Today is the day that I hate my husband

[Anonymous]

I second the poster that asked to have your husband, OP. Mine is also a cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Speak for your own wife! Many of us take pride in our appearance. I'm 36 and I have two children. I'm 5'9". I was 142 on our wedding day and 148 today. I work out daily and am MORE fit today than my wedding day, plus I have a new set of tits.

Who paid for those?

The husband, I suppose, but at least he's getting a return on investment.

You know what they say about husbands who buy their wives breast implants? Her next husband will be enjoying his investment.

Learn to read, bro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you in a coma the entire time you dated him and throughout the ensuing years after marriage? Maybe the problem is you.

Are you trying to say that you believe people stay the absolute same throughout their lives and don't change when in a marriage?

It never ceases to amaze me that people cannot see beyond their own noses. No wonder this world is full of wars and violence. Very few people have the ability to imagine that other people have other circumstances.

I am so thankful for my marriage. My DH and I met when we were 20 & 21. We have changed tremendously through the years. We are not the same people who met in 1998. I feel like it is simply luck that we changed together and remained compatible. ..and stronger. I realize that we are lucky and this is not everyone's experience.

I can't wrap my head around the fact that other people cannot see that everyone has a unique experience. Also marriage is NOT for life. Nobody has to be tied to destructive and unhealthy dogma for the sake of what exactly?

Then don't marry ....... just live together and when you have had enough of each other then move on.

Marriage is not serial monogamy either where you marry, divorce ...... rinse and repeat. At the very least don't make a mockery of marriage vows. How about a vow to stay together until we decide we have had enough?

Sorry, you domt get to decide the universal operating procedures of marriage.

If your mate has significantly changed and has sucked the happiness out of your life, time to move on.

I'm in a healthy relationship. Everyone should have that opportunity. I'd rather be alone with my cats and cabernet than resorting to complaining about my shitty spouse on an anonymous website. When that day comes and it is that bad, time to spit the bank account and move along.

Well, then don't pretend you made a lifetime commitment when you get married. No one is compelling you to take such vows. It is your choice and I am sure it sounds wonderful just like all the other trappings that surround a wedding.

It is analogous to swearing a court of law to say the truth and then lying through your teeth as soon as it is no longer convenient to tell the truth.

It is a lifetime commitment with stipulations.

Go move to Saudi Arabia or Yemen. Your beliefs about marriage are in line with their values.

Her in America (God Bless) if someone has significantly transformed and essentially dropped their end of the bargain, we get to part ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also marriage is NOT for life. Nobody has to be tied to destructive and unhealthy dogma for the sake of what exactly?

That's all you need to know, fellas. Marriage is little more than transfer of wealth.

Transfer of whose wealth? I've been married 17years...and happily I might add. I make just shy of 200k as does my DH. If we were to get divorced, we would both be worse off financially, except of course our tax rate would lower.

So, come again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you in a coma the entire time you dated him and throughout the ensuing years after marriage? Maybe the problem is you.

Are you trying to say that you believe people stay the absolute same throughout their lives and don't change when in a marriage?

It never ceases to amaze me that people cannot see beyond their own noses. No wonder this world is full of wars and violence. Very few people have the ability to imagine that other people have other circumstances.

I am so thankful for my marriage. My DH and I met when we were 20 & 21. We have changed tremendously through the years. We are not the same people who met in 1998. I feel like it is simply luck that we changed together and remained compatible. ..and stronger. I realize that we are lucky and this is not everyone's experience.

I can't wrap my head around the fact that other people cannot see that everyone has a unique experience. Also marriage is NOT for life. Nobody has to be tied to destructive and unhealthy dogma for the sake of what exactly?

Then don't marry ....... just live together and when you have had enough of each other then move on.

Marriage is not serial monogamy either where you marry, divorce ...... rinse and repeat. At the very least don't make a mockery of marriage vows. How about a vow to stay together until we decide we have had enough?

Sorry, you domt get to decide the universal operating procedures of marriage.

If your mate has significantly changed and has sucked the happiness out of your life, time to move on.

I'm in a healthy relationship. Everyone should have that opportunity. I'd rather be alone with my cats and cabernet than resorting to complaining about my shitty spouse on an anonymous website. When that day comes and it is that bad, time to spit the bank account and move along.

Well, then don't pretend you made a lifetime commitment when you get married. No one is compelling you to take such vows. It is your choice and I am sure it sounds wonderful just like all the other trappings that surround a wedding.

It is analogous to swearing a court of law to say the truth and then lying through your teeth as soon as it is no longer convenient to tell the truth.

It is a lifetime commitment with stipulations.

