Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read all the responses, but I don't think it is fair to the extent that it makes the amount allocated to each child and their family unequal to another child and her family. For example, I have 1 sibling, and he has 3 kids and I have 2 kids. My parents will leave everything to my sib and I 50/50 - and if for some reason they left it to the grandkids, they would leave 50% of their estate to be split evenly between my kids (so each would get 25%) and the other 50% to be split evenly among my sib's 3 kids (so each would get ~ 18%). Compare that to DH who also has one sibling, but my IL's plan to leave everything to their grandkids which will mean that my 2 kids will each get 1/6th of their estate and my SIL's 4 kids will also each get 1/6th - but meaning it would be like they gave 1/3rd of their estate to DH and 2/3rds to his sister - that last part is what makes it unfair to me.

Wow. You are one greedy person to be doing this kind of math about money that is not yours and that you did not earn. Your kids should be grateful for anything that anyone gives them, not nickel and diming what they get vs. what other people get.

This is why inherited wealth is no good for anyone.

+1. Super greedy. My grandparents left each grandkid the exact same amount of money in my family ($25k). It shouldn't matter if one family has 4 kids and the other has 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 23:50 - I truly don't get the response to "grow up." I would be hurt while my parents are alive if they gave some big lump sum of money to my brother and nothing to me. Or if they said they planned to leave 2/3rds of their estate to my brother and 1/3rd to me. They would never do that. But that is what it amounts to if one leaves her estate to be divided among her grandchildren, assuming her children did not have the same number of children. I am not talking about nickel and diming whether they give a nicer birthday present to one kid. Inheritence should be divided evenly among one's children unless you want to cause a lot of future family rifts.

Inheritances should be taxed 99% just because of people like you.

Read my lips: Not your money. There is no entitlement here. There is only your parents failing to spend everything they ever saved as they should have, and deciding for their own completely not your business reasons who they want to have it after they die.

You sound fairly brutal. Most people are more sensitive, including the PP you are ripping a new one. Families are connected to each other. If you want a "totally MYOB" reason for doing things then don't have a family. I hope it's not too late for you to make that choice.

Most healthy parents enjoy giving to their children. I know I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be less concerned about the money (unless you are in some kind of serious financial bind that is going to put you out of a home) and more concerned about family relationships!

+1 The money is about family relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 23:50 - I truly don't get the response to "grow up." I would be hurt while my parents are alive if they gave some big lump sum of money to my brother and nothing to me. Or if they said they planned to leave 2/3rds of their estate to my brother and 1/3rd to me. They would never do that. But that is what it amounts to if one leaves her estate to be divided among her grandchildren, assuming her children did not have the same number of children. I am not talking about nickel and diming whether they give a nicer birthday present to one kid. Inheritence should be divided evenly among one's children unless you want to cause a lot of future family rifts.

Inheritances should be taxed 99% just because of people like you.

Read my lips: Not your money. There is no entitlement here. There is only your parents failing to spend everything they ever saved as they should have, and deciding for their own completely not your business reasons who they want to have it after they die.

You sound fairly brutal. Most people are more sensitive, including the PP you are ripping a new one. Families are connected to each other. If you want a "totally MYOB" reason for doing things then don't have a family. I hope it's not too late for you to make that choice.

Most healthy parents enjoy giving to their children. I know I do.

Then do it while you are alive. As you can plainly read on this thread, inheritances simply cause hurt and anger. For every kid who thinks the money should be divided equally this way, there is another who thinks it should be divided differently that way.

It's a crappy thing to do to your kids, frankly.

[Anonymous]

My ILs I believe plan to leave their assets to my daughter, their only grandchild, and bypass us completely, with the exception of their house, which is paid off and in a nice place for us to have a vacation home. I have zero problem with that money not coming to my husband and me first. I would love for my kid to have a nest egg right off the bat. That's doing both my husband and me a huge favor, and whatever she gets we'll be very grateful for. (I have no clue, but on a recent visit my FIL said, "you don't need to worry about grandkid, she'll be very wealthy one day." So I think she's going to get a lot at some point.) The only thought I gave to it was on one of gratitude.

