New boyfriend, has a child he never sees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's ex was a witch and would not let him see his kids. She refused to answer the phone when she called. When he'd fly out to visit, she refused visits. When we bought plane tickets she refused to send them. He's a great dad and tried hard.

In your situation, I'd be concerned about having kids with him. If it is on mom, its a bit different if all she wants is support. but if mom actually makes an effort to bring the child to visit every other year, that's a huge red flag.

Your husband should go to court then. But I'm sure you have excuses ...

We did several times. They judge ordered her to pay for the missed flights, she never did. The judge would order more visitation time, we'd buy the tickets, she'd never send him. My husband would call weekly, no one would answer the phone. We'd go back to court and the judge would tell her to do better (cost of cross country flights, plus attorney). Six months later, back to court and the same thing. It was a joke, so we did give up. The only time we hear from her or the kids is for money. She was angry as she filed the first hearing and he countered for more visitation. The judge removed alimony and two of the three kids from child support (over 18). She was also upset as she decided that child support should be based off both of our incomes but refused to disclose her boyfriend's income who was paying her rent.

Why do you think its as simple as going to court? There are a few great judges but most do nothing and all they care about is if child support is paid. If child support is paid, but mom does nothing, they don't care. If child support isn't paid, they throw the dad's in jail. We have an office for child support but not a free office for parent for visitation... funny how it all works, and yet, dad is always at fault even if mom cheats, takes the kids and refuses to let dad see them. (and yes, he even flew out with a court order and police to get the kid and the police refused to get involved)

[Anonymous]

^^^ No, I don't think my daughter's dad is doing it out of love. Because if he was, he wouldn't call those two days a year. He does that to make himself feel better, with total disregard for how disruptive he's being to her life.

I meant OP's boyfriend, if he knows he won't be a consistent part of the kid's life he may actually be trying not to disrupt her life out of love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scumbag

so the mother moves across the country with the child and the father is the "scumbag".... Why? The mother put major distance between the father and the child.

The father woudo have allowed this to happen or else was deemed not fit to have custody.

This is totally false since they weren't married.

You don't have to be married to file for a modification of custody because your former partner wants to move the child across the country. He could have sued for all summer and every major holiday. If he had, maybe the mom would have stayed. I know many women who won't move simply because they are afraid for their kids to be with the ex for 2 months straight.

You can sue for visitation but the court rarely enforces it if mom refuses to allow the kids to go.

[Anonymous]

New poster here. I have a husband who is kind of like that.
He divorced when his kid was 6, at first they lived close and he woukd see her every week, then he moved across country and now it's skype maybe once every several months and annual visits, plus of course child support and gifts.
Now, he may not be the best dad to our 6 yo, but he plays with him, can stay with him on a weekend, take him out to a museum and such. He doesn't do pick up or drop off, he doesn't know what to cook for the kid (usually they eat out when they are without me), he doesn't know all those little parenting things like his friends' names or how to pack his lunch, but I am ok with it. I am not a fan of his parenting ideas and it's for the better frankly that he is not taking much part. He provides and babysits, can teach him an occasional skill, I am cool with it.
Now, I do love the fact that I only see my stepD once a year, and that I don't need to deal with all the blended family stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. I have a husband who is kind of like that.
He divorced when his kid was 6, at first they lived close and he woukd see her every week, then he moved across country and now it's skype maybe once every several months and annual visits, plus of course child support and gifts.
Now, he may not be the best dad to our 6 yo, but he plays with him, can stay with him on a weekend, take him out to a museum and such. He doesn't do pick up or drop off, he doesn't know what to cook for the kid (usually they eat out when they are without me), he doesn't know all those little parenting things like his friends' names or how to pack his lunch, but I am ok with it. I am not a fan of his parenting ideas and it's for the better frankly that he is not taking much part. He provides and babysits, can teach him an occasional skill, I am cool with it.
Now, I do love the fact that I only see my stepD once a year, and that I don't need to deal with all the blended family stuff.

Just because you made a poor choice in a spouse and father doesn't mean OP should do the same.

FYI it's not babysitting when it's your kid.