Go move to Saudi Arabia or Yemen. Your beliefs about marriage are in line with their values.

Her in America (God Bless) if someone has significantly transformed and essentially dropped their end of the bargain, we get to part ways.

Idiot and racist poster, I am American all the way. Tells a lot about you that you view adherence to marriage vows as equating to the cultural norms of other countries.

It is a lifetime commitment with stipulations but where we part company is on what those stipulations are: it does not include being bored with one's spouse, and other trivialities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also marriage is NOT for life. Nobody has to be tied to destructive and unhealthy dogma for the sake of what exactly?

That's all you need to know, fellas. Marriage is little more than transfer of wealth.

Transfer of whose wealth? I've been married 17years...and happily I might add. I make just shy of 200k as does my DH. If we were to get divorced, we would both be worse off financially, except of course our tax rate would lower.

So, come again?

Sorry...divorce, which stems from marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also marriage is NOT for life. Nobody has to be tied to destructive and unhealthy dogma for the sake of what exactly?

That's all you need to know, fellas. Marriage is little more than transfer of wealth.

Transfer of whose wealth? I've been married 17years...and happily I might add. I make just shy of 200k as does my DH. If we were to get divorced, we would both be worse off financially, except of course our tax rate would lower.

So, come again?

+1

Most marriages are financial partnerships, with the wife bringing as much to the relationship as the husband.

70% of women with children are in the labor market. 60% of married women with children work. This fantasy that all women marry men and quit working is just that -- a fantasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also marriage is NOT for life. Nobody has to be tied to destructive and unhealthy dogma for the sake of what exactly?

That's all you need to know, fellas. Marriage is little more than transfer of wealth.

Transfer of whose wealth? I've been married 17years...and happily I might add. I make just shy of 200k as does my DH. If we were to get divorced, we would both be worse off financially, except of course our tax rate would lower.

So, come again?

+1

Most marriages are financial partnerships, with the wife bringing as much to the relationship as the husband.

70% of women with children are in the labor market. 60% of married women with children work. This fantasy that all women marry men and quit working is just that -- a fantasy.

It's not a fantasy in DC, or in any family where one spouse makes six figures+.

Also 60 percent is honestly lower than I expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bitch OP here. So, after a few days of us not really talking, my H showed up at my office this morning, told me how much he loved me, and that he misses me. We went to lunch and talked. I told him that I love him, but I also did not want to fight about who did what b/c we always end up in the same spot. We are who we are, and we probably aren't changing. He said he realizes that he has been an asshole lately. And he also wants me to do my part (less bitchy, probably). That's fair. So, good day. We'll see. Inevitably, my scale will tip back in the direction of "fed up with this shit", but who knows when, for how long, and whether it will remain that way.

If you are serious about trying to make things work, you would go to counseling not just wait until you're "fed up" and then call it quits.

[Anonymous]

"If you are serious about trying to make things work, you would go to counseling not just wait until you're "fed up" and then call it quits."

+1. I'd like to think that if people want to change, they can change. As I said in a PP, it sounds like you need to work on understanding and expressing how you feel and what you need. It could be that a few tweaks as to how you handle things makes the difference between staying together or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bitch OP here. So, after a few days of us not really talking, my H showed up at my office this morning, told me how much he loved me, and that he misses me. We went to lunch and talked. I told him that I love him, but I also did not want to fight about who did what b/c we always end up in the same spot. We are who we are, and we probably aren't changing. He said he realizes that he has been an asshole lately. And he also wants me to do my part (less bitchy, probably). That's fair. So, good day. We'll see. Inevitably, my scale will tip back in the direction of "fed up with this shit", but who knows when, for how long, and whether it will remain that way.

If you are serious about trying to make things work, you would go to counseling not just wait until you're "fed up" and then call it quits.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a good father, he is strong, he is smart and he is loyal. However, he is incapable of being vulnerable. He is unkind. He is socially inept which means that we have a very hard time developing "couple friends". I feel like I am just done. I don't need this shit. I don't need someone who is unsupportive of me. I do not need someone who makes me feel as though anything I genuinely like is stupid. I am attractive, under 40, I am a lawyer (so I do not need to him to survive financially). I just don't need this shit. Honestly. I can do better - and I don't even think I want anyone right now. I dream of being free of him. We have a daughter and I would hate to break up her home, but I feel like I am just done. She will adjust. Perhaps I feel differently tomorrow, but as of this evening, fuck this shit.

OP, you are a selfish bitch. I don't understand women like you marrying someone and then suddenly discovering that he is socially inept and unkind. Why the f--k would you have married him in the first place if these were things that bothered you?

