a daughter in Pre-K at a Big 3 and a duagher who is a college sophomore and a grad of a Big- 3. Clothes have always been an issue in our house- though lately it has been more of my eldest taking my things back to school with her. I suggest buying quality, timeless pieces. The Burberry quilted jackets and Barbours for the rain will last forever, and can be passed on to nieces and nephews. My youngest wears her sisters Lilly dresses even though they are over ten years old. We always save on the basics, but I suggest spending money on nice pieces- even when they are young. After all- they will not want to wear smocked dresses forever. Your children will most likely go through a phase where all they want to wear is their sports uniforms or workout gear, so try to set a precident for dressing nicely- it will keep them alert and focused during the school day. Of course, it isnt practical to dress your young child in all RL or Lilly, but a couple nice pieces rotated throughout the season is always good. If you think the clothes battle is tough now, just wait ten years until your daughter or son starts asking you for the same pieces you didn't until you were in your 30s. My sophomore is wearing the same Tory Burch shoes and carrying the same tote as me these days- and I cant even fault her for having good taste.

[Anonymous]

"Your children will most likely go through a phase where all they want to wear is their sports uniforms or workout gear, so try to set a precident for dressing nicely- it will keep them alert and focused during the school day. "

You really think wearing LP or RL will make your children focus more during the school day? This is either frightening or a very funny joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here who also works with both men and women on wardrobing. There are currently over 35 studies done by prominent universities (Harvard, U. of MI, etc.) showing a direct correlation between people who address their image and greater gains in self-confidence, credibility, experience, promotion, recognition and enhanced earning power over those who do not address it. Seeing this firsthand is the best part of my job.

There is also the American Cancer Society's Look Good, Feel Better program.

PP, this makes sense but there is a way in which dressing for work should be seen as a tool, something you do to get ahead. I'm concerned that worrying too much about dressing for school makes it seem as if it is essential to one's identity and personal survival, rather than as a tool to manage one's career.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP about dressing in a manner that prepares oneself for their studies. I was always told that if I wanted to be treated like a professional, I had to dress like one. While I wouldnt agree that one always needs to go to the expense of Ralph Lauren or Lilly Pulitzer, well groomed children always appear more focused, and just think of how hard it is to move around like a ruffian when one is wearing a blazer. I do wish more DC independents would go toward more traditional uniforms. I attended NYC independent schools and later boarding, and always wore a formal uniform to class. It made everything so much simpler. While I understand the need for children to express themselves, they can do so in their compositions and artwork, or with their backpacks and outerwear.

[Anonymous]

I have bought more expensive clothes for my kids but did not put too much or any thought into the whole thing. The Hannah A, MiniBoden, Primigi shoes and Lilly stuff was cute, we could afford it, it was online so I didn't have to go to a mall and DD liked it. DS likes animals so I have been buying more expensive shirts just to find the gorilla or crocodile motif.

After reading this thread I am buying ALL their school clothes at Target and Lands End. Seriously, it is very disturbing how much weight some mothers are putting on looking good and having the right clothes for their kids. Some may be doing it out of fear that their kids will be less popular but others seem to be doing out of complete snobbishness to re-create the insider circle of their lost childhood or the one they felt excluded from themselves. What a terrible thing to do to children!Its nonsense to describe a little boy wearing a pair of jeans or khakis with a cotton t-shirt from Target as being poorly groomed.

Are you listening to yourselves? A preschooler is a ruffian if he is not dressed in a blazer and flannel pants? A child will take school more seriously if she wears a $60 dress? My child will have more self esteem if I make sure they have the best clothes? I'm just so proud that my sophmore wears Tory Burch like me? Ick!

[Anonymous]

Let's please UNRAVEL this THREAD. Too many people are TIED UP in KNOTS over this topic. Let's try to remember to not be too MATERIAListic. Let's not NEEDLE each other any longer. Just try to BUTTON your lip if you feel the need to respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have bought more expensive clothes for my kids but did not put too much or any thought into the whole thing. The Hannah A, MiniBoden, Primigi shoes and Lilly stuff was cute, we could afford it, it was online so I didn't have to go to a mall and DD liked it. DS likes animals so I have been buying more expensive shirts just to find the gorilla or crocodile motif.

After reading this thread I am buying ALL their school clothes at Target and Lands End. Seriously, it is very disturbing how much weight some mothers are putting on looking good and having the right clothes for their kids. Some may be doing it out of fear that their kids will be less popular but others seem to be doing out of complete snobbishness to re-create the insider circle of their lost childhood or the one they felt excluded from themselves. What a terrible thing to do to children!Its nonsense to describe a little boy wearing a pair of jeans or khakis with a cotton t-shirt from Target as being poorly groomed.

Are you listening to yourselves? A preschooler is a ruffian if he is not dressed in a blazer and flannel pants? A child will take school more seriously if she wears a $60 dress? My child will have more self esteem if I make sure they have the best clothes? I'm just so proud that my sophmore wears Tory Burch like me? Ick!

It's one of the saddest threads on here in a long time. And that's saying something.