I feel sorry for both children. At least your step child has a chance if he's mom isn't pathetic as dad. You son however has struck out twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, he doesn't send 3500. I have two children and a mid-forties "C suite executive" ex husband who doesn't even pay that. A 22 year old wasn't sending 3500. He probably sends exactly nothing because he doesn't know a ballpark CS figure if he's throwing out $3500. I know another woman with 5 children and an ex who makes 500K+ and she receives less than that from her very generous ex spouse.

I'd run far and fast. Nothing, and I mean nothing, demonstrates bad character than an absentee father. Please, please get yourself away from this man.

even kyrie irving (nba baller) who makes millions a year pays 3500-4500 in child support to his BM so unless the dude you are seeing is a ballplayer or entertainer, he wasn't paying 3500.

[Anonymous]

My mother married a man who had a 7 yo son he never saw. She thought he was immature and made a mistake that he'd never make again. My father left her 2 months after I was born and went on to have 3 more kids with 3 more women. I'm 38 and have never met my father. It still hurts me everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's ex was a witch and would not let him see his kids. She refused to answer the phone when she called. When he'd fly out to visit, she refused visits. When we bought plane tickets she refused to send them. He's a great dad and tried hard.

In your situation, I'd be concerned about having kids with him. If it is on mom, its a bit different if all she wants is support. but if mom actually makes an effort to bring the child to visit every other year, that's a huge red flag.

Your husband should go to court then. But I'm sure you have excuses ...

We did several times. They judge ordered her to pay for the missed flights, she never did. The judge would order more visitation time, we'd buy the tickets, she'd never send him. My husband would call weekly, no one would answer the phone. We'd go back to court and the judge would tell her to do better (cost of cross country flights, plus attorney). Six months later, back to court and the same thing. It was a joke, so we did give up. The only time we hear from her or the kids is for money. She was angry as she filed the first hearing and he countered for more visitation. The judge removed alimony and two of the three kids from child support (over 18). She was also upset as she decided that child support should be based off both of our incomes but refused to disclose her boyfriend's income who was paying her rent.

Why do you think its as simple as going to court? There are a few great judges but most do nothing and all they care about is if child support is paid. If child support is paid, but mom does nothing, they don't care. If child support isn't paid, they throw the dad's in jail. We have an office for child support but not a free office for parent for visitation... funny how it all works, and yet, dad is always at fault even if mom cheats, takes the kids and refuses to let dad see them. (and yes, he even flew out with a court order and police to get the kid and the police refused to get involved)

If the kids are over 18 and have nothing to do with him, that's your sign. I have a brother in law like this. Hates that his kids only called for money so he just dropped them totally. Well asshole, when you never see your kids and only send the money you have to, don't be surprised when they associate dad with money in terms of what he can provide you. It sure isn't love, stability, support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, he doesn't send 3500. I have two children and a mid-forties "C suite executive" ex husband who doesn't even pay that. A 22 year old wasn't sending 3500. He probably sends exactly nothing because he doesn't know a ballpark CS figure if he's throwing out $3500. I know another woman with 5 children and an ex who makes 500K+ and she receives less than that from her very generous ex spouse.

I'd run far and fast. Nothing, and I mean nothing, demonstrates bad character than an absentee father. Please, please get yourself away from this man.

even kyrie irving (nba baller) who makes millions a year pays 3500-4500 in child support to his BM so unless the dude you are seeing is a ballplayer or entertainer, he wasn't paying 3500.

I love how everyone in this thread independently knows what bullshit this number is. And op, that lie is your biggest indicator of all because it's him trying to make himself look not so bad. "I never see her but I also send $3500 a month!" In truth he doesn't see her and probably sends nothing or sporadic amounts here and there. If he were paying support that high, there would be some sort of visitation order set up. He isn't paying in, and he damn sure hasn't paid it all 11ish years. He overplayed his hand. If he had said $800 nobody would have questioned him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scumbag

so the mother moves across the country with the child and the father is the "scumbag".... Why? The mother put major distance between the father and the child.

The father woudo have allowed this to happen or else was deemed not fit to have custody.

This is totally false since they weren't married.

