Crazy paternity leave situation

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Even if a job offers it, often men cannot take it or they will be penalized. My husband took a few days. He got little leave. It sucked.

Did he lie to you about it?

No, he did not lie but most people cannot take off six weeks without risking their job. He lied as she wouldn’t listen.

Women take off more than six weeks ALL THE TIME.

Do you think that helps or hurts their career?

It only hurts women because men don’t take comparable leave when they have children…

But it doesn't stop with maternity leave. Lots of women want to get off the fast track and onto the mommy track and have more time with their kids. It limits the career but that's the choice they want to make.

And lots of women don’t want to do that but end up mommy-tracked due to stereotypes, and lots of men feel confined by stereotypes that they’re the secondary caregiver. In an equitable world, many men and women would be interested in shifting work priorities and would be given the option to do so. Instead, after kids, men make more money and women make less money even after controlling for education levels and career breaks.

You know women who got involuntarily mommy tracked? I don't know any.

Yes, I’ve litigated class actions on this…

Are you OP? Pretty strange OP hasn't come back.

No? I just know a lot about pregnancy discrimination and parental leave.

So then you would know why one parent might not want to take their leave if it can be weaponized against them at work.

As I explained, the penalty is largely derived from it being viewed as a “women” problem as opposed to an “everyone” problem. Hence why I’m a huge advocate for paternity leave. And yeah, I think it’s shitty for men who view paternity leave “as optional” to perpetuate the penalty on women by not taking their full, legally protected parental leave.

While there’s a long history of “mommy tracking” there is no phenomenon of “daddy tracking” whatsoever. Women still bear the disproportionate risk.

When men birth the babies it will be an "everyone" problem.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if a job offers it, often men cannot take it or they will be penalized. My husband took a few days. He got little leave. It sucked.

Did he lie to you about it?

No, he did not lie but most people cannot take off six weeks without risking their job. He lied as she wouldn’t listen.

Women take off more than six weeks ALL THE TIME.

Do you think that helps or hurts their career?

It only hurts women because men don’t take comparable leave when they have children…

But it doesn't stop with maternity leave. Lots of women want to get off the fast track and onto the mommy track and have more time with their kids. It limits the career but that's the choice they want to make.

And lots of women don’t want to do that but end up mommy-tracked due to stereotypes, and lots of men feel confined by stereotypes that they’re the secondary caregiver. In an equitable world, many men and women would be interested in shifting work priorities and would be given the option to do so. Instead, after kids, men make more money and women make less money even after controlling for education levels and career breaks.

You know women who got involuntarily mommy tracked? I don't know any.

Yes, I’ve litigated class actions on this…

Are you OP? Pretty strange OP hasn't come back.

No? I just know a lot about pregnancy discrimination and parental leave.

So then you would know why one parent might not want to take their leave if it can be weaponized against them at work.

As I explained, the penalty is largely derived from it being viewed as a “women” problem as opposed to an “everyone” problem. Hence why I’m a huge advocate for paternity leave. And yeah, I think it’s shitty for men who view paternity leave “as optional” to perpetuate the penalty on women by not taking their full, legally protected parental leave.

While there’s a long history of “mommy tracking” there is no phenomenon of “daddy tracking” whatsoever. Women still bear the disproportionate risk.

When men birth the babies it will be an "everyone" problem.

Parenting is a men’s issue. Also, if this were about giving birth, moms who don’t give birth would get less leave or would be expected to do less childcare. Yet…

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if a job offers it, often men cannot take it or they will be penalized. My husband took a few days. He got little leave. It sucked.

Did he lie to you about it?

No, he did not lie but most people cannot take off six weeks without risking their job. He lied as she wouldn’t listen.

Women take off more than six weeks ALL THE TIME.

Do you think that helps or hurts their career?

It only hurts women because men don’t take comparable leave when they have children…

But it doesn't stop with maternity leave. Lots of women want to get off the fast track and onto the mommy track and have more time with their kids. It limits the career but that's the choice they want to make.

And lots of women don’t want to do that but end up mommy-tracked due to stereotypes, and lots of men feel confined by stereotypes that they’re the secondary caregiver. In an equitable world, many men and women would be interested in shifting work priorities and would be given the option to do so. Instead, after kids, men make more money and women make less money even after controlling for education levels and career breaks.

