My daughter is the only white girl in her grade: ask me anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - what was the point of this thread?

OP here. My original post was:

"I read the demographic thread, and there is a lot of concern about sending a white child to a school where it is likely that that child will be the only white child in their class/grade/school. What I didn't see on the other thread were posts from many people whose children had actually been the "only" in their class. I have done this, and I'm happy to answer questions about it, since there was concern."

My point was to answer questions about the experiences I've had and my child has had in her school. I know people (outside of this forum) who have reservations about sending their kids to neighborhood schools where there are not a lot of or any white kids. My point was to answer questions they may have.

I did not intend, but should have known that I would end up, getting into arguments with racists framing racism as concern for children. That's just where things end up here, I guess.

If we were being honest we should really just rename this entire forum DC Schools forum to "racists framing racism as concern for children"

OP, you're doing a great job and have much more patience for these comments than most. I am glad things are going well for your family and wish you all the best.

Serious question - If you support OP's decision and if you believe what OP is doing is best for her child, would you do the same w/ your kid? Assuming you are white?

I'd like to say yes, but to be absolutely honest we are enrolled in a charter that goes all the way through high school. If we had not gotten into that charter, our kid would be enrolled in our in-boundary DCPS (where she was last year for PS3). Our concern was not the elementary school at all, in fact we really love the school and it was a difficult decision to leave, but rather our biggest concern for us was the middle school/high school path... zoned for MacFarland and Roosevelt. I realize that OP isn't worried about that part at this point, and honestly i'm not sure if my worry is actually justified or simply a result of my being (negatively) influenced by the hysteria on boards like this one, but it's the decision we made. I don't think either decision (mine or OP's) will be ultimately harmful to either of our kids. They have involved parents who are invested in their education and well-being. Chances are most likely that they're going to be fine regardless of what school they attend.

Charter schools and the lottery complicate things and generate anxiety/hysteria in DC, imo. In my opinion our end goal should be to eliminate the charter system entirely. Not immediately, of course, but I believe that our best outcome would be a DCPS that has improved to the point where alternatives are no longer necessary. I understand why charters were necessary for DC and I think (for the most part) they have done a great job improving the education landscape here, but I do think that now that the landscape is improving we need to re-think how they are operated and adapt. I think DCPS has made great strides in their elementary schools. There was not a single DCPS elementary school that I visited that I would have objected to sending my kid to (note i said elem school, not EC). Middle schools/High schools have farther to go. So maybe we modify all charter schools to start at 6th grade? Or perhaps we only allow lottery enrollment during entry years? I don't know what the answer is, I really don't. We're all just trying to do what we feel is best for our kids and our city. At least I hope that's what we're doing.

[Anonymous]

I see a lot of people on here suggesting you are naive for thinking this will work out well for your daughter. FYI- I was a white kid in mostly minority schools K-12 and turned out just fine, better than fine. I went from growing up in a low SES family to being a highly educated adult in the 1%. I credit the diversity I experienced growing up with a lot of my successes. I'm sure I'll get some snarks here or suggestions that I'm an "outlier" but I felt compelled to share.

[Anonymous]

Just want to applaud you for this thread, OP. My son is the only white kid in his entire DCPS grade as well (rising K). The school meets our needs and has great potential. He is aware he is different but it hasn't caused any issues; our experience generally sounds like yours.

[Anonymous]

I just want to thank you as well, OP. I am kind of your target audience for this thread. (I have White pre-school aged kids, but in PG County, not DCPS--hence the "kind of.") You've provided a valuable perspective for those of us contemplating similar decisions, and I really appreciate your measured and reasonable tone in dealing with some of these responses.

[Anonymous]

My kids were in a similar situation in K. They went to a school that was majority Latino (70%) and I'm pretty sure they were the only white kids in their class. The school has a FARMS rate of 85%.

We left after kindergarten. It wasn't a bad experience overall but the long term view just wasn't good. The elementary fed into an iffy jr. high and then to an iffy high school.

We moved to an area that is majority AA. The school now is about 70% AA, 10% white, and then 20% mix of the rest. The FARMS rate is only 25%. The school feeds into a good middle school and then to an excellent high school.

From my view, the issue isn't purely about ethnicity -- SES has a much stronger influence on behavior and outcome than ethnicity. My kids haven't yet run into any situations of being teased or bullied for their ethnicity but have told me about things that "aren't our culture" For example, they were talking about a classmates new braided hair style and decided they couldn't do the same thing because it wasn't their culture. I'm sure they will run into issues eventually because kids are kids but I'm confident that it will be a momentary blip during their academic career.

Personally, I see this as a tremendous opportunity for their future. I grew up in lily white NW Ohio and I laugh at my young self for the things I thought about minorities. Nothing malicious but just stupid. As a kid, I legitimately believed that Asian's peripheral vision was poor and that black people were unable to swim because of their tremendous muscle density. I eventually learned that I was long but fortunately, my kids won't have as much of a learning curve when they head out into the world.

[Anonymous]

I'm relatively new to DC, and only know one white DC native who attended public schools here. That person seems to have done really well, and is now a physician living in my NW DC neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - what was the point of this thread?