[Anonymous]

To all PPs: Read the original post. The parents do not give OP any money because OPs Mom doesn't like OPs husband. That is a VERY different thing than people just giving their inheritance to all kinds of people for proper reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all PPs: Read the original post. The parents do not give OP any money because OPs Mom doesn't like OPs husband. That is a VERY different thing than people just giving their inheritance to all kinds of people for proper reasons.

Changes NOTHING.

[Anonymous]

Boy, OP, I bet you feel like a sucker for seeing our mom so much and talking to her so much when you could have been kicking back. What a waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all PPs: Read the original post. The parents do not give OP any money because OPs Mom doesn't like OPs husband. That is a VERY different thing than people just giving their inheritance to all kinds of people for proper reasons.

Changes NOTHING.

+1. It is their money to do with what they see fit - give to OP, give to their grandchildren, leave to charity, or spend it all on drugs and parties. I have no idea if we'll get any money from our parents and I don't care. It's not my money and none of my business. I'd rather have them alive for a very long time and spend it on enjoying themselves, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Did not read all the responses (and I suspect OP is long gone since this thread is about 9 months old).

I would not be upset about the money. I'd be upset about the loss of my parents. I would rather have my parents than their money and frankly, when I inherit my portion, it will likely just go to my kids anyways for college, for a car when they are old enough, or whatever else might make things easier for them.

And for inequity, I already expect that. My sister has had a hard life and now works in a very low paying job. My brother and I are both professionals who are pretty self-sufficient. My parents have already told us that she will be getting about 40-50% of the inheritence to care for her as she gets older (also no retirement savings). My brother and I will split the balance. First, my parents have a pretty large estate so that's plenty of money for all of us. Second, if they had divided it evenly (like it was when we were younger and our situations were different), then my brother and I would have been looking out for my sister anyways and taking care of making sure she had what she needed. This saves us some concern as she will have the money she needs to retire comfortably when she's of age to retire. We're all pretty easy going about that. We love each other and want what's best for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did not read all the responses (and I suspect OP is long gone since this thread is about 9 months old).

I would not be upset about the money. I'd be upset about the loss of my parents. I would rather have my parents than their money and frankly, when I inherit my portion, it will likely just go to my kids anyways for college, for a car when they are old enough, or whatever else might make things easier for them.

And for inequity, I already expect that. My sister has had a hard life and now works in a very low paying job. My brother and I are both professionals who are pretty self-sufficient. My parents have already told us that she will be getting about 40-50% of the inheritence to care for her as she gets older (also no retirement savings). My brother and I will split the balance. First, my parents have a pretty large estate so that's plenty of money for all of us. Second, if they had divided it evenly (like it was when we were younger and our situations were different), then my brother and I would have been looking out for my sister anyways and taking care of making sure she had what she needed. This saves us some concern as she will have the money she needs to retire comfortably when she's of age to retire. We're all pretty easy going about that. We love each other and want what's best for each other.

You're situation is not even close to OP's. But keep patting yourself on the back for handling it better than OP anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did not read all the responses (and I suspect OP is long gone since this thread is about 9 months old).

I would not be upset about the money. I'd be upset about the loss of my parents. I would rather have my parents than their money and frankly, when I inherit my portion, it will likely just go to my kids anyways for college, for a car when they are old enough, or whatever else might make things easier for them.

And for inequity, I already expect that. My sister has had a hard life and now works in a very low paying job. My brother and I are both professionals who are pretty self-sufficient. My parents have already told us that she will be getting about 40-50% of the inheritence to care for her as she gets older (also no retirement savings). My brother and I will split the balance. First, my parents have a pretty large estate so that's plenty of money for all of us. Second, if they had divided it evenly (like it was when we were younger and our situations were different), then my brother and I would have been looking out for my sister anyways and taking care of making sure she had what she needed. This saves us some concern as she will have the money she needs to retire comfortably when she's of age to retire. We're all pretty easy going about that. We love each other and want what's best for each other.