You don't have to be married to file for a modification of custody because your former partner wants to move the child across the country. He could have sued for all summer and every major holiday. If he had, maybe the mom would have stayed. I know many women who won't move simply because they are afraid for their kids to be with the ex for 2 months straight.

You can sue for visitation but the court rarely enforces it if mom refuses to allow the kids to go.

This woman apparently drags her child out from California every 1-2 years hoping dad will deign to visit with her a bit. I kind of think a mom willing to do that would have been happy to comply with visitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's ex was a witch and would not let him see his kids. She refused to answer the phone when she called. When he'd fly out to visit, she refused visits. When we bought plane tickets she refused to send them. He's a great dad and tried hard.

In your situation, I'd be concerned about having kids with him. If it is on mom, its a bit different if all she wants is support. but if mom actually makes an effort to bring the child to visit every other year, that's a huge red flag.

Your husband should go to court then. But I'm sure you have excuses ...

We did several times. They judge ordered her to pay for the missed flights, she never did. The judge would order more visitation time, we'd buy the tickets, she'd never send him. My husband would call weekly, no one would answer the phone. We'd go back to court and the judge would tell her to do better (cost of cross country flights, plus attorney). Six months later, back to court and the same thing. It was a joke, so we did give up. The only time we hear from her or the kids is for money. She was angry as she filed the first hearing and he countered for more visitation. The judge removed alimony and two of the three kids from child support (over 18). She was also upset as she decided that child support should be based off both of our incomes but refused to disclose her boyfriend's income who was paying her rent.

Why do you think its as simple as going to court? There are a few great judges but most do nothing and all they care about is if child support is paid. If child support is paid, but mom does nothing, they don't care. If child support isn't paid, they throw the dad's in jail. We have an office for child support but not a free office for parent for visitation... funny how it all works, and yet, dad is always at fault even if mom cheats, takes the kids and refuses to let dad see them. (and yes, he even flew out with a court order and police to get the kid and the police refused to get involved)

If the kids are over 18 and have nothing to do with him, that's your sign. I have a brother in law like this. Hates that his kids only called for money so he just dropped them totally. Well asshole, when you never see your kids and only send the money you have to, don't be surprised when they associate dad with money in terms of what he can provide you. It sure isn't love, stability, support.

It might have been wrong, but I would have shown up at the damn house with the orders in hand and let her call the police.

Change lawyers.

But that's all then. What about now?
Has your H tried to contact the kids over 18 on FB? Ot by other means?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's ex was a witch and would not let him see his kids. She refused to answer the phone when she called. When he'd fly out to visit, she refused visits. When we bought plane tickets she refused to send them. He's a great dad and tried hard.

In your situation, I'd be concerned about having kids with him. If it is on mom, its a bit different if all she wants is support. but if mom actually makes an effort to bring the child to visit every other year, that's a huge red flag.

Your husband should go to court then. But I'm sure you have excuses ...

We did several times. They judge ordered her to pay for the missed flights, she never did. The judge would order more visitation time, we'd buy the tickets, she'd never send him. My husband would call weekly, no one would answer the phone. We'd go back to court and the judge would tell her to do better (cost of cross country flights, plus attorney). Six months later, back to court and the same thing. It was a joke, so we did give up. The only time we hear from her or the kids is for money. She was angry as she filed the first hearing and he countered for more visitation. The judge removed alimony and two of the three kids from child support (over 18). She was also upset as she decided that child support should be based off both of our incomes but refused to disclose her boyfriend's income who was paying her rent.

Why do you think its as simple as going to court? There are a few great judges but most do nothing and all they care about is if child support is paid. If child support is paid, but mom does nothing, they don't care. If child support isn't paid, they throw the dad's in jail. We have an office for child support but not a free office for parent for visitation... funny how it all works, and yet, dad is always at fault even if mom cheats, takes the kids and refuses to let dad see them. (and yes, he even flew out with a court order and police to get the kid and the police refused to get involved)

If the kids are over 18 and have nothing to do with him, that's your sign. I have a brother in law like this. Hates that his kids only called for money so he just dropped them totally. Well asshole, when you never see your kids and only send the money you have to, don't be surprised when they associate dad with money in terms of what he can provide you. It sure isn't love, stability, support.