You know women who got involuntarily mommy tracked? I don't know any.

Yes, I’ve litigated class actions on this…

Are you OP? Pretty strange OP hasn't come back.

No? I just know a lot about pregnancy discrimination and parental leave.

So then you would know why one parent might not want to take their leave if it can be weaponized against them at work.

As I explained, the penalty is largely derived from it being viewed as a “women” problem as opposed to an “everyone” problem. Hence why I’m a huge advocate for paternity leave. And yeah, I think it’s shitty for men who view paternity leave “as optional” to perpetuate the penalty on women by not taking their full, legally protected parental leave.

While there’s a long history of “mommy tracking” there is no phenomenon of “daddy tracking” whatsoever. Women still bear the disproportionate risk.

When men birth the babies it will be an "everyone" problem.

Parenting is a men’s issue. Also, if this were about giving birth, moms who don’t give birth would get less leave or would be expected to do less childcare. Yet…

You're still carrying on as if any of this matters in a custody dispute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if a job offers it, often men cannot take it or they will be penalized. My husband took a few days. He got little leave. It sucked.

Did he lie to you about it?

No, he did not lie but most people cannot take off six weeks without risking their job. He lied as she wouldn’t listen.

Women take off more than six weeks ALL THE TIME.

Do you think that helps or hurts their career?

It only hurts women because men don’t take comparable leave when they have children…

But it doesn't stop with maternity leave. Lots of women want to get off the fast track and onto the mommy track and have more time with their kids. It limits the career but that's the choice they want to make.

And lots of women don’t want to do that but end up mommy-tracked due to stereotypes, and lots of men feel confined by stereotypes that they’re the secondary caregiver. In an equitable world, many men and women would be interested in shifting work priorities and would be given the option to do so. Instead, after kids, men make more money and women make less money even after controlling for education levels and career breaks.

You know women who got involuntarily mommy tracked? I don't know any.

Yes, I’ve litigated class actions on this…

Are you OP? Pretty strange OP hasn't come back.

No? I just know a lot about pregnancy discrimination and parental leave.

So then you would know why one parent might not want to take their leave if it can be weaponized against them at work.

As I explained, the penalty is largely derived from it being viewed as a “women” problem as opposed to an “everyone” problem. Hence why I’m a huge advocate for paternity leave. And yeah, I think it’s shitty for men who view paternity leave “as optional” to perpetuate the penalty on women by not taking their full, legally protected parental leave.

While there’s a long history of “mommy tracking” there is no phenomenon of “daddy tracking” whatsoever. Women still bear the disproportionate risk.

When men birth the babies it will be an "everyone" problem.

Parenting is a men’s issue. Also, if this were about giving birth, moms who don’t give birth would get less leave or would be expected to do less childcare. Yet…

You're still carrying on as if any of this matters in a custody dispute.

Are you familiar with the “best interests of the child” standard?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a major communication issue. He 100% shouldn’t have lied to her, but an important question why did he feel like he couldn’t tell her the truth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if a job offers it, often men cannot take it or they will be penalized. My husband took a few days. He got little leave. It sucked.

Did he lie to you about it?

No, he did not lie but most people cannot take off six weeks without risking their job. He lied as she wouldn’t listen.

Women take off more than six weeks ALL THE TIME.

Do you think that helps or hurts their career?

It only hurts women because men don’t take comparable leave when they have children…

But it doesn't stop with maternity leave. Lots of women want to get off the fast track and onto the mommy track and have more time with their kids. It limits the career but that's the choice they want to make.

And lots of women don’t want to do that but end up mommy-tracked due to stereotypes, and lots of men feel confined by stereotypes that they’re the secondary caregiver. In an equitable world, many men and women would be interested in shifting work priorities and would be given the option to do so. Instead, after kids, men make more money and women make less money even after controlling for education levels and career breaks.

You know women who got involuntarily mommy tracked? I don't know any.

Yes, I’ve litigated class actions on this…

Are you OP? Pretty strange OP hasn't come back.

No? I just know a lot about pregnancy discrimination and parental leave.

So then you would know why one parent might not want to take their leave if it can be weaponized against them at work.

As I explained, the penalty is largely derived from it being viewed as a “women” problem as opposed to an “everyone” problem. Hence why I’m a huge advocate for paternity leave. And yeah, I think it’s shitty for men who view paternity leave “as optional” to perpetuate the penalty on women by not taking their full, legally protected parental leave.

