Too big an age gap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
- know that if you marry him, you will live by his age and by his timeline. You will do things that men his age want to do.

- initially he will try to act young and do young things to please you, but as he grows comfortable, he will revert to his natural behavior, which goes with his age.

- because of the above, you will age prematurely. That is, if you are 30, you will live like a 42-year old.

Short summary: this age gap is fine in the beginning but a very bad deal for the young woman (good deal for the guy, though).

I know two couples with 15 year age gaps, and have seen the above points with both of them. One couple divorced, and the younger wife reconnected with her HS sweetheart. The other couple is more recently married, and he's doing some young stuff right now. But it seems unnatural from what I know of him, and they definitely live by his rules in certain areas. I won't be surprised if the above scenario plays out in the near future.

[Anonymous]

singledadmclean wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a child of parents with that sort of age difference. The advice I transmit to you from my mother is Do Not Marry Him. They've been married forever. My mom is a sprightly 72 now. My dad is a frail late eighties. Here is what mom had to say:

- know that if you marry him, you will live by his age and by his timeline. You will do things that men his age want to do.

- initially he will try to act young and do young things to please you, but as he grows comfortable, he will revert to his natural behavior, which goes with his age.

- because of the above, you will age prematurely. That is, if you are 30, you will live like a 42-year old.

- by way of a personal anecdote, my dad now requires close supervision and care, and cannot live alone. Mom is going strong and would love more than anything to be with her grandchildren (and adult children), but unfortunately cannot leave dad on his own to stay with us. She resents that very much and says he makes her live an old life.

Short summary: this age gap is fine in the beginning but a very bad deal for the young woman (good deal for the guy, though).

Lesson learned: don't marry a resentful woman. Who is going to care for her when she is in her late 80s and can't live alone?

How about don't marry a young woman, so she won't have to care for you and won't get resentful?

[Anonymous]

singledadmclean wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2587223/Whos-daddy-And-old-Children-born-older-fathers-likely-ugly-live-longer.html

So there is no "turning of the tables" because there were no tables to be turned

When I want good science I head right to the UK Daily Mail! Remember, "average" men includes all men who might have children late in life. It includes alcoholics, drug abusers, smokers, men with HIV and STDs, prisoners, coal miners, veterans, and all sorts of other men who are at risk for health problems in middle age and later in life.

Personal data: DW is 5 years younger. She had first child at 40, second at 45. Second child was from IVF. My sperm was tested many times and they told me I had very strong swimmers. The children are both extremely smart, have no health problems, and everyone is always telling us how beautiful the children are.

Plenty of other sources saying the same info since you seem to have some kind of vendetta against the DM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 21 years older than my wife. Not a problem for us. Often a problem for people we meet though. They always want to project their own assumptions onto our relationship. It is fun sometimes for us when people assume I'm loaded and she is only a gold digger/trophy wife.

Sure she got to move into a established home with a man that has a stable career so she didn't have to endure the lean years but she has a lot less emotional baggage and is almost always optimistic and upbeat which is a major benefit over being married to someone that is pessimistic and grumpy.

The only real downside I see the latter-in-life issues.

There is no downside for you. All the downside is for her.

Yep. Talk about lack of self-awareness.

I'm not self-unaware. I was referring to downside for US as a couple in that late in life I will not be there fore her and it will be difficult for her. The female mind set is "what is in it for me" and with that barometer they measure the male mindset and as exemplified here they often come to an incorrect conclusion about male intention.

Prior to marriage I presented her with a written annotated timeline that clearly illustrated the late-in-life issues and we discussed health issues and what that might mean in terms of life-style, costs, and stress. I even told her to consider it for a few days and talk it over with her parents/family. As for me there is added burden because I have to plan for her retirement period that far exceeds the amount of funds I will need for my life span. Entering into an age-gap relationship isn't simply about taking advantage of a younger wife like so many uninformed females who are bitter and judgmental want to characterize it as.

[Anonymous]

PP, I'm not uninformed. My parents have a large age gap and I see how it plays out with the benefit of a longer-term view that you, yourself, right now, can only try to forecast with your annotated timelines but have not actually seen in reality yet.

That you probably will not be there when your wife enters old age is a problem for HER. Not for you as a couple. There won't be a couple at that point. So I'm not sure how you make it into a couple problem when it is very clearly your wife's problem.

No one here accused you of bad intentions or of trying to exploit your wife. My dad didn't have bad intentions toward my mom, and didn't set out to exploit her. The reality is - with or without your attention - that a large age gap is a better deal for the man and a worse deal for the woman, particularly late in life. The costs and downsides of this arrangement are borne disproportionately by the woman. This is not bitterness, it's just reality. Unless, of course, you are so rich that you are able to completely insulate your wife from the need to care for your old age, provide for your young children, and have company late in life.

[Anonymous]

Men die 10 years younger than women . Women are always alone anyway.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I am in a May December relationship marriage. In 16th year now. Hard to believe how many people chiming in with zero first hand experience, mostly speaking from their fear. That's like me talking about being married to a younder man, a worthless opinion because I have zero experience to draw upon. As for us, the older male is stronger and better than me, the female.

[Anonymous]

^better "health than me", I meant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are never going to get useful advice on this question, OP. Men dating younger women taps into female insecurity for some women. The same way women talking about small penises causes insecurity in some men and they lash out.

Of course, you will have unique challenges with an older man. More so in 20 years when he is older. The age gap isn't that unique. If it works for you is the only question.

In 20 years, she'll also be old (by female standards, 50 might as well be 80)

[Anonymous]

My father is fifteen years older than my mother. It's a bigger difference than I would like (I'm a guy) but it's worked for 40 years for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What attracts you to senior citizens, OP?

His massive wallet. What else are women attracted to?

What's up with the goofy ridges by his hips. Does he not make enough to eat properly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not a big deal now but when you hit 50 and older he is going to be a old man.

70 isn't necessarily old these days. My father ran a company until he was in his late 70s and he had zero physical problems, and was in better shape in his 70s than he was in his 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What attracts you to senior citizens, OP?

His massive wallet. What else are women attracted to?

What's up with the goofy ridges by his hips. Does he not make enough to eat properly?

Those are his sexy lines (aka an inguinal crease)


Hot hot hot. No wonder he gets paid the big bucks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men die 10 years younger than women . Women are always alone anyway.

actually, on average, it is 5 years sooner. This turns out to be about equivalent to the extra sleep the average woman gets compared to her husband to wakes up earlier to go to work. lol.

[Anonymous]

Remember people smell funnier the older they get (I'm 60 and I know). He's going to start smelling before you do.