You're situation is not even close to OP's. But keep patting yourself on the back for handling it better than OP anyway.

No one's situation is close to OP's because she's greedy and passive aggressive. Anyone would handle it better. This is not a high bar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did not read all the responses (and I suspect OP is long gone since this thread is about 9 months old).

I would not be upset about the money. I'd be upset about the loss of my parents. I would rather have my parents than their money and frankly, when I inherit my portion, it will likely just go to my kids anyways for college, for a car when they are old enough, or whatever else might make things easier for them.

And for inequity, I already expect that. My sister has had a hard life and now works in a very low paying job. My brother and I are both professionals who are pretty self-sufficient. My parents have already told us that she will be getting about 40-50% of the inheritence to care for her as she gets older (also no retirement savings). My brother and I will split the balance. First, my parents have a pretty large estate so that's plenty of money for all of us. Second, if they had divided it evenly (like it was when we were younger and our situations were different), then my brother and I would have been looking out for my sister anyways and taking care of making sure she had what she needed. This saves us some concern as she will have the money she needs to retire comfortably when she's of age to retire. We're all pretty easy going about that. We love each other and want what's best for each other.

You're situation is not even close to OP's. But keep patting yourself on the back for handling it better than OP anyway.

No one's situation is close to OP's because she's greedy and passive aggressive. Anyone would handle it better. This is not a high bar.

I don't agree. It's as basic as preschool. When someone tells you flat out that they are excluding you from something because they don't like you or something about you, it's hurtful. That's not the same as your parents just deciding, logically and without malice, that they are doing things a certain way. OP's mom is cutting her out because she dislikes OP's DH. That's not nice of her mother and a far cry from the actions of the PP's parents above, who are being reasonable and doing what is best for ALL of their children, and taking care of all of their children's emotions equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did not read all the responses (and I suspect OP is long gone since this thread is about 9 months old).

I would not be upset about the money. I'd be upset about the loss of my parents. I would rather have my parents than their money and frankly, when I inherit my portion, it will likely just go to my kids anyways for college, for a car when they are old enough, or whatever else might make things easier for them.

And for inequity, I already expect that. My sister has had a hard life and now works in a very low paying job. My brother and I are both professionals who are pretty self-sufficient. My parents have already told us that she will be getting about 40-50% of the inheritence to care for her as she gets older (also no retirement savings). My brother and I will split the balance. First, my parents have a pretty large estate so that's plenty of money for all of us. Second, if they had divided it evenly (like it was when we were younger and our situations were different), then my brother and I would have been looking out for my sister anyways and taking care of making sure she had what she needed. This saves us some concern as she will have the money she needs to retire comfortably when she's of age to retire. We're all pretty easy going about that. We love each other and want what's best for each other.

You're situation is not even close to OP's. But keep patting yourself on the back for handling it better than OP anyway.

No one's situation is close to OP's because she's greedy and passive aggressive. Anyone would handle it better. This is not a high bar.

I don't agree. It's as basic as preschool. When someone tells you flat out that they are excluding you from something because they don't like you or something about you, it's hurtful. That's not the same as your parents just deciding, logically and without malice, that they are doing things a certain way. OP's mom is cutting her out because she dislikes OP's DH. That's not nice of her mother and a far cry from the actions of the PP's parents above, who are being reasonable and doing what is best for ALL of their children, and taking care of all of their children's emotions equally.

But that's not what she's saying. "I would NEVER ask her for money, but we could really use the money." "I have to work just to pay our bills, and I don't want my daughter to squander the money." She wants money. Plain and simple. And it ain't coming to her.

[Anonymous]

Plus, just speaking as a parent, I can't even imagine the peach pit of a heart someone must have to cut one of their children out of their will because they don't like them or their spouse. I can't imagine how it must feel to be that hard hearted. Must suck.