My daughter is the only white girl in her grade: ask me anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you for real? You honestly do not think that your child can tell the difference between her and the other kids? Kids see skin color even when they are toddlers.

You are deluding yourself that you are somehow being super liberal, or open minded, or awesome, or whatever. The other kids who are there - their parents may not have any choice where they send their kid to school - income and ability to move may hamper their school choices but it doesn't mean that they would not take the chance to move to a better performing school, a school with less FARMs rates, a school that was actually diverse. The other parents are likely to look at you and not think you are some beacon of open minded liberalness but are just dumb for making such a bad choice for your child when you have the privilege and ability to make a good school choice.

OP here. I know she can tell the difference between herself and other kids. I'm just not sure that race is one of the important differentiators to her at this point. I don't think she walked into first grade and thought, "Wow, I'm the only white kid in here." I suspect she walked in and thought, "Hey, it's X, Y, Z friends from last year."

School choice in this city - or the illusion of school choice - causes people to make big changes in anticipation of problems that may never actually occur. I do not believe in doing that - for myself or for my daughter. I have a job that I like, where I am paid well and the work is interesting with interesting colleagues, but I could make more money at other organizations or in other roles. I choose to stay here, where everything is fine, despite these other, potentially better opportunities. Things are great here now, but maybe my awesome boss will retire and I'll get a terrible new boss. Maybe this year's holiday bonus will be tiny in comparison with last year's. Maybe my company will close down in 10 years. Are any of those good reasons for me to look for new jobs, given that none of them have occurred, but they MIGHT?

We didn't have a chance to send her to a different school. This is the school we got into, in the neighborhood where we live. Yes, we could move, but it would upend our family life to do so and I don't feel that's necessary since as I have mentioned several times throughout this thread, SHE IS DOING FINE WHERE SHE IS. I don't understand why this is hard for you to believe or accept. She's learning, she's happy, she's got friends, I have friends there too, and I think it's stupid to leave a situation that is working well for everyone in anticipation of it working less well.

New poster here, and I'm only up to page 15!
I wanted to share what my 7th grader said in May. At 8th grade graduation, I said, "Wow there are so many multiracial families in 8th grade. I never knew that since its not our grade." And he said to me, "What is 'multiracial'?"
So what if he didn't know the word multiracial, never heard me say it before? Because he IS multiracial. Kids can be colorblind, even as to themselves.
So, to all who think color matters to kids, that kids are aware of it, the answer is: in many ways, no it is not significant to a child. It is all about the IMPRINTING done by their role models.
I find nothing wrong with raising the conversation/starting the thread. Nothing freaky about it. If it makes anyone uncomfortable, please don't read my post!
PS, if you are wondering why I commented on the 8th grade, it was because we were unique in 7th grade.

[Anonymous]

Did you ever think that this multicultural thing will either pass a bad trend or result in the end of civilization

[Anonymous]

Does she feel special? If not why do this to her? You may be ruining her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she feel special? If not why do this to her? You may be ruining her life.

?? Explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever think that this multicultural thing will either pass a bad trend or result in the end of civilization

No, I do not think that. I'm tired of people not identifying with others. My child is doing great, and he is a role model. I'm very proud of him.

[Anonymous]

Why?

[Anonymous]

Pp not enough info. What school district? And school

[Anonymous]

Tired because people don't see my perspective. So how could multiracial be any worse in your view?

[Anonymous]

Well contrary to the biased press and liberal establishments. What is the deal and what were u thinking

[Anonymous]

I am not a liberal. We are conservative. Old fashioned more than not. And I agree about the press too. But my child is still multiracial and doing great!

[Anonymous]

Hi OP!

I have read this whole thread. As someone who actually lives in DC (unlike many of the posters here, I suspect) I think you're making a good choice. I suspect you send your DD to Thompson, which is a great school. If not there are lots more like it.

FWIW, I am a white Hispanic/Latina. I attended a majority black title one high school and got a stellar education. I was one of the only white kids and the only Latina. I continued to be the only Latina in my elite grad school, which was way more traumatizing than being the only white person/Latina in high school. Unlike many of my colleagues, I'm not afraid of black people and don't equate associating with black people with making a poor choice in life.

I suspect most of the racist comments are from suburban parents who fled DC (oh no black kids!) for some suburban school. We are also happy with our majority minority charter and have no plans to move. Chin up Op and thanks for this!-

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, too!

I didn't read the whole thread before because I am in PG County not DC.

But both my fair skinned children have been the only (or one of two or three) non-Hispanic white kids in their class and grade level, for years (they are in middle and high school now).

One thing I found was that EVERYONE knew who they were. All the teachers knew their names. They just stood out. That is something I regret. No opportunity for anonymity. I wondered if you felt that way as well?

[Anonymous]

Didn't read the thread so maybe this was already covered. But I see this title and just think white privilege, white privilege. Do you realize this is the reality for most AA parents who want to send their kids to the best schools and programs? They don't have a choice and have to teach their kids about differences starting at 2 years old. Then they agonize about the dilemma of the benefits of having their children in a diverse and inclusive environment v. academic rigor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't read the thread so maybe this was already covered. But I see this title and just think white privilege, white privilege. Do you realize this is the reality for most AA parents who want to send their kids to the best schools and programs? They don't have a choice and have to teach their kids about differences starting at 2 years old. Then they agonize about the dilemma of the benefits of having their children in a diverse and inclusive environment v. academic rigor.

OP here.

Yes, I realize that this is the reality for people of color. The point of this thread was to answer the questions of nervous white parents who have not reconciled the differences between their experiences and the experiences of parents of color.

I think everyone agonizes about the costs vs. benefits of sending their children to a particular school. School choice informs where a lot of us choose to live, for example. Considering the racial context of a school, particularly the social effects of the racial context, is not something that most white people do as a matter of routine. However, if you live in DC (not in the suburbs, though some of these themes translate to the suburbs), those considerations cannot be avoided. Contrary to what people on this thread may think, I did worry about whether my non-Latino white girl would be singled out, how we would interact with the school community, whether we were making a huge mistake not just moving to Bethesda when she was born, etc. Our decision at that time was to send her to the school where she was placed and see how it went. It went well the first year, and we decided not to move her for the second (and now third) years on the basis of the first year going well. The third year is going well so far, and unless that changes, we have no intention of moving in order to send her to a new school for 2nd grade next year.

I understand that if you just read the title, you might draw certain conclusions about the thread, the conversation, and me personally. However, I thought it best to phrase the question as starkly as possible, because what I see in these conversations is a lot of pretty coded language. But yes, I understand that this is what parents of color and students of color experience in many areas of life. I also understand that it's not a usual experience for a lot of white people, some of whom have children who they may wish to send to their majority non-white neighborhood school in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, too!

I didn't read the whole thread before because I am in PG County not DC.

But both my fair skinned children have been the only (or one of two or three) non-Hispanic white kids in their class and grade level, for years (they are in middle and high school now).

One thing I found was that EVERYONE knew who they were. All the teachers knew their names. They just stood out. That is something I regret. No opportunity for anonymity. I wondered if you felt that way as well?

OP here. I have noticed that DD is well known in school by many teachers whose names I do not even know. I don't know that it's because she's white, though, because I have observed that many teachers seem familiar with most of the kids at school. So it's not like DD and her friend are walking down the hall and a random 5th grade teacher says, "Oh, hi OP'sDD and OP'sDD'sFriend!"