While there’s a long history of “mommy tracking” there is no phenomenon of “daddy tracking” whatsoever. Women still bear the disproportionate risk.

When men birth the babies it will be an "everyone" problem.

Parenting is a men’s issue. Also, if this were about giving birth, moms who don’t give birth would get less leave or would be expected to do less childcare. Yet…

You're still carrying on as if any of this matters in a custody dispute.

Are you familiar with the “best interests of the child” standard?

Are you? It means the child deserves a relationship with both parents. It's not a reward for the parent who filled out the camp application in a tit for tat game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if a job offers it, often men cannot take it or they will be penalized. My husband took a few days. He got little leave. It sucked.

Did he lie to you about it?

No, he did not lie but most people cannot take off six weeks without risking their job. He lied as she wouldn’t listen.

Women take off more than six weeks ALL THE TIME.

Do you think that helps or hurts their career?

It only hurts women because men don’t take comparable leave when they have children…

But it doesn't stop with maternity leave. Lots of women want to get off the fast track and onto the mommy track and have more time with their kids. It limits the career but that's the choice they want to make.

And lots of women don’t want to do that but end up mommy-tracked due to stereotypes, and lots of men feel confined by stereotypes that they’re the secondary caregiver. In an equitable world, many men and women would be interested in shifting work priorities and would be given the option to do so. Instead, after kids, men make more money and women make less money even after controlling for education levels and career breaks.

You know women who got involuntarily mommy tracked? I don't know any.

Yes, I’ve litigated class actions on this…

Are you OP? Pretty strange OP hasn't come back.

No? I just know a lot about pregnancy discrimination and parental leave.

So then you would know why one parent might not want to take their leave if it can be weaponized against them at work.

As I explained, the penalty is largely derived from it being viewed as a “women” problem as opposed to an “everyone” problem. Hence why I’m a huge advocate for paternity leave. And yeah, I think it’s shitty for men who view paternity leave “as optional” to perpetuate the penalty on women by not taking their full, legally protected parental leave.

While there’s a long history of “mommy tracking” there is no phenomenon of “daddy tracking” whatsoever. Women still bear the disproportionate risk.

When men birth the babies it will be an "everyone" problem.

Parenting is a men’s issue. Also, if this were about giving birth, moms who don’t give birth would get less leave or would be expected to do less childcare. Yet…

You're still carrying on as if any of this matters in a custody dispute.

Are you familiar with the “best interests of the child” standard?

Are you? It means the child deserves a relationship with both parents. It's not a reward for the parent who filled out the camp application in a tit for tat game.

Well good luck convincing the judge you couldn’t do 50% while married but deserve 50% post-divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if a job offers it, often men cannot take it or they will be penalized. My husband took a few days. He got little leave. It sucked.

Did he lie to you about it?

No, he did not lie but most people cannot take off six weeks without risking their job. He lied as she wouldn’t listen.

Women take off more than six weeks ALL THE TIME.

Do you think that helps or hurts their career?

It only hurts women because men don’t take comparable leave when they have children…

But it doesn't stop with maternity leave. Lots of women want to get off the fast track and onto the mommy track and have more time with their kids. It limits the career but that's the choice they want to make.

And lots of women don’t want to do that but end up mommy-tracked due to stereotypes, and lots of men feel confined by stereotypes that they’re the secondary caregiver. In an equitable world, many men and women would be interested in shifting work priorities and would be given the option to do so. Instead, after kids, men make more money and women make less money even after controlling for education levels and career breaks.

You know women who got involuntarily mommy tracked? I don't know any.

Yes, I’ve litigated class actions on this…

Are you OP? Pretty strange OP hasn't come back.

No? I just know a lot about pregnancy discrimination and parental leave.

So then you would know why one parent might not want to take their leave if it can be weaponized against them at work.

As I explained, the penalty is largely derived from it being viewed as a “women” problem as opposed to an “everyone” problem. Hence why I’m a huge advocate for paternity leave. And yeah, I think it’s shitty for men who view paternity leave “as optional” to perpetuate the penalty on women by not taking their full, legally protected parental leave.

While there’s a long history of “mommy tracking” there is no phenomenon of “daddy tracking” whatsoever. Women still bear the disproportionate risk.

