My daughter is the only white girl in her grade: ask me anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - what was the point of this thread?

OP here. My original post was:

"I read the demographic thread, and there is a lot of concern about sending a white child to a school where it is likely that that child will be the only white child in their class/grade/school. What I didn't see on the other thread were posts from many people whose children had actually been the "only" in their class. I have done this, and I'm happy to answer questions about it, since there was concern."

My point was to answer questions about the experiences I've had and my child has had in her school. I know people (outside of this forum) who have reservations about sending their kids to neighborhood schools where there are not a lot of or any white kids. My point was to answer questions they may have.

I did not intend, but should have known that I would end up, getting into arguments with racists framing racism as concern for children. That's just where things end up here, I guess.

If we were being honest we should really just rename this entire forum DC Schools forum to "racists framing racism as concern for children"

OP, you're doing a great job and have much more patience for these comments than most. I am glad things are going well for your family and wish you all the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - what was the point of this thread?

OP here. My original post was:

"I read the demographic thread, and there is a lot of concern about sending a white child to a school where it is likely that that child will be the only white child in their class/grade/school. What I didn't see on the other thread were posts from many people whose children had actually been the "only" in their class. I have done this, and I'm happy to answer questions about it, since there was concern."

My point was to answer questions about the experiences I've had and my child has had in her school. I know people (outside of this forum) who have reservations about sending their kids to neighborhood schools where there are not a lot of or any white kids. My point was to answer questions they may have.

I did not intend, but should have known that I would end up, getting into arguments with racists framing racism as concern for children. That's just where things end up here, I guess.

If we were being honest we should really just rename this entire forum DC Schools forum to "racists framing racism as concern for children"

OP, you're doing a great job and have much more patience for these comments than most. I am glad things are going well for your family and wish you all the best.

+1. Props to you for entertaining some of this ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - what was the point of this thread?

OP here. My original post was:

"I read the demographic thread, and there is a lot of concern about sending a white child to a school where it is likely that that child will be the only white child in their class/grade/school. What I didn't see on the other thread were posts from many people whose children had actually been the "only" in their class. I have done this, and I'm happy to answer questions about it, since there was concern."

My point was to answer questions about the experiences I've had and my child has had in her school. I know people (outside of this forum) who have reservations about sending their kids to neighborhood schools where there are not a lot of or any white kids. My point was to answer questions they may have.

I did not intend, but should have known that I would end up, getting into arguments with racists framing racism as concern for children. That's just where things end up here, I guess.

If we were being honest we should really just rename this entire forum DC Schools forum to "racists framing racism as concern for children"

OP, you're doing a great job and have much more patience for these comments than most. I am glad things are going well for your family and wish you all the best.

Serious question - If you support OP's decision and if you believe what OP is doing is best for her child, would you do the same w/ your kid? Assuming you are white?

[Anonymous]

You won't name the school, but the can you tell about the location generally? County or city?

[Anonymous]

This is an honest question, though I know many people will jump on me for asking. We are at a school that is not as heavily Latino, but is majority AA. And I don't think I have seen a single comment from you re: her cohort behavior.

At our school, the troublemakers in my daughter's grade (rising 4) are black (both middle and lower SES), with one or two exceptions (higher SES white boys). They disrupt class time and activities/performances with their behavior, they require the teachers spent a lot more time intervening and correcting and disciplining, and, in some cases, they are physical disruptive (pushing, kicking, etc.). It is not their skin color that bothers me but their behavior.

I must say, I was a little surprised that you neither commented on it, nor has anyone asked you about the beahvior of your child's classmates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You won't name the school, but the can you tell about the location generally? County or city?

It's a DCPS that is west of the river, not in Ward 3, and does not feed to any of the schools in Ward 3. And it's not Ross, Brent, or Maury. I'm not comfortable naming the school because I would rather not get outed completely, though I know plenty of people who have kids at other, similar schools who could probably have written the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - what was the point of this thread?

OP here. My original post was:

"I read the demographic thread, and there is a lot of concern about sending a white child to a school where it is likely that that child will be the only white child in their class/grade/school. What I didn't see on the other thread were posts from many people whose children had actually been the "only" in their class. I have done this, and I'm happy to answer questions about it, since there was concern."