OP here. My original post was:

"I read the demographic thread, and there is a lot of concern about sending a white child to a school where it is likely that that child will be the only white child in their class/grade/school. What I didn't see on the other thread were posts from many people whose children had actually been the "only" in their class. I have done this, and I'm happy to answer questions about it, since there was concern."

My point was to answer questions about the experiences I've had and my child has had in her school. I know people (outside of this forum) who have reservations about sending their kids to neighborhood schools where there are not a lot of or any white kids. My point was to answer questions they may have.

I did not intend, but should have known that I would end up, getting into arguments with racists framing racism as concern for children. That's just where things end up here, I guess.

If we were being honest we should really just rename this entire forum DC Schools forum to "racists framing racism as concern for children"

OP, you're doing a great job and have much more patience for these comments than most. I am glad things are going well for your family and wish you all the best.

+1

[Anonymous]

One thing I've noticed about the critics is that there are always moving goalposts.
First it's "Well PK is fine, but I'm sure you'll move by K"
"Oh, you're staying for K? Well I'm sure 1st grade will be a non-starter."
"Oh, you're entering 1st grade? Talk to me when you're entering 3rd grade because testing is the real issue."
"So it's not really elementary school, it's middle school where things change and will be so much worse."

OP - I think it's just people who approach it differently than we do. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

I read the demographic thread, and there is a lot of concern about sending a white child to a school where it is likely that that child will be the only white child in their class/grade/school. What I didn't see on the other thread were posts from many people whose children had actually been the "only" in their class. I have done this, and I'm happy to answer questions about it, since there was concern.

IDK, I think there is a difference between being in the minority in terms of students of color vs. white students and being the ONLY student in a grade. My daughter (white) goes to a school where the majority of students and African American or Hispanic, and I'm totally fine with that. But there are some students of her race there as well. I think having some other children of your child's race represented at their school is preferable.

[Anonymous]

My kid is the only white child in the grade. Has been for at least 3 years at the school. I'm very happy there, have no intention of moving (going into 2nd). The school is high performing and is a charter. Bullying has not been an issue, although I know other families have dealt with some bullying and are happy with how the school has handled it (and also have no intention of leaving the school).

Coincidentally my child was bullied relentlessly at summer camp this summer and came home crying several times. The camp was majority white. So, children of any color can be bullies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she aware that she is "different"?

Sometimes. She is aware that she does not speak Spanish like many of her friends. She also knows that she has different hair. Other than that, no.

Aren't latino's white?

Did anyone come to her birthday party?

NP. Yes, Zoe Saldana, Jimmy Smits, Rosario Dawson, Rosie Perez, and LaLa Anthony are white.

Says who???? Seriously

[Anonymous]

My oldest has spent four years as the only or one of the only white boys. It's a non issue.

Actually, now that he's in 2nd grade and the grade is somewhat more diverse (e.g. there's one other white boy and a white girl, as well as some mixed race children) than when he was the only white kid among AAs, there are clearer socio-economic issues and some obvious behavior issues with some of the poorer kids, who don't have support at home. But overall it's just a non-issue. The school is great. He's lucky to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What grade?

First grade. PK4 and K she was also the only.

Come back and post when she is in fifth grade and you have pulled her out of that school.

Thanks. I will. And thanks for implying that my experiences and hers thus far are invalid.

I only got halfway down the page and we are you, with a fifth grader. It's not such a big deal, except at some schools where it is. Our child always attended schools with a white population under ten per cent. But our first school in dc, where she was the "only" was a car crash. Our second school, where she is still the "only" has been fantastic. Conclusion? It's an issue, but not the only issue. At our current school, being the only is a non issue. Our previous school had one child with am axe to grind who made our child's experience a living hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she aware that she is "different"?

Sometimes. She is aware that she does not speak Spanish like many of her friends. She also knows that she has different hair. Other than that, no.

Aren't latino's white?

Did anyone come to her birthday party?

NP. Yes, Zoe Saldana, Jimmy Smits, Rosario Dawson, Rosie Perez, and LaLa Anthony are white.

Race and ethnicity 101 time. Latinos can be multiple races. You have Latinos from Spain who look basically white; and you have Latinos from the DR who look basically black; and you have Latinos from Mexico who look indigenous. The new trend in collecting data on Latinos is to let them indicate their Latino ethnicity and chose a race or nationality as well.

And as a green-eyed dominican eith a half-dominican redheaded child...I'm going to say this is even too general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op have you read the book fortress of solitude? Part of the book involves the protagonists experience as one of the few white people at a majority black school. His experience sounded very isolating. Are you worried your daughter might exoerience that? Do you think you'd know if she were having trouble, esp as she gets older? I was an only child in a neighborhood with only 1 other child and I was very lonely. When we moved to a neighborhood with tons of kids I was so much happier. I liked school a lot in both places even though the former was very diverse and the latter not - both school experiences were great but the social experience was so much better when we moved. It wasn't about race just about one neighborhood having lots more families of young kids. But places with better performing schools tend to be where you find lots of kids.

Your loneliness being an only kid in a neighborhood is NOTHING like what OP describes.