When men birth the babies it will be an "everyone" problem.

Parenting is a men’s issue. Also, if this were about giving birth, moms who don’t give birth would get less leave or would be expected to do less childcare. Yet…

You're still carrying on as if any of this matters in a custody dispute.

Are you familiar with the “best interests of the child” standard?

Are you? It means the child deserves a relationship with both parents. It's not a reward for the parent who filled out the camp application in a tit for tat game.

Well good luck convincing the judge you couldn’t do 50% while married but deserve 50% post-divorce.

You aren't playing with a full deck. You should be very worried about your own loss of custody.

[Anonymous]

My ex is a doctor. He only took a week off for each child.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if a job offers it, often men cannot take it or they will be penalized. My husband took a few days. He got little leave. It sucked.

Did he lie to you about it?

No, he did not lie but most people cannot take off six weeks without risking their job. He lied as she wouldn’t listen.

Women take off more than six weeks ALL THE TIME.

Do you think that helps or hurts their career?

It only hurts women because men don’t take comparable leave when they have children…

But it doesn't stop with maternity leave. Lots of women want to get off the fast track and onto the mommy track and have more time with their kids. It limits the career but that's the choice they want to make.

And lots of women don’t want to do that but end up mommy-tracked due to stereotypes, and lots of men feel confined by stereotypes that they’re the secondary caregiver. In an equitable world, many men and women would be interested in shifting work priorities and would be given the option to do so. Instead, after kids, men make more money and women make less money even after controlling for education levels and career breaks.

You know women who got involuntarily mommy tracked? I don't know any.

Yes, I’ve litigated class actions on this…

Are you OP? Pretty strange OP hasn't come back.

No? I just know a lot about pregnancy discrimination and parental leave.

So then you would know why one parent might not want to take their leave if it can be weaponized against them at work.

As I explained, the penalty is largely derived from it being viewed as a “women” problem as opposed to an “everyone” problem. Hence why I’m a huge advocate for paternity leave. And yeah, I think it’s shitty for men who view paternity leave “as optional” to perpetuate the penalty on women by not taking their full, legally protected parental leave.

While there’s a long history of “mommy tracking” there is no phenomenon of “daddy tracking” whatsoever. Women still bear the disproportionate risk.

When men birth the babies it will be an "everyone" problem.

Parenting is a men’s issue. Also, if this were about giving birth, moms who don’t give birth would get less leave or would be expected to do less childcare. Yet…

You're still carrying on as if any of this matters in a custody dispute.

Are you familiar with the “best interests of the child” standard?

Are you? It means the child deserves a relationship with both parents. It's not a reward for the parent who filled out the camp application in a tit for tat game.

Well good luck convincing the judge you couldn’t do 50% while married but deserve 50% post-divorce.

You aren't playing with a full deck. You should be very worried about your own loss of custody.

Based on what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a major communication issue. He 100% shouldn’t have lied to her, but an important question why did he feel like he couldn’t tell her the truth?

+1

The leave stuff is a symptom of much larger underlying communication issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a major communication issue. He 100% shouldn’t have lied to her, but an important question why did he feel like he couldn’t tell her the truth?

Because it would be him admitting he’s a $hitty parent and spouse. He’d rather bury it down and lie, than look in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if a job offers it, often men cannot take it or they will be penalized. My husband took a few days. He got little leave. It sucked.

Did he lie to you about it?

No, he did not lie but most people cannot take off six weeks without risking their job. He lied as she wouldn’t listen.

Women take off more than six weeks ALL THE TIME.

Do you think that helps or hurts their career?

It only hurts women because men don’t take comparable leave when they have children…

But it doesn't stop with maternity leave. Lots of women want to get off the fast track and onto the mommy track and have more time with their kids. It limits the career but that's the choice they want to make.

And lots of women don’t want to do that but end up mommy-tracked due to stereotypes, and lots of men feel confined by stereotypes that they’re the secondary caregiver. In an equitable world, many men and women would be interested in shifting work priorities and would be given the option to do so. Instead, after kids, men make more money and women make less money even after controlling for education levels and career breaks.

You know women who got involuntarily mommy tracked? I don't know any.

Yes, I’ve litigated class actions on this…

Are you OP? Pretty strange OP hasn't come back.

No? I just know a lot about pregnancy discrimination and parental leave.