My point was to answer questions about the experiences I've had and my child has had in her school. I know people (outside of this forum) who have reservations about sending their kids to neighborhood schools where there are not a lot of or any white kids. My point was to answer questions they may have.

I did not intend, but should have known that I would end up, getting into arguments with racists framing racism as concern for children. That's just where things end up here, I guess.

If we were being honest we should really just rename this entire forum DC Schools forum to "racists framing racism as concern for children"

OP, you're doing a great job and have much more patience for these comments than most. I am glad things are going well for your family and wish you all the best.

Serious question - If you support OP's decision and if you believe what OP is doing is best for her child, would you do the same w/ your kid? Assuming you are white?

I'm not that PP, but I appreciate OP. And yes, I've made similar choices for my DD (mixed, but looks white).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won't name the school, but the can you tell about the location generally? County or city?

It's a DCPS that is west of the river, not in Ward 3, and does not feed to any of the schools in Ward 3. And it's not Ross, Brent, or Maury. I'm not comfortable naming the school because I would rather not get outed completely, though I know plenty of people who have kids at other, similar schools who could probably have written the same.

haha... the white woman!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question, though I know many people will jump on me for asking. We are at a school that is not as heavily Latino, but is majority AA. And I don't think I have seen a single comment from you re: her cohort behavior.

At our school, the troublemakers in my daughter's grade (rising 4) are black (both middle and lower SES), with one or two exceptions (higher SES white boys). They disrupt class time and activities/performances with their behavior, they require the teachers spent a lot more time intervening and correcting and disciplining, and, in some cases, they are physical disruptive (pushing, kicking, etc.). It is not their skin color that bothers me but their behavior.

I must say, I was a little surprised that you neither commented on it, nor has anyone asked you about the beahvior of your child's classmates.

Because her child is going into K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - what was the point of this thread?

OP here. My original post was:

"I read the demographic thread, and there is a lot of concern about sending a white child to a school where it is likely that that child will be the only white child in their class/grade/school. What I didn't see on the other thread were posts from many people whose children had actually been the "only" in their class. I have done this, and I'm happy to answer questions about it, since there was concern."

My point was to answer questions about the experiences I've had and my child has had in her school. I know people (outside of this forum) who have reservations about sending their kids to neighborhood schools where there are not a lot of or any white kids. My point was to answer questions they may have.

I did not intend, but should have known that I would end up, getting into arguments with racists framing racism as concern for children. That's just where things end up here, I guess.

If we were being honest we should really just rename this entire forum DC Schools forum to "racists framing racism as concern for children"

OP, you're doing a great job and have much more patience for these comments than most. I am glad things are going well for your family and wish you all the best.

Serious question - If you support OP's decision and if you believe what OP is doing is best for her child, would you do the same w/ your kid? Assuming you are white?

Absolutely. After having a less-than-stellar experience at our majority white DCPS, I am open to trying any setting. We are on the waitlist for schools where our child would be one of few. Plus, I don't really think I have any standing to challenge OP on what she believes is best for her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question, though I know many people will jump on me for asking. We are at a school that is not as heavily Latino, but is majority AA. And I don't think I have seen a single comment from you re: her cohort behavior.

At our school, the troublemakers in my daughter's grade (rising 4) are black (both middle and lower SES), with one or two exceptions (higher SES white boys). They disrupt class time and activities/performances with their behavior, they require the teachers spent a lot more time intervening and correcting and disciplining, and, in some cases, they are physical disruptive (pushing, kicking, etc.). It is not their skin color that bothers me but their behavior.

I must say, I was a little surprised that you neither commented on it, nor has anyone asked you about the beahvior of your child's classmates.

OP here.

I didn't talk about behavior because no one really asked about behavior. I couldn't tell from your post whether you have a rising 4th grader or a rising PK4 kid. Big difference, behavior-wise. Last year, we had three troublemakers in a class of 20. I wouldn't really categorize the behavior as bullying, and I tried to keep in mind that a lot of kids don't go to school at all until kindergarten, so K is very much a year for learning social behavior. One of the kids has an actual diagnosis, and I strongly suspect that he will spend more time with the special ed teachers this year as a result. I hope that they are able to help him. The other two kids were just sort of run of the mill badly behaved kids - taking stuff from other kids, saying things like "You look STUPID" or whatever. I haven't seen any age-inappropriate behaviors from DD's classmates.