You say that he is a good father, strong, loyal and smart and you are willing to break up your family because of real or perceived inadequacies that you should have been aware of well before you married him.

OP here. Maybe I am being selfish. I am okay with that. I think personal happiness and satisfaction are things we are entitled to be selfish about. No one marries a perfect person (my husband included). But, there is a time when you believe you can deal with other person's faults (and they with yours) and still have the happy times outweigh the non-happy times. But, things can change. I knew that going in. So did he, I am sure. Today the scales are tipped in favor of ending it. Who knows what tomorrow holds?

There is wisdom here. As Philip Seymour Hoffman said, "You see who I am now. You have no idea who I'll be three hours from now."

[Anonymous]

People.
Being single is hard.
Being married is hard.
Being ambivalently married is...normal.
Being unhappily married? Is the worst.

And if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I learned that in third grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also marriage is NOT for life. Nobody has to be tied to destructive and unhealthy dogma for the sake of what exactly?

That's all you need to know, fellas. Marriage is little more than transfer of wealth.

Transfer of whose wealth? I've been married 17years...and happily I might add. I make just shy of 200k as does my DH. If we were to get divorced, we would both be worse off financially, except of course our tax rate would lower.

So, come again?

+1

Most marriages are financial partnerships, with the wife bringing as much to the relationship as the husband.

70% of women with children are in the labor market. 60% of married women with children work. This fantasy that all women marry men and quit working is just that -- a fantasy.

It's not a fantasy in DC, or in any family where one spouse makes six figures+.

Also 60 percent is honestly lower than I expected.

The circles of women who I run with all make six figures+. Every.single.one.of.them. I live in a neighborhood with all 7 figure homes and the only women around during the day are the nannies because both parents are working. Nobody is working out of necessity, it is pure ambition.

I have 3 best friends, all 3 own their own businesses. One owns a strategic marketing company, one a defense contracting company, and one owns a very successful dental practice. All of them probably collectively employ over 500 people. They are all under 45 and have small children and have equally successful husbands.

I probably just could not relate to women who SAH, so I guess I don't see them. The only SAHMs I actually know are in my DHs family and they never did have earning potential, so why work?

Women are able to easily divorce men because, just like the OP, they don't HAVE to be married out of financial necessity. Nobody is taking anyone to the cleaners. Just like my friends, if I had a divorce, it would be a split and we'd both walk and, frankly, both be quite fine. If you have a career, you get to be married at your leisure. You don't have to wear the golden handcuffs. This is exactly why women who live in societies where they are subjugated do not divorce. They can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also marriage is NOT for life. Nobody has to be tied to destructive and unhealthy dogma for the sake of what exactly?

That's all you need to know, fellas. Marriage is little more than transfer of wealth.

Transfer of whose wealth? I've been married 17years...and happily I might add. I make just shy of 200k as does my DH. If we were to get divorced, we would both be worse off financially, except of course our tax rate would lower.

So, come again?

+1

Most marriages are financial partnerships, with the wife bringing as much to the relationship as the husband.

70% of women with children are in the labor market. 60% of married women with children work. This fantasy that all women marry men and quit working is just that -- a fantasy.

It's not a fantasy in DC, or in any family where one spouse makes six figures+.

Also 60 percent is honestly lower than I expected.

The circles of women who I run with all make six figures+. Every.single.one.of.them. I live in a neighborhood with all 7 figure homes and the only women around during the day are the nannies because both parents are working. Nobody is working out of necessity, it is pure ambition.

I have 3 best friends, all 3 own their own businesses. One owns a strategic marketing company, one a defense contracting company, and one owns a very successful dental practice. All of them probably collectively employ over 500 people. They are all under 45 and have small children and have equally successful husbands.

I probably just could not relate to women who SAH, so I guess I don't see them. The only SAHMs I actually know are in my DHs family and they never did have earning potential, so why work?

Women are able to easily divorce men because, just like the OP, they don't HAVE to be married out of financial necessity. Nobody is taking anyone to the cleaners. Just like my friends, if I had a divorce, it would be a split and we'd both walk and, frankly, both be quite fine. If you have a career, you get to be married at your leisure. You don't have to wear the golden handcuffs. This is exactly why women who live in societies where they are subjugated do not divorce. They can't.

That's terrific (no sarcasm).

But there are some SAH moms who don't work that hard and then bail with a wheelbarrow full of alimony once their marriage begins to struggle because they know that their have a golden parachute.

I have no problem if you are at parity with your husband, career-wise, and you don't take alimony from him. But in a SAH mom/long hours dad combination, I feel that SAH moms have a loaded gun to their husbands head at all times.

But that's just me. If you are in a SAH mom relationship, and it works, terrific.