So then you would know why one parent might not want to take their leave if it can be weaponized against them at work.

As I explained, the penalty is largely derived from it being viewed as a “women” problem as opposed to an “everyone” problem. Hence why I’m a huge advocate for paternity leave. And yeah, I think it’s shitty for men who view paternity leave “as optional” to perpetuate the penalty on women by not taking their full, legally protected parental leave.

While there’s a long history of “mommy tracking” there is no phenomenon of “daddy tracking” whatsoever. Women still bear the disproportionate risk.

When men birth the babies it will be an "everyone" problem.

Parenting is a men’s issue. Also, if this were about giving birth, moms who don’t give birth would get less leave or would be expected to do less childcare. Yet…

You're still carrying on as if any of this matters in a custody dispute.

Are you familiar with the “best interests of the child” standard?

Are you? It means the child deserves a relationship with both parents. It's not a reward for the parent who filled out the camp application in a tit for tat game.

Well good luck convincing the judge you couldn’t do 50% while married but deserve 50% post-divorce.

You aren't playing with a full deck. You should be very worried about your own loss of custody.

Please go back and read the actual law and then we can talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if a job offers it, often men cannot take it or they will be penalized. My husband took a few days. He got little leave. It sucked.

Did he lie to you about it?

No, he did not lie but most people cannot take off six weeks without risking their job. He lied as she wouldn’t listen.

Women take off more than six weeks ALL THE TIME.

Do you think that helps or hurts their career?

It only hurts women because men don’t take comparable leave when they have children…

But it doesn't stop with maternity leave. Lots of women want to get off the fast track and onto the mommy track and have more time with their kids. It limits the career but that's the choice they want to make.

And lots of women don’t want to do that but end up mommy-tracked due to stereotypes, and lots of men feel confined by stereotypes that they’re the secondary caregiver. In an equitable world, many men and women would be interested in shifting work priorities and would be given the option to do so. Instead, after kids, men make more money and women make less money even after controlling for education levels and career breaks.

You know women who got involuntarily mommy tracked? I don't know any.

Yes, I’ve litigated class actions on this…

Are you OP? Pretty strange OP hasn't come back.

No? I just know a lot about pregnancy discrimination and parental leave.

So then you would know why one parent might not want to take their leave if it can be weaponized against them at work.

As I explained, the penalty is largely derived from it being viewed as a “women” problem as opposed to an “everyone” problem. Hence why I’m a huge advocate for paternity leave. And yeah, I think it’s shitty for men who view paternity leave “as optional” to perpetuate the penalty on women by not taking their full, legally protected parental leave.

While there’s a long history of “mommy tracking” there is no phenomenon of “daddy tracking” whatsoever. Women still bear the disproportionate risk.

When men birth the babies it will be an "everyone" problem.

Parenting is a men’s issue. Also, if this were about giving birth, moms who don’t give birth would get less leave or would be expected to do less childcare. Yet…

You're still carrying on as if any of this matters in a custody dispute.

Are you familiar with the “best interests of the child” standard?

Are you? It means the child deserves a relationship with both parents. It's not a reward for the parent who filled out the camp application in a tit for tat game.

Well good luck convincing the judge you couldn’t do 50% while married but deserve 50% post-divorce.

You aren't playing with a full deck. You should be very worried about your own loss of custody.

Based on what?

PP here who has been posting that men who let their wives be the default parent are setting themselves up to get less than 50% custody. It is entirely clear (actually spelled out) that judges in DC *must* take into account prior parenting history in allocating parenting time. My guess is that PP is one of those men whose thinking goes like this: I *could* easily do more [childcare, cooking, cleaning, admin tasks] so my wife’s labor in doing all those things doesn’t matter because it is all so easy to do. Therefore when *I* choose to see those tasks as my right (in the custody dispute) I am entitled to what I want.”

I know it sounds strange but it is exactly what my loser exDH would say when I would get mad at him for not doing his share. “Those things are easy and I could do them myself, so why are you complaining?” Basically it is a fundamental devaluing of the work because it is seen as women’s work that doesn’t count.

[Anonymous]

Men would prefer to be out of the house, away from the responsibilities of caring for an infant in most cases.

Just being around other adults vs. a screaming newborn is a luxury.

So these men will lie and say they need to return to work when they actually are not required to.

Of course not ALL men are like this > but many are…….