Her teacher last year was very good at dealing with disruptive behavior. I know that the school recognizes that there are behavioral issues and has provided more training to teachers over the last couple of years and also prioritized social-emotional support for kids. We hired an extra social worker, for example, and our guidance dept spends time talking with kids about how to be a good friend, how to be a problem solver, how to not be a bully, how to express negative feelings productively, etc. They also have workshops throughout the year for parents about how to deal with all those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an honest question, though I know many people will jump on me for asking. We are at a school that is not as heavily Latino, but is majority AA. And I don't think I have seen a single comment from you re: her cohort behavior.

At our school, the troublemakers in my daughter's grade (rising 4) are black (both middle and lower SES), with one or two exceptions (higher SES white boys). They disrupt class time and activities/performances with their behavior, they require the teachers spent a lot more time intervening and correcting and disciplining, and, in some cases, they are physical disruptive (pushing, kicking, etc.). It is not their skin color that bothers me but their behavior.

I must say, I was a little surprised that you neither commented on it, nor has anyone asked you about the beahvior of your child's classmates.

Because her child is going into K.

OP here: DD is going into 1st. She was in K last year.

[Anonymous]

I don't need to ask you anything, because I've lived your child's experience. I was the only white child in my class between 1st and 5th grade. From 1st to 3rd grade, it was no problem at all and I never really thought about it. In 4th and 5th grade, other girls began excluding me because I didn't speak Spanish and didn't have the same cultural heritage as them. Honestly, who knows, maybe kids will always find a reason to pick on each other at that age and it would not have mattered if there were other children of my race at my school - maybe kids just would have picked on me for something else. All that I know is that it wasn't the best of times, and it was good to move to a middle school where there was genuine diversity and all different types of kids.

OP here. Thank you for sharing your experience. I am really sorry that that happened to you. I had a similar experience, but I believe it was related to switching schools in 4th grade rather than any cultural differences. I think that kids will generally find something different to latch onto - in my case it was that I was new. I think that schools these days are better equipped to handle that kind of social issue than they were when I was a kid. Not all schools, obviously, but in general, we pay more attention than we used to to these issues.

The same thing is going to happen to your daughter when you pull the plug in 3rd. Just sayin'.

I am the poster who was the only white child in her class and I did not write the response above. I don't know if the same thing will happen to OP's daughter or not. I don't necessarily think that school are better equipped to handle teasing or exclusion generally than they were when I was a kid. One of my 3 kids has HFA, and he definitely gets teased. But I can't speak to whether it would matter more if there were only one child of a certain race in a class today than when I was a kid. I'd like to think things have changed in that regard, but I just don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"No, I think once you go thru the process with older one, your views change. When you have only one young kid like you, your views are still naive/innocent. Don't get me wrong. I think what you are doing is great but the reality can be harsh for your DD later. "

+1 million.

Here's the deal. Every one of my friends who was enthused about their diverse school when their kids were in K were reconsidering their decision to stay by third grade, when the lack of academic intensity becomes apparent. And all but one have pulled their kids from their original schools to put them into higher performing schools.

It doesn't sound to me like OP is in a diverse school, though.

It is diverse - I think she said it's 60-40 Latino/African American.

OP here. It's 60% AA, 30% Latino, and 10% other races.

One thing I think is a major issue in DCPS is that the racial breakdown of the schools is for the whole school. It's not particularly useful in considering what your kids' grade will be like. Our stats for kindergarten and below are probably a lot different, while our stats for above kindergarten are going to be more like 60/40 Latino/AA.

Yeah, that's no one's definition of a diverse school. That's a black-majority school.

OP here. And yet, if the school was 60% white and 30% black and 10% Latino and/or Asian, we would call that a diverse school. Why is that?

Also, if you're looking at strict percentages, it's a majority Latino school, not a majority black school.

No, that's exactly my point. If it were 60% white, no one would be calling it diverse.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, they would. It happens here all the time. People justify their decision to buy in bounds for Janney or Mann by saying that those schools are diverse, have X nationalities represented, etc.