In laws lifestyle 'hobby' vis a vis our children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most fascinating part of the OP's thoroughly opaque question is this:

"My family had piecemealed all of this together in something of an embarrasing way, I now realize"

Did her family used to sneak into the golf course/stables/marina at night and golf/ride/sail using other peoples' clubs/horses/boats? That would really be something.

I am fascinated by this comment too. I am thinking they used the wrong breed of horse on the polo field.

I think it was more along the lines of things looking fine from the outside, but the barn was probably half falling apart and the ponies were leased out when they weren't using them, etc. Something she only realized after the fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the specific sport matters. My question is about the behavior of my inlaws surrounding this activity.

I couldn't get past the lengthy criptic writing to figure out what your issue is.

Is it something like:

Inlaws are big footbal people and never include me in their tailgating. My kids play rec football now because it is important to my husband. Now my inlaws want to bring my kids to the Alabama game, including tailgating, but they don't want me to have anything to do with it. I am mad and feeling left out.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

I'm actually coming around to thinking it is something so mundane as golf, OP just considers herself above courses that are open to the public (you know, the piecemeal way her family cobbled it together growing up), and is offended that her in-laws don't think she's good enough for their chichi country club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think skiing is the sport.

+1 it's the best fit.

I don't. She mentioned way back that it was more akin to croquet. Skiing is way too accessible, you don't have to be a member of anything to buy a ski lift pass.

Yes, the OP said that not a lot of people do this. Skiing does not fit into that category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm actually coming around to thinking it is something so mundane as golf, OP just considers herself above courses that are open to the public (you know, the piecemeal way her family cobbled it together growing up), and is offended that her in-laws don't think she's good enough for their chichi country club.

That makes sense, but then what does the comment about just doing it in a mellow seasonal way mean? Do the in-laws play winter golf in a climate controlled environment?

[Anonymous]

I bet a million DCUM dollars that OP is Indian and the sport is cricket.
Did I win? Where do I pick up my prize? I am very sure I'm right

[Anonymous]

I think the in laws accidentally used donkeys on the polo field and embarrassed the rest of the family.

[Anonymous]

Bobcat hunting

[Anonymous]

Flying airplanes. Very expensive. Very dangerous. Very snobby. This is what my IL's do. They are very arrogant about how exclusive it is to go to shows and win awards for how nice the plane is. They also race cars. Only Americans think these activities can compare to fox hunting, riding, or sailing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flying airplanes. Very expensive. Very dangerous. Very snobby. This is what my IL's do. They are very arrogant about how exclusive it is to go to shows and win awards for how nice the plane is. They also race cars. Only Americans think these activities can compare to fox hunting, riding, or sailing.

And this is how OP did it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm actually coming around to thinking it is something so mundane as golf, OP just considers herself above courses that are open to the public (you know, the piecemeal way her family cobbled it together growing up), and is offended that her in-laws don't think she's good enough for their chichi country club.

That makes sense, but then what does the comment about just doing it in a mellow seasonal way mean? Do the in-laws play winter golf in a climate controlled environment?

I think this is where OP's original contradictions are showing. First she says that you need an invitation or participate or independent access, suggesting that she doesn't have access without her in-laws, but then later says they could just do it on their own without the in-laws on a "seasonal" basis. This is part of why I think it's not something as esoteric as OP makes it out to be, it's actually entirely common and accessible, but not at the level that OP aspires (i.e., the exclusive upscale country club rather than the local public course). So instead of playing at the in-laws club, and perhaps the kids traveling with the in-laws to warmer-climate courses during the winter, they'll just play at the public course when the weather is nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP--

Here's the concise version of your post.
--I enjoy something
--my in laws don't like me enough to invite me to do it
--(subtext: I can't afford to do it without them)
--they've invited my kids to do it
--I need to find a reason to deny my kids this fun thing because I'm hurt it wasn't offered to me
--how about "my in laws will teach bad values?" Does that work.

Short answer -- don't deny your kids something they might enjoy because you're jealous.

Disagree. I do think there is more of an outright power struggle than op is admitting, but they were disrespectful of her. I would totally blow them off.

Me, too. If you can't treat the mother of your grandchildren with respect, then you are out of luck. I'm not sending my kids to hang out with people who aren't respectful to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP--

Here's the concise version of your post.
--I enjoy something
--my in laws don't like me enough to invite me to do it
--(subtext: I can't afford to do it without them)
--they've invited my kids to do it
--I need to find a reason to deny my kids this fun thing because I'm hurt it wasn't offered to me
--how about "my in laws will teach bad values?" Does that work.

Short answer -- don't deny your kids something they might enjoy because you're jealous.

Disagree. I do think there is more of an outright power struggle than op is admitting, but they were disrespectful of her. I would totally blow them off.

Me, too. If you can't treat the mother of your grandchildren with respect, then you are out of luck. I'm not sending my kids to hang out with people who aren't respectful to me.

We don't know how OP's in-laws treat her other than this. For all we know, they're perfectly nice to her. It's possible, though, that they enjoy having something they share directly with the grandchildren to bond with them, rather than it always being filtered through the parents.

We also don't know OP's role in this. It's entirely possible that it's better for everyone to keep the activity separate, and that's why OP's husband isn't backing her on limiting access to the grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flying airplanes. Very expensive. Very dangerous. Very snobby. This is what my IL's do. They are very arrogant about how exclusive it is to go to shows and win awards for how nice the plane is. They also race cars. Only Americans think these activities can compare to fox hunting, riding, or sailing.

And this is how OP did it?