You are naive. Your husband probably wasn't much of a dad prior to the divorce. It sounds like at least two of the children where older when this was happening. If a teenaged child wants to see their parent they will. The same way they won't if they don't want too.
You H put on a good show for you and you bought it down to the witch ex story.
He tried 3 times to see his kids.. What a fight!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, he doesn't send 3500. I have two children and a mid-forties "C suite executive" ex husband who doesn't even pay that. A 22 year old wasn't sending 3500. He probably sends exactly nothing because he doesn't know a ballpark CS figure if he's throwing out $3500. I know another woman with 5 children and an ex who makes 500K+ and she receives less than that from her very generous ex spouse.

I'd run far and fast. Nothing, and I mean nothing, demonstrates bad character than an absentee father. Please, please get yourself away from this man.

I'd say it's plausible. Probably she went to court to get CS increased after he started making more money.

I'm a landlord and had a divorced mother with 2 kids present a letter from her ex stating he pays her $6k/month in support. (She needed that to prove income to afford my rental house)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's ex was a witch and would not let him see his kids. She refused to answer the phone when she called. When he'd fly out to visit, she refused visits. When we bought plane tickets she refused to send them. He's a great dad and tried hard.

In your situation, I'd be concerned about having kids with him. If it is on mom, its a bit different if all she wants is support. but if mom actually makes an effort to bring the child to visit every other year, that's a huge red flag.

Your husband should go to court then. But I'm sure you have excuses ...

We did several times. They judge ordered her to pay for the missed flights, she never did. The judge would order more visitation time, we'd buy the tickets, she'd never send him. My husband would call weekly, no one would answer the phone. We'd go back to court and the judge would tell her to do better (cost of cross country flights, plus attorney). Six months later, back to court and the same thing. It was a joke, so we did give up. The only time we hear from her or the kids is for money. She was angry as she filed the first hearing and he countered for more visitation. The judge removed alimony and two of the three kids from child support (over 18). She was also upset as she decided that child support should be based off both of our incomes but refused to disclose her boyfriend's income who was paying her rent.

Why do you think its as simple as going to court? There are a few great judges but most do nothing and all they care about is if child support is paid. If child support is paid, but mom does nothing, they don't care. If child support isn't paid, they throw the dad's in jail. We have an office for child support but not a free office for parent for visitation... funny how it all works, and yet, dad is always at fault even if mom cheats, takes the kids and refuses to let dad see them. (and yes, he even flew out with a court order and police to get the kid and the police refused to get involved)

If the kids are over 18 and have nothing to do with him, that's your sign. I have a brother in law like this. Hates that his kids only called for money so he just dropped them totally. Well asshole, when you never see your kids and only send the money you have to, don't be surprised when they associate dad with money in terms of what he can provide you. It sure isn't love, stability, support.

You are naive. Your husband probably wasn't much of a dad prior to the divorce. It sounds like at least two of the children where older when this was happening. If a teenaged child wants to see their parent they will. The same way they won't if they don't want too.
You H put on a good show for you and you bought it down to the witch ex story.
He tried 3 times to see his kids.. What a fight!

Deadbeat dads always pull the "mom turned them against me and I tried but the kids don't want to see me" shit. Only a dummy buys it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, he doesn't send 3500. I have two children and a mid-forties "C suite executive" ex husband who doesn't even pay that. A 22 year old wasn't sending 3500. He probably sends exactly nothing because he doesn't know a ballpark CS figure if he's throwing out $3500. I know another woman with 5 children and an ex who makes 500K+ and she receives less than that from her very generous ex spouse.

I'd run far and fast. Nothing, and I mean nothing, demonstrates bad character than an absentee father. Please, please get yourself away from this man.

I'd say it's plausible. Probably she went to court to get CS increased after he started making more money.

I'm a landlord and had a divorced mother with 2 kids present a letter from her ex stating he pays her $6k/month in support. (She needed that to prove income to afford my rental house)

Did she supply documentation of the deposits or just the letter, Landlord?

I could get you a letter that my salary is $10,000,000---on letterhead even!! Doesn't make it true.