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School Clothes for the Fall
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Anonymous
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The "cool clothes" battle occurs in ALL schools. Take a look at high school boys who waddle around in pants that are one milimeter from falling down around their ankles. This "prison look" thing is actually about done and being replaced with impossibly tight "skinny jeans" now, but you get my point. I would not want my child to worry about the brand of his clothes, but I also wouldn't want him to wander around looking like he's on parole.
So, PP, get off your high horse. Kids are immature and therefore put a lot of importance on superficial things. Parents who prevent their children from being social rejects right off the bat are perhaps reinforcing the problem a bit, but also doing something loving and supportive. The key is to keep it "within reason" and gently model and teach the values you want your adult child to someday hold dear. |
Anonymous
| I dress my children in burlap sacks. I want to send the right message that clothes are NOT important and that we judge one another by what is in our hearts, not on our backs. I feel the message of priorities is reinforced everytime I hear the other children making chicken noises as I drop my kids off at school. My kids are learning a valuable lesson, and I feel their self-esteem is worth sacrificing for 12-13 short years for them to understand what is very important to me, the clothing buying parent. This world will be better as a result of efforts. |
Anonymous
| I like uniforms. I guess the big 3 don't have them? I thought NCS did? And St. Alban's pretty much does. |
Anonymous
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OP -- will your budget allow one or two "designer items"? For example, most of her clothes are Target (or wherever) but maybe her jacket is from North Face (or wherever is cool right now).
I went to private school, one with uniforms, but labels still mattered. The girls who wore Polo white button downs instead of the generic ones from the school uniform store were cool. Same thing with the white bobby sox we had to wear -- why wear the plain ones when you could get ones with a polo horse or nike swoosh or something that indicated cool factor and a touch of rebellion against the school rules. Did I survive? Of course. But, honestly, I wished more than once that I had even one ralph lauren shirt to occasionally try to be cool myself. I certainly wasn't the only one who didn't have those clothes, but when you're 14, that stuff does matter and you do feel left out. I mean, here I am almost 25yrs later and I still remember those feelings, so clearly it does have an impact. As my child reaches school age, I know I'll work hard to reinforce values that are more than skin deep and not all about material possessions. But I don't see myself only shopping at Goodwill or Walmart just to prove the point to them. |
Anonymous
In third grade, it is mostly the mothers who would notice the non-designer clothing and then say something to their daughters. But by 4th or 5th grade, kids start to know what is cool and what is cheap (label or no label). |
Anonymous
Maybe I'm just naive. I'm closing in on 40, and if I'm standing more than 3 feet away, I still can't tell the difference between basic shirts/ fleece jackets from Target vs. Polo vs. Gap. |
Anonymous
I'm closing in on 47, and if I am standing more than 3 feet away, I can tell the difference. And the kids in school can, too. |
Anonymous
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I also have vivid memories of not having all the "right" clothes - and my parents had money - they just didn't think it was important to buy their children designer labels. It was difficult going to a top private and "competing" with your peers whose parents did value that. I remember (as the PP mentioned) wanting to "upgrade" my uniform with Polo socks and shirts. I also remember saving all my allowance just so I could by my first pair of Guess jeans in the 6th grade - because my parents were not going to do it.
These memories are valuable because they have taught me to use balance and compromise with my own kids. I always dress them (4yo/2yo) very nicely (i.e. brand/designer names) but never pay full price. I shop at TJMAXX, Marshalls, Ebay, and on-line sales. I also (as PP mentioned) will shop a year in advance just to get the nice stuff at the best prices. I also think it gets harder as your kids get older and agree with PP that clothes are an issue no matter which school your child attends. I hope to provide my children with the basics (purchased at discount) and then add in (within reason) one or two cool/trendy items that they "can't live without". Teaching your children the value of money and that they can't have everything is important. It's also important to understand the social pressures they are/will be experiencing and to help them reach a compromise/balance with their material possessions (i.e. clothes, etc). Good Luck |
Anonymous
OK, so maybe you are saying I'm naive. You're probably also particularly perceptive. |
Anonymous
When this was posted, I thought it was really unfair. OP is sending her DD to a new school and wondered what the scene would be like. Fair enough. We all have jitters about new places and especially about sending our kids into them unprepared. Asking in advance makes sense. Nothing sick about it. But, sheesh, some of the advice/defense of the whole label obsession is over the top. That's what often seems to happen to these threads. The OP asks something that seems reasonable enough (do I have to play this game? will my kid suffer if I refuse). Then people rush in to help and cumulatively transform the initial premise into something really screwed up (e.g. don't let private school tuition stand in the way of your child's designer wardrobe -- here's how to manage both!) . With friends like these... |
Anonymous
Or should that be "obsessive"? |
Anonymous
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Just a note: It's a whole lot easier to decide to side step school fashion trends when you are a "have" than when you are a "have alot less."
The OP was looking for balance, and any reasonable parent finds a balance & doesn't say "Yes" to everything. A strong parent doesn't buy into designer labels at all, just gets what makes sense for their kids. Could include some trendy, maybe not. As a PP mentioned, OP's kid is new to a scene, & looking for help on finding that balance. It isn't easy. It is easy to pass judgement, but it is not particularly helpful. I see the kids with less struggling to keep up with things other kids take for granted. It's hard. It doesn't mean parents have to bend at every turn to keep their kids happy, but it is always good to be aware of how your child feels and what the reality of DC's circumstances are. The clothes thing can make kids uncomfortable. If we as parents try to always make them comfortable and never experience any discomfort or unhappiness, they will have poor life skills. Still, the reality is the damn clothes matter. Finding balance is necessary. Good luck OP. Who knew this would turn into such a hot thread? Thanks to all the parents who are sharing how you manage. I'm sure OP can pick out what might work for her. At my child's school I see kids in Target one day and J.Crew cashmere another. Thankfully, no Prada ... but that has indeed been spotted on other local campuses before HS. |
Anonymous
Nice post. Thanks for the perspective. |
Anonymous
Big deal. Hopefully "the kids in school" have been raised not to judge others by the make of their fleece jackets. 
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Anonymous
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After a few days doing pick-up and drop-off at GDS, My mom, a public school teacher in a working class school in Southern CA, said "Wow, these kids dress much worse than my students -- I love it! No one seems to give a damn about clothes here."
She's not entirely right, but she's not entirely off base either. Very few of the lower school kids seem to be into clothes from a fashion standpoint. Parents can be another story, but, hey, to each her own. |